This Frivolous Love
by TheGreenBook
Summary: The only person Jem has ever needed to survive is Will, but what will happen when Will is no longer enough? This contains Slash, Sexual content, and theories for Clockwork Prince & Clockwork Princess. Please Enjoy & Review! Now with Alternate Ending!
1. Chapter 1

**Update: If you are being told that I have updated, know that I have not. There were a few things I had to take from this story. If you have already read it, there is nothing new to report. However, if this is your first time through...**

**Author's Note: If you've read Clockwork Angel you'll have a basic idea of everything going on, however, since this story begins in the middle of Clockwork Angel, right after Will and Tessa's kiss in the attic, you will see that I have taken certain creative liberties in changing the basic outline from that point on. I was inspired to write this story when I finished Clockwork Angel and had questions and, being a writer, I thought about how I would answer them. With many stories based in fantasy, I don't care much for the character that suddenly finds themselves in this strange new world, but rather, I care for the people who have grown up in that world. You will see that I chose to focus more on Will and Jem and their interactions and less on Tessa. I own none of these characters! They are all the result of Cassandra Clare's amazing work, however, it is an absolute pleasure to write in the world she has created. **

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Sometime later Will finally descended from the attic and paused for a moment outside of Jem's bedroom. Without another thought he pushed open the door and walked inside. He expected darkness and to hear only Jem's breathing, either strained or easy, but was instead shocked to see candle light and hear water being poured.

"Jem?" Will asked.

"In here." Jem said, "Just washing up. I'm decent, for your eyes, anyway." Will laughed softly and walked over to a candle lit bathroom. Jem was standing in front of a mirror which was covered with water spots and a few long cracks that broke up the reflected walls. He was dressed in loose flannel pants and was otherwise shirtless, and he was examining the still red scar that followed his collar bone.

"Are you in pain?" Will asked. He hurried over and placed his hands onto Jem's shoulders.

"I'm fine," Jem replied, his shoulders relaxing in Will's fingers. "I'm just tired."

"That should have been healed by now," Will said. He guided Jem to a seat and then picked up a small candle to better see the cut. He looked at the rune he had drawn beneath it, which was nearly faded to white. "It's not healing properly."

"I'm still human, Jem replied. "I'll be fine soon. How are you? Have you thoroughly enjoyed your holy water purging?"

"I'm nearly fit for church," Will said, his fingers still lingering on Jem's chest. "I think we need to summon Brother Enoch. I'm concerned with-" Jem stood up and went back to the mirror, leaning close and studying his eyes in the reflection. Jem's infinite patience with Will was nearly taxed, and was his energy.

"Any aches? Any odd urges?" Jem demanded.

"Just one," Will said, and Jem rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure Tessie took care of that," He said.

"Do I detect a note of detest? I thought you liked Tessie," Will said.

"I like her a lot. I like her enough to want you to keep your claws from her virtue," Jem said nonchalantly.

"So poetic," Will said, "but really…"

"Sophie told me that Miss Grey brought you your cure upstairs. In fact, I heard you screaming and thrashing about until she arrived. Her presence must have calmed you," Jem said. "Tessa isn't like the Lightwood girl. She's not someone you employ to receive your frivolous love until you no longer feel like giving it to her."

"I kissed her," Will said, "And it felt wrong."

"That's because she's not like the Lightwood girl. Or the Penhallow girl. Or any other girl…" Jem turned and looked straight into Will's eyes, "who has received your company in the last six months."

"My past is none of your business," Will said.

"Your past is mine as well," Jem said, "and you're avoiding my asking you if you are weak in one way or another. Now, have you got all of De Quincey's blood out?"

"I seem to be craving a lovely side of rare meat dripping blood onto a pile of mashed potatoes," Will said, "Is that close enough?"

"Not sure," Jem said, and he placed a hand onto Will's forehead. After a moment he slid his fingers down to Will's cheek, and then ran a finger across his lower lip. He stood and moved closer to Will, and Will parted his lips more, taking a slow and deep breath. Jem smelled like lavender soap and Will breathed it in carefully. "You're feverish." Jem pulled away. "Back upstairs."

"But I just want to go to sleep!" Will cried. He followed Jem from the bathroom, but while Jem went to his bureau to collect a shirt, Will fell onto Jem's bed and dropped his face onto the silk brocade quilt which covered the bed. It, to, smelled like Jem's lavender soap, mixed with a sharp accent of sweat and tears. Will rolled over and looked back to see Jem pulling a dark shirt on in the candle light he had brought into the bedroom.

"Come on, I want to go to sleep as well," Jem said. He buttoned his shirt with shaking fingers. Will sat up, taking notice.

"You shouldn't be staying awake so late," Will said.

"And you shouldn't be treating me like a china doll." Jem replied.

"Come to bed," Will said, carefully, "I'll sit with you until you fall asleep."

"You're more concerned with me than with yourself," Jem said.

"And when has that not been the case?" Will asked. "Come here." Jem walked over. He was glancing down at his hand. His finger nails were still caked blood with his own blood. Will took his hand but didn't see the blood, instead, he pulled Jem onto the bed and onto himself. Jem went willingly, laughing a little, so Will pushed him over and rolled on top of him, pinning him down into the soft mattress. The breath left Jem's lungs audibly but he smiled a little. Will got close, so close that Jem could still see blood still staining Will's teeth.

"Will," Jem whispered, "there are rules about things like this."

"You've never cared for the rules before," Will said, "and just because they exist, it doesn't mean we have to follow them. In fact, if I recall, you and I have been breaking the rules for the last three years." Before Jem could protest, Will leaned down and kissed him on the lips. Jem closed his lips against Will's and shook his head. "What?"

"Let's go upstairs," Jem said. "If I have to drink holy water as well, then everyone will know what we've been up to."

* * *

The next morning, the sun had been in the sky for several hours before it's rays finally crossed Jem's bed and landed on his face. He opened his eyes and stretched, then rolled over and smiled. Will was there, dressed in a night shirt belonging to Jem. It didn't fit properly so the collar of it hung open, revealing most of Will's chest and stomach. Will was on his back, his right hand close to Jem, all five fingers splayed out as if he had been reaching for him all night.

Carefully Jem tossed back the covers and he crept soundlessly from the bed. He went into the bathroom, where he washed his face, combed his hair, then returned to the bedroom and went over to the bureau to get dressed. When the bureau door creaked opened, Jem glanced back to the bed before he pulled out a new pair of trousers and a shirt. Will's clothing from the night before, stained with holy water diluted blood and dirt, was tossed over a chair, so Jem tossed his night shirt over it as well.

"I even get to see you naked," Will mumbled. Jem spun around, his cheeks flushing with heat.

"You've seen me naked enough. My body shouldn't surprise you," Jem said.

"It does more than surprise me," Will said, propping up on his elbows. The sheet covering him slid down to the tops of his hips.

"Then that is an issue which you can attend to," Jem said. "Go back to sleep." Will rolled his eyes and then rolled over, dropping his face onto Jem's pillow. Jem turned back and dressed, when he looked back to the bed, a long and luxurious snore was escaping from Will. Jem smiled and then left the bedroom.

Downstairs he found Jessamine in the dining room talking with Thomas. Her hand was on his arm and she was smiling and laughing. Jessamine found mundanes to be most fascinating conversational partners, as their lives involved things like love and society, and not things like killing supernatural creatures. Her eyes turned to Jem as he brushed past her seat.

"Spent the night with Will, you did?" She asked.

"I don't think it's any of your business," Jem replied, "but if you must know, yes, I did spend the night with Will. He was ill and I was merely attending to him in the manner in which he desired." Jessamine laughed lightly, a hand covering her mouth. Jem stopped and let his hands clenched into fists.

"There are any amount of manners in which Will could desire your attendance," she said, "none of which require you spending the night with him. That is what servants are for." Jem bristled and then relaxed.

"When you find it within your cold and cruel heart to care for someone besides yourself, come find me," Jem said. "Until then, refrain from commenting on matters for which you have no knowledge." With that he continued he walk through the dining room and to the doors of the kitchen, which he pushed open without warning. There was a squeak behind them, and the ruffle of one petticoat. A flash of dark blue crossed in front of him and reached a far counter. "Sophie, I hope I didn't hit you."

"Not at all, Mr. Carstairs," Sophie said quickly. "I was just going to see if Miss Jessamine needed more tea."

"Miss Jessamine is suitably amused with Thomas, however, if you have hot water, I am in need of a pot of tea. Mr. Herondale has asked that he have breakfast in bed," Jem said. He went to the icebox and opened it, pondering his options, before closing it again.

"In your bed, Mr. Carstairs," Sophie said. She blushed again.

"As you recall, I have a very large bed, Sophie," Jem said. "Mr. Herondale was feeling less then well last night. I have to care about him despite his desire for no one to care. I don't understand why I have to atone for the simple act of giving warmth to a cold soul."

"But in sharing your bed-" Sophie began.

"Are you bringing up the tired law that a man shall not lie with another one? My dear Sophie, it is 1878. We are an educated people now. The bible was written many thousands of years ago. Do you really believe that all of the laws that applied to the ancient people should still apply to us?" Sophie gaped at him. "If a man should not lie with another, when does that rule no longer apply? If I am to die in battle with Will, should my dying while lying beside him be considered immoral and wrong?"

"I had not considered that," Sophie said.

"I understand," Jem said. "I care deeply for Will. I hope that you can understand that." Sophie nodded. "Hot water and tea, please." He walked over to a stove, where a pan of peach scones sat cooling. Sophie retrieved a silver tea kettle and filled it with steaming water. "Has Tessa made an appearance?"

"Not yet," Sophie replied. She placed the tea kettle onto a tray and then put two cups and saucers on it as well. Jem considered the scones then grabbed one. He made quiet scream and dropped the scone back onto the pan. Sweet icing dripped from his fingertips and raised the skin beneath them into angry red blisters. Sophie didn't hesitate, she grabbed Jem's arm and pulled him toward the icebox, stopping only to open the door before she and Jem both staggered into the room's chilly interior. Sophie pressed Jem's hand to a dripping block of ice and Jem screamed again, this time loudly. He closed his eyes from the pain.

"Had you been thinking about more than making Will happy you would have possibly ventured to use a spatula," Sophie said. "Let me see it?" Jem withdrew his hand from the ice and offered it to Sophie. "It's bad. You'll be needing a healing rune. I can summon Charlotte,"

"No, don't bother her. Will is more than capable of doing it for me," Jem said.

"Will is always more than capable of doing it for you," Sophie said. "I'll prepare your breakfast tray." She headed for the door.

"Sophie," Jem said, "I'm sorry for Will and I."

"There's no need to be sorry," Sophie said, and she headed for the door.

Two years before, on a cold December day, Sophie had sat in the frigid chapel with Charlotte, Henry, Jessamine, and a magnitude of Shadowhunters, and watched as Will, Jem, and six other boys all went through the ceremony that would bind them to one another as parabatai. Will and Jem had stood shoulder to shoulder and pledged, in unison, to be loyal to one another, to be loyal to the Enclave, and to uphold the Law and the will of the Angel. At the end of the ceremony, each of the boys were to be bound to one another, and Sophie saw Will hold Jem's hand carefully and then touched his stele to the inside of Jem's wrist, slowly etching the first permanent rune every Shadowhunter got, the binding rune, onto his parabatai. Jem had thrown his head back, he had screamed and cried in both joy and agony, and then when it was Will's turn, he had done the same thing, and later described the process as feeling that fire had swept through his veins. Sophie was surprised that something so powerful could also be so painful.

Following the service, something changed with Will and Jem. They were suddenly men, and suddenly had more time for each other and less time to be friendly with Sophie. She saw how Will looked at Jem, like he would never need anyone else in his life if he only had Jem. It was then that Sophie started to hate Will.

With his hand suitably numb, Jem left the icebox and returned to the kitchen, where Sophie had made up a tray of tea and scones. She had even placed a small vase of blue flowers onto it, however, one flower was wilting in the heat. Sophie collected the tray and left the kitchen, and Jem followed. Jessamine was still laughing with Thomas, but she again stopped when Jem walked by.

"Had you not been so intent on insulting me you might have allowed me to give you this," Jessamine said, and held out a white envelope. Jem took it in his uninjured hand.

"I was not insulting you. I was merely pointing out that until you have knowledge of love and camaraderie you should refrain from giving people advice," Jem said. "Now if you'll excuse me." He followed Sophie from the dining room, and once they were out in the hallway, Jem carefully broke the wax seal embossed with an orante letter "B" and began reading.

Will was not yet awake when Jem and Sophie entered the quarters, so Sophie set the tray on Jem's steamer trunk and left without another word. Feeling the deep burn return to his hand, Jem had no choice but to sit on the bed beside Will. He put the letter onto the bedside table and then lay a hand on Will's chest.

Will's eyes opened slowly, focused on the ceiling, and then turned to Jem's. "James. You have returned to me," he whispered.

"I have," Jem said, "and I would like to ask how you slept and how you are feeling, however…" he resisted just for a second, knowing that he should have just bothered Charlotte with it after all. "I am in need of your assistance with a pressing matter."

"And I am in need of yours," Will mumbled, and lay a hand on Jem's upper thigh. "Most desperately in need of your assistance with a pressing matter, indeed."

"Will," Jem whispered, "I'm hurt."

Will's eyes flew open and he looked at the hand which Jem had extended to him.

"Just give me a moment." Will quickly jumped out of bed and managed to recover Jem's stele. He returned to the bed, took Jem's hand, and quickly drew a healing rune on his wrist. As they watched, Jem's hand slowly went from blistered and raw to slightly red and mottled looking. "How is the pain?" Will asked.

"Manageable," Jem replied.

"I shouldn't be hurting at all," Will said, "Perhaps you should see Brother Enoch. Maybe he can…"

"I'm still human. It can take me time to heal," Jem said. "Let's have breakfast before you continue to fret about me." Will saw the tray and smiled.

"You shouldn't have," he said.

"But I did," Jem replied.

Will returned to bed and Jem followed with the tray, which he placed across Will's lap. He poured them each a cup of tea and then tested the temperature of the scones before having a bite of one.

"Have you seen Tessa at all?" Will asked.

"No," Jem replied. "Hardly anyone is awake, just Jessamine and Thomas, really."Will nodded and had a bite of his scone. "I received a letter from Magnus Bane. Seems he is having a dinner party on Friday night and has invited us."

"Since when do you trade correspondence with warlocks?" Will asked.

"Since when do you?" Jem coolly retorted.

"My business with Mr. Bane is simply that, business," Will said.

"And a fine lot of business you do with him," Jem said. It had taken some time, but Jem was finally able to recognize the heady perfume which occasionally permeated Will's clothes. The scent was of the warlock's own favorite vanilla and sandalwood incense, which Magnus imported all the way from Jem's native Shanghai. "I'm shocked to have heard from him after last night's disaster."

"You're not the only one," Will mumbled. "However, this party has been in the works for some time now and Magnus is a forgiving soul. I shall respond this afternoon and we will find out if he still wants us there." Jem nodded.

"Between Magnus and Tessa, it appears that you have an undying love of warlocks," he offered.

"I can appreciate your choice of words," Will said, "but truly, James, my heart belongs to you. Besides, Tessa is not a warlock."

"Then what is she?" Jem asked.

"She's a-"

"A what? A sad and confused girl, much like your usual conquests. You don't know her. She could be your sister for all you know. You should find out before you rush head long into-"

Will bristled. "My mother would have never mated with a demon."

"And yet, you're here. Span of Lucifer himself," Jem said.

"You're such a cheeky lad when your hearts in it," Will said. "So we shall both attend the party if Magnus will have us."

"I would rather not. We just disrupted an entire nest of vampires, and now you want to eat, drink, and be merry at the home of Camille?" Jem asked.

"It would be wrong to not accept the invitation," Will said. "Magnus took the time to invite us. We should… James?"

In the time it had taken for Jem to set his tea cup back onto the tray, what color had been in his cheeks had been bleached away. Will pushed the tray away and placed a hand over Jem's mouth, just as a torrent of blood came from it, pouring between Will's fingers. Before Jem could recover he coughed and gasped again and more came out.

Jem's eyes went white and he screamed in unspeakable agony, clutching his chest and stomach, before he began to shake, hard. Will pulled him to the floor just as Jem screamed again and began clawing at his stomach, his chest, and his throat, trying to bring forth the demon's poison which no longer possessed him but that his body remembered and desperately wanted. Will wrenched Jem's arms to the floor and Jem strained against him.

"Let me die!" Jem screamed. He pulled his arms away from Will and sunk his finger tips into his throat, choking himself even as more blood came up. It blossomed from his nose and eye sockets as well and Jem screamed, blind, as Will pulled Jem's hands away from his throat again.

"No, I will not let you die," Will said, easily, even as his eyes desperately searched the room for Jem's medication.

"Please," Jem begged, "just let me die. If you love me you will LET ME DIE!" He again freed his arms and again clawed at his throat. Blood boiled from his mouth, it stained the floor and even Jem's silver hair a crimson red.

"Help me!" Will screamed. "Help me, please!"

"No one is coming to help you save me." Jem mumbled in a voice that wasn't his own. Will pulled away and ran to the door. He opened it and looked out into the deserted hallway. Jem was right.

"Somebody, please, HELP ME!" Will cried.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Tessa came. She appeared at the door dressed in the dress she had worn the night before and she took in the scene before her with a shocked expression. Her first thought was that no one could survive that kind of blood loss and still be shaking and twitching on the floor. Her second thought was that rather than anyone else, it was Jem that Will was holding down, even as Jem screamed and swore and begged.

"You can't help me," Will said. "Get me Thomas. Now."

"But I'm here," Tessa said.

"You're a woman," Will said, "you can't-"

"Let me DIE!" Jem screamed. Tessa took a step back.

"Get the silver box over there. Bring a candle and a syringe from the top dresser drawer. NOW!" Will exclaimed. Tessa did as she was told and brought the box over. "Now open it and take one scoop of the powder and hold it over the candle." Tessa did so, and the sparkling powder she withdrew from the box melted in the scoop over the candle into a viscous silver liquid similar to liquid mercury. "Now take the syringe and draw the liquid into it." Jem cried out, louder, and bit Will on the wrist, smearing blood across Will's arm.

"Is he a vampire?" Tessa asked.

"If only it were that simple," Will replied. "Hurry, please!" Tessa handed Will the syringe and then she grabbed Jem's arm and held him down. Will collected himself before he spread his right hand over the left side of Jem's chest, silently counting ribs and feeling for a space between them. He raised the syringe and then plunged it directly into Jem's heart.

Jem's chest raised off of the floor and he let out an inhuman scream. Dark, nearly black blood flowed down his cheeks and pooled onto the floor. He opened his eyes and looked directly at Will. Then, his body slammed back down and all was still.

Tessa fell back against the bed and looked at Will. Her dress was stained with blood. Will pulled the syringe from Jem's chest, checked to make sure that all of the fluid had been evacuated, and then threw the syringe hard against the opposite wall. The syringe shattered into a million powdery pieces which sparkled in rays of sunlight crossing the room. Will ran a hand through his hair, and it left his own hair streaked with blood. Jem lay between them, not breathing.

"James," Will said, softly and painfully, "James, please wake up."

"Is he dead?" Tessa asked. Will placed two fingers just below Jem's jawline.

"No," he said, "not yet."

"We're you trying to kill him?" Tessa asked. She stood up carefully, collected her gown beneath her, trying to keep the rest of it clean.

"Jem is sick and he needs his medicine," Will said. "He should know to take it more than he does. Pride could be his demise."

"But you…" Tessa took a step back.

"What has happened?" Charlotte asked, appearing at the doorway, with Thomas and Sophie.

"Jem had an attack, but Tessa helped me," Will said. "Jem's fine."

"He's unconscious," Tessa said.

"You can leave now," Will stated, and Tessa hurried from the room without another word. Sophie entered the room, quietly, and got within a few feet of Jem. She wrung her hands but didn't say anything.

"You should have called for one of us," Charlotte scolded.

"I did," Will said. "He's fine now. He burned his hand and after last night… there is only so much he can take."

"Well, let's get him into bed. Sophie, why don't you fetch a pail of hot water and a mop, as well as a fresh shirt for Mr. Herondale?" Charlotte asked. "Thomas can help-"

"Just bring me some hot water and some cloths. I can handle this," Will said. He felt tears come to his eyes and he turned away. It was bad enough that he had to call for help, but to cry after the fact was unacceptable.

"But surely…" Charlotte began.

"I can handle this. Please, leave me to attend to him," Will said. "Please." Everyone was quiet as Will carefully lifted Jem from the floor and placed him onto the bed.

"Mr. Carstairs received a letter from Mr. Bane not long ago," Sophie said, daring to speak. "It was after Jem… Mr. Carstairs… burned his hand in the kitchen. No one else received a letter, not even Mr. Herondale. Do you think… Jem could have been poisoned?"

"By something besides demon's poison, you mean?" Will asked. "Perhaps you should stay out of things that do not-"

"If you would just let yourself no longer be influenced by pretty blue sparks and yellow eyes and foreign accents," Sophie snapped, "you would allow yourself to consider that…" Will walked over to the bedside table and fetched the invitation. He opened it and read over the words which sparkled in a blue ink, then smelled the parchment which reeked of the streets of London and not much more.

"And yet I am still alive," Will concluded.

"It's best that Henry looks over the letter, just in case," Charlotte said, and held her hand out. Will handed her the letter and turned back to Jem. Jem's eyes were still closed and would be for some time. His chest rose and fell just barely.

"Hot water and cloths, please. And new bedclothes as well," Will said. "Please."

"As you wish," Sophie said, and crept from the room. Charlotte walked over to Will, took his hand, and drew a healing rune just below the bite Jem had left behind. The bite healed quickly. Then, Charlotte turned to Jem and began to draw runes onto him. She drew several healing runes and then one on his temple that Will knew was for restful sleep. Finally, she finished and walked back over to Will.

"You do understand that this is suspicious," Charlotte said. "Mr. Bane usually corresponds only with you. We should determine that the letter did indeed come from Mr. Bane."

"It came from him. No normal man would write in sparkly blue ink. Not even for reasons of deceit and murder," Will said. "And who would want to kill a dying man?" Jem's insistent begging was still on his mind. "Examine the letter but be sure I get it back. I can't remember what time the party starts, and I would hate to be late."

Will spent the rest of the day sitting by Jem's bedside, waiting for him to wake up. He only wanted to dwell in what had happened, that Jem had nearly died, but hadn't, and had spent long hours dwelling before finally sneaking into Tessa's bedroom and stealing her borrowed copy of The Shadowhunters Codex while she was taking a bath. Will had also managed to catch a peek of her bare skin slipping into the bath tub, and despite it only being her arm that he saw, he replayed the image over and over in his mind, all the while smirking at the fact that she had no idea that she had been violated.

Will hadn't studied the Codex in more than two years time, not since he had learned to draw runes. The Codex was one part history and one part rules; however, Will was unable to find specific passages relating to what Jem had mentioned the night before. He did find that parabatai, male, female, or one of each, were forbidden to marry simply because if they had a children, there was a higher chance of the children becoming orphans. This wasn't a problem with Will, as he didn't plan on marrying and definitely did not plan on furthering the Herondale line. Will also knew, however, that the Shadowhunters which had written the Codex were notoriously vague, and that the lack of hard and fast rules was something that would affect Shadowhunters for many millennia to come.

"Mum?" Jem mumbled, turning his head. He blinked his eyes and tears of blood ran down his cheeks. Will had managed to clean all of the blood from Jem's face, but his hair and eyes were still stained. "Mum?"

"Shhh," Will whispered, and wiped the tears from Jem's face. Jem blinked a few more times before his eyes stayed open and turned to Will.

"Where am I?" Jem asked.

"London. 1878," Will replied.

"And my parents?" Jem asked.

"Gone." Will replied. "There was a demon who tunneled into the Shanghai Institute. He took the form of a human, held you captive for days, torturing you in front of…"

"Thank you, Will," Jem said. He nodded slowly, then sat up and hung his legs over the side of the bed, his back to Will.

"How are you feeling?" Will asked.

"Sick," Jem replied. "How long was I asleep?"

Will glanced at the clock on the bedside table. "Nearly six hours." He replied. Jem nodded again and then struggled to stand, Will approached him but Jem waved him away and walked into the bathroom. "Can I get you anything? Are you hungry?" You barely had any breakfast…" A low cry came from the bathroom and Will hurried over to find Jem looking into his mirror. He was sobbing, and the tears that came from his eyes were still tinged red, as his eyes slowly returned to their silver color. "It was a bad one, I'm sorry. You were thrashing about, and…" despite the healing runes Jem's throat still bore the scars of his own doing. "It happened fast. I'm sorry."

"It's not that," Jem said, "I'm a man. I'm supposed to be a boy. I'm supposed to be in Shanghai and my parents are supposed to be alive." The worst attacks reset, if only briefly, Jem's entire life. They made him flash back to an earlier time, a time when dying was the last thing on his mind, before he was an orphan, alone in the world save for Will. When he awoke, the reminder of all that he had lost was often too much to bear.

"I'm so sorry," Will said, and Jem staggered into his arms. Will helped him to the floor, and Jem cried until he could cry no longer.

After Jem had managed to put his appearance back to rights, he dressed and announced that he wanted to go down to the dining room for something to eat. Will insisted he would bring Jem something, but Jem was unconvinced, so finally, Will accompanied Jem to the dining room, where Jem requested one of everything Agatha had been cooking.

"Don't you have letters to send to your most favorite warlock?" Jem asked, spooning tapioca pudding into his mouth.

"I'll send a letter tomorrow. I'm more concerned with you," Will replied.

"That is kind of you, Will, but I'm fine," Jem said. "I can't have you worrying over me. I'll either die or I won't but I promise you that when my times comes, you'll be unable to stand in the way of my death." Will cleared his throat and glanced away. He knew that once an attack began, Jem was unable to remember anything that occurred, including anything he might have said. It was a blessing.

There came a great racket from the hallway. The noise contained both squeaks, bangs, and in the midst of everything, Henry yelling in a language unfamiliar to Jem or Will. The dining room door burst open and a creature came forth which stood just more than a foot from the floor. It was the color of brass and it's body was made of a great many pipes, gears, and pistons which allowed it's legs to move as if it were prancing proudly and it's tail to wag, almost like…

"A DOG!" Jem exclaimed. He fell from his chair as the clockwork dog made it's way over.

"NO!" Will yelled, but the dog merely sat down and covered Jem's hand with oil from it's metal tongue.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't plan in it moving that fast," Henry said, hurrying into the dining room. He looked humiliated and his shame deepened as Will frowned at him. Henry said something quickly and the dog curled onto the floor, tucking it's tail in last as the pistons ceased to move.

"You didn't plan on the demonically possessed clockwork schnauzer to move that fast," Will said sarcastically. "It could have killed someone."

"Will, relax. Henry only makes things for good. It's just a dog," Jem said. He was looking at the dog which appeared to be sleeping on the floor. Had it not had pointy ears and a spindly tail, it would have looked like a large pill bug leaking oil. Jem placed a hand on the dog's side but it didn't move. Henry came over.

"It's just a dog that might rip your arm off at the slightest urge," Will said. "And correct me if I am mistaken but didn't Henry's last invention nearly get the whole lot of us killed just last night?"Henry collected the dog in his arms.

"I just thought that this place could use some life," Henry said. "I've known you boys many years and I can say I doubt either of you have smiled since the day you became parabatai."

"That's because we have work to do. We don't get to sit in the basement and make toys!" Will exclaimed. "My God, Henry, do you or your wife have any good sense? You are such a simpering imbecile!"

"WILL!" Jem yelled. "Stop. Nothing terrible happened. Henry was just trying to be nice. It could do you some good to smile, Henry is right."

"It could do Henry some good to find-" Will began. Henry looked heartbroken as he glanced at Jem, then at Will. "Nevermind."

"Say it," Jem snapped. "If you want Henry to find a cure for me, it's pointless. He can't."

"I'm sorry," Henry said, and he hurried from the room, the dog dripping oil across the carpet as he went.

"I liked the dog," Jem said, returning to his pudding.

"Well, I don't like it. We're in the middle of a God damn war and he's perfecting common trinkets!" Will said.

"Will, stop," Jem said, "Stop thinking that you and you alone will be my savior. You couldn't save Cecily and you won't be able to save me. You have to stop thinking that it is your God given quest to keep me alive for the next eighty odd years. I'm dying, Will, so please, let me die."

Will said nothing else, he stood up so hard that his chair fell backwards, and he stormed from the dining room.

After Jem had eaten his fill, he left the dining room and walked upstairs. He heard voices inside of the drawing room and carefully pushed the door open.

"…can't possibly keep fighting," Charlotte said, "not in the state…"

"Perhaps if you asked me you would know that I would rather perish in a blaze of glory in the midst of a heinous battle then lying on my bedroom floor choking myself," Jem said, and walked all the way into the room. He dropped to a seat in front of a fireplace and crossed his boots at the ankle.

"Your fighting is strictly optional," Charlotte said.

"Fighting and hunting demons is what I do," Jem said. "I'll be the one who decides when and if I'll ever give up what I've trained my entire life to do. I would prefer that the next time you have concerns like this that you come directly to me rather than talking it over with the man who is supposed to be my brother."

"What would you like me to do?" Will asked. He had a cheek pressed against the cold wall beside the fireplace, apparently listening for something. "Should I really and truly let you die? What kind of man would I be if I didn't fight for you until the very end?"

"Will, you can't fight everything. You have to pick your battles, and for the greater good…" Jem began, and then shook his head.

"It is not for the greater good if you die!" Will exclaimed.

"Not for who's greater good, William? Yours, or the greater good of the Nephilim who have since the beginning of time sworn to protect this world we live in from things we cannot even begin to fathom?" Jem asked. "When it comes to doing the right thing and doing right by I alone, what will you pick?" Will shook his head and took a shaky breath. "We need to focus on the task at hand. We have Nathanial Grey here. He is our best chance at finding out what De Quincey is plotting."

"What I wouldn't do for ten minutes in his brain," Will mumbled. "I would find out everything I could and then turn his thoughts to mush. He deserves it. Stupid mundane."

"William." Jem said, firmly. Will looked up to see Tessa at the door, a shocked look on her beautiful face.

"Jem, can I talk to you?" Tessa asked.

"Of course," Jem said, and he out of the room. "What's the matter?" Tessa appeared upset, she was shaking a little but trying to contain her anger. "I'm sorry. You know Will…"

"I know his kind," Tessa said. "He kissed me and now he think it's acceptable to sneak into my room, to steal from me…"

"He kissed you!" Jem demanded.

"Yes, just last night," Tessa said. "I shouldn't have told you. It reflects poorly on me, for accepting his advances…"

"Will's advances are easily accepted and easily regretted," Jem said. "He didn't… violate you, did he? You can tell me."

"He did nothing of the sort. It was the strangest thing. One second we were kissing, and then he pushed me away," Tessa said. Jem looked ready to vomit. "Then he stole from me today."

"He stole from you?" Jem asked.

"The book I was reading… that Codex. He took it while I was having a bath!" Tessa exclaimed. Jem's cheeks flared bright.

"I'll be certain to let him know that you are upset and expect the most sincere of apologies," Jem said. "That is unacceptable behavior, even coming from Will. I'm very sorry you had to deal with him. Has he violated you in… any other way?" Jem touched her arm with his hand and looked into her eyes.

"Of course not," Tessa said. "I'm embarrassed to have even said anything… I shouldn't have…"

"Miss Gray," Jem said, "you are a lady and should be treated as such. In fact, you deserve a gentleman. I don't care that Will is my parabatai… by the Angel, if he hurts you again, I will not hesitate to defend your honor until his demise." Jem took her hand and brushed his lips against the back of it, when he looked up, Tessa was smiling sweetly at him. "That's a promise, Miss Gray."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

After his comments regarding Nathanial Gray, Charlotte forbid Will from setting foot in his room, so while she, Jem, and Tessa went in to question Nate, Will went down to the training room where no one could hear him and screamed for five good minutes. It wasn't fair. Will had been with this investigation since the very beginning. He had been with Jem when the body of Emma Bayliss had been discovered. He had rescued Tessa, he had helped infiltrate a gathering of vampires (for which he nearly got himself killed again) and now, just when things were getting good, it had been implied that his services were no longer needed.

And so Will screamed. He kicked walls and tables as well, but mainly he just stood in the center of the room and screamed hard enough to let the veins swell in the sides of his neck and his face turn crimson. Will was well informed of how unfair life could be, he just preferred to not have it rubbed in his face. He felt like a dog who had just messed on a brand new oriental carpet and learned it's lesson, never to let his guard down, ever again. Considering dogs brought to light Henry's latest invention and Will stormed from the training room and into Henry's crypt. Several candles burned low and a piece of witch light fastened to the wall flared to light as Will brushed his hand across it.

On Henry's work bench there sat several failed inventions. Will bumped into a few counters littered with junk and half finished projects which all smelled of burned oil before he came across the dog lying in an opened wooden crate marked "Miter." Will sneered at the fact that Henry had gone so far as to name the invention.

"Vile piece of senseless rubbish," Will mumbled, and he kicked the crate, hard. It skidded across the floor and Will smiled. He stomped over to it. "Foolish, foolish, stupid half breed, lazy excuse for a-" he kicked the box again.

From within the box came a low and quiet mechanical growl. Will shook his head and kicked the box once more. It hit the wall, bounced backwards, and landed on it's side. The clockwork dog rolled onto the floor. With a few clicks and a whir of gears, the dog uncurled and climbed to it's feet, it's head snapping up last. It's eyes were two eerie red disks of stained glass which absorbed the witch light and seem to glow from within.

"Easy boy," Will mumbled. The dog growled once more and then leapt at Will. Will screamed, even before the creature's metal teeth clamped onto the inside of his thigh.

Knees buckling, blood draining from his face, Will hit the floor and the dog released him before bearing it's teeth and going for Will's throat. Will reached up to the work bench and grabbed a seraph blade. "Malachi!" He exclaimed, and plunged the blade into the dog's throat.

The dog shuddered for a second, then sat down on it's haunches. It's eyes went dark. Will blinked a few times before he quickly kicked away from the dog and struggled to stand up. He moaned and bent over, assessing his injury. His pants were torn, nearly to the crotch, and showed a fair amount of white brief now stained with blood. It was humiliating, to have been injured by a toy. Will was, however, starting to consider that perhaps these mechanical nightmares could be more powerful than initially considered. He dared another look at his wound and shuddered when he saw white bone from deep beneath the skin the dog had torn away. Will choked back a gag of bile and tapioca pudding and reached for a stele laying on the work bench. He unbuttoned his trousers and pulled them down to reveal his hips and upper thighs, then began to draw a rune.

Once finished, the rune flared blue and then disappeared. Will drew another healing rune, which flared brighter. All at once Will's injury began to pound with an insistent pain. It felt like a hundred light bulbs had been shattered, plugged in, and shoved into the gaping wound. He began to feel light headed. Nothing was working as it properly should. Will looked to the door across the room. If he could just get upstairs… Will's knees buckled again and he caught the workbench with his elbows.

The door opened, and Henry walked in, mumbling to himself and making grand gestures with his hands. He stopped just inside the door and blinked a few times, taking in the disaster of the destroyed box, the stabbed schnauzer, and in the middle of it all, a teenager with his pants around his knees, holding a glowing stele. Henry shook his head.

"Help me!" Will cried, for the second time in less than a day.

It took a minute for Henry to clear enough space on a work bench for Will to climb onto it and stretch his leg out beneath a glare of witch light.

"He got you good, he did," Henry mused. "I'll summon Charlotte-"

"NO!" Will exclaimed.

"She's better at the runes, Will. It will only take a second-"

"No, I mean… Charlotte is busy. And I would rather her not see me in this state," Will said.

"You mean the state that puts you in your underpants lying upon my work bench?" Henry asked. "The Enclave would have a field day with this. Such scandal, indeed." He turned around and searched through a few piles of junk. He mumbled something that sounded like "windowsill how" and then recovered another stele.

"Excuse me?" Will demanded.

"Who is the imbecile now?" Henry asked. "You should know better than to kick a sleeping dog." Will glared at him and Henry gazed back placidly.

"I can heal myself," Will said.

"Has the student become the master?" Henry asked. "Show me, Will. Heal yourself. You are doing a great job without me. " Will gritted his teeth and attempted another rune, which didn't work, so Henry tried. After several attempts, Will's leg was only partially healed. The skin had regenerated to cover the wound, but beneath the thin and pale layer, there was still a gaping hole vacated by the flesh now clenched tightly in Miter's jaws.

Henry believed that because the dog had been fueled by demon energies, his bite was indeed worse than it would have been had it come from a normal dog. Will swore that if the clockwork schnauzer wasn't clockwork metal shavings within an hour, the entire London Enclave would have Henry's head on it's very own clockwork body. Will left Henry to clean up the mess. He borrowed some leather pants from the training room, which would be unbearable in the summer's heat but would have to do, before he staggered upstairs to find Thomas by the front door to the Institute.

"Where's Jem?" Will asked, clutching a railing.

"Mr. Carstairs left on an evening stroll with Miss Grey not long ago," Thomas said, "Though, with the state that Miss Grey was in, I would venture to suggest that you not follow."

"Aye, captain," Will mumbled. "I'm going out."

"Should we expect you for supper?" Thomas asked, "Or will you be drinking your sustenance tonight?"

"I can find sustenance," Will said, and he headed off toward the door leading to the stables. Thomas followed a few steps behind, unsure of what to make of Will's waddling limp but prepared to assist in any way possible.

"Are you alright, Mr. Herondale?" Thomas finally asked, when Will had winced a time too many even for him. "Is it… syphilis? Or… demon pox?"

"It is none of your business," Will said through clenched teeth. "I assure you, I did not contract this affliction from a woman lacking in virtue or otherwise." Thomas nodded but did not appear to entirely believe Will's story.

Within minutes Thomas had a stable horse saddled and Will took off at a loping canter cross town to a large home. Will went around back to and released the horse into a pasture before he went around front and rang a doorbell. The door opened and a tall man looked out. The sun was shining but the man shrunk back from the light.

"Is Mr. Bane in?" Will asked. He felt like the wound on his leg had reopened, and he could swear blood was trickling into the top of his boot.

"I saw you arrive." Magnus said, approaching the door. He was dressed in pants, a ruffled collared shirt, and a light smoker's jacket. A cigarette dangled carelessly from his fingertips, mostly unsmoked. Magnus looked Will up and down, smirked and rolled his eyes. "Come in. I was just unwinding in the parlor." Will walked inside and ignored the glare of the door man. He followed Magnus back to the parlor and Magnus locked the door once inside.

"I was hoping we could go up to your chambers," Will said. "I need to get out of these pants."

"I was going to suggest the same thing," Magnus said, "but first, a drink." He took the top off a decanter which held a thick blue liquid he then poured into two glasses.

"I'm sorry about last night," Will said.

"As you should be," Magnus said. "When I arrived back here after that disaster your kind calls an investigation, Camille was already gone. She left a note and I know where she is, but seriously, William, what am I going to do with this?" He spread his arms wide and blue sparks shot out of his finger tips as he gestured around the room.

"The house?" Will asked. Magnus nodded. "Perhaps you could have a party or two…" Will accepted a glass from Magnus. He had a sip and then casually set the glass on a table. Already time felt as though it was moving slower.

"Perhaps," Magnus said. He fixed his gaze on Will, then strode over and shoved Will down onto the couch. Will reached up, grabbed Magnus's hips, and pulled him onto the couch so that Magnus was straddling his legs. Magnus threw his head back and laughed, then leaned over and kissed Will. He tugged Will's jacket off and tossed aside, then snapped his fingers and the buttons on Will's shirt released.

"No fair," Will gasped, "doing magic…"

"I'm not doing magic," Magnus joked, and kissed Will again. Will moaned, biting Magnus's lower

lip, hard but not hard enough to draw blood, so Magnus kissed him back in the same way. Despite the pain he was in, Will wanted Magnus desperately. The feeling was mutual, as Magnus was busy running his hands down Will's chest, and Will was arching his back and begging for relief. Magnus snapped his fingers and the button released on Will's pants. He sunk his nails into the waist band and pulled them down as Will moaned. Magnus pulled away suddenly. "You're bleeding all over my sofa," he said.

"I'm hurt!" Will exclaimed. "I tried to tell you, and then…" He had lost his head over Magnus's kisses.

"Very well," Magnus managed, "we shall go upstairs."

* * *

After an uneventful but scenic walk, Jem and Tessa returned to the Institute and went to their rooms to read before dinner. Jem wasn't hungry, so he stayed in his room and sat on his window seat, reading and overlooking the side courtyard. A storm had blown in and was threatening rain with a prelude of thunder and lightning. Jem had just lit a candle for light when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Jem said. The door opened and Tessa ducked inside. Jem set his book down and stood up. "Tessa?"

"Has Will returned? Charlotte is worried," Tessa said quickly.

"No, he has not returned. It's a little early for worry," Jem said. "Unless… you're the worried one?" Tessa rolled her eyes. "Sit, please." Jem gestured to a chair Tessa sat in, and then he sat back down on the window seat. "Your kiss the other night… you wanted him to kiss you?"

"Will can be a sweet and wonderful man. He can make any girl like him," Tessa said.

"Tessa," Jem said, "did you want him to kiss you? Did you enjoy it?"

"Very much so… until he pushed me away," Tessa said. "Then I was confused." Jem smiled.

"Will doesn't know what he wants," Jem said.

"I wish he could just be more forward! I had a feeling he liked me," Tessa said. "Not that I want to do anything…" she twisted her fingers and looked to her lap, then back up, "I was just under the impression that the attraction was mutual."

"Oh, it was mutual," Jem mumbled. "Miss Gray… do you… wish to court Mr. Herondale?"

"I thought I did, but after his reaction to the kiss I feel that it would only end poorly," Tessa said. "I have a bit more on my mind then just courting, Mr. Carstairs,"

"Jem," Jem stressed.

"I'm sure he is busy as well," Tessa said.

"Extremely," Jem said. "But friends of Will's are in short supply. May I suggest you start there and see how things develop?"

"You are absolutely right," Tessa said. "Thank you, Jem. And I'm sorry about visiting your room for a second time…"

"At least you knock," Jem said. Tessa smiled. "I don't mind, in fact, I hope you stay. Can I get you a drink?" He stood up, went over to his bureau and opened it.

"What do you have?" Tessa asked.

"Some wine, some brandy, something clear…" Jem pulled out a bottle and shook it, frowning, "one does not spend time with Will and not acquire some aspects of vice as well."

"Brandy, please," Tessa said, and Jem poured her a glass she took. "He drinks so much. Isn't Charlotte concerned?"

"Once we are eighteen, she is no longer responsible for us," Jem said. "She's just trying to endure the next six months." Tessa laughed a little and then covered her mouth. Jem gave her a sweet smile, sipped his brandy, and then licked his lips. "So Will's kiss… was it any good?"

"It was quick. It was my first one. It was nice until he went and ruined it," Tessa said. "It's funny. I spent all of this time anticipating it, and now it's over with!"

"That is how is always happens, with the first time," Jem said.

"Oh, Jem… we only just kissed," Tessa said.

"I know. You would have never done more. You weren't upstairs all that long. And I assure you, Will takes much longer then he had with you," Jem said. Tessa frowned at him. "I've been to parties with him. If he meets someone… he takes time."

"Well, he is not worth my time," Tessa said. "Good riddance to anything more than friendshipwith him."

"Good riddance!" Jem exclaimed, and drained his glass of brandy. He sat down on his bed which was a few feet closer to Tessa than the window seat had been. Tessa was reclining in the chair, sipping her brandy. "So your first time?"

"Yes. That is so silly, too. One would think I had been kissed at least once before," Tessa said. "I'm sure you've been kissed many times."

"Never," Jem managed.

"Never?" Tessa asked.

"Not for lack of opportunities, only lack of quality," Jem said. "I won't kiss just any girl, Tessa. She has to be one I respect who respects herself as well." Tessa nodded. Jem stood up and went to the window. The storm had arrived and there was a deluge of rain pouring into the courtyard and streaming down the side of the Institute, turning the façade from a flat silver to a shiny gray. When Jem turned around, Tessa was standing behind him, holding her drink. She looked into his eyes and he looked back before he took her drink, set it on the table, slid his arms around her waist, and pulled her close.

Kissing Tessa was all sparks and short circuits. Her brandy sweetened lips pressed against Jem's, and his mouth opened instinctively with a small gasp. He opened his right hand further, drawing her body closer to his, until he could feel her hip bones against his. The boning of her corset pushed against his chest and all at once he wanted to know what the soft skin of her stomach felt like. He pulled away and pushed his cheek to hers, when she turned her head he kissed the skin close to her ear, then her ear lobe, and then directly beneath her ear, where he could feel her pulse pounding hard against his lips. Jem continued down her neck, he smelled the sweet rose water perfume she had taken to wearing at her collar bone. He continued down her neck to the top of her bodice. His hands came up, rested on the straps of her gown, and then he pushed them down, so her shoulders, neck, and upper chest were completely exposed.

Tessa grabbed the back of his hair and pulled his face up, she kissed him again on the lips and then pulled away.

"Now you've been kissed the first time," Tessa said, "don't tell a soul…"

"This is two," Jem mumbled, and kissed her on the lips again, "three, four…"

"Jem, we must not…" Tessa began.

"They'll knock," Jem said, and ran his fingers through her hair, "I could kiss you all night."

"No," Tessa said.

"Can we please make it to one hundred?" Jem asked. Tessa laughed, she leaned over and kissed him again, then ran her fingers down the side of his neck, to the collar of his shirt, where the top of a black rune showed itself. She ran her finger down it and Jem pulled away, pushing her back with his hands as he staggered backwards. Tessa looked shocked.

"Did I hurt you?" She asked. Jem shook his head. He was still gasping and trying to catch up from the kiss, one hand over the Equilibrium rune Tessa had touched. When he pulled his hand away there was a blister where her finger had been, distorting the rune, but as they watched the blister melted away, and the rune was complete once again.

"You burned me," Jem said. "How? Why?"

From deep inside the Institute there was suddenly a loud rumbling explosion. A painting on the wall crashed to the floor, and Jem looked at it, and then back at Tessa.

"What was that?" Tessa asked, very carefully.

"Stay here," Jem said. "I'll be right back. No matter who comes to the door, do not let them inside. If you have to run, there is a ladder on the far side of the roof. I'll be back." He went to his bureau and, fingers shaking, pulled out a weapons belt he quickly buckled to his waist. He went to Tessa, and kissed her once more. "Five," he said, and then was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Will awoke to lightning and then a loud clap of thunder which startled him badly. He sat up in the strange bed he was in and looked around. A cold hand wrapped around his stomach and pulled him back down onto the sheets.

"It's only rain," Magnus mumbled, "stay the night."

"That would go over well," Will replied. "I can see it now, me explaining why I didn't come back to the Institute as "my warlock on the side wanted me to stay the night."

"You would only have to explain it to Henry and Charlotte once, and they would never ask ever again," Magnus said, and he slipped out of bed and snapped his fingers. A gaslight beside the bed flared to light and Will covered his eyes with a moan. When he opened his eyes Magnus was leaning over him, smiling impishly, and then he kissed him. Will kissed back before Magnus slunk across the room with the grace of a hungry panther. One thing Will had noticed about Magnus was that while he often dressed in his flamboyant fashions, he was incredibly dark. His hair was the color of chimney soot and his skin was as brown as cinnamon.

Seeing him reminded Will of the cold November day Jem had arrived at the Institute. He had been significantly weakened by both the poison and the experiments he had undergone, and spent most of the first few weeks sleeping and being nursed back to health by Charlotte. Whenever Will had a chance to, he would sneak into the infirmary and look upon the strange creature that looked like nothing he had ever seen before. Jem's hair had been dark and silky, nearly to his shoulders, and when his almond shaped eyes were open, his irises were like two chocolate truffles floating in a glass of milk. By that January, Jem had streaks of silver in his hair, and by that May, it was entirely silver, and his eyes were starting to lighten. If Jem wasn't dying, Will knew that he would have looked as amazing as Magnus did now. Magnus saw Will looking at him and smiled.

"I received the invitation to your dinner party," Will said. He climbed out of bed and dressed slowly, for as much Magnus's enjoyment as his own laziness.

"How is that possible, when the invitation was addressed to Mr. Carstairs?" Magnus asked.

"Jem told me about it. I just hope that I am invited," Will said. Magnus pondered the prospect.

"If you must accompany Mr. Carstairs, that is your prerogative," He said. "If I have to treat you as I would any guest brought by someone I invited, than I shall."

"Why did you send the invitation to Jem?" Will asked. "You barely know Jem, and even then, you only know him through my eyes."

"I wanted to make you jealous, and I have succeeded," Magnus replied. "You would have just showed up if you hadn't cared that I had corresponded with Jem. But you wanted to know why." He smiled asif he'd won a bet with himself.

"There are better ways to get me to pay attention," Will said.

"They haven't worked. I've been trying. I have a hard time with the idea that we managed to survive your six months in Idris and now we won't make it through the summer," Magnus said. "Do you not want us to succeed? Would you rather be with Jem?"

"Why do you ask questions you do not want to know the answers to?" Will asked.

"Why do you assume I don't want the answers?" Magnus countered. "I just want to know if you want us to survive or if all of this means nothing to you."

"Of course it means something to me," Will said. "I want us to survive. I want to be with you." Magnus shook his head, doubtful. "It's just that Jem isn't doing so well right now. He had an attack of withdrawal right after he received your letter. People are concerned, Magnus…"

"Is he out of powder?" Magnus asked. "Has his tolerance for the drug increased? How is his health?"

"He's sick. He isn't healing as he should, and his runes aren't working as well. Just last week Charlotte gave him a Stamina rune before training and he still barely made it an hour," Will said. "And then, with this morning's attack… I have to ask… are you, or did you… poison him?"

"How could you even ask me that? I'm the one keeping him alive!" Magnus exclaimed.

"You and I both," Will said. "You have a strong motive in the fact that you clearly want more of me than…"

"Make one thing certain, Shadowhunter. If I wanted more of you, I would have more of you," Magnus said. "You wouldn't know it at first, of course. You would begin to desire me more, and then you would be unable to get enough. You would never want to leave and even if you did, I would make sure you always wanted to come back with the belief that you desperately needed me. If I truly wanted you, you would be mine."

"So why don't you want me?" Will asked.

"I want someone who wants to spend the night with me. I've been in love before, Will, and I want to be in love with someone who loves me back. And you don't," Magnus said.

"I can't love you back," Will said. "I don't want to. You know that."

The room was silent for a moment and then a candle placed on an end table flickered violently. The flame popped loudly and produced a folded sheet of paper which flew into the air, then floated to the floor. Magnus walked over to pick it up.

"What was that?" Will asked.

"Fire mail, it's a pretty complicated process for your fragile Nephilim mind," Magnus mumbled. He opened the paper, read, and then looked up. "There was an attack on your Institute. The Enclave has been called in to begin a formal investigation. Also, apparently, you are missing, if you are, indeed, Mr. William Herondale. You are, right?"

"An attack?" Will asked. "Is there any other news? What happened?"

"It just says what I told you," Magnus said. Another note burst from the candle, and Magnus snatched it out of the air before it hit the ground. He opened it up. "Also, there were two casualties."

"Jem," Will said, he hurried from the room.

Before he had even gotten to the Institute's front gates, Will knew something was wrong. The whole block that the Institute resided on smelled like demon, and once inside the front gates, Will could see the lawn was littered with what looked like broken clocks, and men were walking among them. He was off his horse before it had even stopped, and he grabbed a passing Shadowhunter by the arm.

"What happened?" Will asked.

"There was an attack. Best get inside, Herondale. People are looking for you." The shadowhunter said, and turned back to his investigation. Will walked into the entry way of the Institute, noting at once the fact that the front doors had been blown clean off the hinges. Two warlocks were working to repair the damage.

The foyer looked the same as the front lawn looked, just with more Shadowhunters milling about and less clock parts. In the midst of everything sat a gurney with a body on it which was covered with a sheet. Will walked over, galvanized himself, and then pulled the sheet back. He was momentarily sickened but then relieved, and then felt guilty, all to see that it was only Agatha, the cook. He replaced the sheet and looked for another gurney, and then felt a pit form in his stomach. Of course. Shadowhunters were secretive about their dead, and if it was a Nephilim who had died, he would already be downstairs in the crypt, his body being prepared for tomorrow's sunrise cremation.

"Mr. Herondale!" Sophie exclaimed, and then ran over.

"Jem?" Will asked. "Where is he?"

"He's upstairs. He was hurt but Charlotte is certain he will make a full recovery," Sophie said. "You must come upstairs at once." Will nodded and followed her upstairs to the dining room. He heard Charlotte speaking even before Sophie opened the door and gestured for Will to walk inside. The moment he entered, ten heads turned simultaneously. Everyone was sitting at the table, and the room felt hostile.

Charlotte cried out, but Henry was the one who ran over, held Will at arm's length, and then crushed him against his chest. Henry was still wearing armor across his chest, and Will's cheek came away wet with oil before Henry pulled him close again, running a shaking hand through Will's hair.

"Where have you been?" Henry cried. "We have been worried sick! Where have you been?"

"I went to seek the assistance of Magnus Bane with my injury," Will said, "then I… went to The Devil. I'm sorry."

"We worried sick! We practically just turned the entire London downworld upside down looking for you!" Charlotte exclaimed. "If you were at the Devil, you must have been invisible. Phineas Cly said he hadn't seen you in a week's time."

"I told Thomas that I was going out," Will said, extracting himself from Henry.

"Thomas is dead!" Henry cried. "If you want to run amuck you go right ahead, just remember that even though Charlotte and I are required to feed, clothe and educate you for another seven months, that doesn't mean that those seven months have to be pleasant for you."

"This is why your wife hates you," Will said, and Henry slapped him across the face. Will fell back, shocked at Henry's strength.

"Get upstairs, William, and let the men talk," Henry said. Will heard a laugh and looked up to see Gabriel Lightwood sitting at the dining room table, next to his father who was chuckling as well. Will's face burned red.

"What has happened?" Will asked. The men at the table glanced at one another. "Well?"

"We are trying to figure it out," Henry said. One of the men, George Penhallow, cleared his throat and looked from Henry to Will.

"What?" Will asked.

"How did you open the Pyxis?" Penhallow asked. Will looked at him, horrified, anger and fear bubbling up in his chest.

"I was eleven!" He exclaimed.

"Mr. Herondale," Penhallow said, "how did you open the Pyxis?"

"I don't remember, one second it was closed and the next second it was open," Will said. "Where's Jem?"

"Upstairs," Henry said, and Will turned to leave. "He was injured in the battle and he's resting, leave him be." Will stormed from the dining room and ran up the steps, and he didn't stop running until he reached Jem's room. He pushed the door open and walked inside to see Jessamine and Tessa on either side of the bed, and Jem laying on some crisp white sheets, looking pale and dead, and Will's heart hit the floor as he hit his knees beside the bed and took one of Jem's scarred and bloody hands. Tears were about to stream down his face, and he was barely holding them back. It was funny; he could take in the biggest and nastiest demon with no emotion whatsoever, but anything happening to Jem could reduce him to tears.

"James," Will said, and Jem opened his eyes very slowly.

"Will," Jem said, "where the HELL have you been?"

* * *

In all, five people died in the attack on the Institute, and the funeral had drawn close to two hundred people to the Institute on the day following the attack. The mourning period following a funeral was five days, but since it was summer, those who had traveled to London had had decided to stay the entire period, forcing the Enclave to organize events to keep Shadowhunters not in the Enclave out of the investigation going on under everyone's noses. Within 24 hours Will and Jem were both on edge, and things only got more tense when it was announced that the next evening's dinner was required attendance for everyone and formal dress was expected of everyone.

"I know where this is going," Will mumbled as he fixed his silk neckerchief in Jem's bathroom. Will was dressed in a black cutaway coat and tan trousers with a black top hat and black gloves. Jem was wearing grey striped trousers, with an emerald green frock coat over a black shirt. His jade necklace was fastened at his throat. He was wearing white gloves but no hat, and then were both sweating hard, as London was experiencing a heat wave.

"But they can't resist," Jem said. "People have died. It's only logical that in the grand scheme of things, for the good of all Nephilim, that we move on from these deaths, meet suitable mates, and make…"

"I will do nothing of the sort!" Will exclaimed.

"Not before marriage, anyway," Jem said, and Will glared at him through the mirror. There was a knock at the door. "Come in!" The door opened and Magnus walked in. He glanced at Will, and then looked away.

"Jem, this is for you," Magnus said, pulling a brown paper package from his coat. Jem walked over and took it, confused. "I was putting together an order of things I needed from China and thought of you. It's tea. A few of my favorites, some jasmine, some oolong, some… other kinds." Magnus said.

"Other kinds?" Will asked.

"Thank you, Magnus," Jem said. "Do I owe you anything?"

"Of course not. It's a gift. Will told me you haven't been feeling well. I just wanted to give you something to soothe your stomach and clear your mind," Magnus said.

"Much obliged," Jem said.

"I was going to give it to you at the party but now I am not sure if I am going to have it. I'm pretty busy with work," Magnus said.

"We're not," Will said. Magnus glanced at him and then back to Jem. Jem smiled, taking in Magnus's riot of hair he had spiked into several points and kohl black eyeliner which made him look even more cat-like than he was already designed to look. Jem smiled, flustered, and went to stash the tea in his bureau.

"Thank you," he mumbled, and collected his cane.

"How can you be here?" Will asked, "There are ways to keep your kind out."

"You don't have to be jealous over a little tea, William," Magnus said, "not even if it's tea grown on remote mountain tops in China and then imported from Beijing for motives beyond a little morning perk up for a dashing acquaintance, and certainly not jealous enough for a friendly visit from your favorite warlock." Jem blushed as well he could, with two little spots of red appearing beneath his eyes. Magnus flopped down onto Jem's bed and kicked his patent leather boots off so as to not muss Jem's duvet. "Your wards are down, but it's official Enclave business otherwise. Very hush hush top secret stuff. I can tell you," he glanced at his nails, which were painted cobalt blue, "but then I might have to… kill you. I can do that with a snap of my fingers." He lifted his hand middle finger and thumb pressed together, and pointed at Will.

"What happened?" Will asked. "They're sending us out for match making and won't even tell us why the Institute was missing it's front doors! Then Penhallow asked me about the Pyxis…" Magnus shook his head. "Magnus, you owe me this."

"I don't owe you anything," Magnus said, looking between Will and Jem. "You were attacked from within, that is what I know. The automatons showed up a moment later. No one knows if they were summoned or not. While the war was going on outside someone or something recovered the Pxyis. It's gone, with no explanation. The Enclave has no idea who even has it."

"They think I have it," Will mumbled, and sat down on Jem's bed. "I made one mistake…"

"They don't think you have it," Magnus said, sitting up beside Will. He placed a hand on Will's thigh. "They're just concerned that someone will get it open."  
"Opening it isn't a problem, it will just release a thousand demons into the world," Jem said, attempting to think positively. "Demon's are notorious stupid, however, if someone was able to control them…but one would need spells for that."

"It's all theories," Magnus said, standing up. "There is the all too real possibility that Henry knocked the pyxis off it's shelf and didn't realize it. "I've been to that crypt, and I know that if not for Henry's position in the Enclave, he might expire down there beneath a pile of rubbish and not be found for an entire season."

"True," Jem said.

"Don't think that just because you live here you are entirely to blame," Magnus said. Will just nodded, dejected. "I have to get back to work. Have a great evening, gentlemen." He bowed and then left the room.

"That was cozy," Jem remarked.

"You wear jealously well," Will said. "It's very becoming of you."

"Magnus can have you whenever he wants," Jem said.

"So can you," Will said. "What other kinds of tea did Magnus bring you?"

"If you are asking me if he gave me opium tea I won't know until I brew a pot," Jem said. "If then I feel warm and fuzzy and I hallucinate a thousand demons dancing on the very roof of this Institute, we will have to assume that he gave me opium tea."

"You don't have to get smart," Will said. "Do you really think opium is good for your health?"

"I think it's worth a try. The affects are similar to the poison." Jem replied.

"So you'll feed your addiction with another kind then?" Will asked.

"What does it matter to you?" Jem asked. "Honestly, Will, I get so sick of you sometimes!"

"I get plenty sick of you to," Will said. "Do you think I enjoy watching you almost die again and again? And then, when I want to love you, you won't let me!"

"I want to love you back," Jem said, "I just can't!"

"Do what you wish with the time you have left," Will said. "I'll be downstairs." He picked up his hat and strode from the room.

Once Will had gone, Jem checked his appearance once more, then left his room and went to Tessa's. He knocked on the door and Jessamine opened it, looking radiant in a blue dress. Jem heard someone clear his throat and turned to see Gabriel Lightwood approaching, dressed in a wool suit that made Jem itch just by looking at it.

"James," Gabriel said.

"Gabriel," Jem replied, and nodded.

"I've come to escort Miss Lovelace to dinner," Gabriel said. "I've decided to begin courting her." Jem wanted to laugh but he kept a straight face. Gabriel hadn't decided to begin courting Jessamine, the elder Mr. Lightwood, Gabriel's father, saw that his oldest son was to be married in the fall, and had decided to arrange that his second oldest son begin on the marriage path.

"Very well," Jem said. "Best of luck to you both." Jessamine cringed and offered her arm to Gabriel, who took it and led her from the room.

Tessa stood up from her vanity, turned, and smiled at Jem. She was dressed in a white dress with an overlay of gold netting. It had a low cut neckline and the skirt of the dress fell in layers. Her hair was put up and adorned with tiny white flowers. Jem's mouth fell open a little, and he quickly closed it.

"I'm starving," Tessa said. "Are you hungry?" Jem could only nod. "I want to stop by Nate's room. Jessamine said he was awake."

"Of course," Jem managed. Tessa gave him another smile and then headed for the door, and Jem followed.

It was a short walk to Nate's room. When Tessa knocked on the door he requested she come in, so they both walked in. Nate was lying in bed, reading a book, which he dropped the minute he saw Jem.

"Stay away from me you filthy nephilim!" He exclaimed.

"Nate, this is Jem. He's not filthy." Tessa said.

"You are Nephilim, right?" Nate asked. "That is why you have the rune on your hand?"

"You can see my runes?" Jem asked. "Do you have the Sight?"

"I don't know what you are talking about," Nate said. "All I know is that you are covered with the Marks bestowed upon your kind by the Archangel Raziel. Your job is to patrol the earth and work to rid it of demons."

"That is correct," Jem said, "but it doesn't make my kind filthy."

"You destroy a world you do not understand," Nate said.

"I alone do not destroy that world," Jem said.

"You're a trained killer," Nate said.

"I'm doing a job that is necessary," Jem said, "what's it to you?"

"I do not believe that you alone should control what happens on this earth," Nate said, "there were demons before there were Nephilim. There was never a problem before your kind came along and decided to take charge. Now you've cheated the Downworlders into an agreement only you benefit from. The Accords are a sham."

"That is only your opinion," Jem said. "The Accords have been designed to allow for a peaceful existence for Downworlders and Nephilim. It is not a system without flaws, however, the fey, warlocks, lycanthrope and Night Children did sign them."

"A system?" Nate asked. "You wish to systematically destroy everything this is not Marked as you are, starting with my sister!"

"That's a lie," Jem said.

"She told me about what Will said to her last night. I can only believe you and he have been cut from the same cloth," Nate said. "As soon as I am well, Tessa and I will be returning to New York. In the mean time, stay away from my sister!"

"Jem," Tessa said, "please leave." Jem looked from Tessa to Nate, and then walked out the door, where Gabriel was standing.

"She had to powder her nose," Gabriel explained. "Is everything alright, Carstairs?" Jem shook his head, because he wasn't sure.

* * *

**Author's Note: I want to first thank you all for reading this. I hope you are having as much fun reading the story as I am writing it. I wanted to give you all a treat. Since we all love Cassandra Clare for her teasers (and amazing books), I wanted to post a teaser of my own from Chapter 5 of This Frivolous Love. I had so much fun writing this chapter, so I hope you enjoy it. **

"Yes, but…" Tessa began, "whatever happened to love?"

"If you don't have it, you fake it," Will said. He looked around the room, at the giggling girls and the serious boys considering the strengths and weaknesses of one another. "I honestly don't know why it all has to be such a secret. It's Shadowhunter mating season."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

When Tessa walked out of Nate's room, Jem was standing outside of the door, unsure of what to do. He had expected Nate to shake his hand and tell him and Tessa to have a good time, not call him filthy and accuse his kind of wanting to purify the world of Downworlders and demons alike. He was even considering skipping the required dinner, damn the consequences, when Tessa smiled and touched him on the shoulder.

"You'll have to forgive Nate," Tessa said. "He seems to have gotten his hands on a copy of the Codex, and being in the presence of so many Shadowhunters has him in a bit of a state. Your kind makes him nervous."

"Does my kind make you nervous?" Jem asked.

"I must admit that initially learning of a breed of demon fighting angelic beings was a bit of a shock," Tessa said, "however, I like your kind."

"I like your kind as well," Jem said shyly.

"I don't even know what my kind is," Tessa said.

"I can learn to like whatever kind it is," Jem said. Tessa nodded quickly.

"What happened the other day shouldn't happen again," She said.

"You mean with the kiss?" Jem asked.

"Precisely," Tessa said. "I want to let you know that while the kiss was wonderful, I am not interested in just kissing. I want to have a meaningful relationship."

"Very well," Jem said. "Would you like to have a meaningful relationship? I like you, Tessa, and I would like to begin courting you."

"Oh… of course," Tessa said.

"I would like your brother's permission," Jem said, "however; I fear his approval is going to be difficult to come by as Will's will be."

"You wish to have Will's approval?" Tessa asked.

"Will and I are closer than you and I ever will be," Jem said. "If you have a problem with that this won't work."

"I don't have a problem with it, however, I was under the impression that Will had feelings for me," Tessa said.

"He never said anything to me," Jem said. "All he ever admitted was that he thought you were pretty. He speaks the truth, but he never laid claim to you." Tessa nodded. "Very well, then. If the weather is nice tomorrow we shall have a picnic in the courtyard."

"Wonderful," Tessa said, giving Jem a smile. "I must thank you for escorting me tonight. I was under the impression that Henry and Charlotte wanted to have an evening for themselves."

"You are right, however, it is my pleasure to escort you," Jem said. He offered his arm and Tessa took it as they began down the hallway. The dinner would be held in a ballroom located on a lower level of the Institute. "So are you enjoying your time here, all things considered?"

"Now that Nate has been found, yes, I am having a nice time. Everyone here is so friendly," Tessa said. "I feel very welcome."

"Henry and Charlotte are two of the most wonderful people I have ever met," Jem said. "When my parents died, things could have gone poorly for me. I was placed here by an acquaintance of my father's. It was only supposed to be temporary, until a suitable family was found for me, however…" Jem shook his head. "Henry and Charlotte had already taken on Will, and when I arrived, he had the whole place turned upside down. If you think Will at the age of 17 is difficult, you should have seen him at 12."

"I can hardly imagine," Tessa said.

"I was sick, of course, and still trying to recover and as a result, I didn't speak to a soul for six months beyond asking for basic things like more food and a warm blanket. Henry and Charlotte had no idea I could even speak English, and coupled with my affliction, they could have just put me in a room, fed me three meals a day, and hoped for the best, but they didn't," Jem said. "They were so good to me. They talked to me, they brought me toys, and they encouraged Will and I to become friends… I don't think I would be who I am today without them. They gave me a childhood."

"You're very fortunate," Tessa said.

"I am," Jem replied.

When they reached the ballroom, Tessa gasped. The room was vast and decorated in a style which recalled ancient times. The floor was made of a white marble, marked here and there with traces of silver and black stone, and the walls were broken up by pillars of witch light which extended to the nearly fifty foot high ceiling. Giant witch light candelabras hung down, casting the room in a romantic glow, and well over a hundred people, dressed in their finest attire, mingled about as several sharply dressed warlocks made their rounds as inconspicuously as possible. The dance floor was surrounded by tables, and a small orchestra was playing in the corner and filling the room with soft music.

"More of the same," Will said, walking up beside Jem. "Tessie."

"William," Tessa replied.

"Have you reconsidered my offer yet?" Will asked.

"I have not, nor will I ever," Tessa replied.

"See you tomorrow. Let's meet in the library this time," Will said, and Tessa frowned at Will, let go of Jem's arm, and headed to a table Henry and Charlotte were sitting at. Will watched her go and a conflicted looked flashed across his face before he glanced down at Jem. "Since when did you decide to escort her this evening?"

"I asked her right after lunch. Henry was going to look after her but I thought he and Charlotte might like some time off from responsibility," Jem said. Will nodded quickly.

"Of course," he said. "Of course, it is only right that Tessie have an escort."

"Please stop calling her Tessie," Jem said, softly. "Her name is Tessa. Tessa Gray. You made her an offer?"

"Of course. She likes me. We kissed on the roof just last night, and then I asked her if she might like to occasionally visit my quarters," Will said. "She turned me down. It's a pity. Even you know what she's missing."

For a second Jem closed his eyes and imagined ramming his hand so hard into Will's face that Will would have no choice but to stagger backwards into a pillar, hopefully knocking himself so unconscious that he would then wet his pants involuntarily. Jem might have even followed through if not for the fact that he was right handed and was currently holding his cane in his hand, but if he just shifted the cane to his left…

And then something slipped in his chest, not in a physical sense but more in the sense that Jem felt his heart break. It wasn't like finding out that his parents were dead, but it was the same feeling that he got whenever he found out that things had changed and would never be the same again. This was the shocking realization of an inevitable conclusion, that every dream Jem had considered since his kiss with Tessa, however trivial, would never, ever, be realized. Jem knew he might never have children or even live to get married, but with Tessa, he had wanted to. Now, Tessa was forever ruined for him. Accepting one kiss from Will was a forgivable, but to put oneself in the position to be kissed again was inconceivable. She would always want Will; Jem was just a consolation prize.

"James," Will said, shaking Jem's arm. Jem opened his eyes to see Will smiling expectantly. "I said, isn't it a pity she turned me down?"

Jem wanted to vomit on the floor and then run screaming from the room. He wanted to go to the training room and throw himself off the highest beam in the rafters without a harness. He wanted the last thing he ever felt to be the wind rushing through his hair as he plummeted to the ground. He wanted his body to burn and his ashes spackled into the walls of the Silent City, where he would never have to worry about loving anyone, ever again. But because since the age of eleven there had been Will and only Will, and because Jem loved Will as much as he had loved Tessa, maybe even more, Jem put a smug smile on his face and indulged Will's selfishness.

"A pity, indeed," Jem said. "My, I'm sure she would just die a thousand little deaths if you did that thing I like to her."

"Don't make me blush," Will said.

"That's not possible," Jem replied. "In order for you to blush you would first have to care about anyone overhearing our conversation and become embarrassed as a result."

"That's not possible. One cannot be embarrassed when one has no shame," Will said. "Oh, God, there's that Morgenstern boy. Remember that time in Idris when he tried to recruit us for the lycanthrope hunting excursion? And he kept pestering us? I can only imagine what Downworlder he wants to hunt now."

"Behind the pillar," Jem said, and Will pulled Jem behind a pillar, only to find Michael Lightwood, Gabriel's older brother, kissing his fiancée, Evelyn.

"Keep that up and your parents will have two grandchildren to look forward to," Will said, and Jem pulled him away.

"Why can't you occasionally keep your mouth shut!" Jem asked, his patience now being taxed.

"James I'm drunk I can't help it!" Will cried as Jem pulled him across the ballroom to the Branwell's table.

"You can help it, and you aren't drunk, yet," Jem said, and he deposited Will into a chair beside Henry before taking a seat beside Tessa.

"Do you want to get married?" She asked. Jem had to bite back a gag. He snapped his napkin open and spread it across his lap.

"Not at the moment," Jem said. Henry laughed.

"What did Will mean when he said that this was more of the same?" Tessa asked, turning to Jem. Jem took a sip of water and arranged his silverware to his liking. "Jem?"

"Yes?" Jem asked. Tessa repeated her question as Jem patiently listened.

"I told you she asked a lot of questions," Will said.

"We've been to parties like this before. Right after we turn seventeen, we are sent to Idris for six months of finishing school," Jem said. "Will and I got back in June. Of course, we commuted a lot. Some boys stay there the entire six months, and others travel with their families, since many families have homes in Idris."

"Is it fun? Idris, I mean," Tessa said. Jem shrugged and had some more water. His throat was getting tight and he wanted to stop talking to everyone. He wanted to go to his room and brew a pot of opium tea and let the demons rain down upon him, however they may come.

"It's a lot of work," Jem said. "We would train eight hours, attend classes another four, and then a few parties every night."

"People die in this trade," Will said. "If we aren't careful the entire Nephilim species could be wiped out. This causes an added emphasis on getting married and having a family, to keep the race going." Tessa looked appalled.

"So in other words you are put together in situations like this for the sole purpose of finding a mate?" Tessa asked.

"Yes," Will said. "Isn't that how it is in mundane society?"

"Yes, but…" Tessa began, "whatever happened to love?"

"If you don't have it, you fake it," Will said. He looked around the room, at the giggling girls and the serious boys considering the strengths and weakness of one another. "I honestly don't know why it all has to be such a secret. It's Shadowhunter mating season."

After Will's proclamation, Tessa sat beside Jem and ate very quietly. Once, Tessa reached for a napkin the same time Jem reached for his, their hands touched and Jem jerked his hand back as if he thought Tessa had something he might die from. After that he dropped his fork, pushed his chair back, and left the table, returning a few minutes later. Henry and Charlotte were making quiet conversation amongst one another, allowing Will to continuously dose his drink with the contents of a flask. Finally, Henry and Charlotte were called away to another table. Jem was shredding the remains of his beef brisket with a fork, and Will had taken to pulling all of the petals off a white flower that had been sitting in the centerpiece.

"Is he always this unbearable?" Tessa asked. Will and Jem both looked up at her, then at one another, before Jem figured out Tessa was once again paying attention to Will, as if she hadn't paid him enough already.

"Always. And even more so when he's been drinking," Jem said.

"I'm taking it's virtue," Will said, "don't look. Give it some respect."

Jem shook his head and suggested that Will go upstairs, but Will would only go on the condition that Jem came along. Jem said that he wanted to make sure Tessa was properly looked after, and Will volunteered to help, despite Jem actually not wanting any of them near him. He took to moving food around on his plate.

"What's the matter, Jem?" Tessa asked.

"Nothing is the matter. I fear I might have overdressed. It's simply stifling down here," Jem said.

"Have a drink," Will suggested.

"I'm not thirsty," Jem replied. "Thank you, though."

"Let me know if you need anything," Will said, and Jem nodded, slowly. "Are you alright, Jem?"

"I'm fine," Jem insisted.

The trio lapsed into silence. Dessert was served. It was a wonderful peach crumble Tessa thoroughly enjoyed, but Jem refused it, knowing that if he put another thing in his stomach, he might very well be sick.

"So why do the Lightwoods hate Will?" Tessa asked.

"They name their children after angels. A bit conceited if you ask me, "Will said.

"When Will and I went to Idris, Gabriel came with his family, since they have a house there," Jem said, "there was a party, and Gabriel's younger sister Ambriel was there. She had a bit too much to drink and she was last seen with Will." Will shrugged.

"I did see the inside of her bedroom once," he said.

"That party was three months ago and now she's taken to wearing dresses cut in a way not becoming for a sixteen year old." Jem said. Tessa gasped.

"She's pregnant?" She asked.

"Don't look so surprised. The Lightwoods have eight children. One's bound to go against the grain," Will scoffed. He glared at Jem.

Jem knew that the Lightwood situation made Will uncomfortable, as they had both been at the party in question, but only Will was remembered. Ambriel, who had always fancied Will, had shown up at the party, despite Will's insistence that he was not interested in her. Ambriel had over indulged in drink, and when it came time for her to be taken home and put to bed, Will and Jem volunteered to see her to her front steps.

"What does Will have to do with it?" Tessa asked.

"You're such a gossip, Tessie. It's so unbecoming of you," Will said. He was shredding another flower.

"Because she was last seen with him, they assume he's the father," Jem said.

"And is he?" Tessa asked.

"Do I really look like I would get a girl pregnant?" Will asked. When Tessa didn't respond he threw the flower down. "I appreciate you thinking the worst of me."

"But isn't that what you want her to think? You make it so easy on her," Jem said. "No, he's not the father. He only made sure she got safely back to her quarters and then returned to the dormitory long before curfew."

"How do you know?" Tessa asked. "He still could have done something,"

"He wouldn't have. Will and I were together that entire night and the only hand he laid on her was the one used to hoist her over his shoulder and carry her up to her room," Jem said. "Will didn't do anything with her. He dropped her off and we returned to the dorms. Together."

"So who is the father?" Tessa asked.

"It doesn't matter," Jem said. "We're all related somehow. All that matters is that she's going to give birth to another pure blood Nephilim." Tessa was silent for a few minutes, then she collected the flower petals and deposited them onto a plate before looking over to Jessamine, who was sitting with the Lightwoods.

"I'm going to go save Jessamine," Tessa said, and left the table.

"Now that she's gone," Will said, "have you noticed how many warlocks are here?" He dumped a few drops of his flask's contents into Jem's glass, which Jem drank. "Not that it's a bad thing…" He glanced over to Magnus, who was dressed in solid black, with a white ruffled collar, standing by the food table, dazzling a woman with his sparks.

"I wish you would leave me alone right now," Jem said.

"I'm sorry for being so unbearable," Will said. He dropped a hand to Jem's upper thigh and stroked his leg a little. "Might you like to go upstairs and study?"

"I'm not in the mood to study," Jem said. He wanted to admit that he had considered suicide but didn't want to let Will know just how badly he was hurt. A darkly clad waiter came up to the table, bearing two bright red drinks mixed with chunks of ice. Jem's mouth watered. Even in the cavernous ballroom, the heat had still managed to permeate the air.

"Punch?" The waiter asked.

"Yes, please" Jem said.

"Don't drink that," Will said quickly. "It's Fairy Punch. The sole purpose of it is to amplify your emotions."

"But it has ice in it. And it's so hot," Jem said. "I'll just have a sip."

"No. I'm serious. Don't drink it. It will make you think you are in love," Will said.

"You just want me to come upstairs with you, and I won't," Jem said, and he downed the drink.

Will sat by and watched Jem for adverse side effects. While Will had sworn off the Fairy Punch, he was still drinking alcohol.

"Tessie," Will said, as Tessa walked back over and sat down across from them, "you look so pretty tonight. I would buy your services if I had the money on me."

"Well, I'm not for sale," Tessa said. "Is Jem alright?"

Jem was looking around the ballroom, eyes blinking rapidly as he repeatedly scanned and then rejected possible mates. Across the room, Gabriel was looking at every girl besides Jessamine, and Jessamine was batting her eyes at Will, who only had eyes for Tessa. Magnus was cracking rude jokes to Mrs. Lightwood, who was laughing so hard she was hyperventilating. Jem had a choice between crying his eyes out from heart break or indulging in his desire to hurt Tessa as badly as she had hurt him, and he chose the latter.

"James, can you please escort me back to my room?" Tessa asked.

"Ask Henry," Jem replied. "I'm not fit to take you to your room."

"Are you alright?" Tessa asked.

"Absolutely," Jem said, nodding quickly. "By the Angel I've never been better." He felt the anger at the lies he was telling for her benefit and he bit his lip hard, so hard that he tasted blood.

"I'm taking you to be bed," Will said.

"I don't want to go to bed with you!" Jem exclaimed. Little by little all of the adults had crept slowly from the room, leaving everyone not married, engaged, or over the age of 18 to rapidly blink at one another. There were feelings coursing through Jem's veins, good feelings from the cold Fairy Punch running down his throat, and bad feelings from Will and Tessa's joint betrayal. Jem knew that girls would come and go but parabatai were forever, and so he chased the good feelings with more Punch.

"I'm leaving and you're coming with me," Will said. "Now, Jem!"

"I'm staying here," Jem said, his eyes landing on the lovely Tabitha Penhallow, whose voluptuous form was encased in a dress that was a size to small. Tessa looked frightened at the festive atmosphere which had been literally force fed into the room. The dance floor was filling up and the music had gone from slow and relaxing to something worth dancing to.

"Mizpah to you, then" Will said, and he stood up and walked out of the room. Jem turned to Tessa and gave her a sweet smile.

"There's someone I want you to meet," Jem said. He stood and offered Tessa his arm, and she took it. He led her across the ballroom to the Lightwood's table and tapped a boy on the shoulder. The boy turned, smiled, and shook Jem's hand. "Tessa, this is Samuel Lightwood, a friend of mine. Sam, this is Tessa. She would like to dance."

"Jem, I thought you were escorting me and you wanted to dance with me," Tessa said.

"I don't want to dance with you," Jem said.

"But I thought we were courting," Tessa said.

"We are no longer," Jem said, trying to keep the pain out of his voice. "I know about you and Will. He told me. I want to be the better man. He obviously likes you, you obviously like him back, and I don't feel like having you come between us. Will can have you."

"But Jem…" Tessa began, but Jem held up his hand.

"It wasn't my first kiss," Jem said, shaking his head. "Neither of us was totally honest and that's no way to be. You deserve to have a fun night with a gentleman. Sam will take care of you." Jem shook Sam's hand again before he turned on his heel and walked across the dance floor, where a tiny parlor maid dressed in a red hand-me-down dress sat at an empty table. She looked up when Jem walked over. "May I have this dance?" he asked.

"Oh… no…" Sophie said. "Jem…"

"Please?" Jem asked, and he put his hand out, and Sophie took it. Jem pulled her from her chair and onto the dance floor, where in front of everyone he kissed her cheek as they began to dance.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

After leaving the party, Will had come straight upstairs and had crawled into Jem's bed, certain Jem would be up shortly. When he didn't show, Will fell asleep, and was now waking to the bedroom door opening and the glare of witch light flooding in. The door closed abruptly and Will heard a deep breath, so he picked up the rune stone sitting on the bedside table. The stone flared to light, and just beyond it's greenish cast, Will saw Jem put a hand on his chest and then fall backwards against the door, blood pouring from his nose. He coughed and more blood came from his mouth as he fell to his knees, gasping.

"Inferion will get his revenge," Jem mumbled.

"I should have never left you!" Will exclaimed. He leapt out of bed and struck a match to light a candle, then hurried over to Jem. Jem put a hand up and Will helped him out of his coat, then shirt, knowing all too well that he could scream all he wanted, but most everyone was still down at the party. Jem collapsed onto the floor, coughing and gasping. His eyes rolled back and he started to shake. "Just fight it, okay?" Will begged. He ran to the bureau and threw it open, looking for the silver box.

"On the dresser," Jem said. He took another breath but it wasn't deep enough, and he began to see blackness crossing his eyes as he slowly started to lose consciousness. Will ran back over and knelt beside Jem. Jem could see Will's hands shaking. No matter what happened, Will always panicked. Jem didn't understand how Will could always be so cool headed in battle and so unhinged when it came to him. Will never cried, as badly as he could get hurt, but Jem's suffering could bring him to tears. There were things Jem wanted to tell Will, and he reached up and put a hand on Will's cheek as Will prepared the injection.

"What?" Will asked, looking up. Tears were running down his face and he looked desperately frightened.

Jem opened his mouth, not sure what he was going to say, but then he said, very quickly, "Let her know I still…" and then the blackness descended onto him.

A moment later Jem felt the knifelike point of the needle slamming through skin, muscle, and then his heart, and he gasped, eyes opening, as he reached up to grab the syringe, only Will pushed his hand away, pressed the plunger down, and Jem felt the immense amount of powder flow into his heart and then burn as it flooded into his chest. In a second he could breathe again and he coughed the remainder of blood onto the floor before looking at Will.

"Let her know you still what?" Will asked. "Jem?"

"I still love you," Jem whispered. "I love you, Will." Will stood up, his bare feet slipping in the blood as he turned his back on Jem, who still lay on the floor.

"No, you don't," Will said.

A short while later Will helped Jem into the bathtuband then began scrubbing the floor with a bucket of hot water Sophie had brought before she had scurried away. He hoped that he had made it clear to Sophie that no one was to know about this. Since the age of thirteen, Will had been taking extra precautions to keep Charlotte as unaware of Jem's attacks as possible. She had once summoned two Silent Brothers to take a closer look at Jem and they had wanted to take Jem with them, somewhere, to study him closer. Will feared that it would only take one bad attack for Jem to be sent away to somewhere he would be tortured to death in the continued search for a cure.

It had always been this way, for as long as Will could remember, in his life spent with Jem. After Jem was finally able to leave the Infirmary and move into a room of his own, Will would wake up night after night to Jem's hysterical cries from the next room over. If no one came, Will would go sit with Jem until Jem finally fell asleep.

Will hadn't set out to be fall in love with Jem. It had been more of a natural progression. Jem was first someone to frolic about the Institute and surrounding gardens with, chasing one another when he had the energy, or quietly laying in the grass watching the birds when he was having a bad day. When it came time for formal schooling, Jem then became a close study partner. He and Will would spend hours together memorizing theories and working on vocabulary. If they had an important test the next day, Jem would show up at Will's door after dinner, and they would study until they fell asleep together.

One cold winter day four years before now, Will and Jem had been studying in their favorite spot, which was a small alcove on the second floor of the library. The alcove was only big enough to hold a table, and that table was covered with books and sheets of paper. The only source of light came from the stain glass window at the far end of the alcove, which flooded light across the room and bathed Jem in a multicolored glow. Jem had done a good deal of growing over the summer and fall, not that Will would admit to noticing.

Will was sitting beside Jem on a bench, and Jem had one pencil behind his ear and was chewing on another and he read and reread a page in a dusty book. They were working on a report on the history of runes. Jem was being studious, and Will was being bored and antsy.

"So what do you think?" Will had asked.

"I'm afraid no one has any sort of idea of where persuasion runes came from," Jem said.

"Why are we even focusing on the persuasion runes?" Will asked. "The combat runes are far more interesting."

"I like the persuasion runes. They can make people think whatever someone wants them to think," Jem said. "Consider this. If I had one, I could convince you of all sorts of things."

"Such as…?" Will asked. Jem smiled.

"I could convince you that you were a duck. I would tell you that you had the flippers and the beak, the whole nine yards, and you would believe me," Jem said. "I could convince you that you could fly, though that might end poorly. I could even convince you to kiss me."

"And why would I want to kiss you?" Will asked.

"Because there is a reason why you want me all to yourself up here, instead of downstairs where everyone else studies," Jem replied. "Sometimes, I see you looking at me… the way I look at you."

In that moment, Will realized all that Jem had left unsaid and he had needed no other persuasion. All of the little smiles and sideways glances Jem had been giving him for the last few months suddenly made perfect sense.

From the bench Will shoved Jem onto the floor. Jem grabbed Will by the back side and pulled him on top of him, and they smashed their faces together so hard that it took a second for things to get worked out properly. Jem's eyes were open, Will's lips were tense, but then Jem laughed, Will laughed, and then they were kissing once more. After a few sweet kisses on the lips, Jem opened his mouth a little and Will slipped his tongue between Jem's teeth. Jem closed his eyes and kissed back in the same manner.

Jem could feel every inch of Will pressing against him but he wasn't heavy. With curious fingers he slid his hands up Will's side and beneath his shirt, to his warm skin, but then Will sat up and wiped at his nose, which was bleeding from the initial contact. He wiped his hand across the sleeve of his shirt and Jem grimaced and offered him a handkerchief. Then, they sat side by side, leaning against the stain glass window, waiting for the other one to talk.

"How long have you wanted to do that?" Will finally asked.

"A very long time," Jem had replied, and he straddled Will's lap and kissed him again.

They stayed in the alcove, kissing, touching, and experimenting with things that had felt very good, until Henry had called them to dinner, then they had stood, quickly put their appearances to rights, and in the midst of everything swore that it would never happen again. Will believed it would never happen again, and was certain that it wouldn't, up until Jem had collected the books and went downstairs to see Henry waiting for them. He took in their tattered appearances and swollen lips and asked if they had been fighting again. Jem smiled the smile and said they had been. The next day, back in the alcove, it happened again, and before either of them knew it, they were disastrously behind on school work but experts in one another's bodies. If Henry would have known, he would have never let them swear as Parabatai.

There assignations were not only reserved to the library, as their rooms were right next door to one another, and were there for easy to sneak into. Will understood the signals that Jem would send, as Jem only played the violin late at night when he was interested in someone listening to it. Neither discussed anything when they were together that way, it was just understood that they were together, and that was it. Will had no plans for marriage or family, he only hoped to be like the other Shadowhunters he knew of, the ones who never married but instead opted to share their home solely with their parabatai.

Sometimes, when Will was scrubbing up yet another mess, part of him wanted to stop, and never start again. The bedroom floor told the story of the attacks Jem had endured in here. The blood didn't always come back up, and in several places there were stains which were black in the witch light. Every once in a while Will would move the furniture around so as to cover them as much as possible. This attack had taken place in front of the door, and Will was considering investing in a rug to cover the stain. It would be expensive, but would hopefully brighten the room and hide the blood.

He was so intent on his task, on all fours, scrubbing the latest black blood away in the glow of a substantial chunk of witch light, that he didn't notice the candle light coming from the bathroom until he heard a floor board squeak. He looked up to see Jem standing in the doorway, one hand holding a towel around his waist, the other holding a candle. His body was a palate of colors, ranging from the red runes spiraling in and out of black runes bisected by white scars of used runes. There were other scars as well, from the one across his stomach from the torture he endured when he was eleven, to the one on his shoulder from a training accident he had when he was fourteen, and then the still tender looking wound on his chest from his battle with the clockwork creatures. Scars were part of being a Shadowhunter, but Will knew Jem bore far more scars than he could display.

Will tossed the rag he was using into a bucket and walked over. Jem set the candle down on a tea table. In the passing light Will caught a glimpse of Jem's runes, and he blinked once or twice and noticed that they had shimmered, just a little, and that they weren't the midnight black they usually were, and he might have said something, had Jem not stepped forward and kissed him.

Will jumped. He wanted to step back but knew that rejecting Jem while he was in this state might cause Jem to completely unravel. Jem needed something, and Will was fully prepared to give him whatever he might want. Now Jem's hand was on his lower back, he was pressing them together, and his tongue was melting into Will's mouth.

The towel fell as Jem's hands, still warm from the bath, slid across Will's collarbones, then down the front of his chest, one thin layer of cotton being all that kept their skin apart. With steady hands compared to Will's subtle shaking, Jem slid the first button from the button hole on Will's shirt, and the shirt parted and Jem leaned forward and kissed the center of Will's chest, then the bottom of his neck, and then placed several soft kisses up the side of Will's neck. Will turned his head and kissed Jem on the lips, Jem leaned against him, his hands reaching up to unbutton another button.

Will ran the tips of his fingers up the tight skin of Jem's lower stomach, and they parted, each trying to take things slow when each knew what the other wanted. The scent of peppermint was in the air from the toothpaste Jem used, and Will's lips stung from it, but then Jem brushed his lips back against Will's and they were back to burning from the kiss.

Jem unbuttoned another button and then slid his hand inside of the shirt, his fingers quickly caressing Will's chest before he released the last button and the shirt finally fell open. Jem smiled and then kissed Will on the neck, he sucked lightly and then pulled away, found another spot, and did the same. One piece of clothing remained before they would each be naked in the candle and witch light, and Jem carefully untied the drawstring on Will's pajama pants, and they fell to the floor. Will kicked them aside, and pulled Jem into bed.

* * *

When the sun began to rise, Jem finally pulled away, and Will sat back against the pillows on the bed. They had yet to speak beyond words said between gasps. Will could love how his body fit with Jem's so perfectly. He would never desire another thing if only Jem could be at his side until the day they died, hopefully, at the same time.

"What was that all about?" Will finally asked.

"This is hardly the first time we stayed up all night making love," Jem replied. "I wanted you."

"But you were in such a terrible mood at the party," Will said.

"Rest assured you had nothing to do with it," Jem said.

"I do like you very much," Will said, running his fingers up and down Jem's arm. "I don't want to like anyone else but you."

"Will you love?" Jem asked.

"Love is useless; it only sets people up for disappointment," Will said. "Loving someone means giving them permission to wound you at any given time. I don't want to live like that."

"But I love you," Jem said. "Will you hurt me?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

A few hours later, Will awoke to music. He rolled over to see Jem standing at the window, playing his violin. He was dressed only in a pair of white pajama pants Will had out grown long before, and was barefoot. The sunlight glinted off of Jem's body and silver hair and turned him into an angelic vision adorned with red and black. Surely, Will thought, this was what Raziel had in mind when he designed the Nephilim. Jem's eyes were closed, his mouth was set into a fine line, and the bow ran back and forth across the strings slow and mournfully.

Will couldn't recognize the song Jem was playing, but every note of it was agonizingly sad. Jem had been happy the entire time they had been together last night, so Will was unsure of why Jem was playing such dour music now. He was prepared to climb out of bed and wrap his arms around Jem and try to wrench him from this mood when there was a screech and then a loud _ping_, and Jem pulled the violin away from his shoulder and looked at it.

"What's wrong?" Will asked.

"I broke a string," Jem said. "I'm going to go into town and get a new one."

"I can get it," Will said quickly.

"No, I can go," Jem insisted. "You have to sit around and soak up the gossip from last night's party and subsequently exploit it for your benefit alone. I won't be gone long."

"We'll go together," Will said. "We can get some food and have a picnic in Hyde Park. What do you want to feed the ducks today?"

"Stale bread," Jem said, and Will knew that the situation was dire.

"I think they get enough bread. How about… rock candy?" Will asked.

"They can't chew candy," Jem said, dismayed. "Honestly, Will, why do you insist on torturing those poor birds? Was your father really that horrible?" Jem knew what to say to hurt Will in the most subtle way possible. Jem rarely hurt anyone for his benefit, so Will was troubled.

"I'm going to get dressed, I suggest you do the same. Be certain you take your injection. We shall go downstairs, see what is left for breakfast, and then go out," Will said. "We can go to that bakery and see if they have any day old bread so we don't hurt the poor bird's teeth." Jem just nodded, and Will climbed from the bed, grabbed his clothing, and dressed quickly before opening the door. He stepped up and nearly ran into Tessa.

"Will," Tessa said. She took in Will's barely dressed appearance and adverted her eyes only to catch Jem in even less clothing. Will pulled the door shut.

"Good morning," He said, and walked into his own room.

When Will and Jem finally made it the dining room, they found a buffet of breakfast foods, all of which Will found unappetizing, but Jem filled his plate to near capacity. They took a seat at the far end of the table, away from the rest of their peers who had been at the party and were now talking and laughing about the night before.

"So did anything salacious happen at the party?" Will asked. "Was anyone found together in a linen closet? Did Sophie get ignored all night? How was Tessie? It seems like she would be a terrible dancer, being American and all." At the mention of Tessa's name Jem dropped his fork and had a sip of tea.

"Tessa was fine. I introduced her to Sam Lightwood. They hit it off quite well," Jem said. "The party was fine."

"It must have been, for you to stay up until you staggered into your own room amid an attack. You should know your limits," Will said.

"It hit me on the way up the steps," Jem said. "I was fine at the party."

"There's Tessie now. TESSIE!" Will called, and Jem looked as though he wished the floor would open and swallow him whole. Tessa had been talking to Sam Lightwood as she and Jessamine prepared to eat with he and his brother, but she turned at the sound of Will's voice. "Tessie, do come quickly." Will laughed under his breath.

"I'm going to run to the powder room," Jem mumbled, but then Tessa had arrived at the far end of the table.

"Good morning, Will, and James," Tessa said. Will knew that she would never mention seeing him in a state other than completely dressed, or walking out of Jem's room, which was why he had no shame in making her uncomfortable. "How was your night?"

"Wonderful," Will said. "Say, I heard you hit it off quite nicely with Sam Lightwood. Those Lightwoods are so charming, aren't they?"

"We danced, yes. I didn't realize he was so young," Tessa said.

"Fifteen isn't young. You're only sixteen. Are you more interested in older men? If so, Henry has some friends that are available. Unless… thirty is your limit?" Will asked.

"There is only one man I am interested in," Tessa said.

"I'm flattered, really," Will said. "Weren't you supposed to be dancing with Jem? I thought he was escorting you."

"Jem hit it off quite nicely with Sophie," Tessa said. "They danced all night long before leaving together."

"But why would Jem do that if he was escorting you?" Will asked.

Tessa looked flustered. She suggested that Will ask Jem that very question, and then attempted to excuse herself from the conversation. Will said that he would see her later in the library, preferably by the books by Plato and Aristotle, for he found philosophy to be most arousing.

"Do you plan on meeting her in the library?" Jem asked, as Tessa walked away.

"I'll be there and I hope to see her there as well," Will said.

"I'm sure she will be there. She seems unable to resist your charms," Jem said, pushing his plate away. "Come along. If you wish to be back in time for Tessa, we should leave now. It is nearly a quarter to three."

"But you've hardly eaten," Will said.

"We're going to the bakery, right? I'll get something there," Jem said. He stood, took his cane and walked out of the dining room without a look back.

Going into town meant acquiring a means to protect oneself, so after departing the dining room, Will went to the weapons room and put on the wrist cuff of his which held a sharp dagger, then stashed two misericord blades in his coat, followed by a small battle ax simply because it was polished to a high shine and would look very nice next to his stele on his belt. Despite the fact that no one would see his weapons but Jem, Will still had a keen attention to detail regarding his appearance. After drawing a few glamours which would allow him to be seen by mundanes, but not truly understood, Will started for the door, but it opened and two men walked in amid a lively conversation.

They were dressed for fighting and barely gave Will a second glance, so he walked out in time to see Henry walking down the hallway also dressed for fighting. While the women and children had treated the mourning period as an extended holiday, the men had used the time to brush up on their fighting skills and practice with new weapons. This included Henry, who had taken time away from his inventions to spend time in the training room, although Will had a feeling Henry was just trying to look as though he had more control over the Institute that he really did.

"Henry," Will said. "I have a question."

"You can train tomorrow. I'll fit you and Jem in for an hour or two," Henry said.

"Oh, okay, thank you," Will said. "I actually wanted to ask you if… the permanent runes we wear… do they ever fade?"

"If you were doing the required readings instead of cheating off Jem you would know that once the runes are on, they are on for life, unless they are stripped off," Henry said. "The binding rune will fade, yes, but only when it's counterpart, worn by your parabatai, becomes inactive. I've never heard of any other runes fading, only the binding one. Why are you asking?"

"Oh, no reason. I thought mine looked a little light, but I was standing in natural light," Will said. Henry took his hand and examined the Sight rune on it.

"Everything looks normal. Keep an eye on them and alert me at once if you see any changes." Henry said.

"If they do fade, what does that mean?" Will asked, as the men walked out of the weapons room, still talking and laughing and each carrying a heavy sword Will had barely any practice with. Henry glanced at them, then back to Will.

"There's a problem with your blood," Henry said, "but no worries. I would know if there was a problem long before you would. Even before the runes fade you would have symptoms."

"Like what?" Will asked.

"Weakness. Exhaustion," Henry said. "Chills. Sweating. Aches and pains that didn't go away with healing runes."

"And is it fixable?" Will asked. Henry was getting impatient.

"I don't know," Henry said. "It depends on what is wrong. Like I just said, you're perfectly healthy. Just because Jem is ill, it doesn't mean you have to worry."

"But Henry…" Will began.

"What?" Henry asked.

"Nevermind. Jem and I are going to Hyde Park and the music shop. We'll be back before six," Will said. "I just wanted to tell you…"

"Didn't Charlotte forbid you from leaving the Institute for the entire mourning period? That doesn't end until tomorrow," Henry said.

"And yet she let me go to the Silent City," Will said.

"For a funeral, William," Henry said. "Ask Charlotte of you can go."

"But Henry, it's for Jem. He broke a string on his violin and you saw him last night. I haven't seen him that depressed in a long time," Will said. "His life is so full of unhappiness. Can we give him this one joy?" Henry frowned. "I don't know how long he has left and…"

"Be back for dinner," Henry said, "I mean it, Will!"

"Absolutely," Will said. "And thanks for the practice time, Henry. I really appreciate all you and your wife do for this place. Even if people think you are full of…" Henry folded his arms. "Have a good afternoon!" Will gave him one last smile and then hurried back to the front foyer, where Jem was staring at the children playing outside of the Institute's front door with a mournful look on his face. "I know, the children are getting annoying. They'll be gone by tomorrow evening." He took Jem's left hand and drew a few glamours.

"I wonder what it might be like to have a family," Jem said.

"For the love of the Angel, James, you have a family," Will said, and pulled Jem outside. They went around to the side of the Institute, where a shimmering Portal had been drawn to allow for easy access between the Institute and the rest of London for those staying at the Institute.

"Oh, no, I can't travel that way," Jem said.

"Can't or won't?" Will asked, nudging Jem closer to the Portal.

"We can't travel by Portal, alone, until we are both over eighteen," Jem said.

"The Portal doesn't know the difference between a few months. If a child fell into it, that would be one thing. Jem, we've been traveling this way for a long time," Will said. "Just don't hold your breath."

"Why?" Jem asked.

"Oh, never mind. I was just thinking about disapparating," Will said.

"What's that?" Jem asked.

"It's nothing," Will said. He seized Jem's arm and pulled him toward the Portal, Jem dug his heels into the ground and shook his head.

"I'll walk. We'll meet at Masterly's Music," Jem said.

"It will only take a second," Will said. "Let's pretend were going on a grand adventure to see mutant, demonically possessed ducks. Look at that lovely butterfly." Jem glanced up and Will hit Jem hard, on the back. Jem staggered forward and went headfirst into the Portal. Will smiled, stepped through, and followed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: I own none of these characters, they all belong to Cassandra Clare!**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

As soon as Jem hit the ground he wanted to give Will a strong right hook to the left jaw, ensuring that if Will had landed on his feet, he wouldn't remain on his feet for long. Then, in a tangle of flaying gangly limbs, Will fell from the sky and landed directly on top of Jem, knocking the breath from both of their chests. Jem caught his breath first and kicked Will off of him.

"There has got to be better ways of going about that," Will said, quickly straightening his jacket and waist coat. "I told you that you would survive."

Jem had jumped up and stomped several feet away. He smashed his lips together and inhaled deeply through his nose as his face turned several shades of red.

"Why don't you go to the music store, I'll go to the bakery, and we'll meet at the Marble Arch?" Will asked. Jem nodded and walked in the direction opposite of Will without a look back.

It was nearly an hour later before Jem came limping up to Will, who was tapping his foot impatiently as he moved a satchel full of food from one arm to the other. Jem just shrugged as Will took in his appearance. His cane was stained with ichor, as was his jacket, and there was a scratch across the back of his hand.

"What happened?" Will asked.

"There was a Ravener demon in the shop. It wounded Masterly's apprentice, though he believes he tripped on a music stand. I properly disposed of the demon," Jem said.

"You battled a Ravener yourself?" Will asked. Jem nodded. "Where did it come from?"

"I can't remember. We had a conversation, we did. He asked how I was and then tried to stun me with his tail, I chopped off said tail and then his head as well and he went back to wherever he came from, which, tell you the truth, he never did tell me," Jem said.

"Are you being sarcastic?" Will asked.

"No. He really did ask how I was," Jem said, and Will shook his head and grabbed Jem's hand, causing Jem to cry out.

"Charlotte should take a look at this," Will said.

"I'm not going back to the Institute! I need away from that place, please!" Jem cried, and Will let go of his hand. Jem walked into the park and Will followed, giving Jem some time to himself. As usual, Jem led them to the edge of a small lake in Hyde Park known as The Serpentine, and then Will spread out a blanket they sat on.

They spent the next hour eating fresh bread with goat cheese, and drank from a bottle of wine Will had also brought. They fed the ducks as usual, commented on the ducks, and then, they were full and lapsed into silence. The blanket was set up in a busy area of the park, but because of the glamours, no one saw two boys laying on the blanket, staring up at a pale blue sky. After some time Will rolled over and pulled Jem close to him, he kissed him on the cheek and slid his hand up his shirt. Jem tried to pull away.

"Will, not here," Jem said.

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. Seeing you this morning…" Will began. Jem sighed and then relaxed in Will's arms.

"I want you to stop spending the night," Jem said. "Your room is right next to mine, you'll hear if I have a problem."

"I just want…"

"I just don't," Jem said. He looked out over the water. "I just want my privacy. Can you please respect it?"

"Perhaps," Will said, and they lapsed into silence for a little while. They had each kicked their shoes off, and their feet were tangled in the grass. As they watched, a woman walked to close and caught her shoe on Will's foot, she tripped a little and then glared at the ground, but her gaze softened when she saw nothing. Will laughed and buried his mouth in Jem's neck to muffle the sound, and Jem shivered a little in his arms. "Magnus's party is tonight. Do you want to go?"

"I think it's up to me to decide whether or not we go to the party," Jem said.

"I would very much like to go, but I refuse to go without you. Not only would it be poor form to show up uninvited, but I want you there," Will said, running his fingers down Jem's arm to the back of his hand, which was healing nicely.

"Your devotion to me frightens me," Jem said. He turned and Will kissed him on the lips, but then Jem pulled away and looked up into Will's eyes.

"I was thinking that when you turn 18 you might find a place to live, and I could come with you," Will said. "I don't plan to marry, and you…"

"When I turn 18 I'm returning to Shanghai. I'm going to kill the demon who killed my family and then take my rightful place in the Shanghai Enclave," Jem said.

"We could always move to Idris... what?" Will asked. "James, you can't be serious."

"It would give me no greater pleasure than to avenge my mother and father's death," Jem said, "however; I am beginning to have my doubts about making it to 18."

"I don't like it when you talk this way," Will said, "and you're going to be 18 in a few months."

"Will, please, be realistic," Jem said. "I can't walk upstairs without losing my breath."

Will was silent. He drew Jem closer to himself and they lay that way for a few minutes before Will finally spoke.

"Idris is nice," Will said. "Or maybe we'll go where we are told. You know what I heard? There is an opening at the Institute in Rio. That would be nice, although I've always wanted to visit the Institute in Cairo and see the pyramids."

"Cairo is over rated," Jem said. "I went when I was seven. There's too much sand."

"New York would be interesting, but so… American," Will said. "If you could pick one place in the world you would want to live where would it be?"

"Shanghai," Jem said. "It's my home."

"But London is your home now," Will said.

"That doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my days here," Jem said. He took a deep breath and looked out over The Serpentine. "I think it's time we discuss what you're going to do when I'm gone."

"Jem, no," Will said.

"Will, we don't know how much time I have left. I want to have this conversation," Jem said, and Will pushed him away and sat up. "Henry and I had a frank discussion a few weeks ago, because he knows… you remember Peter." Will nodded. Peter Penhallow had been Henry's parabatai, and he had perished in a battle with a demon several years before. Will and Jem had just begun weapons training, and Peter had been their tutor. It had been the first real significant death either had experienced in their time at the London Institute.

"Henry said that… when Peter finally passed away, his binding rune faded away, therefore making it possible for him to find another parabatai," Jem said. Will nodded. Henry just hadn't found another, he had turned to his crypt and began focusing on his inventions over the job he was supposed to be doing. "I want you to find someone else. I think you should start looking now."

"Now?" Will asked. "But I'm not going to just… leave you."

"You aren't leaving me, you're being realistic," Jem said. "I think you having my blessing will make the transition… smoother."

"The transition?" Will asked. "You mean, your death?"

"Yes. My death. Your transition to another partnership," Jem said. "I've already worked things out with Charlotte and Henry. Upon my death I will be cremated, and then my ashes will be returned to Shanghai so I can be buried with my parents."

"I thought you were going to be buried in London," Will said, and Jem shrugged.

"I want you to be able to move on, and you won't move on if you spend every day in the Silent City crying over my scattered remains," Jem said.

"This wasn't part of the plan," Will said, shaking his head.

"We never had a plan. Being together meant living one day to the next-"

"Together. We make decisions like this, together," Will said. "You went behind my back, you made this foolish plan with Henry and Charlotte-"

"I went behind your back because I knew you weren't ready for this," Jem said.

"You're damn right I'm not ready!" Will exclaimed.

"I can't plan when I'm going to die but I can plan what happens after my death," Jem said. "I worked things out with Charlotte and Henry so the last thing you had to worry about was details."

"Details," Will said.

"Upon my death Charlotte and Henry will execute my wishes and will. This isn't up for discussion, William. This is happening," Jem said.

"It feels like you're just giving up," Will said. "First you ask me to let you die, and then this."

"I'm not giving up. I'm going to die, this is a given. I'm just trying to make it easy on you," Jem said.

"I'm losing you," Will said. "That will never be easy on me."

At ten minutes before six Will walked into the library, went to a section he was all too familiar with, pulled out a book that only he had touched for the last five years, opened it to a well worn page, and read, again, everything that was known about the Greater Demon that killed Jem's parents, as well as the fact that there was no cure for the addiction that the demon forced upon people. Will also knew from experience that four others had been wounded by the same demon, and only two of them were still alive. It was a miracle Jem had made it this far.

Will closed the book and ran his fingers along the spines of several books. He heard a floorboard creak above his head and he smiled before his fingers landed on the spine of a green book adorned with inlaid gold swirls. He removed it from the shelf and flipped through the pages. He was familiar with the book, as a copy of it resided on the bookshelves of his father's country home in Wales.

The book had been the one thing the elder Herondale had brought with him upon leaving the Clave, and it had always fascinated Will. Will had decided to pursue being a Shadowhunter after spending less than an hour with the book, so great was the power of it. There were spells in this book, demonic summoning charms and recipes for potions that could cause lasting harm to anyone not protected by Nephilim or Warlock blood. Will had attempted one such spell, with disastrous results, but his success had opened his eyes to everything he had the potential to accomplish.

Will heard footsteps outside of the door and he quickly replaced the book and walked out into the middle of the library. He climbed onto a table, sat down, and waited. Presently the library door opened and Tessa entered. She was dressed in a yellow dress and her hair hung loose. She walked across the room as Will sat back and smiled.

"Couldn't resist me?" Will asked, and Tessa pulled her hand back and then slapped Will hard across the face.

"That was for Jem," Tessa said, and she turned and left the library.

On the second level of the library, in a tiny alcove which only held small table and was filled with multicolored light filtered through a stain glass window, a boy with silver hair and eyes looked up from his required reading of _The Art of War_ and smiled, just a little.

* * *

At seven thirty Jem looked up from his roasted duck and told Charlotte and Henry that he would be attending a party later in the evening at Magnus Bane's residence, and also said that Will would be accompanying him. Henry and Charlotte were so shocked that Jem was going out, Henry even offered to drive them to the party.

Immediately after dinner Jem retired to his bedroom with a small glass of brandy. He was replacing the string on his violin when there was a knock at the door, so he walked over and opened it.

"Tessa," Jem said. Tessa was standing there, holding something in her hands.

"This is for you," Tessa said, lifting her hands to reveal a paper crane.

"Sophie taught you origami, how wonderful," Jem said, taking the crane. He examined it and found the craftsmanship of the bird to be remarkable, which only reinforced his suspicions.

"My aunt taught me," Tessa said.

"Sophie taught you origami, how wonderful," Jem repeated. "Thank you." He carried the crane into his room and set it on the windowsill. When he turned back, Tessa was still at the door. "Do you want to come in?" Tessa walked in, closing the door behind herself. Jem went back to tinkering with his violin as Tessa sat down in a chair and smoothed her skirt.

"Sophie and I were only talking about her various skills. She said you taught her," Tessa said.

"I did," Jem replied. "My mother taught me, only her specialty was in flowers." Tessa nodded. "What can I help you with?"

"It's about my brother," Tessa said. "His agitation at his current situation continues. Charlotte found him wandering around today, looking for the library."

"So take him to the library," Jem said. "I don't see why I need to be involved."

"I'm sorry I hurt you," Tessa said.

"You didn't," Jem said.

"I did," Tessa said.

"I put you on a pedestal and you didn't live up to my expectations. Pursuing you is a foolish endeavor best left to Will," Jem said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to begin getting ready to go out." Tessa stood up but she didn't leave.

"Can we at least be friends?" She asked.

"We can try," Jem replied.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"I still don't think this is a good idea," Jem said. He and Will were standing on the front steps of Camille Belcourt's home, having just rung the door bell. Will turned to Jem and frowned. "Magnus's parties always end horribly."

"That's not true. Remember New Year's Eve?" Will asked.

"You mean when I got to count down to midnight by myself because you were upstairs with Mr. Bane?" Jem asked. Will rolled his eyes. He was dressed in nearly solid black, as his coat was black, as were his trousers, but he was dressed in a grey, nearly silver, waistcoat, and on his head sat a black top hat he reserved only for formal occasions. His eyes were a cobalt blue and set intently upon Jem.

"I'm sorry," Will said. "I promise I'll be with you at midnight tonight." It was Jem's turn to roll his eyes but then he was shocked to feel Will's arms around his waist, fingers digging into his sides, just before Will kissed him on the lips, on the front porch of Lady Belcourt's home, at twilight.

Jem pulled away and smiled, and Will smiled back, and then drew Jem even closer, so that there was no space left between them. Jem rested arms on Will's shoulders and Will's hands slid beneath the back of his coat and stayed there.

"Kiss me like you did last night," Will said. Jem looked up to Will and studied his eyes, searching for some malicious reason for why Will would want this, now, but there was none. There was only Will, wanting. He was breathing easily, waiting for Jem to make his move, but Jem didn't feel pressured, and so he waited for the right moment.

In the distance, Jem heard the soft creak of a boat docked on the Thames, as well as a placid murmur of voices from inside the house. There was a light coming from a window, casting Will in shadow and making his skin the color of the moon and his eyes the color of fog burning off the river at dawn. Jem closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Will's.

It was different from the first kiss, slower and more contained, but then Jem felt a shiver pass through Will. Will gasped softly and his lips parted before he shuddered once more. He bit Jem on the lower lip and kissed him so hard it was Jem left shivering. Will kissed him again and gave him a shy smile. Jem could love how one kiss could unravel everything Will tried to keep hidden from everyone else.

"What's this about?" Jem asked, as he remained in Will's arms. Will slid a hand down to Jem's back pocket and let it linger there.

"It's about Magnus taking his time answering the door and me thinking that you look especially fetching this fine evening," Will said. "What you said this morning, in bed… I agree."

"That you love me?" Jem asked. He had a look of sweet anticipation on his face.

"No… well… yes. You know I don't like the word love being thrown around," Will said. Jem put a distance between them and removed Will's hand from his pocket.

"Just say it," Jem said. "Before it's too late, please."

"My feelings toward you are implied," Will said.

"No, they are not," Jem said, and Will pulled him close again and kissed him.

"I'm willing to kiss you on the front steps of someone's house," Will said. "Isn't that enough?" Jem just shook his head helplessly, and then the door opened. Magnus smiled to them the sort of smile a well fed canary eating cat might smile.

"Evening, gentlemen," Magnus said. "Please, come inside. Mr. Herondale, I have something special for you."

"I can only imagine," Jem mumbled, his eyes turning heavenward as Magnus led them inside and through the house.

"Are we the only Nephilim here?" Will asked.

"Coherently here?" Magnus asked. "Perhaps." He brought them to a room where fifteen other Downworlders were gathered. They were sitting on various pieces of furniture, and in the middle of the room, there was a Shadowhunter just a little older then Jem, holding a bottle of something, dancing in circles, and singing a song in Romanian, which was neither a pretty sight nor sound. He was bare-chested but dressed in formal black pants and boots. On top of his head he wore a black top hat. The Shadowhunter was none other than Gabriel Lightwood.

"Good to see that our Romanian lessons haven't gone to waste," Will said, a smirk on his face.

Gabriel was a whirling dervish of sound and runes. His hair was soaked with sweat and his voice was ragged. It was clear he had been the party's entertainment for some time now. Will laughed and thanked Magnus as Jem just stared.

"You're welcome," Magnus said.

"This isn't funny!" Jem exclaimed, and hurried over. He took the bottle from Gabriel but then Gabriel tried to get Jem to dance, and Jem refused. Then Magnus poured some scotch down Gabriel's throat and Gabriel collapsed onto the floor. "What did you give him?"

"Just a little tea mixed with a hallucinatory herb that grows in Idris," Magnus said. "The whole potion is rendered meritless with the addition of alcohol. He'll wake up tomorrow morning assuming his drank too much. Why are you being so sensitive?"

"Jem doesn't like it when people are drugged against their will," Will said, and Magnus nodded quickly.

"I'm so sorry," Magnus said. "I didn't consider that." He looked back and forth between Jem and Will, then at Gabriel, before he took Gabriel's shirt by the collar and drug him from the room.

After Magnus had returned from putting Gabriel to bed, he introduced Will and Jem to everyone they didn't know, and then he poured them each a tumbler of brandy and left them to their own devices. Jem had decided not to drink that evening, so Will first finished his brandy and then took over Jem's.

Jem spent the first hour of the party listening to two fairies debate the expected weather forecast for the remainder of the summer all while standing by Will, who was perfectly content to be a wallflower for the evening. Jem was fully prepared to tell the fairies that they were both wrong, if only to have someone talk to, when he felt something prick at the edge of his conscious. He glanced up, away from the fairies, and scanned the room before his eyes landed on Magnus, who was leaning against a piano, one manicured finger gently teasing the cheek of the man playing music for the evening.

Jem could feel Magnus's touch from across the room, and his cheeks flushed red for a moment. He looked away and then looked back, and this time, Magnus was staring right at him. He smiled a little, licked his lips, and nodded to the staircase behind him.

"Excuse me," Jem said. He handed Will the glass of brandy, crossed the room in three steps, and started up the stairs, trailing behind the scent of vanilla and sandalwood Magnus had left in his wake. When he reached the top step Magnus was waiting, and without another word he led Jem down a hallway, stopping midway to let Jem catch up.

"I'm very sorry about earlier," Magnus said. "I just know the hell the Lightwoods have put Will through."

"It was wrong to humiliate Gabriel," Jem said, and Magnus apologized again, so sincerely, that Jem believed him that time. "You know about Ambriel?"

"Gossip is my middle name," Magnus replied with a smile. He walked to a door and pushed it open. Jem walked inside to find the room surprisingly cool compared to the warmth of downstairs. Two windows overlooking the street were open, and their drapes swayed in the tepid breeze. Magnus closed the door.

"Take off your jacket. Stay a while," Magnus said, brushing his hand across Jem's lower back as he walked past. Jem removed his coat and then looked around the room as Magnus lit two large candles which sat on a table in the middle of the room.

"You have many lovely things," Jem said, his eyes dancing around the paintings and priceless pieces of art Magnus had tastefully arranged in the room. There was a huge bed covered with a red blanket that looked as soft as a cloud and surrounded by gently billowing silk curtains, as well as an equally sumptuous red velvet couch covered with soft pillows. Jem sank into the couch as Magnus busied himself over at a small bar.

"Thank you," Magnus replied. "It can be so hard to get you away from Will. He always wants to be by your side. His devotion is astounding,"

"His devotion is stifling," Jem said. Magnus walked over with a teapot and two cups, and he poured them each a cup of tea before sitting down. Jem studied his cup before lifting it to his lips and having a sip. "You know your charms don't work on me."

"Then why did you come upstairs?" Magnus asked.

"Why did you invite me?" Jem shot back.

"Very well," Magnus said, "I see we are both in agreement that a jealous William Herondale is better than one who could care less about either one of us."

"This game we play," Jem said. "I told him I loved him."

"I implied that I wanted Will and me to be exclusive," Magnus said, and he laughed. "I think we can agree that the only person Will wants to be exclusive with is you."

"I have my doubts, Magnus," Jem said.

"I don't," Magnus replied, and Jem only shook his head. "It's good to see you." Magnus rested his hand on Jem's thigh. "How is your health?"

"Sometimes it is good, and sometimes, not so much," Jem said. Magnus nodded.

"I've been talking to a colleague in Siberia who is dealing with a case similar to your own. In his case, the victim… no, Shadowhunter-" Magnus said.

"That is what Shadowhunters can be, victims," Jem said, "I told you to stop looking for a cure."

"He's had success with blood transfusions. If we can introduce healthy blood into your body, perhaps we can trick your body into thinking it's healthy," Magnus said. "It's worth a try."

"I don't want to be tortured," Jem said.

"I understand," Magnus said. He lifted his tea cup and had a sip as Jem again looked around the room.

"You've traveled to many far places," Jem said. "I would like to travel… somewhere farther than Idris, of course."

"There's still time," Magnus said.

"I have my doubts," Jem said, softly.

They finished their cups of tea and then left the room to return to the party. On the way down the steps, Magnus touched Jem on the shoulder, and Jem turned to him.

"You should know that I'll never quit looking for your cure," Magnus said. "I'm not looking for it to save you. I'm looking for it to save him. He'll be lost without you."

"Thank you, Magnus," Jem said, and continued down the steps, but then Magnus stopped a few steps above him. He put a hand over his mouth and pointed across the room. Jem followed his gaze to see Will sitting on a couch. He had his arms around a girl with long, black hair, and they were kissing passionately.

"Jem, she's a…." Magnus began.

"I know exactly what she is!" Jem exclaimed. "I can't take him anywhere without him doing something stupid and life threatening!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"And this is news to you?" Magnus asked. Jem just shook his head, sick with the usual disappointment, and then stormed down the steps and across the room. He grabbed Will's arm and pulled him away, and the vampire girl bared her teeth. Will cried out in protest. "You're violating the Accords! Both of you!"

"It was just a kiss," Will said his words with soft edges and Jem had to wonder if he had been upstairs longer than expected, or if Will had started drinking twice as much the moment Jem was out of sight. Both were good possibilities. "I can assure you that it was a peaceful endeavor. Dare I say we were making love with our tongues?"

"We're leaving!" Jem exclaimed. He jammed Will's top hat onto his head and pulled him out the door. He didn't speak again until they were onto the street, walking towards the side of town the Institute was located on. A storm was brewing, and Jem could hear the Thames lapping loudly against the river banks. He shivered a little and drew his coat closer to his chest. Will wasn't walking straight. He put an arm out to Jem for assistance, but Jem continued walking without him, leaving him to wander wayward towards the deserted street.

"Help me," Will said, and Jem ignored him.

"Are you out of your mind? You bit one vampire self defense; now you've kissed another? For what? A cheap thrill?" Jem demanded.

"That depends on what Magnus did for you," Will said. "What did he do for you?"

Part of Jem wanted to horrify Will with the filthy words he could use to describe what Magnus had the potential to do. He had seen Will a time or two before bearing the welts, scratches and bruises Magnus had left behind. Another part of Jem wanted to abandon this fight and then ask Will why he would make a girl love him one second and hate him the next. He wanted to know why he got such sick pleasure in hurting people. He wanted to know why Will had done any of the stupid things he had done in the last week's time but he wasn't about to indulge his hurt feelings, or even mention Tessa, so he didn't say anything. He just walked a few feet ahead of Will's staggering footsteps and thought about getting home before it started to rain.

"Magnus wanted to talk. We talked, that is all," Jem said. "I'm not fifteen years old anymore, Will. I'm not toy you can use whenever you feel like it."

Will laughed, obnoxiously. "Who was using whom last night? You threw yourself at me!"

"That doesn't matter," Jem said, spinning on his heel to face Will. "What we do for an hour or two doesn't matter. I'm not talking about the sex. I'm talking about the other twenty two hours of the day that I'm expected to be there for you, watching your back-"

"That's what we do. I keep you alive, and you keep me alive," Will said.

"The minute I'm not there you spin off your axis and it's my job to bring you back!" Jem cried.

"So stop," Will said.

"I CAN'T STOP!" Jem screamed. "I can't stop chasing after you because I love you and you're too stupid or to selfish to even care! And then you say that loving someone means you have allowed them to wound you. When have I truly hurt you beyond repair? Please tell me what I did to deserve this punishment."

"I'm not punishing you," Will said, easily, and he reached to touch Jem's face but Jem stepped just out of his reach. Jem saw pain flash across Will's face and knew he had hurt him.

"You punish people so you don't have to love them," Jem said. "You make people hate you so you don't have to worry about losing them, because you lost people and you're scared to death of losing anyone else. You punish me for your past and it is not my cross to bear."

"I'm not punishing anyone," Will said, and Jem laughed incredulously.

"You punish everyone!" Jem continued, "You punish me, and Charlotte, and Henry, and Tessa, and anyone who even attempts to get close to you! I tell you I love you after four years together, I love you, and you tell me after all we've been through that you can't love me. What can you do?"

"James…" Will began, and he reached out to Jem once more. Jem pulled away, avoiding Will's outstretched fingers, and he was rewarded with another flash of agony across Will's face. He turned his back to him and walked several steps more, and then stopped when he heard Will stop. For a moment they stood on the side walk, Jem's back to Will, and waited for the other to say something. Will was the first to speak. "I'm sorry."

Jem didn't respond. A part of him wanted to walk away, and part of him wanted to get Will home safely, and in the midst of it, the rain let loose and began to pour down.

It wasn't a gentle rain but rather a deluge of thunder, lightning, and fat raindrops that made their way into Jem's shirt collar no matter how tight he had his coat pulled. In a second his hair was plastered to his face and he did not care. He heard foot steps behind him and then Will was dropping his hat onto Jem's head. Jem took it off, shoved it back into Will's hands, and began to walk.

They were still some distance away from the Institute when a carriage pulled alongside of them. Henry was in the driver's seat of it and he jumped down and unlocked the door for them. Jem was half tempted to deposit Will into the carriage and then continue to walk by himself, but then Will tripped and landed on the carriage's floor. Henry looked shocked, and Jem shrugged, then pushed Will's feet into the carriage, and climbed in after him.

Will looked to Jem with bleary eyes as the carriage turned back to the Institute. Will looked terrible, like a drowned rat in the sewer. His face was pale and his eyes were blood shot and he stunk of sweet brandy and all Jem could think was that once again, Will had done this to himself. Jem shook his head, covered his mouth with his right hand so as to not say something smart and cutting, and avoided Will's gaze. His eyes filled with tears and he allowed them, knowing that Will could not stand to see him cry. Jem blinked and then hot tears slid down his rain soaked cheeks. He sobbed, unexpectedly, and sobbed once more before he shivered and looked out the window, a hand still covering his mouth.

"You're crying," Will said, "I've made you cry."

"I always cry when I'm faced with a lost cause," Jem said. "I know lost causes."

"What can I give you?" Will asked. "I have nothing to offer."

"You want so much from me," Jem said, his eyes filling with tears. "You want me to get better. You want me to get a place of my own, to live a life with you, and all I want is confirmation that you love me. It's a simple thing." Will shook his head and looked away. "When are you going to figure out that I need more than you will ever give me?"

When they got back to the Institute, they walked up to their bedrooms and Will fell onto his bed and closed his eyes, only to be roused a moment later by Jem, now dressed in dry clothes, slapping him across the face. Will felt Jem's hands on his coat and then the coat was gone, and then Jem's nimble fingers were unbuttoning each button on Will's shirt. Will grabbed Jem's hand and tried to put it where he saw it fit to go.

"Don't," Jem said, and then Will felt Henry pulling off his boots. Eventually he was dressed in something dry just as he began to become sober, and Henry walked him down to the drawing room. Jem was knelt in front of a roaring fire, warming his hands. He was sitting so close, Will thought he might actually be on fire, as the flames licked up and around Jem's silhouette and made his body look dark against the orange light. Charlotte was sitting in an arm chair close by, and she was carefully towel drying Jem's hair as they spoke softly to one another. This was nothing new. Jem always found someone to fawn over him.

The room fell silent save for the crackling fire and then Jem turned to Will. His eyes were pale silver outlined in red, and he looked exhausted. Will knelt beside Jem, so that their shoulders were nearly touching, and he felt the warmth seep into his frigid bones. Jem sniffed and stared into the flames. On either side of them, Charlotte and Henry were silent, even as another tear slid down Jem's cheek and hit the polished wood floor.

"Tell Charlotte what you did," Jem said. "Go on, now."

"I did nothing wrong," Will said.

"Tell her," Jem said, his voice cracking. "You did wrong!" He leapt up and stormed from the room, and Will heard his footsteps retreating before a door slammed shut. Henry took a deep breath and Will could feel his eyes, as well as Charlotte's, glaring at him.

"I French kissed a vampire," Will said, and Charlotte made a strangled sound and sent Will to the attic at once.

He was lying on the floor watching the roof spin in circles when Charlotte brought a pail of holy water. He sat up as she dropped the pail beside his head, and it nearly hit him. Charlotte looked tired, Will noted. She could say nothing to him. I had been five days of him causing problems, and while this wasn't anything new, Will rarely caused trouble in front of so many people.

"So if one was so have intercourse with a vampire, would one have to dip…" Will began, and Charlotte, disgusted, turned and walked back downstairs. The slamming attic door punctuated her exit.

In between sips of holy water, Will rested, and then went into couching fits that brought plenty of water back up, and he really wanted to, but wasn't yet prepared to admit how unwise French kissing a vampire had been. While the vampire's saliva wouldn't turn him into a fledgling, it could be enough to make him want to seek that very vampire out again for more physical activities, which could result in his conversion from Nephilim to Downworlder.

This wasn't like the last time he had been up here, first with Tessa, and then with Jem, on the night of de Quincy's party. Will and Tessa had kissed, yes, but Will and Jem had done so much more. They had begun in this very spot on the floor had had ended things practically bathing in holy water before going across the room to the davenport Henry couldn't bear to throw out. There, beneath a cracked window, soaking wet and naked, Will lay on top of Jem and kissed him between the shoulder blades. He put his hands on Jem's sides, holding him gently, and they did what Will called love and Jem called sex. Jem had bit Will so hard on back of the hand, Will had bled, not that either had noticed or dwelled on it. That had been nearly four days ago, and Will wanted to know what had changed in that time.

Will fell asleep once the pail was empty, then woke up a few hours later and staggered downstairs. It was near dawn and he wanted to sleep several hours more, but Will stopped outside of Jem's room, then carefully turned the door knob and walked inside.

Jem was curled up in his bed, covered by a white sheet. Will walked over and heard Jem was breathing softly and quietly. Jem whimpered, he rolled onto his back and pulled the covers up higher. He looked so comfortable, Will was fully prepared to climb into bed beside him and hold him tight until the morning. When they awoke together he would beg Jem for forgiveness, but even he knew he would never give Jem what he wanted.

Will was about to slide beneath the covers anyway when he heard Jem mumble something and part of him wanted to disregard it, for Jem occasionally screamed in his sleep. A few whispered sentences were nothing compared to that. Then Jem said a name, and he giggled and said the name once more, and it was clear that the name said was one he wanted to say again and again.

Will noticed the floor beneath his feet, which was good, because he felt like his world had been kicked out from under him. It was suddenly clear what had changed. He walked over to Jem's bed once more and determined that Jem was still asleep. Then, he walked over to the window sill where a paper crane sat, and it didn't matter who made it, it mattered that Jem had kept it. Will picked up the crane, crumpled it in his palm, threw it out the window, and walked out the door.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! The last review really made my day, in fact, all reviews make my day. I like to know I'm writing for someone out there who might enjoy this. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

When Will opened his eyes the next morning, his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth and his head was pounding. He fell out of bed, certain he was still drunk, and went into the bathroom to clean up before he dressed and walked downstairs to the dining room. As it had been for the past few days, the table was filled with people, but the mood was more subdued than before. It was as through the mourning period had given everyone an excuse to get together and party, but now that it was coming to an end, everyone was reminded that people had died.

Will even briefly recalled his friend Thomas, and he felt a pit open, very briefly, in his stomach, for Thomas had been a good friend and had died a hero. Agatha had been a friend as well, and while her cooking had been superb, Will could instead remember all of the meals she had forced him to eat as she held a spoon close to his already stinging cheek. Agatha used to demand that Charlotte make Will mind more than she did, and when Charlotte didn't, Agatha was always there to dispense her own brand of discipline. Will grew to enjoy the attention these beatings brought him.

Will scanned the length of the table and found Jem sitting at the far end, enjoying a plate of bacon and eggs. Tessa was beside him, and they were talking, but making it clear that they did not want to be heard. Will collected a cup, saucer, and a small metal tea pot, as well as a slice of lemon. He heard Jem laugh and his turned in time to see Jem blush pink and return to his usual pale. Between them sat a half eaten plate of fruit. As Will watched, Tessa took a piece of fruit on her fork and placed it into her mouth. She chewed slowly, smiling, and then Jem said something and she laughed aloud.

Will couldn't even begin to count the odd words and names Jem would mumble in his sleep. Sometimes Will would walk in to find Jem talking softly to someone in Chinese, and the one sided conversation would go on for ten minutes or so before Jem's voice would take on a pleading tone. Tears would begin to slip from Jem's eyes, and Will would reach over and rouse him carefully, then sit by until he slid back into a silent sleep once more. Will could even consider that last night was a fluke had he not walked into the dining room to see Jem and Tessa together.

Will could catch only snippets of conversation but picked up that Jem was teaching Tessa the various curse words of the languages they studied. Tessa laughed very hard, she nearly choked on her tea, and Jem reached up and patted her on the back and let his hand linger there. His fingers slid up and took hold of a brown curl he twirled between his fingers, and then gently pulled on. Tessa stopped laughing, then picked something up from her plate, broke it in half, and placed half on Jem's plate. Jem took it, ate it and then smiled, nodded, and clearly agreed with Tessa that whatever she had given him had been delicious.

There was an apple sitting on the table in front of them. It was massive, nearly the size of a man's fist and as red as fresh blood. It was perfectly round with an intrepid green leaf still attached to the stem. As Will watched, Jem nudged the apple over to Tessa with his fingertips, and it rolled end over end to her and stopped right side up, the leaf still holding on. Tessa laughed and rolled the apple back, and Jem took a knife and sliced the apple in half. He placed one side on Tessa's plate and then took his piece and bit into it.

Jem laughed as the apple nearly burst in his fingers. Juice ran down his chin and Tessa offered him a napkin as she watched with a smile. He put his head back, hysterically giggling as he wiped his face, the forbidden fruit still dripping in his palm. Tessa took her half of the apple and had a similar experience, but as she laughed Jem watched her mouth, her lips, and her face with a look of quiet wonder. Will had seen that look before, the morning after he and Jem's first time in the library alcove. Jem had begun to view him not only as Will but as a body full of parts and places he wished to explore, and he was suddenly seeing Tessa in the same way.

Jem leaned close and said something and Tessa smiled a wide smile and then ran her hand up the side of her neck, and Jem watched her fingers trace up and down before she dropped her hand into her lap. Jem ran his fingers through his hair, slightly mussing it, and then reached for his napkin. He touched her arm by mistake and jumped back, then smiled to Tessa, and she smiled back and said his name softly. The word oozed from her lips, and Jem watched her lips say it, and then he looked up into her eyes and said her name as well.

Will observed the exchange with controlled shock. Jem had barely been able to look pretty girls in the eye before Tessa had shown up. What had made this girl, this stranger, so special? Tessa was like no one they had ever met before. Charlotte, Sophie, Jessamine… they were all just normal girls. Even Ambriel Lightwood, for all of her charms and virtues, was still earthly compared to Tessa. She was a spark in a sea of white paper, the feeling before an unending vow of love was spoken. Tessa was a threat.

And yet Will felt bad for her, he did, and Jem as well, because they were two orphans searching for someone to love. Of course they were reaching for one another, but sooner or later, Jem would realize that he could certainly play with Tessa, and take what he wanted from her, but sooner or later, he would discover that she would never be what he wanted.

Will walked down to Jem and Tessa and dropped his cup and saucer onto the table with a clatter. Jem jumped, visibly startled, but Will's headache screamed at him, so he dropped to a seat beside Jem and poured some tea into his cup.

"I'm sorry about last night," Will said. Jem took a breath, clearly unsettled, before he nodded quickly.

"I accept your apology," Jem said.

"I am never drinking, ever again," Will said, laying his head on Jem's shoulder. Jem just sighed.

"If he's ill, don't you have a rune to make him feel better?" Tessa asked. Will laughed, then gagged, and had a sip of tea.

"In Idris I went back and forth across the Gray Book a hundred times and never found a rune that cured a hang over." Jem said. "Believe me, we would have needed it. Many times."

"I'm getting the impression that Idris was one big party," Tessa said.

"Oh, it was…" Jem began. "It was a lot of hard work. A lot of physically demanding training…" Tessa just nodded, skeptical, and Jem shrugged. He was blushing again and Will wished he would just go back to being pale and sickly because even he was even attracted to Jem's healthy appearance.

"James, don't you think it's impolite to talk about Idris? After all, Tessa will never know the pleasures of our home country. They don't allow filthy Downworlders there," Will said. He lifted his tea cup and had another sip, not even bothering to look at her.

"Whoever said I was a filthy Downworlder?" Tessa asked.

"I know a filthy Downworlder when I see one," Will said, turning to Tessa with a Cheshire smile. "You used to live in a brothel. I'm sure we could show Jem just how filthy you are." He turned and placed a hand on her arm, resting his fingers on that soft place near her elbow. He could feel her pulse quicken at his touch and he felt a thrill go through him at the mere chance that she might still be interested. "Perhaps we could show Jem what you've done twice before?" Tessa glared at Will before she took her cup of tea and threw it in his face. She stood up and left the dining room. Jem offered Will a napkin and then sipped his tea as a proper gentleman should.

"Has she done that twice before?" Jem ventured to ask.

"I assure you, she has not," Will said. He wiped his face off and cleaned up the mess as best as possible before he began eating his tea soaked toast. Jem sat beside him and didn't speak. Between them sat the ugly demon of last night's argument. Jem had been hurt and Will was unsure of how to fix things properly, and Jem wasn't giving any indication of how he wanted things fixed.

"That was a pretty crazy party last night," Will said.

"I sat upstairs and had a cup of tea with Magnus. It wasn't crazy to me," Jem said, his tone reflecting his pain.

"I'm sorry," Will said, resting a hand on Jem's thigh.

"And I accept your apology," Jem said.

"How did you sleep?" Will asked.

"I couldn't sleep," Jem said. "I just tossed and turned…" Will was taken aback, as he had seen Jem sleeping very soundly indeed. He just nodded and turned to his tea, and Jem continued with the apple he had been eating before. He looked up again when Henry walked into the dining room with Charlotte, and Will followed Jem's gaze to them. Henry immediately looked at Will, a frown on his face. He separated from Charlotte and walked down to their end of the table.

"I'm forbidden from leaving in Institute for another week, of course," Will said, before Henry could open his mouth. "It was just a kiss!"

"Charlotte is unclear on your punishment," Henry said.

"Maybe I wouldn't get in so much trouble if you let me train more," Will said. "I have excess energy I need to burn!"

"Then I'll see you both in the training room promptly at ten," Henry said, and he looked unsure of what to say or do next. Will wondered if something else was the matter but before he could ask Henry patted him on the back a few times and turned away, returning to Charlotte.

"Do you ever think he was… normal?" Will asked.

"I know he completed his education and he valiantly fought demons until Peter died," Jem said. "Maybe they've found someone to adopt you and a very small part of him is sad you're leaving."

"I'll be eighteen in seven months." Will said. "Besides, Jem, I'm yours, remember?"

"I seem to have forgotten," Jem said, and he stood up to dispose of his plates.

* * *

After breakfast Jem managed to rid himself of Will by going to his room and practicing the violin. Will lacked patience for Jem's playing and had decided instead to go introduce himself to Jacob, a weapons specialist who had been hired by the Institute following the attack. Will was already calling him "the new Thomas" and Jem was annoyed enough with him to give himself some distance. Jem was in his room playing the violin in front of an open window, but he paused when he heard a knock on the door.

"Come in," Jem said, taking the violin from his shoulder. The door opened and Tessa stepped inside. "Tessa."

"James," Tessa said, and Jem blushed and looked away. "Your playing sounds wonderful."

"It's a bit out of tune still, sorry," Jem said.

"It sounds fine," Tessa said.

"Would you like to listen?" Jem asked.

"Actually, I hate to pull you away, but I was hoping you might be able to help me with something," Tessa said. "There's a book I wanted in the library, only, I can't seem to reach it."

"Will's taller than me," Jem said, "I mean, I can get it!" He placed his violin on the bed and quelled the urge to run out of the room if only to help Tessa quicker.

"Good, because Will is so…" Tessa began.

"Obnoxious. I mean, busy," Jem said. "Will is very busy indeed. He's always busy. Come along." He walked out of the room and Tessa followed. They were silent on the walk down to the library. There had been things to talk about at breakfast, but this was just Tessa in need of someone taller than her to get a book down. "So what's the book about?"

"Notable warlocks. Charlotte suggested it. I should learn about what I am," Tessa said.

"I already told you what you are," Jem said. "You aren't a monster. You're a human with special powers." He looked at Tessa, who was smiling with that same smile she had at breakfast. He couldn't quite identify what the smile meant, but knew that he had to remind himself to breathe every time she used it. To ensure that he didn't get light headed, Jem took a deep breath and then opened the door to the library and gestured to Tessa. She walked in with Jem following. The library was, as usual, silent. Two of the middle Lightwood children were studying books at one table, but beyond that, the library was empty.

"It's on the second level," Tessa said. She walked over to a staircase and began up them, with Jem following close by. Once at the top, Tessa led Jem down a narrow corridor bordered by a railing on one side and bookshelves on the other. Jem could recall all of the times he and Will had walked this very path, their hands reaching out and touching one another again and again as they desperately tried to make it to their alcove where they could practice kissing in near silence once more.

Then Jem shoved the thought of Will to the back of his mind. Will had no business being here, not when Jem was alone with Tessa in such a secluded place. Jem was suddenly noticing a heightened sense of arousal about himself and he tried to think about the ugliest and smelliest demon he had ever come across just to get his mind of the impure things he could suddenly picture himself doing to Tessa. Part of him felt wrong thinking of these things and part of him allowed these thoughts to continue. She was just a girl, just a smart and beautiful and lovely girl, and Jem still struggled to justify having any sort of feelings, beyond respect, for Miss Grey, but he could not deny his desires.

Tessa stopped at a bookshelf at the far end of the library and pointed to a set of shelves.

"Up there. The red one, please," she said.

"Ah, yes, this one," Jem said, and he stood on tiptoes and managed to get the book. He blew dust off the cover and presented it to Tessa.

"Thank you," Tessa said. "Have you read this book?"

"No, I have not," Jem said. "Let me know how it is."

"You have much better things to read, I'm sure," Tessa said. Jem smiled and shrugged, leaning back against a bookcase.

"Can I be of anymore service?" He asked.

"No, that is all," Tessa said.

"I'll leave you to your reading," Jem said, and turned to leave. Tessa put a hand on his arm and he stopped.

"I'll be reading later on, as well," Tessa said.

"I'm always reading," Jem managed, glancing down at her hand, which rested on his lower forearm. "I like books... and knowledge… and words."

"Perhaps we could read later, here in the library," Tessa said.

"We most certainly can," Jem said.

"Following dinner?" Tessa asked. Jem nodded, carefully.

"See you then," he said, and he stepped away, and felt Tessa's hand on his arm again. Jem turned back.

"You'll be training today?" Tessa asked.

"Yes. We'll start at ten and go straight to lunch time, and then probably pick it up again in the afternoon, depending on… how I'm feeling." Jem said.

"Of course," Tessa said. "Be careful."

"As always," Jem said. Tessa smiled, then stepped forward and brushed her lips gently against Jem's cheek.

Jem nearly fainted.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you for reading! This story has the potential to get steamy, but I will give you fair warning. Also, feel free to ask questions. Thank you again! Also, here is a teaser from the next chapter: **

Will was screaming with the look of a man possessed across his face, and if there were any Clave members upstairs, they would have to be wondering what was happening downstairs.

**Thanks for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

At ten in the morning Will walked into the training room to find Jem already there. Will had spent a few minutes following breakfast introducing himself to the new weapons specialist but had spent the bulk of his time brooding in his room and listening to Jem's enthusiastic violin practice. Even now, when Will walked up beside Jem, who was looking over a table full of weapons, he could see a little smile playing on the corners of Jem's mouth. He was happy, very happy, and Will hated him for being happy and at the same time he was glad for his joy.

"Jem, I wanted to say…" Will began, and he put a hand on Jem's lower back.

"I'm sorry about last night," Jem said, turning to Will. "My reaction… my crying… was uncalled for. It won't happen again." Will was silent. "You put yourself in danger all the time. I don't know why I expected last night to be any different. I told you, Magnus's parties always end horribly. At least I wasn't wrong."

"I must contact Magnus and apologize to him," Will said. "I promise, you will never have to endure what happened last night again." Jem just shook his head and gave Will a wary smile. Will pulled Jem close and slid his arms around Jem's back. Jem allowed his embrace for a moment or two and then pulled away. "So will Tessa always be joining us for breakfast?"

"Tessa?" Jem asked, and just the way he said it made the dagger Will hadn't yet felt in his heart turn, just a little. Jem said Tessa's name like he had last night, eagerly, and wanting.

"Yes, Tessa," Will said. "I couldn't help but notice how you seemed to be enjoying her presence."

"I enjoy her presence as you enjoy her presence," Jem said, glancing at the training room floor. Will had his doubts. He had been at breakfast, after all, and had even witnessed the incident with the juicy red apple.

"Tessa is a nice girl, of course it's nice to be in her presence," Will said.

"It's nice of you to admit that," Jem said.

"A friend of yours is a friend of mine," Will said. "Say, you know what I was thinking? We should go out tonight, maybe see a show, and have some dinner…"

"I have plans," Jem said, and Will was taken aback. "Tessa has asked me to read with her in the library and I agreed to it."

"Of course," Will said. "Another night, then."

"Of course," Jem said. "Will?"

"Yes, Jem?"

"I was thinking that maybe we should… find other things that interest us. I'm not going to be around forever, and…" Jem said.

"You're my only interest," Will said, and he put his arms around Jem again and risked a kiss on the lips. "I'm yours, until death."

"And you are mine," Jem said, looking into Will's eyes. He closed his eyes and kissed back, and Will felt him trying to kiss him the way he had the night before, on the front steps of Magnus's home, but something, some thing was preventing it. The kiss lacked the usual fire that existed between them, and when Jem pulled away, Will let him.

Will could not help but endure the mounting fear that he had felt since last night. Something had changed between Jem and Will, something which could not be changed back to the way things had been for the last four odd years.

Will recalled breakfast, less than an hour and a half ago. Jem had been looking at Tessa with those eyes, the kind that wanted to see more than was proper. Whenever Will and Jem were together, and Will held Jem in his arms and watched the ecstasy cross Jem's face, he caught a glimpse of Jem's soul. He saw something no one else got to see, and the thought of Tessa ever having a chance to see Jem that way filled Will's stomach with a sickening dread.

For so long it had been Will and Will alone in Jem's life. Jem was someone to laugh and cry with, and to be with. They kept one another's secrets, and Will knew that Jem knew more about his past than he let on, and Will knew more about Jem's past then he would ever say, but the secrets brought them close together, until now. Jem had a secret he wasn't going to tell Will, and the betrayal was starting to kill Will, piece by piece. He felt something in the very center of his soul start to go boil and go bad. How dare this girl make Jem feel this way?

"- seems to be agitated…" Jem was saying, and Will looked up. "There you go again, not listening to me. What were you thinking of this time?"

"Your agility rune," Will said, and Jem blushed, for the only way Will would see that would be if Jem was shirtless and braced against the table in the alcove. Will withdrew his stele, took Jem's left hand, and slid Jem's shirt sleeves up. Jem pulled away and tugged his sleeve down.

"Jem," Will said. "I'll Mark your left arm. It's not a problem." He again took Jem's arm, and pushed the sleeve back, taking pause when he noticed a red and purple bruise covering most of Jem's forearm. "Jem, what happened?"

"It's nothing," Jem said quickly. "It's almost healed."

"You broke your arm," Will said. "When?"

"I fell down the steps on my way here. I was thinking about something and…" Jem began. Tessa. Of course. "You must not tell Henry."

"You fell down the steps?" Will asked. "You fell down?" Will couldn't remember the last time he had his feet slip out from under him. After a certain age, the scraped hands and knees of childhood were no longer acceptable in a Shadowhunter. At the age of thirteen, when most mundane children were going through awkward phases, the balance, agility, and equilibrium abilities of Shadowhunters began to be become refined. Proper training ensured proper development of these abilities, which were refined and near perfect with the addition of certain runes after a Shadowhunters fifteenth birthday. Simply put, barring an unforeseen and extremely unlucky accident, a Shadowhunter in perfect health would never have to worry about something as mundane as falling down the steps.

Add to this, Jem had an even keener then usual sense of balance. Will had once watched him walk across a thin cables above pounding rivers, he had seen him leap across roof tops and land with his toes barely clinging to the shingles, and never once fall.

"It's nothing," Jem said, "I just had a lot on my mind."

"I bet you did," Will said, and began a series of protective runes down Jem's left forearm. "Do you want to tell me what is on your mind."

"You know all that is on my mind," Jem said.

"Actually, I don't," Will said. "Jem, since when did things change between us?"

"Nothing has changed," Jem said, carefully.

"You never asked me to tell you I loved you before," Will said.

"Maybe I didn't need to hear it before," Jem said.

"You never… spoke about accepting your death. You never made plans and didn't include me in them," Will said.

"I'm sorry," Jem said. "I have to think about these sorts of things, Will. I'm not going to live forever."

"You keep saying that, as if I need a reminder," Will said. "What were you talking about?"

"I was saying, have you spoken to Tessa lately?" Jem asked.

"Excuse me?" Will asked. He made a mistake with a rune and the rune flared blue and then dissolved, so Will began another.

"Last night, before we departed for the party, Tessa came to me… ouch, Will," Jem said. Will had been holding Jem's hand to keep his arm steady and had accidently gripped to tight, so that his nails had dug into the skin on the back of Jem's hand. Will loosened his grip. "Apparently her brother is agitated about his time spent recovering here."

"We did forget about him," Will mused.

"I'm concerned he may be up to something… sinister," Jem said. "You will recall that the Institute was attacked from within, and Nathanial Grey is… within our walls."

"Very good," Will said.

"He called our kind… filthy," Jem said. "He said we believe we should have sole control over the world."

"We don't?" Will asked.

"He thinks we've cheated the Downworlders into the Accords and that we wish to destroy everything in the world not Marked as we are," Jem said.

"He's gone mad," Will said, "just as I suspected." He finished Jem's runes and began on his own. "He's a mundane, James. I think he's had too much time to read over the Codex."

"If he's a mundane, Will, why does he care about what happens to the Downworlders?" Jem asked.

"Well, because his sister is one," Will said. "However, if he cared so much about his sister, why did he even allow her to be drawn into this world? Why did he let himself be drawn in?"

"I don't think he cares about Tessa," Jem said.

"Who does?" Will asked, and Jem glanced up. "She's completely useless to us. If I wanted a simple girl to sit around the house I would marry one, am I right?" He laughed.

"You would never find someone who wanted to marry you because you are incapable of love, remember?" Jem asked, laughing as well, but it was a sarcastic effort and Will's laughter froze in his throat. Will was so shocked that Jem was capable of such blatant cruelty; it took him a moment to respond.

"Of course not," Will said.

Will couldn't have seen the truth more plainly if it had hit him between the eyes. What had changed had been Jem himself, who, after years spent at Will's side, and found someone who could give him everything he wanted, rather than only half of what he wanted. Jem wanted someone to love him on his terms, and when Will couldn't, Tessa could. After years of nothing but happiness and satisfaction within their relationship, Jem suddenly wanted… more?

The door opened and Henry walked in. He looked at the proximity that Will and Jem were to one another and shook his head. Will lifted his hands and shoved Jem, hard, and Jem staggered a few steps back before Will glanced at Henry, whose face still looked sad, and stomped over to another side of the room.

"Good morning," Henry said. "Should we discuss last night?"

"Everything's fine," Jem said quickly. "I don't want to talk about it. Will and I have put last night behind us. Everything is great. Right, Will?" Will nodded.

"I got drunk and put myself in harm's way as usual," Will said. "What's there to discuss?" Henry looked over to Jem, who was staring into the rafters high above their heads.

"Let's get started then," Henry said. "We'll start with the long blades and progress down to daggers. I also want to do some balance work today, especially with Jem."

"Henry, what's wrong? You look so sad," Jem said. "Have you found Will a permanent home?"

"Oh, of course not. No one would take him," Henry said, "and I'm not sad. Charlotte and I just found out this morning, for certain, that we are expecting a baby."

"That's wonderful!" Jem exclaimed, and Henry smiled. "When will the baby arrive?"

"December. We've had an idea for a while," Henry said. "So shall we get started?"

"Absolutely," Will said, walking back over. "My sincerest congratulations on your wife's currant affliction." He offered his hand and Henry shook it with some disdain. Then Henry turned to the weapons table and picked up two long swords and handed each of them to Will and Jem, and Jem took the sword, which was heavy, but balanced precisely.

"We'll start with these. The better you are with long swords, the better you will be with daggers," Henry said. Will nodded. "Let's keep it above the belt and clean."

"I assure you, whomever or whatever I am fighting will rarely keep it clean and above the belt," Will said. "I can't even expect that of a woman." Jem snorted but Henry just nodded uncomfortably.

"For the purpose of training I ask that you follow my rules," Henry said. "Get in your corners. Remember, no mortal blows. The last thing I want is have one of you is bleeding on the training room floor. " He glanced at Jem who shook his head and looked away.

"You have nothing to worry about, Henry," Will said, "I will play nice." Will twirled his sword and went to a corner, Jem took the corner opposite and readied his stance.

"On your call," Jem said.

"Now," Will said, and took three steps forward. He plunged his blade forward, stopping it millimeters from the armor that covered Jem's chest. Jem smiled and then raised his sword to stab Will in the arm, but Will blocked it, and then they were battling hard around the square, blades crashing together again and again. Sweat rained down Will's face and Jem could feel his own heart pounding. Will was screaming with the look of a man possessed across his face, and if there were any Clave members upstairs, they would have to be wondering what was happening downstairs.

The hardest part of Jem battling Will was that he knew Will's every move, three moves before he made it. Will brought his sword around and stopped the blade at the side of Jem's neck, Jem fell sideways, recovered, and then swung his sword around, nearly connecting with Will's head, before he dropped it down and lifted it up, stopping the blade just as it's point sliced into the bottom of Will's chin. Jem dropped his sword and gasped as Will glared at him, no doubt debating whether or not Jem had meant to cut him.

"Corners!" Henry yelled, and Jem went back to his as Henry hurried over and examined Will, who eyed Jem with a look of hate. Jem was breathless, but Will was not.

"Is that how you want to play this?" Will asked.

"I'm not playing, I'm training," Jem replied.

"Above the belt, below the neck, please," Henry said, and returned to his seat. Blood was dripping down Will's neck but he readied his stance once more.

"On yours," Will said, and Jem hesitated before approaching Will. Will swung at him, dipped low, and tried the same move Jem had used, aiming for his throat, but Jem blocked and the blade sliced through the armor beneath his arm. Will stepped back and Jem dropped his hands, prepared to be sent back to his corner for examination. In a flash Will again lifted his blade and swiped it cleanly across Jem's cheek. Jem fell backwards, clutching his face, and cried out as the cut started to burn. The blade he was holding clattered to the floor and he hit his knees. "You're holding a sharp blade," Will snapped. "Watch what you're doing. You must not get distracted."

"You cut me," Jem said. He glanced at Henry, and then at his hand, which came from his face bloody. "You cut me, twice."

"Is it something you are going to cry over?" Will asked. "Or would you like to retaliate?"

"I don't understand," Jem said. "Why are you doing this to me?" He was looking at Will as though he assumed this couldn't really be the Will he knew and loved.

"Aren't you going to fight?" Will asked. "Fight me, Jem. Show me you can do it."

"I'll do none of the sort. We're training, William," Jem said. "I don't know what changed to make you act this way."

"Neither do I. Fight me." Will said, "Come on, James, I haven't got all day." Jem glanced at Henry, confirming that Will had, indeed, lost his mind, before he slowly climbed to his feet. He unbuckled his armor and let it fall to the floor. He shook his head and slunk from the square, dejected and hurt. "Are you too much of a coward, like your father?"

"You are one to talk about cowardly fathers," Jem said weakly. "My father died a brave and honorable man. Your father deserted his calling. Why don't you tell me the real reason why you decided to cut me?" Will snorted and watched Jem's exhausted retreat. He shook his head, followed Jem, and whipped him around by the shoulders. He took his stele from his belt, grabbed Jem by the chin, and then began a Mark on Jem's neck as Jem stood there, resentfully taking it.

"I should just let you bleed the way you want me to," Will mumbled. "One thing is certain. I am so sick of seeing your blood. You're weak, Jem, and everyone knows it, even Tessa. She doesn't love you, she pities you. You should just leave her to me. You're better off with the broken servant girl. She's not half bad. I should know."

With an unholy scream, Jem shoved Will across the room, all the way into a wall, before he began pummeling Will's face with his fists alone. Will tried to defend himself but he was no match for Jem, who hit, and kicked, and slammed until he was on the floor, gasping and coughing up blood. Henry shoved Will aside, opened Jem's shirt, and gave him an injection as Will looked on with seething contempt.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you for reading! Thank you also for your insight into the MA content, and if anyone else has anything they want to say on the subject of it, please, review or message me and let me know! Unless I get the desire to write some insane bodice ripping scene I will probably just keep this rated T and give you fair warning. I have also seen that it is important to give other types of warnings so I will say that someone dies in the next chapter. Feel free to wonder who. Have a great weekend, everyone! **


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: Please keep in mind that someone dies in this chapter, however, do not let that deter you. If you never knew he was alive, you shouldn't mind that he's dead... Enjoy! **

Chapter 13

"I don't know what's wrong with him," Jem heard Henry say. For as far as Jem could tell, he was laying flat on his back and his head was throbbing painfully. The last thing he remembered was coughing on dirt and blood on the training room floor.

_"His runes are deactivating, that is why they are fading,"_ A voice said, pounding through Jem's head.

"But why?" Henry asked.

_"His blood is becoming diluted,"_ the voice said. "_The demon poison is overwhelming his Nephilim blood. The drug is killing him. It was understood that this was going to happen. This is the end of a slow death." _

"Are there options?" Henry asked.

_"He could either be converted to a Night Child or a Moon Child, if only to survive,"_ the voice said. _"Or, he can be allowed to die a Shadowhunter." _

"How long does he have left?" Henry asked.

_"We can try to redraw his runes and let him rest, and hopefully that will help his blood return to its proper consistency,"_ The voice said. _"If that doesn't work, I doubt he will last until December." _

Jem heard Henry make a pained noise in his throat, and he opened his eyes and looked over just as a burning, agonizing pain began just above his heart. The pain began to spread and Jem couldn't help it, he started to cry. Henry was standing above him, beside a Silent Brother, and Henry was holding a stele, slowly starting a Mark. It was as though the stele was a hot knife slicing into Jem's chest. Just when he thought the stele couldn't cut any deeper, it did, burning and digging into his skin and sending the pain through his body. Jem could feel his arms and legs begin to spasm even as they remained still on the bed, and it felt as though every cell in his body was ripping apart and then smashing itself back together again and again. Jem tried to sit up, fighting Henry, but the Silent Brother turned to him and while Jem couldn't see his eyes, he felt his shoulders slam back onto the bed and Jem knew there was no use fighting. He could still make sound, however, and so he clenched his teeth and cried out again and again as tears poured from his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," Henry said, near tears himself. Henry could never bring harm to another human, and hurting Jem in any way, even for something that would benefit him, had to have been killing Henry. "I thought you were still unconscious. I'm redrawing your healing rune. Brother Malachi and I think that it might be the best way for you to recover from your injuries." Jem just closed his eyes and bore the pain, and it stopped an undetermined amount of time later.

When Jem filtered back into conscious once more, he saw that he was in his own bedroom. His forehead was burning with a fever and all of his joints ached as though they had knives stuck in them. Runes made changes to every cell of a Shadowhunters body, and when permanent runes were applied, seven days had to pass before any more were received.

"How are you feeling?" Henry asked, and Jem turned towards the voice and shook his head in response. "I'll see if there is something I can get you for the pain and fever. You need some sleep."

"Don't tell Will," Jem said, and he saw in Henry's eyes that he understood what was to be kept from Will.

"Rest, Jem," Henry said. The Silent Brother reached over and touched Jem's forehead, and Jem, unable to fight any longer, drifted into unconsciousness once again.

* * *

Two hours after the fight, Will sat on his window seat, watching several children kicking a ball in the courtyard. These were children of the visiting Shadowhunters, and the oldest child was still no older than thirteen. Will could not properly remember a time he had been as carefree as the children. He felt as though he had always been this way, feeling jealousy towards people he should be happy for, and disappointment at those who could not measure up to his standards.

Charlotte had just left. She was in a state over the fact that while they had company, important company, she stressed, Will had decided to first leave the Institute and go missing for several hours, then get drunk and kiss a vampire, and then, the day after that, wound his parabatai. Purposely causing harm to a fellow Shadowhunter was grounds for judgment and punishment by the Clave, but because Will was still under eighteen, and the incident had occurred during a training session involving long blades, his punishment was at the discretion of his guardians and Charlotte was so upset, she couldn't decide on a proper punishment.

There was a knock at the door.

"I told you I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt him!" Will yelled.

"May I come in?" Henry asked.

"As you wish," Will replied, and the door opened. Henry stepped inside and then closed the door, then walked over to the window seat and sat down without further invitation. Will resented his presence but said nothing more.

"Charlotte tells me that you are upset," Henry said.

"She's right. I don't understand why this is such a huge deal. We were training. The blade slipped," Will said.

"The blade slipped twice?" Henry asked. Will scowled. "He's fine, by the way, just resting. His face will scar, of course. Runed weapons aren't meant to be used against us." This all caused Will to feel conflicted. On one hand, he didn't care that Jem would have scars, as scars were part of being a Shadowhunter, but on the other hand, the fact that Jem's sweet and perfect face would now forever bear a testament to the one time Will had lost his patience with him caused Will to feel a pain, briefly, in his chest. "What were you thinking?"

"I can't remember," Will mumbled.

Henry sighed. "Every Shadowhunter goes through something like this. You and Jem are going on nearly six years together, four of which have been spent training day in and day out, preparing for your careers. You also swore allegiance to each other early. Most parabatai don't go through the ceremony until they are eighteen. I know for a fact that Gabriel is still looking for his parabatai."

"I can learn to like Gabriel," Will said quickly.

"No, you can't. Like it or not, Jem is yours, until death," Henry said. Will looked back out the window. "You and Jem are trying to figure out how to be adults together. This will not be your last fight."

"Henry, he's betraying me," Will said, softly.

"You don't know what betrayal is," Henry said, "and if what Jem is doing is something you consider betrayal, know that you have been betraying him for much longer."

Henry let Will sit in silence for a few minutes before he finally put a hand on Will's arm, and Will looked up at him.

"I have something to tell you," Henry said.

"You want me to leave?" Will asked.

"Of course not," Henry replied. "Will, you are allowed to be here for as long as you want to be here, and it's the responsibility of Charlotte and I to provide you with a home. Never think that you are unwelcome."

"Darn," Will said, and Henry frowned. "What do you have to tell me?"

"I received word that… your father passed away at his country home in Wales," Henry said. Will nodded, slowly, letting the information sink in.

"How?" Will asked.

"He was found in his library early this morning, and was the apparent victim of a heart attack." Henry said. Will nodded again.

"And my mother?" he asked.

"She asks that you remain in London," Henry said. Will looked back out the window at the children, and then bowed his head into his hands, covering his face. Henry put a hand on Will's shoulder. "I understand that it's been years since you saw your father, however, per Clave rules you are allowed to spend five days mourning, and wear the runes as you see fit." Will lifted his head quickly. Henry had expected tears but Will's face was dry.

"Thank you, but I'm good," Will said. "I don't need to mourn my father. He never mourned me. He is the one who forced me from my home. He is the one who forced my mother turn her back on me. This only means that I need to continue the Herondale line, which I refuse to do. My family deserves to die out." He stood up and walked over to his dresser, where he removed his Herondale ring and placed it in a drawer. He turned to see Henry still sitting by the window. "Why are you still here?"

"I'm sorry," Henry said, and Will held up a hand to stop him. "You are being called into action. There has been a disturbance in the sewers beneath the city and a group of us are being dispatched to find the cause of it," Henry said.

"There are fifty men more qualified to check it out, and they are staying in this very Institute." Will said.

"None are as familiar with the sewers as you are," Henry said. "Come along, William. I'll collect your weapons. We leave in fifteen minutes."

"So you'll tell Jem?" Will asked.

"About your father?" Henry asked.

"No," Will replied, "to ready himself."

"Jem isn't going. You'll be partnered with Gabriel Lightwood." Henry said. "Can I trust that you won't harm him as you have Jem?"

"You can trust that I won't antagonize him," Will said, "but if he says anything cross, I may be unable to trust myself."

"Very well," Henry said, "I'll see you in the foyer shortly." He stood up to leave the room and Will cleared his throat, so Henry stopped.

"Don't tell Jem, okay? About my… father," Will said, the last word coming out with some struggle. "He'll want to talk about it and I don't want to." Henry nodded.

"As you wish," He said.

Henry left the room and Will dressed quickly before walking downstairs. Gabriel was already prepared, talking with a few of the older men. Gabriel nodded to him and Will nodded back, and then casual introductions followed. Henry would be coming with them and was partnered with Vincent Morgenstern. The other two men Will recognized as Cain Leviathan and his parabatai, Oliver Penhallow, who had been the brother of Henry's parabatai, Peter.

It was revealed that they would be travelling by portal to another part of the city, so they went outside and came to a shimmering doorway on the outside of the Institute. Henry went first, then Will, and then Gabriel, followed by the three other men accompanying them. Will barely had a chance to close his eyes before his feet hit solid ground, and he felt Henry's hands on his arms, steadying him. He opened his eyes to see that they had all landed on a busy street corner in the business district of London. Beneath them lay a sewer lid.

"We'll split into three groups and go in two by two. There have been reports of odd smells and noises coming fifty paces from here. Lightwood and Herondale will go first, since William knows the way, and then Branwell and Morgenstern will follow, then Penhallow and I," Cain said.

"The hell I'll go down there first," Gabriel said.

"Oh cheer up old chap. You're with me," Will said. Gabriel looked suitably pale, and his pointy little nose twitched a little. Even Henry looked at him dubiously. "What's wrong, Gabe? Has your precious Enclave not needed you as much as you had hoped they would? Could it be because your father is afraid something might happen to his precious Archangel Gabriel?" Henry cleared his throat. The other men looked amused.

"Let's go. You can take point," Gabriel said. Henry opened the lid of the sewer and a putrid smell of rotting trash came out, along with a sweet smell of burning wood. Morgenstern cringed and even Will had to flash back to the funeral they had all attended five days before, in which five people had burned before their very eyes.

"Let's get this over with," Leviathan said, and Will pulled out a dagger, held it in his teeth, and descended a ladder ten feet into a dank stone cellar. The street level suddenly seemed miles over head, and once they stepped away from the ladder, darkness descended onto them. The air was chilly and moist, and Will felt a shiver go up his spine.

"It smells like…" Gabriel began.

"Hell," Will said, and Gabriel grinned.

"You'll light my way?" Will asked. Gabriel withdrew a long seraph blade from the holder across his back.

"Ambriel," he said, and the blade glowed green and then faded to a pale white.

"Precious," Will said. He pulled out his witch light and it lit up the sewer they were in. Four tunnels went in the four directions, and Will pointed west and then walked through. The pipe leading away shrunk to four feet in height, so the boys had to go through bent over at the waist. Rats and other vermin scuttled past them, their claws scratching across the stones lining the bottom of the pipe. Will heard Gabriel gag a little and then vomit, so he stopped to allow Gabriel collect himself. "Breathe through your mouth." Will suggested.

"Thanks," Gabriel said. He was quiet for a few minutes as they walked through ankle deep water. Will couldn't see more than ten feet in front of them. For a moment, he missed Jem, as the last time he had been in the sewers; Jem had been the one protecting his back. Will glanced back at Gabriel, who was breathing very slow and carefully and looking around nervously.

"You aren't afraid of spiders, are you?" Will asked.

"That's none of your business," Gabriel said. "I have a question for you…"

"Now that you've got me alone in the sewer?" Will asked.

"It's about Ambriel. Between you and me and a few rats, did you take her virtue?" Gabriel asked. Will stopped and turned to his left, so that he was uncomfortably facing Gabriel, still bent over at the waist.

"You have a two foot long sword one foot from my ass," Will said, "do you expect me to answer that honestly?"

"I would assume if you were a man you were answer it regardless of the circumstances," Gabriel said. Will pondered for a second.

"We were together once in Idris. The next day she asked that I no longer speak to her. I have complied with her wishes," Will said. "As for the night in question, Jem and I walked her home and he put her into bed while I watched. And as for you suspecting Jem, know that he wouldn't know the first thing to do with a girl."

"When were you with her?" Gabriel asked.

"I'm not sure," Will said.

"Have you ever wondered if maybe the child she is carrying belongs to you?" Gabriel asked.

"She asked that I never speak to her again, and I have complied with her wishes," Will repeated. "Is there anything else you want to ask me? Or do you wish to only anger me and distract me from the task at hand?"

"I just want to know the truth," Gabriel said.

"You have it," Will said. He continued walking.

"And it's not your child?" Gabriel asked. Will paused.

"Of course not," he said. They were silent as they continue to walk through the sewer, getting closer and closer to the smell in question. Will thought about how this smell would most certainly stick to his clothing, and hoped to get scrubbed clean before the next time he saw Tessa or Jem.

"So while we are speaking honestly," Gabriel began, "did Carstairs really beat you at hand to hand combat?"

"Yes, and he had every reason to," Will said.

"Good to know," Gabriel said, and he said nothing else, for the smell was now at its worst. Will could hear Henry and his partner sloshing through the pipe twenty paces behind them.

"Keep watch behind us," Will said.

"How?" Gabriel asked.

"You'll figure it out," Will replied, and, holding his witch light high, he walked into a large room, much like the one they had descended into, with more pipes going in different directions.

"Watch-" Gabriel began, Will turned his head. He didn't have a chance to scream as he was suddenly engulfed in a ball of flames. He hit the floor and saw Gabriel's green eyes go wide above him as something huge threw another fire ball from the corner. Will felt a boiling pain in his face, as if his skin was sizzling in hot oil, and he screamed in agony. The world around him shimmered in orange and black tones and then Will saw Gabriel once more, screaming something, before he fell on top of Will, pushing him down onto the damp stone floor.

Will closed his eyes as flames consumed them both.

* * *

**Author's Note: So... thanks for reading. Reviews make me smile, and I want to know what you all think about this. Seriously, give me the good and bad but please don't flame me (sorry) over this chapter. Before you all scream at me, let the Chapter 14 teaser soothe you:**

"You shouldn't be here," Jem said. He looked down to see that he was shirtless and he blushed. "You shouldn't see me this way."

**Let that image play in your mind Have a good week!**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

When Jem awoke later, he felt drenched in sweat, but then something cool touched his forehead, and he flickered his eyes open. He saw that he was in his bedroom.

"Good afternoon," Tessa said. She took a cool cloth and wiped it across his forehead. "It seems as though your fever broke. How are you feeling?" Jem shook his head, still trying to wake up. "Charlotte said you didn't like to wake up alone. I've seen Will at your bedside twice now. I thought since he was gone you might like to have me sit by."

"You shouldn't be here," Jem said. He looked down to see that he was shirtless and he blushed. "You shouldn't see me this way."

"It's perfectly alright…" Tessa began.

"It is not perfectly alright," Jem said. He sat up in bed and then climbed out, nearly falling onto the floor, but he went to his bureau and got a shirt before walking into the bathroom and closing the door.

Jem splashed his face with water and then looked in the mirror. A fine white line crossed his cheek, where Will had cut him, but it had healed as best as it would. The healing rune on his chest had healed properly and now drew a contrast to the rest of his runes which were lighter than they should have been. Jem ran his hands across the rune and wondered how much Tessa had seen. Then he shrugged the shirt on over his Marks, buttoned it, and walked back out to see Tessa still sitting at the bedside. He thought she might be gone, but she wasn't.

"You'll have to forgive my surprise," Jem said. "One does not expect to awake to a girl sitting at his bedside."

"I heard you had been hurt…" Tessa began, and Jem cringed. "I thought you might like some company."

"Your company is greatly appreciated," Jem said. "Where is Will?"

"He went on a dispatch a little while ago," Tessa said. "How are you feeling?"

"Drunk and sober all at the same time. My head is all over the place," Jem said. He went to his bureau, and grabbed a glass and his bottle of brandy. He filled the glass to the top and drank it down, his back to Tessa all the while.

"I can go if you want, now that you are clearly on the mend," Tessa said.

"I don't know what I want. I just woke up," Jem said, pouring himself another glass of brandy. "Would the lady like a brandy?"

"The lady would," Tessa said, so Jem poured her a glass, handed it to her, then took his glass and sat back down on the bed. They were silent for a minute or two and when Tessa was looking at the floor, Jem was looking at her and noticing how there seemed to be a weight pressing down onto her shoulders.

"Tessa, are you alright?" Jem asked. "You seem to be troubled."

"I was concerned about you," Tessa said, and Jem blushed.

"Don't be. I woke up. When I don't wake up, then, that is the time to be concerned," Jem said. "If you are concerned about Will and I just know that we occasionally have spats and I am getting to the age where his shenanigans are no longer acceptable, even to me. I'm half tempted to tell everyone why he acts this way, if only for them to have an explanation." Tessa looked up, eyes expectant. "But I don't subscribe to idle gossip, however truthful it may be."

"Of course not," Tessa said. Jem just smiled an evil little smile and shrugged.

"Is it Will that has you upset?" Jem asked.

"He has something to do with it," Tessa said.

"So tell me, Tessa," Jem said, placing a hand on her hand, which was folded in her lap.

"It's Will… and Nate…." Tessa began. "Will told me the other day, when we kissed on the roof," Jem winced and then nodded, quickly, "he said I can't have children."

"I'm sorry to hear about that," Jem said. "I know how you feel."

"You can't have children?" Tessa asked, and Jem shook his head. He quickly took a sip of his brandy. "Of course, the poison." Jem stood up and walked over to the window. The sun was out so he opened the window and let in a warm breeze.

"I would be a fool to think I could," Jem said, still looking out the window.

"So you've know for a while?" Tessa asked, and Jem nodded. "I've always thought that I could have children. I feel like a failure now that I can't." Jem looked back to her. She was holding a handkerchief in her hands, toying with the lace sewn onto each border.

"Tessa," Jem said, and then, more directly, "Tessa. You're not a failure. Just because you cannot have children, that doesn't mean you can't have a child. You and I know better than anyone that there are children that need homes. Perhaps you can…"

"What?" Tessa asked, looking up from her lap. She was upset, Jem noticed, but managing to hold it together for him. He could only imagine what had transpired to bring out this emotion. He had a feeling his parabatai had something to do with it. "What can I do, Jem?"

"Marry a Shadowhunter," Jem suggested. "Adopt an orphaned child."

"That's not the point," Tessa said, shaking her head. "I want to be normal."

"Why would you want to be normal when you are anything but?" Jem asked. "Tessa Grey, you are extraordinary. Never forget that." Tessa put her head in her hands and made a noise that sounded like she was crying. Jem hurried over and placed a hand on her shoulder. Tessa looked up. She was laughing.

"Nobody but you thinks I'm extraordinary!" Tessa exclaimed. "Even Nate thinks I am some creature from hell. He's asked that I refrain from visiting his room. My own brother! And then Will looks at me like something to sleep with, nothing more. Every other Shadowhunter here looks at me like I should shape shift for their perverse fascination. And you, Jem, you think I am extraordinary!"

"I never had to look at you any other way but as a fellow human being," Jem said, softly. "Maybe because I know what it's like to be looked at like a freak." Tessa stopped laughing. "You think I look normal only because you have accepted me for who am I. Others… have never given me that kindness." Tessa reached up and ran a hand through his silver hair. Jem stepped back, shocked at her forwardness. Half of him wanted to stay close, to let her touch him, and the other half of him was afraid at where that might lead. He sat down on the bed. "So Nate is angry with you?"

"Nate does not know how to deal with me," Tessa said. "He accused me of wanting to use spells on him."

"Ignorant people shouldn't speak," Jem said, "I'm sorry. I have this odd urge to put my fist down the throat of the next person that is disrespectful to you- Will included." Tessa blushed and smiled at Jem. "I shouldn't call your brother ignorant. I should instead say that he should learn about who and what you are before he casts you aside. I'll try to talk some sense into him." Tessa gave him a grateful smile. Jem smiled back, then bit his lip and looked away.

"Is my intrusion in your room bothering you?" Tessa asked.

"Oh, gosh, no," Jem said quickly. He blushed and shook his head. "It's only that…"

"Yes?" Tessa asked.

"I don't mind in the least bit," Jem said. He smiled at Tessa and she smiled back, and Jem looked away from her again.

"I wanted to tell you, before, with Will…" Tessa began. "I made a mistake. Will has himself cast as the tortured hero. I must have just fallen for his chivalrous routine and thought he had my best interests at heart. He made a convincing case of his innocence."

"As always," Jem muttered, with a nod. He could already feel the first drink burning in his empty stomach. Part of him was hungry and part of him was perfectly happy right here and now. Jem looked from Tessa's eyes to her lips and remembered the last two times they had been against his skin. He realized he had forgotten how many kisses they had shared and started to wonder how he might get Tessa to start over again. Then he pushed that terrible thought away and looked up at her. She was still talking.

"Can I tell you something, Jem?" Tessa asked.

"You can tell me anything, Tessa," Jem replied. Tessa smiled sweetly. She looked away from Jem, and then back into his eyes, and Jem wanted to know how he could stare into Will's blue eyes for six straight years, but still be completely unnerved by Tessa's cool gray eyes.

"I like you, Jem," Tessa said. Jem felt his heart slam into his rib cage and he had to steady his breathing. The feeling that he might faint was back and Jem forced himself to focus on a drop of blood, dried to a rusty brown on the floor, before he looked back up to Tessa. She touched his hand, so he turned his hand over, palm up, and offered it to Tessa.

Jem was an accomplished chess player, and was, in fact, the Institute's undisputed champion of many matches. What he loved about chess was not the winning or the wiping out the competition's pieces with most of his own still on the board, but instead watching his opponent attempt to lay the ground work for a takeover. A game of chess was much like the game of life. No move went unnoticed and each move mattered.

Tessa ran her fingers over the scar on Jem's thumb before she lay her palm on top of his Jem slid his hand out from beneath Tessa's and drummed his fingertips against Tessa's. Tessa spread her fingers apart and Jem intertwined his fingers with hers, and then lifted her hand so they were palm to palm. He could feel her pulse speed up just the slightest bit. It was a wonderful feeling, to know that he could have this effect on her, and at the same time it was aheartbreaking feeling, because he knew how short their time together could be.

"I want you to know that the only man I am interested in is you," Tessa said. Jem looked up to see her smiling, and it hurt the place in his chest that had been singing a second before.

"You don't want to be with me, Tessa," Jem said.

"Don't tell me what I want," Tessa said. "I've been thinking about this since the night I met you. I want to be with you."

"No. I don't want to be any more than friends," Jem said, shaking his head. "We can't be any more than friends. I might not make it until the end of the year." He put his head down. He hadn't yet even said these words aloud.

"Then we should use our time wisely," Tessa said, and she leaned forward and kissed Jem on the lips. Jem kissed back and pulled away, he smiled, then placed his brandy glass on the table, took her hand and pulled her onto the bed beside him.

"Tell me when to stop," Jem said, and then he closed his eyes and kissed her again, deeper now, hungrier than before, and she kissed back in the same way. Her tongue slid into Jem's mouth and her lips tasted sweet. Jem slid a hand up to her cheek and touched it lightly. Her eyes were closed, and she had a faraway look on her face, as though this wasn't something they both had been dreaming about for the past week.

Jem turned his body towards Tessa's. He dropped his hand from her cheek to her shoulder and turned his head more, leaning into the kiss, and he felt Tessa smile and then kiss him again. Exhaling quietly, Jem opened his mouth just the slightest bit and brushed his tongue against Tessa's. She moaned and he almost pulled away, almost. Then her fingers were on his cheeks. They ran down either side of his neck and down the front of his shirt, and then it was Jem's turn to moan. He opened his eyes and saw that Tessa's eyes were opened and questioning, so he just nodded and closed his eyes once more.

From Jem's chest, Tessa moved her hands to Jem's biceps. She ran her hands down his arms, alternating the pressure of her touch. Every bit of pain left in his body dissolved beneath her hands. Her hands finally settled on his waist, gently gripping the soft area between his rib cage and waist. Jem was aching for the feeling of her cool finger tips to slide beneath his shirt, and she had to have felt the same way, because after a minute, her hands dropped to Jem's thighs. Her fingers slid up to hemmed edge of his shirt; he gasped and pulled away.

"No!" Jem said. He could feel that his face was red and his heart was pounding. His body was dying for her touch. Her hands on his skin was a recipe for disaster but Jem could think of no other way he wanted to die.

"Jem?" Tessa asked. Her cheeks were flushed as well. Her eyes were looking at Jem's, staring unnervingly into his, but this time Jem didn't break her gaze. Checkmate.

"We can't," Jem said. "Tessa, this can't happen."

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Here is your Chapter 15 teaser: **

"Have you ever done this before?" Tessa finally asked, and Jem looked up.

**Thank you for the reviews! I love them! I really do want to know what you have to say about this (if you should have something to say) so feel free to speak your mind! Have a good weekend! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: There will be some sexual content in this chapter, however, it will not be graphic. Sorry/Enjoy! **

Chapter 15

Jem pulled away and staggered into the bathroom. Tessa sat up on the bed.

"What's the matter?" She asked.

"Will," Jem said. "I can't…" And then Jem had to wonder what Will would do in this situation, where there was a pretty girl he liked sitting on his bed, waiting for an answer. Will would have never considered what Jem would do, in fact, if Will had his way with Tessa and had been in this exact same situation, he would already be climbing from the bed and pulling his trousers over his hips. Jem had seen Will use girl after girl like it was his God given right to have sex with any female available. Jem could never imagine doing that. When he pictured what it would be like to be with a girl, it was always like this.

Will would not have cared what girl was lying on his bed at any particular moment, as he viewed most women only as a series of parts to indulge his selfish lust. Jem had only ever wanted one girl to be sitting on his bed, and now she was.

"Tessa, I want you," Jem said, and he splashed some water onto his face but even that didn't calm the burn he was feeling all over his body. His skin felt like it might crack open at any moment and he knew that when it did it would feel amazing. The first time he had ever been pushed that far over the edge he'd been up in the alcove and had collapsed in Will's arms. He was dangerously close, now, to collapsing in Tessa's.

"Have me," Tessa said, and Jem nearly fell against the bathroom sink. He returned to the room, sat on the bed, and looked away from her. "I want to be with you, Jem. I've wanted to be with you…" Jem looked back at Tessa.

He could remember with absolute precision the night she had walked into his bedroom. He had been playing the violin, waiting for Will to stop by before bed. He'd had his eyes closed when he said Will's name, and then he said it again and opened his eyes. Standing before him had been a girl dressed in a flowing white dressing gown. Jem had known that a girl had come to the Institute, a girl Will described as "bewitching" and "completely American" and Jem had lay in his bed earlier in the day and listened as Will listed every single thing he knew about Tessa Grey.

What Will hadn't said was that Tessa had eyes the color of a cloudy sky and was otherwise the most beautiful girl in all of London. He hadn't said that that her heart was pure and that anything or anyone who attempted to taint that pureness deserved to die a painful death. Jem had discovered all of those things on his own. Since then, he had loved her, even when she broke his heart. Even when he didn't want to be with her, he still loved her. Jem couldn't explain it, he just wanted to be with Tessa.

"Since the night I met you," Tessa finished. "I've wanted to be with you since the night we met."

"I don't think we want each other in the same way," Jem said. Tessa took his hand and held it in her own. She kissed him on the cheek.

"I think we do," Tessa said. "I think that out of all the men I have ever met or known, you're the only one I want to be with in that way." Jem looked up and then blushed.

"I feel the same way," Jem said, and he turned his head and kissed her lips again. "It's just that we…" he kissed her again. Her breath caught a little and Jem felt her smile against his lips.

"We?" Tessa asked.

"We shouldn't," Jem said, but his other hand got tangled in her hair and his brain wouldn't give his a logical follow up to that statement. "Tessa?"

"Yes, James?" Tessa asked, and Jem shivered, unexpectedly.

"Tell me when to stop," Jem said. Tessa lay back on the bed and pulled Jem down with her, and they lay side by side, kissing, before Tessa rolled onto her back. Jem sat up and straddled her waist, and she pull him tight against her, until he could feel the buttons on his shirt digging into the bones of his chest as he pressed his body against Tessa's and forgot about the next day or the next hour or the next minute.

When they had been kissing for some time, Jem began to feel feverish, and so he sat up, pulled away, and unbuttoned the top button on his shirt. Tessa reached up and started from the bottom, and in less than ten seconds their hands had met at a button in the middle. Tessa released it and Jem's shirt parted. She reached up and pulled it down at the shoulders. The shirt dropped to the bed and Jem tossed it away before he pushed Tessa onto her side and with nimble fingers began to unbutton each and every pearl button that ran down the back of her dress. When it was finally loosened, Tessa climbed off of the bed and Jem helped her drop the dress to the floor.

Jem swallowed nervously and then unbuttoned his trousers. They fell to the floor, and then he took Tessa's hand and lay her back down onto the bed.

From there it was a fight Jem felt Tessa fighting as well. One part of Jem dreaded taking off Tessa's petticoat, but then he did, and then he didn't want to take off the soft cotton slip that she had been wearing but then that layer had found it's way to the floor as well. Jem was down to a pair of thin cotton shorts. Tessa was finding all sorts of lovely places to touch and there for arouse him. Her fingers found his skin quite readily, and she stroked all of the places that didn't have runes covering them. He hadn't know that there was a place on the back of his neck, just below his hair line that, when touched, put him into the most blissfully arousing state of mind. He hadn't known about the place just below his waist line that could be gently rubbed and touched, and that he would feel the aftershocks of that touch all over his body.

Jem was finding his fingers on her chest, against the brassiere she was wearing, dying to feel the soft and round breasts still bound by fabric. He kept looking at Tessa, watching her face as she smiled and moaned softly whenever he touched a good spot. He never lingered in one place, but soon, any place he touched and kissed caused Tessa to moan softly and gently grip whatever piece of skin she had her hands on at the moment.

Not long after, Tessa was laying back against the pillows on the bed. Jem was down between her legs, watching as her knees shivered with delight. Her hands were in Jem's hair, tugging on fistfuls of it as she moaned and then giggled again and again. Jem was kissing the inside of her thighs as close to her lacy pink panties as he dared. Every lick sent ripples of pleasure through her entire body.

"Have you ever done this before?" Tessa finally asked, and Jem looked up. His cheeks were all red and the room was humid with their exhales.

"Never," Jem replied.

"You're fairly good at it," Tessa said. Jem just nodded and then crawled up and straddled her waist. He kissed her more, loving every aspect of the kiss: the warmth, the feeling of her mouth against his, and the passion, all coupled with the fact that it was Tessa beneath him. Jem was desperate for her and she could tell and he hated that but at the same time, God, he was desperate.

At some point Tessa slid her fingers just below the waist band of Jem's underclothes, briefly touching him, and he pulled away.

"Shouldn't I have…" Tessa began.

"There is no other way this is going to happen," Jem said with a sweet smile. "It's just that once you do that, we can't stop. Or, we can stop, but it's going to be extremely hard to."

"I don't want to stop," Tessa said, and Jem nearly unraveled. He managed to remove Tessa's brassiere, then paused to pull off his own underclothes, and when Jem looked up again he saw that Tessa was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Her skin was pale and the color of milk, flushed pink in places from his kisses. A blush of color crossed her chest.

Tessa's eyes traveled the length of Jem's body and took it all in. His skin seemed to emit a silvery glow, broken up by black Marks and faded red Mourning runes. His biceps were hard and coiled tight, as were the muscles across his chest. Tessa reached up and ran her hand over his stomach and then slid it down. Jem caught her hand before it went too far and kissed her fingertips. He shook his head.

"Let not rush things," Jem suggested with another blush. He leaned over her and buried his face in her neck, kissing, biting, and sucking her sweet tasting skin.

"You have to think I'm a terrible girl, wanting you like this," Tessa said.

"I think you want me just as badly as I want you," Jem said, "and for that I cannot fault you. There is nothing terrible about this." He kissed her again, and then Tessa's hands were all over him, scratching her nails down his sides, and he leaped up, grabbed her wrists, and held her down so neither of them were tempted to start to soon.

"Jem," Tessa gasped. Jem laughed, he closed his eyes and shook his head before he opened them and smiled at Tessa.

"Tessa," Jem said. "Take me, Tessa." Tessa kissed him once more and he released her hands looked down at the one remaining layer she had on. He was seized with a mad passion and he grabbed her panties and jerked them down so hard that they ripped in his hands. Tessa looked shocked and then she laughed and pulled him back for another kiss. Jem pulled away, quickly, and gasped, "I've never done this before!"

"Neither have I, but, please, just do it already!" Tessa cried, and Jem laughed, he kissed her lips, and then slid back between her legs.

From that moment everything inside of Jem shifted and it was no longer Jem and Tessa separate but rather Jem and Tessa together. A hundred clockwork creations breaking down the door couldn't have pulled them apart, even if they tried. After a minute Jem had to pull away lest he combust, and Tessa just held him in her arms until he was ready again.

"Tell me when to stop," Jem said, a little smile on his face even as he fell deeper and deeper in love.

"Stop," Tessa whispered, but even she couldn't stop their fall.

* * *

When Jem sat up what felt like minutes later, tangled in Tessa's arms, the sun was almost down and something felt wrong. He looked over at Tessa. She was covered in a sheet and nothing more, and her lips were swollen from their kissing. Jem climbed out of bed and found his pants.

"Jem?" Tessa asked.

"It's dinner time," Jem replied.

"Are you alright?" Tessa asked.

"Something doesn't feel right," Jem replied. "Get up, please." He grabbed a shirt and pulled it on. Tessa got up and collected her things, she dressed in the bare essentials, kissed Jem on the cheek, and then left the room. Jem sat down on the window seat and then pulled the right cuff of his shirt back. He had seen his own runes fading, but the binding rune he shared with Will was faded far lighter than anything else. Only its outline was remaining and Jem would have been scared had he not known what this meant.

By the time Jem heard pounding footsteps in the hallway he had already resigned himself to the news he would hear. Jem stood up and the door to his room flew open. Jessamine ran in, breathless. Tears were pouring from her eyes and smearing her makeup. The news she had to have could not have been good, and Jem felt a little part of his heart start to ache. He thought that he should have prepared himself for this better, but then again, he could never be prepared for losing someone he loved.

"Jem," Jessamine gasped. "Come quick- It's Will."

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! If you have an opinion about this story please feel free to share it with me! I love hearing from everyone! I'll leave you with a teaser from Chapter 16: **

He was going to kill Jem, and Jem had to accept that.

**Per the teaser there will be death in the next chapter. Have a good week! **


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: The song credit goes to Coldplay, and the song is "Fix You." I don't own the song! This part could also be rated PG13 for some details. Enjoy!**

Chapter 16

_Tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you cannot replace  
When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse? _

_Lights will guide you home_  
_And ignite your bones_  
_And I will try to fix you_

Jem could only remember leaving his room and then pulling away from Charlotte, who was standing outside of the Infirmary, before he opened the door and walked into sheer pandemonium. Four men in various states of injury were sitting on the first four beds of the room, each being tended to by a Silent Brother. Jem saw Henry, looking no worse for wear. His hair was singed a little and his face was smudged with soot. Beside him sat Vincent Morgenstern, who looked dazed and had a burn covering his right arm. The injuries got worse as Jem walked along, and yet he hadn't seen Will. He had begun to consider that the flurry of activity at the far end of the Infirmary might contain him.

And yet, Jem was perfectly calm. He had been preparing for this moment, the moment where Will was hurt bad enough to need more than an iratze and a stiff drink, for a long while. As he got to the end of the Infirmary, he saw that in this moment, Will had more than a rune and a scotch; he had three Silent Brothers and a warlock standing over him. Jem knew it was he on the bed, as opposed to the boy lying on the bed across the infirmary, with his own team of Silent Brothers, because the hand lying unscathed on the white sheets was connected to a wrist that had the same rune that Jem had. The room smelled like smoke and burning roses and Jem gagged without really noticing.

"I'm trying that! I'm telling you, his skin is literally falling off in my hands!" Magnus yelled, staring directly at the faceless Silent Brother standing across the bed from him. Jem could hear unintended emotion in Magnus's words, as though his own voice was betraying his feelings. "It's not working. None of it is working!" Jem heard Will gasp and then scream. Jem had never heard Will scream before, and the painful sound cut through him like a hot knife.

Magnus's hands were shaking as he shot blue sparks from his fingertips directly into what remained of Will's face. They had little effect. Will continued to scream and Jem covered his ears and cringed. His own body felt aflame, as though he was feeling everything Will was feeling. His binding rune was pulsating with pain and flaring from light to dark, from the color of it faded to nothing, to the color it had been when freshly applied by Will.

"I'm trying," Magnus cried, "I'm trying!" Jem felt a hand on his shoulder and then Henry was pulling him back, away from Will's bedside, and Jem was allowing himself to be pulled away. Henry sat Jem down on a bed and knelt in front of him. Jem grabbed his wrist and grimaced, and Henry frowned and then put his own hand over Jem's.

"That pain cannot be helped," Henry said. The look on his face told Jem that he, to, had felt the pain of his parabatai dying. "It won't last forever." Jem nodded, tears filling his eyes. They threatened to spill out but Jem refused to blink. His vision clouded over and Jem thought it was for the best that he was unable to see the man knelt before him, dressed in solid black. Not seeing the whole story would perhaps make this easier.

"I'm not giving up. I'm going to die, this is a given. I'm just trying to make it easy on you," Jem had said, 24 hours before this moment.

"I'm losing you," Will had replied. "That will never be easy on me."

Jem now understood that nothing could make this moment easy.

"I'm losing him," Jem thought. "I'm going to lose him now."

"James," Henry said, and Jem heard Will scream again. Jem tore his thoughts from a sunny day in the park and focused his blurry eyes on the man before him.

"What happened?" Jem managed.

"It was a Greater Demon, Inferion," Henry said. "You've heard of hell fire, right?" Jem nodded slowly. "He took a good dose of it right to the face. Lightwood got the worst of it, though." What Jem knew about hell fire was that it burned as fire did, but the burn was actually a secondary concern to the poison that the hell fire contained. Once absorbed into the body of a Nephilim, the poison would then try to overwhelm their blood, turning everything once angelic demonic. Right now, a war was going on inside of Will's body as he tried to fight the poison's effects.

Jem glanced over to the other bed to see a charred figure twitching and crying out in pain. He thought it was so sad that two boys, both barely adults, would find their end this way. He couldn't remember what Will wanted done in this situation: would he want measures taken to ensure an abbreviated survival? Should his parents be summoned? What would become of what Will would leave behind? They had always believed that there was a chance of one of them not coming back from a dispatch, but it was never supposed to be Will, for as much as Jem had prepared himself. This wasn't supposed to happen, not to Will.

Will screamed and Jem heard Magnus sob, but when Jem looked at Magnus, he saw no tears, just abject horror mixed with panicked fear. Magnus was saying words quickly, his eyes intent with every spell he cast, but they were doing little to help. Jem's breath was making strained noises in his throat and he thought he might be sick but couldn't muster the focus needed to properly be sick.

Magnus looked up, straight at Jem, and scowled. "Get him out of here before I have to save him as well!" He yelled.

Jem stood up and walked, then ran, to the door. He pushed it open and looked at Charlotte, who was still standing in the hallway, talking with another woman. Jessamine stood by and cried. She looked like a complete and utter disaster and Jem thought there should be a law against things making beautiful girls cry. They should have been exempt for the pain and heartbreak life could bring. Jessamine never cried, no, all she ever did was complain, but she must have had some sort of feelings for Gabriel, and Jem felt sorry for her.

He thought briefly about Tessa, and thought someone should tell her about Will, and then thought she should even be here, waiting with the women, but then he pushed the thought of her away. Jem saw Charlotte open her mouth to say something but Jem turned away, he picked a direction and began running, passing Benedict Lightwood and his wife in the hallway, as well as their oldest son, Michael, going in the opposite direction.

Jem wasn't sure where he was going but he ended up in the Great Library. He slipped inside and headed to the far corner. He sat down on the floor and gasped. Not long ago, he had been very happy, but now he had no idea how to feel. He wiped at the wetness on his cheeks and attempted to compose himself.

"Excuse me," Jem heard, and he looked up to see Nathanial Grey standing among the shelves. Nate was dressed in an ill fitting shirt and brightly colored pants that had to have belonged to Henry. Jem wanted to liken Nate to an asylum patient if not for the fact that Nate appeared to be slightly insane. He was looking around, eyes darting back and forth quickly. "I'm looking for The Green Book."

"A green book?" Jem asked.

"No. The Green Book," Nate said. "It's a book of spells."

"How do you know… you're just a mundane," Jem said. He shook his head and tried to figure out what else was going on. It was so very strange that Nate Grey was standing before him now, and yet…

"Just a mundane," Nate mumbled, "of course. I need the Green Book." Jem shook his head.

"We won't have a book of spells. Only the warlocks have spell books," he said.

"Liar," Nate said, and he walked over, shot an arm out, and collected Jem by the throat, lifting him off the floor with supernatural strength. Jem gasped as Nate choked him tightly, his five fingers digging deep into Jem's neck and windpipe. "Then again, I could expect nothing less from your kind. You think you have this God given right to rid the world of demons." Jem gagged and felt blackness begin to flicker at the edges of his vision. "You don't." Nate squeezed harder and Jem felt something crack in his neck. The darkness was coming quicker now, and Jem was trying his best to fight, but Nate had the strength of several demons. He was going to kill Jem, and Jem had to accept that. "You know where… there it is." Nate dropped Jem, who gasped for breath as Nate withdrew a book from the shelf. "Thank you." Jem shook his head and tried to say something, but the only noise he could make was a pained gasp.

"Are you saying I can't take the book? I can do whatever I want, Jian," Nate said, and his very tone of voice shook Jem to the core. It was a voice he hadn't heard in nearly six years, since he had been eleven. "Don't bother following me. You can't go where I am headed just yet." Nate muttered a curse and Jem felt the whole weight of it hit him squarely in the chest. Pain flared out from his heart and throbbed down his arms and legs. Jem slammed back against the wall and slid to the floor as the life left his eyes.

Meanwhile, Will was wondering if this is what flying really felt like. He had an opportunity to fly often, while in training, but this was a completely different. He was free, with no strings holding him to earth, and he floated among the clouds as their cool softness kissed his cheeks again and again. Just moments before he had been in hell, actually, in hell, standing by as a hundred souls perished in flames beneath the cliff he was watching from, and their pained screams hurt his ears. Then he was airborne, flying over London, towards Idris. Along the way he saw people he knew going about their daily lives without a second thought to his demise. He even saw Jem, laying in the library, unconscious, blood pooling beneath his head, but Will closed his eyes and turned away. When he opened them, all he saw was white clouds and blue skies. He thought that if this was how dying felt, it was no wonder why Jem welcomed it.

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry if you had already read this, but I wanted to post a teaser and to thank you all for the wonderful reviews! I am happy to know everyone is enjoying this story! Here is your teaser: **

With the crisis averted, Will curled up into an arm chair and began to read a chapter in the green book known as "The Advanced Summoning of Demons for the Elimination of Nuisances."


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews! Also, I want to thank everyone who favorited (is that the word?) this story! I am thrilled that you want to check back for updates! I appreciate all of the thoughts and opinions in my Inbox, as well as in the reviews, so feel free! Please enjoy this chapter. This story came out of several Infernal Devices/Mortal Instruments theories I had, one of which appears in this chapter. Remember, I don't own The Infernal Devices OR The Mortal Instruments, I'm only an avid fan who thinks too much!**

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* * *

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Chapter 17

Jem came back to consciousness flat on his back on a freezing cold stone floor. His head was splitting in half with blinding pain and his throat felt as though a hand was clenched tightly around it. Jem rolled onto his side and his hand slipped in a puddle of ice cold blood, and his eyes came into focus all he could see was blood, and he was shocked he was still alive. He managed to sit up and lean against a wall. His shoulders hurt and he remember slamming into the wall. No, he remembered being shoved into the wall, by something not human and with that thought, Jem remembered what had happened.

Tessa had been eating an apple and smiling sweetly at Jem during breakfast.

Will had been against a wall in the training room letting Jem hit him in the face repeatedly, his eyes taunting Jem the whole time.

Tessa had been scratching her fingers up Jem's sides and her lips had been wet against Jem's as they kissed and made love in his bed.

Will had been screaming in the Infirmary and Magnus had been fighting back tears and fighting to save Will's life.

Nate Grey had taken The Green Book.

Jem bit back a gag and pulled himself to his feet with the help of a bookshelf. He staggered to the door of the library, nearly fell, but opened the door, walked out, and slammed against the wall as a pain started in his chest and began to spread through his body. He focused on the door to the dining room and began staggering towards it. It felt as though his mind was three feet behind his body, and he only had a second to realize he was falling before he went down, flat on his face. Jem lay his head down on the floor and considered giving up. There was nothing that could be done…

No. There was always something that could be done. Always.

Jem pulled himself back to his feet and kept walking. He fell again but caught himself with the wall and then walked along, leaning heavily against it, until he made it to the dining room door. He heard people talking loudly, so he pushed open the door and then fell inside, coughing blood all over the floor. All the while he was thinking that if he was going to interrupt an Enclave meeting, he could have done so a bit more neatly.

"Young man, this is a closed Enclave meeting," Jem heard, and he rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. Charlotte and Henry appeared above him, both looking scared.

"What happened?" Charlotte asked. Jem shook his head and coughed up more blood before he pointed to his throat.

"He can't speak," Henry said, and he began a healing rune on Jem's throat. As soon as it was healed, Jem put up a hand and Henry pulled him to his feet.

"Something has happened," Jem said.

"We know that," Benedict Lightwood snapped.

"No. Something more than the demon attack," Jem said. "Nate has taken the Green Book."

"Nate?" Benedict asked. He looked at a few of the other men sitting at the table, who were all regarding Jem with skeptical looks on their faces. Jem heard one of the men mumble that Jem was clearly "mad," another said "delirious" and a third said, "the poor boy." Charlotte guided Jem to a chair.

"Nate. Nate… Grey," Jem said, the last name dying on his lips. "Nate Grey. He stole The Green Book." Until that moment, Jem hadn't connected the man who had tried choking him to death with the girl he had just made love with. "Charlotte, where's Tessa?"

"I'm not sure," Charlotte said softly. Benedict was looking at Jem with a hard look on his face. "Did you forget to take your medication?"

"No," Jem said impatiently. "Charlotte…"

"I know that you are upset about Will, but this is no time…" Charlotte began.

"Charlotte. I told you, something has happened, beyond the demon attack," Jem said. "The Pyxis was stolen, and now The Green Book was taken as well."

"We don't have a green book," George Penhallow said. He was looking at Charlotte as if he hoped she might contain Jem, but she only looked at Jem.

"It was on the shelf. It's a spell book," Jem said.

"According to who?" Benedict asked. "Nate Grey, the brother of the shape shifting girl?" He laughed. "Nate Grey, the man who thought he might consort with Downworlders? That Nate Grey?"

"James, warlocks have spell books. We have books of laws, and knowledge, and…" Penhallow said.

"I was in the library and Nate was there as well. He asked where the Green Book was and when I denied that we even had it, he choked me, and then found the book on a shelf. I thought it was just another book, but…" Jem unbuttoned his shirt and showed the men a hand sized bruise across his chest. Lines radiated from the center, making it not so much a random bruise but a design etched beneath his skin. "His curse did this." One of the men gasped and several others looked at him.

"Was the book hidden in plain sight?" the man, Jonathan Calver, asked.

"He took it right off the shelf," Jem said.

"The Green Book is the Warlock's answer to the Codex. It is the book of Lucifer, and contains all of the rules, regulations, and spells needed for warlocks to control demonic forces. When the Accords were signed, the Nephilim demanded the one remaining copy of the Green Book be hidden in plain sight in the London Institute, should it ever be needed." Calver said. "The Accords forbid every spell in there to be used in a way that would harm anyone, however, if it fell into the wrong hands…"

"Demonic forces could be summoned, and not just regular demons. Greater Demons as well," Penhallow said. "If what young Mr. Carstairs says is true… a mere mundane may be able to summon the Devil himself."

Jem shivered. "Nathanial Grey is no mundane," he said.

* * *

Every summer since before Will had been born his family left their stately home in Northcliff, a small town just south of the Cardiff, the seaside capital of Wales, and travelled north to their country home in Mid Wales. The journey took two full days and Will adored the travel, for the only time that the elder William Herondale actually spoke about his past as a Shadowhunter was when there was no danger of anyone overhearing. Will later learned that his father had been forbidden to ever speak of the Shadowhunters, however, he made an exception for his son.

And so, every summer, since Will had been old enough to sit beside his father in the driver's seat of the carriage, he spent two blessed days a year learning all he could about the Nephilim. He learned about Jonathan Shadowhunter, about the Angel, and about the Mortal Instruments. He learned about the Marks, and he began to practice drawing them on a piece of slate, every year, until he could draw most of the very important ones. Most of all, he learned that his father hadn't deserted the Shadowhunters on bad terms, he had just met Will's mother, a mundane, and chosen love over his calling. Will couldn't understand that, but his father promised that one day he would.

The elder Herondale never let his son forget, however, that he hadn't been expected. William Sr. and his wife had married, left London, and moved to Wales with the intentions of living out their lives without children, but they were married less than a year before Will arrived. When Will was eight years old his baby sister Cecily was born, but whereas Will hadn't been planned, Cecily had been wanted. She was the apple of her parent's eyes, and Daddy's little girl.

Will was certain it had something to do with his appearance. He had taken after his father in the most severe of ways: his father had brown hair, and Will had been born with hair the color of coal. His eyes came from his mother, whose own eyes had been what bewitched his father in the first place, but Will's combination of black hair and blue eyes unnerved most people. Cecily's appearance was all sunshine and golden beauty. Her hair was bright blond and hung in waves. Her eyes were as blue as Will's were, but they were more acceptable on her. From her birth, it was clear to Will that that his parents loved Cecily more. Will found himself jealous.

A few months after Will turned eleven his family made the usual journey to the country home. Cecily was now three, and she was more active than ever. William Sr. spent half of the trip being interrupted by her cries from inside of the carriage. The lessons and stories about the mysterious and heroic Nephilim were forgotten. By the time the family had arrived at the home, they were at odds with one another.

William Sr. was arguing with his wife as they unloaded the carriage. Will wasn't paying attention and was therefore physically hurt when he took the edge of a polished wooden box to the side of the head as his father tried to hand it to him. Will had cried out in pain and dropped the box, causing his father to bellow angrily, scoop the box up, and carry it and it alone into the house, as though it was something of great value Will had carelessly dropped on the ground. The box was put in the library of the house, and forbidden to ever be touched, especially by Will and Cecily.

Will's attention was piqued.

Time passed and Will became obsessed with the box from the moment he dared to touch it. Whenever he had a chance he would go into the library, and rub the smooth and polished grain of the wood. He would pick it up and shake it, but it felt empty and nothing moved around inside of it. He tried loosening the latch on the front of it but it wouldn't open. He put the box in the sun pouring through the library window; he snuck it down into the kitchen and let it spend a night in the ice box. He tried lighting it on fire but it wouldn't burn, so he put it in the bathtub but it wouldn't sink or get wet. One time he accidentally dropped it down a flight of stairs but the wood always remained polished, flawless, and perfect, as if it was protected by magic. Will might have just considered it some odd piece of junk his father had been carrying around for many years, but judging from William Sr.'s initial reaction to the box, as well as his adamant refusal to say what it was, Will's obsession with the box only grew.

Around this time Will discovered the virtues of books and began to spend many hours in the library, one arm around the box, with a book in his hands. He read voraciously, gobbling up knowledge about the world like it was the best meal on earth served again and again. Will tore his way top to bottom through one bookshelf in the library, and then another, until one day, he stumbled across a green book written in what first appeared to be a completely foreign language but at second glance was completely understandable to Will. The book contained chapters like "The Summoning of She-Devils For The Purpose of Pleasure" and "Practical Spells for the Maintenance of Mundanes. " This strange green book quickly became his favorite.

Cecily had been a colicky and sickly baby, and as she got older, her health problems only continued. She had near constant ear infections and began to lose her hearing, and most of Will's parent's time was spent dealing with keeping Cecily happy and healthy. Will was suddenly considered lazy for not keeping his room clean, and indignant to his parent's demands, despite neither being the case. They asked that he do more than just sit in the library and read, they asked that he be part of the family, but then Cecily screamed and cried. Once, during a board game, she screamed and then held her breath until she turned blue and fainted, and when his parent's backs were turned, Will returned to the library, to his books, and to his smooth wooden box.

In July of that year, the Herondales decided to host a party, just a mere soiree with cocktails and dancing, and Will was not invited. His job for the evening was to stay upstairs, and to keep Cecily entertained. The party began and Will brought Cecily to the library with some toys but she wanted to pull all of the books off the shelves and so Will ended up yelling and making Cecily cry. To make her stop crying Will gave her the one thing she wanted, which was the box. It quieted her, as Will found that Cecily was drawn to the box just as he had been. With the crisis averted, Will curled up in an arm chair and began to read a chapter in the green book titled "The Advanced Summoning of Demons for the Elimination of Nuisances." Will giggled sadistically at the title, for he knew a nuisance when he saw it.

Cecily had grown bored with the box after repeatedly slamming it against the stone floor. She began to cry loudly, screaming, and Will had enough. He thought before he went to get his parents, or before he slipped Cecily some brandy just to put her out, he would try a spell. It would be a joke, nothing more. Shadowhunters existed, as did Mundanes, but everything else the green book talked about: warlocks, lycanthrope, fey, and Night Children… even demons… everyone knew they were like ghosts. They didn't exist.

Will stood up, he looked at Cecily crying with the box in her hands, and he pointed to her, and with feeling, with evocation, he spoke a spell, pronouncing every word of ancient Romanian perfectly. When he finished, Cecily giggled and looked up at him, eyes full of fascination. Her chubby little fingers brushed the box's latch, and the lid popped open. Will smiled.

The sound that filled the room sounded like a thousand screaming beasts from Hell. Blackness spilled from the box, and then transformed into an overwhelming number of monsters. One knocked Will down on the ground, and another made Cecily scream before her screams were silenced. The door flew open and William Sr. was standing there, holding a massive glowing sword, and as Will watched, his father slay every monster in the room. The ones he didn't get to poured back into the box, which snapped itself shut once all of the evil was contained again.

The next thing Will heard was the sound of his father's choked sobs. He turned his head to see his father knelt over a tiny and broken form of a child. Will was still flat on his back when his father said some of the last few words he would ever say to his son.

"You did this."

From that moment on, nothing was the ever the same. Will returned with his parents to Northcliff at the end of the summer, and once there, the family continued to deteriorate. His mother refused to look at him and his father turned to heavy drinking and became abusive, torturing Will in terrible ways. No matter how many times Will told his parents it had been an accident, no matter how many times he said he didn't mean to kill his baby sister, they never believed him. According to Will's father, he was no longer their son.

Two days after his twelfth birthday, Will packed a few possessions and left at dawn's first light for London. If he had only been able to learn about all of the evils of the world, things might have turned out differently, and perhaps Cecily might still be alive. None of that mattered to Will. He had seen demons destroy more than just a person; he had seen them destroy families and lives. That reason alone was why he decided to become a Shadowhunter.

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**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Here's a teaser from Chapter 18: **

"Did she tell you to say that?" Benedict asked. "I know how convincing girls can be, especially if they're naked in your bed. Girls like that can convince you of all sorts of things. They can convince you to turn your back on your parabatai, betray the Clave… Come to think about it, your father might have known a thing or two about that sort of betrayal."


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: I did it again. I had this perfectly manageable sized chapter and then I added something and moved things around and brought up this whole… well, you'll see. And in the end the 2500 word chapter had expanded to… 5000 words. So forgive me for the abrupt ending to this chapter, but you will get a bonus: the conclusion, this very evening! Give me about an hour to work it all out, and you'll have another chapter. Thanks for reading an thanks for the awesome reviews! I have been having conversations with some of you and I am very much enjoying them. One of my favor_ite things to do is discuss books, so if any of you have any Infernal Devices theories you want to discuss, feel free to send them my way! Thank you~_**

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Chapter 18

After the theft of the Green Book, the entire Enclave was thrown into upheaval. A group of Shadowhunters were dispatched to begin searching at once for Nate, and after receiving minimal treatment from Charlotte, Jem was summoned to a room downstairs to "help make a formal report," in the words of Charlotte. There were several rooms down there, in addition to the crypt. They were used for business such as this, when someone needed to be questioned without the danger of many people overhearing.

This incident, much like the theft of the Pxyis, was another dark smudge on the façade of the London Institute. It was no wonder the Clave wanted to keep it as secret as possible, until otherwise necessary. Jem wasn't surprised when he walked into the proper room and found Benedict Lightwood and George Penhallow on one side of a heavy wooden table. Henry sat on the other side of the table, blotting his sweating forehead with a handkerchief. Shadowhunters had the best methods of torture.

"Close the door," Benedict said, and Jem pushed the metal door closed and then reached up and unbuttoned a button on his shirt. "Have a seat, James." Jem pulled out a chair and sat down before he glanced around the room.

The walls of the room were dark red brick. The floor was stone and otherwise the coolest part of the room. Behind Benedict and George there was a tapestry depicting the Angel that covered a wall, but while the tapestries upstairs were in pristine condition, this one had seen wear. The room was lit by two gas lights lit so brightly, it hurt Jem's eyes to look at them. He had already changed out of his blood soaked clothes, and Charlotte had washed his hair in the kitchen sink, and it stuck to his face and neck in odd places. He already felt feverish, and being in a place this small made his heart beat just a little harder than necessary. Jem had even taken his medication, but he was still far from feeling healthy.

"You don't look so good, James," Benedict said, without an ounce of sympathy. "Are you going to be alright?"

Jem swallowed. "I'm fine," he said. "Why am I here?"

"You were the last to see Nate Grey, whom you have accused of stealing a green book," Benedict said.

"The Green Book," George said, and Jem wanted to giggle despite his discomfort. A vein twitched in Benedict's neck and he scowled at George, narrowing his eyes just enough, before turning back to Jem.

"We have found that this book is indeed missing, as is Nate Grey," Benedict said. Jem nodded. "Before tonight's incident, did anything seem odd about Nate Grey?" Jem shrugged.

"He told me that our kind, meaning, the Shadowhunters, wanted to purify the world of evil," Jem said. "He said the Accords were a sham. He said we wanted to destroy everything not Marked as we are…" Benedict looked down his long nose at Jem.

"And you never thought to report this?" Benedict asked.

"We found Nate Grey manacled to a chair in the middle of a vampire gathering," Henry said. "He had been through a lot and the Silent Brothers did all they could, but Nate was frightened."

Jem could recall that night. He had sat outside the party with the rest of the Enclave, and tried not to worry about the two people he cared deeply for. When the building had finally burst into flames Jem was among the first to rush in, and he spent much of the battle watching Will's back, and making sure that Tessa was safe. He had been watching her when he had taken a dagger to the collar bone and he hadn't even felt the pain until much later. She was a distraction.

Tessa had distracted him again, even now. Jem could have sworn he heard her voice somewhere close by, but by the time he really listened for it, all he heard were heavy foot steps outside the door, followed by the soft click of a pair of women's heels following. Jem heard a door squeak open and then slam shut somewhere down the hallway.

"James, I said, why didn't you report Nate Grey's strange behavior?" Benedict asked.

"He's hardly the first man who's ever opposed the Accords," Jem replied, setting his eyes upon Benedict. "People died in the raid on deQuincey's townhouse. Three of our own perished. In the scheme of things I thought perhaps Nate was just agitated and confused."

"And his sister? Tabitha, is it?" Benedict asked.

"Tessa," Jem said evenly.

"Does she seem agitated and confused?" Benedict questioned.

"No, never," Jem replied. She had always seemed so clear headed.

George asked where Nate had been during the day, and Henry replied that he assumed he would have been in his bedroom.

"You would assume?" Benedict asked. "Do you even know what goes on in this Institute, Henry? Or are you to busy playing with your toys?" Henry was shamed into silence and sat in his chair with his hands in his lap.

"Nate never left his-" Jem said, but then he remembered Tessa telling him, right before he left for the party at Magnus's house, that Nate had been found wandering around. He had been looking for the Library and Jem had told Tessa to take him to the Library. "I never saw Nate out of his room." It wasn't a lie but it certainly wasn't the truth. Benedict nodded.

"Theresa Catherine Grey," Tessa's voice floated into the room. Jem looked at the door, then back to Benedict, who smiled. In battle, it was so simple to figure out who the enemy was, but in life, that wasn't always the case.

"And where was Tessa Grey in the time before the demon attack and theft?" Benedict asked, his cloudy green eyes glaring at Jem. Jem shook his head. "Answer the question, Carstairs."

"She was with me in my bedroom," Jem replied.

"When did she come to your room?" Benedict asked.

"Earlier today," Jem said, and Benedict looked dubious. He glanced over at George, who nodded.

Jem could hear the deep tones of a man's voice talking somewhere, as well as the high cadence of Charlotte's voice. His hands felt cold and he looked down to see his palms flat on the table, sticky with sweat. It felt as though the room was getting even warmer, and Jem felt sweat running down his back.

"How long was Miss Grey in your room?" Benedict asked.

"I don't know," Jem said.

"You don't know?" Benedict asked.

"New York, New York," Jem heard Tessa say brightly.

"James," Benedict said. "How long was she in your room?" Jem looked at Benedict. He thought about waking up to Tessa at his side. He thought about kissing her and resting a shaky hand on her hip. He thought about her smile and how warm she had been. Making love to Tessa was a spiraling descent into the most pleasurable part of life itself.

"Jem," Henry said. "How long?"

"I can't remember," Jem said. He shook his head. "She was there when I woke up and she left right before Miss Lovelace came to tell me… about Will."

"Richard and Elizabeth Grey," Tessa said, sounding unsure of herself. Jem looked at the door and then the wall, and then at Henry, who stared at his hands.

"She was with you, in your room, all day?" Benedict asked.

"She must have been. But she had nothing to do with this," Jem said. Benedict nodded, then looked at George and nodded again. It was clear that they didn't believe Jem.

"So what did you and Miss Grey do all day?" Benedict asked.

"That's none of your business," Jem said.

"Everything is my business," Benedict said. "What did you and Miss Grey do, Carstairs? Did you read? Did you play her some music? Did the warlock girl offer herself up and you thought you didn't want to die having never tasted the pleasures of sex? Is that it?"

Henry, catching on, moaned. Jem could appreciate how bad this looked for everyone in the Institute, but when Benedict glared at him Jem stared back, matching the older man's menacing look. There was a knock at the door, and then it opened and Charlotte looked in. She asked for Henry and Henry gave Jem a concerned look before he stood up and walked out.

"Now if you'll excuse me…" Jem began. He was halfway to his feet when he heard Tessa scream, loudly. George reached over and grabbed Jem's arm, he squeezed it tightly and Jem cried out, trying to pull away, but he couldn't move. George pushed Jem back down into his chair and gripped his forearm tightly.

"So I was correct, you did have sex with her," Benedict said. "At the very least it appears that you care for her. You're a good boy, James. You came from a… decent family."

"Thank you, Benedict, you have a decent family as well," Jem said. George squeezed his arm some more and Jem clenched his teeth and tried to block out the pain. This was the arm he had broken just this morning. It hadn't hurt until now.

"Your family never got mixed with the wrong sorts of folks," Benedict said.

"No, demons were their downfall," Jem said smartly. "What does my family have to do with this? If I'm a good and honest boy you should take my word when I say that Tessa had nothing to do with any of this."

"Did she tell you to say that?" Benedict asked. "I know how convincing girls can be, especially if they're naked in your bed. Girls like that can convince you of all sorts of things. They can convince you to turn your back on your parabatai, betray the Clave… Come to think about it, your father might have known a thing or two about that sort of betrayal."

"That's irrelevant," Jem said, shaking his head. Benedict smiled. "My father never turned his back on the Clave." Benedict nodded knowingly. "Tessa never convinced me of anything, and I would never betray Will or the Clave. It was just…"

"Of course, just a way to pass the time," Benedict said. "Just a way for you to blow off some steam. She's just a warlock girl, after all. They're expendable. Easily used, easily forgotten."

"You would know," Jem said, he felt George's fingers tense on his arm before he saw the silvery flash that was Benedict Lightwood come across the table. Jem didn't have a chance to flinch and took the stinging palm of the man's hand across his face. He tasted blood and he spit some on the table. "Torture me all you want. I've had worse." Benedict sneered and sat back down.

"At the very least a girl let you take advantage of her so you would be out of Nate Grey's way," Benedict said. "It's happened before. Women can be so bewitching, especially when you 17 and the clock is running out on your life. At the very worst, you had a hand in this entire plot, start to finish. What's it going to be?"

"Neither," Jem said. "Tessa and I had nothing to do with any of this."

"I thought you were a good and honest boy," Benedict said. "I just want to know why you would even consider spending time with a girl like Miss Grey. You don't even know her history, or what kind of… person she is."

"I know she's a human," Jem said.

"James," Benedict said, sweetly. "I know you're a good boy. And believe me, I know what it's like to be 17. I know what it's like to want to make a pretty girl happy at any cost. You aren't going to get in trouble… Just tell me what Miss Grey asked of you."

"She never asked anything of me," Jem said.

"Then I'm going to lay it all out for you very plainly," Benedict said. "Greater Demons don't just show up, they are summoned. They can be summoned by warlocks. Miss Grey could or could not be a warlock… we have someone checking now." Jem tasted bile in the back of his throat. "The demon attack occurred at approximately 3:16 in the afternoon. According to Henry you had breakfast at 7:30, and training at 10, where you were wounded, and then you spent the remainder of the day in your bedroom, with Miss Grey, and evidence points to-"

"What evidence?" Jem asked, and Benedict just smiled. "You searched my room." Charlotte had washed his hair in the kitchen and had brought him clothes downstairs; he had dressed in the pantry.

"You were sexually active with Miss Grey at least once this afternoon, more than likely around three in the afternoon," Benedict said.

"No," Jem said.

"When Will was burning alive you were naked in bed with Tessa Grey. When the team was rushed back to the Institute for treatment, and when most everyone was in the Infirmary, Tessa was no longer with you. You left Will's side, you went to the Library, and whether Nate stole the book or you gave it to him, when everyone's back was turned, Nate Grey vacated the Institute. Who showed him the way out?" Benedict asked. Jem was shaking his head.

"No," Jem said. "It's not what you think. We were just sleeping. She had nothing… Tessa doesn't know the way out!" Benedict just sat back and smiled. George still had a tight hold on Jem's arm, but the pain was secondary.

Tessa had asked Jem if he might like to share breakfast with her this morning, and Jem, still stinging from the last night's fight with Will, had accepted. From there, everything Tessa had done had only drawn Jem closer to her. Tessa had kissed him in the Library, she asked if he might like to read later, in the Library. When Jem woke up in the afternoon, she had been there. She had been the one who kept going as they stripped off their clothes, all of the times Jem had said they shouldn't do what they both wanted to do. Jem had practiced restraint, Tessa had not.

And yet she was only Tessa, a confused American girl, possibly in love with two boys, responding to the love and affection of one of them. She wasn't capable of this. Jem could love most anyone, but he saw more than just love with Tessa. He would have endured the worst torture just to be with her. He had sworn, by the Angel, to protect her no matter what, and that protection didn't stop, even as Jem was beginning to doubt who Tessa was.

"We just want to know what she is," Benedict said.

Jem heard Tessa scream, very loudly, and he did not hesitate. He screamed back, and in the moment that a shocked look crossed George's face. Jem took this moment to pull his fist back and then hit George between the eyes. George didn't blink and he certainly didn't let go, even as blood began to poor down his face.

In Idris, during intense combat training, Jem had learned how to snap his own wrist, should it be trapped in someone or something's grasp, and he considered doing that to free himself from George, but didn't want to give either man the satisfaction of seeing him in pain.

"I don't know," Jem said. "She's human. I know it, she's human." Tessa screamed again and Jem yelled back, but Tessa kept screaming. Benedict slammed his fist onto the table.

"You had sex with a girl, and all you can say is she's human?" Benedict asked. "Answer me, Carstairs. What is she!"


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

An hour later, drained and weary, Jem left the room and began down the hallway leading to the steps that would take him to the main floor and to the Infirmary. He stopped outside of another room, and he heard Tessa crying behind the door. A small part of him wanted to burst in, to pick Tessa up like some fictional hero, and to run off with her. Will would have done that, no, Will had done that. Jem wouldn't. He listened to her sobs for a second longer before he continued walking.

He heard someone talking very quietly before the door to Henry's crypt opened. Charlotte and Henry walked out. Charlotte looked at Jem and gasped a little.

"Henry?" Jem asked. "Who was my father's parabatai?" Henry studied him for a long second before he looked over to Charlotte, who nodded.

"I'm surprised it's never come up before…" Henry began. "Your father's parabatai was… William Herondale… Senior."

"I thought so," Jem said, and he turned away and headed upstairs, to the Infirmary.

He paused before pushing open the door to the Infirmary, and all of the recent and horrible memories came rushing back. Jem walked in to see that two Silent Brothers remained, standing near the window, looking like three dimensional ghosts. The Infirmary was now lit dimly with witch light. Several Lightwoods were gathered around the bed of a boy almost completely covered by sheet. His face was unrecognizable. Across the room there was another boy in a bed, but this boy's face was covered with bandages. Beside the bed sat a warlock dressed in black, both of his hands covering his mouth. The boy was still, so very still, an exact contrast to how Will had been the last time Jem had seen him, fighting to survive.

So this was how it was going to end. Jem had pictured it many times before, in fleeting instances of doubt clouded by fear, but he never thought he would see the moment so clearly. Jem felt something in his stomach, some strange feeling that bubbled into his lungs and then spilled out of his mouth with a sound. He quickly covered his mouth as Magnus's head snapped up, and Jem felt the feeling again before he removed his hand from his mouth. That time he ears caught the choked sob that echoed off of the Infirmary walls. Jem hit his knees and put his head down, willing tears to come, but they would not, and so he sobbed again. He would have died for Will, only, now, he didn't have to.

"No," Jem said. "No. No. No. No."

"No!" Magnus exclaimed, and hurried over. He dropped down beside Jem and wrapped his arms around Jem's shoulders. Jem laid his head on Magnus's shoulder. He smelled vanilla and sandalwood. "No, Jem, he's not gone. I just gave him the poison's anecdote and the Silent Brothers put a block on his mind so he would sleep without pain. Time will tell if he recovers or not."

"He's not…" Jem began.

"He's still alive," Magnus said, and his hand brushed Jem's wrist and pushed his shirt sleeve back, and Jem saw that his binding rune was solid black once more. "Come sit down, you look horrible." Magnus helped Jem off of the floor and over to Will's beside.

Jem remained in the Infirmary with Magnus until Charlotte came and coaxed Jem to the dining room for some food. He was starved, and hadn't eaten since breakfast, and, in fact, the last thing that had been in his stomach had been alcohol, nearly six hours before. Charlotte sat by as Jem worked his way through a bowl of porridge, and then she walked him up to his room and left him at the door.

With a sigh, Jem pushed open the door and prepared himself the sight that would greet him. When he had left, the bed had been in complete disarray and the window had been open, but when he walked inside, he saw that the bed was made perfectly and the window was shut. The room should have been ransacked but it was perfectly neat, and everything was in its proper place. On the bedside table sat a bowl of Jem's favorite honey candies from a sweet store close to Hyde Park. A storm raged outside, and torrents of water battered the side of the Institute and ran down the window in waves.

"Will you need your bed turned down, Mr. Carstairs?" A voice asked, and Jem turned, shocked, to see Sophie at the door. Her hands were folded in front of her, and her fingers were knotted so tightly together, her knuckles were white.

"You made my bed," Jem managed.

"I came to collect your laundry and saw that your sheets needed a washing," Sophie said.

"You didn't have to-"

"Your sheets needed a washing," Sophie repeated. "I was only doing my job, Mr. Carstairs. That's not a problem, is it?"

"Thank you," Jem said, carefully.

"I guess congratulations are in order," Sophie said. "It's just like your wedding night. It must have been a good one. We girls are always told to put on a good show the first time. I know I did. Even Will was impressed." Jem felt his jaw drop.

"Not a word. To anyone," Jem said. Sophie smiled and Jem was shocked someone so sweet could hide their pain so easily.

"Of course not. Will would just die if he knew about you and Tessa," Sophie said. "Then again, he took the virginity of a girl you liked, twice, actually. It's only fair that you do the same."

"She wasn't a conquest," Jem said.

"Of course, neither you nor Will would ever admit to something as shallow as conquests. The girls ask for it, don't they?" Sophie asked. "Ambriel Lightwood, she asked for it. I asked for it. Tessa…" Sophie's lip twitched into a little half smile. "Tessa asked for it, and you gave it to her, without even considering the consequences. Such a twist, isn't it? The only girl you ever loved betrayed you."

"She did not betray me," Jem said, and Sophie nodded. "Is there something you need, Sophie?"

"I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about Will," Sophie said. "I wouldn't wish a brush with a Greater Demon on anyone. Not even him. Best wishes on a quick recovery for him."

"Thank you," Jem said.

"Can I turn down your bed for you?" Sophie asked. "Perhaps tuck you in? Or am I not pure enough for you?" Jem met Sophie's eyes, wishing she would just shut her mouth, and stop talking about this, now, because he honestly couldn't deal with it. Sophie saw that she was getting to Jem and she continued. "I know how you feel about virgins. They're so clean, so untainted, so… nonthreatening. Nothing like Will."

"Sophie, if you care the least bit about anyone in this Institute, you'll keep this between you and I," Jem said.

"You, and I, and Tessa," Sophie said. "Correct?"

"Correct," Jem said.

"Very well," Sophie said, "I hope you have a most pleasant sleep indeed, despite everything that has to be weighing on your mind." Without another word, Sophie left him alone.

Once she was gone, Jem changed into his pajamas and dressing gown, then opened his bedroom door, peered out, then crossed the hall, and knocked on Tessa's door. Tessa opened the door and looked out. She was dressed in a white dressing gown and her hair was wet. She looked frightened, badly frightened, and she was biting her lip as she stared at Jem.

"What happened?" Jem asked. Tessa shook her head. "Tessa."

"Nate stole from your library… he took a very important book," Tessa said. "The Clave wanted to know if I had anything to do with it. They looked to see if I had the mark of a warlock…"

"They didn't… violate you, did they?" Jem asked.

"No," Tessa said, and Jem knew she was lying. Her finger nails were ripped and her knuckles were bruised. She had fought with someone, and not without reason. A door slammed shut, somewhere in the Institute, and Jem nearly jumped out of his skin and looked in the direction of the noise. When he turned back, Tessa was silently crying into a handkerchief.

"Who?" Jem asked. Tessa shook her head. "Tessa, who?"

"Michael Lightwood," Tessa said, and Jem thought he might be sick. Michael had to have been distraught over Gabriel's injury, and had taken it out on Tessa. Tessa just stood in front of Jem and cried. Jem was feeling a sort of numb shock all over his body. He wanted to actually commit murder, damn the consequences, but then he knew he could not.

Benedict had asked so many questions and Jem hadn't had the answers to all of them. His head was starting to ache again and he looked up at the crying girl he had sworn to protect. He had planned on protecting her from Will's advances. He had not planned on protecting her from the Clave… and why should he? Benedict was right, all evidence pointed to Tessa distracting him at crucial points throughout the day. He hadn't even assessed Nate as an enemy at first, because Nate was Tessa's brother, and if she was innocent, so was he. Jem started to feel dizzy and he wanted to sleep. He wanted to pretend that when he woke up none of this had happened. He wanted to think the best of Tessa, and not that she had betrayed him.

When words could not come, or could not say enough, Jem walked into her room, closed the door definitively, pulled her close, and kissed her cheek before he lifted her into his arms. He carried her across the room and deposited her onto the bed, then kicked off his shoes and lay down beside her. He extinguished the lamp beside the bed, and fell asleep with Tessa in his arms.

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**Author's Note: Thanks for reading as well as the reviews! Here is a Chapter 20 teaser:**

"It all seems so planned," Jem said, looking up, but not at Tessa. "I let my guard down with you because I liked you, and it feels like you might have used that against me. You distracted me, all afternoon…"


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Early the next morning Jem woke up beside Tessa, who was sleeping peacefully. His head was aching and he felt feverish. He climbed from the bed, found his shoes, and crept from the room. He crossed the hall and went to his room, which had the audacity to be as neat as Sophie had left it. Jem closed the door and leaned against it, and just like that he was transported back to the night he had walked into his room, prepared to die as four floors below him a party continued.

His plan had been simple, to bleed on the floor until he could bleed no more, but then Will had sat up in bed, run over, and had saved him, and then afterwards, they had made love so sweetly, Jem wanted to survive, if only for Will.

Now it was Will who's life hung in the balance between life and death. Each and every time Jem nearly died, he would wake up to find Will at his bedside. Though Will never had to say anything, Jem always knew that he had again prepared himself for Jem's death. After years of expecting to die, Jem was unprepared to sit by and watch Will die.

The mere thought of Will's death tore at a place in Jem's stomach. Jem clamped a hand over his mouth, bolted into the bathroom, and began vomiting blood into the sink, staining the white porcelain a reddish black. It was always Will that would come running when he heard Jem coughing this hard, no matter what, day or night. Jem owed his life to Will and now that Will was hurt, and possibly close to death, Jem had no one left to save him.

He had just sunk to the floor, trailing a palm's worth of blood down the wall, and had begun to scream as horrible visions crossed before his eyes. He saw Will burst into flames again and again. He saw Michael Lightwood standing before Tessa in a room made of stone, a sinister look on his face as Tessa cried with her head in her hands. He saw a room with a fire burning bright. He saw a little boy in red pajamas with dragons on them shrieking as a man who looked like his father but moved like a demon injected a poison into his veins again and again. He saw his mother die bound to a chair. Jem never saw the rescue. There was never a happy ending.

Suffocating blackness descended upon Jem. He felt his lungs trying to breath but he couldn't take in any air. Jem wondered why and how he was still conscious. He heard the door open and then Henry ran into the bathroom and gave Jem an injection. Jem blacked out and woke back up in Henry's arms.

"It's going to be okay," Henry said, "you just have to believe that."

When Jem finally made it downstairs, he saw Tessa sitting by herself at the dining room table. The room felt decidedly hostile, as one end of the table was filled with the oldest children of the Lightwood family, as well as Benedict, who glared at Jem as soon as Jem walked in. Jem gathered his food and then walked over to Tessa and sat right beside her.

"I heard you screaming," Tessa whispered. She had barely touched the food on her plate. Jem shrugged.

"I need to talk to you," he said softly.

"Of course," Tessa said. They ate their breakfast in silence.

When they had finished, Tessa followed Jem out of the dining room. They walked down long and twisting corridors until the only thing they could hear were Tessa's footsteps. Jem finally stopped at the door to the Sanctuary. They had come here to meet Lady Belcourt, and this had been the first place Jem had ever seen Tessa Change before his eyes. She had been so frightened by the Change, and while Jem had hardly known her at all, it was the first time he realized that he cared about her and what happened to her, no matter what form she was in.

Without a look back to the girl behind him, Jem pulled out his stele, and drew a rune which opened the door to the Sanctuary. He held it open as Tessa stepped through first. Jem followed, and he let the door close with the sound of all the air being sucked from the room. Just as the door closed, the sound of gears and bolts whirred as they rotated, twisted and then locked into place. The door was one solid piece of metal with only a key hole where a door knob would be. Jem shivered and then put his stele back into his pocket.

"James?" Tessa asked, and Jem turned to her. Her face was pale in the candle light emitting from a row of candelabras. She looked frightened. The only sound Jem heard was the water bubbling in the fountain which sat in the middle of the room, and Tessa's quick breathing.

"Why don't you have a seat?" Jem asked, and Tessa sat down in a black velvet chair, fanning herself with her hand. Jem glanced at her before he turned away. He stepped over a circle on the floor, studiously avoiding the outline.

"What's that?" Tessa asked, and Jem turned around. Tessa was pointing to the circle he had stepped over, which was actually made of iron, and set into the floor of the Sanctuary. The iron was etched with runes, all surrounding one large rune, placed in the middle, which pulsated with a red and black glow. The floor around the circle was covered with runes as well.

"Why do you need to know?" Jem asked coolly. Tessa was taken aback at Jem's tone. Her cheeks flushed red and she laid her hands in her lap.

"It's just that you purposely stepped over it. I was just wondering…" Tessa said. "Is it important? Or will you fall through?" She gave Jem a nervous smile and he sighed heavily.

"It's just a sewer lid," Jem said. "It's bad luck to step on cracks."

"You believe in luck now?" Tessa asked. Jem shrugged. "Why is there a sewer lid in the middle of the Sanctuary? Is there a sewer beneath the Institute?"

"You ask so… many…. questions," Jem lamented, looking up at the low ceiling. The tone of his voice reflected his exhaustion at answering questions. Tessa just crossed her legs at the ankle, and clasped her hands, and after a moment, Jem continued walking around the fountain and over to a stone alter There was an ancient looking book sitting open on the altar, and Jem turned the pages carefully, collecting his thoughts, before he spoke. "Tessa?"

"Yes, James?" Tessa asked, and Jem was quiet.

Jem was again finding it hard to say the right words to Tessa. Conversation should have been free flowing between them given all they had experienced yesterday, and yet Jem was unable to connect the girl he had been intimate with yesterday to the frightened girl of today.

"I want… Tessa… I need to know…" Jem began. "Did you betray me?"

"What are you talking about?" Tessa asked.

"Will was injured by a Greater Demon and I was injured by your brother, who stole something from my Institute. Something of apparent great power…" Jem said, turning the pages of the book. He didn't look up, he just looked at the runes printed across the pages, and waited for an answer.

"James," Tessa said.

"It all seems so planned," Jem said, looking up, but not at Tessa. He focused on a tapestry and prayed for the strength to make it through this. "I let my guard down with you because I liked you, and it feels as though you might have used that against me. You distracted me, all afternoon…"

"Are you accusing me of something?" Tessa demanded.

"I just want the truth!" Jem exclaimed, spinning around. He saw her eyes go wide and her lips part just a little in shock. "Tessa. Tessa…." He walked over, he knelt beside the chair as he had the time he looked not into Tessa's eyes but instead the cold eyes of a vampire, but he knew that the girl he had fallen for was still under there. Jem touched her hand. "I love you and I just want to know the truth."

"I had nothing to do with either incident," Tessa said. "Will went on a dispatch. You and I had sex and then we fell asleep together, and when we woke up you asked that I leave your room. I was in my room when I heard Jessamine come to get you. I can't summon a Greater Demon and I was barely speaking to Nate, let alone being an accomplice to his plans!"

"And when I went to the Infirmary? Where did you go then?" Jem asked.

"I poured a bath and I soaked for a long while, at least, until Charlotte came to summon me for questioning," Tessa said.

"You never left your room?" Jem asked.

"Where would I have gone?" Tessa retorted. "I didn't even know about Will until Michael told me what had happened." Jem stood up and turned his back on her. He gripped the back of a chair so hard that his knuckles went a silvery white. The subject of Michael Lightwood was something Jem didn't even want to think about at the moment. When he should have felt compassion for the Lightwood family, he instead felt blind hatred towards them. "You are going to believe what you want, of course." Tessa was still talking. Jem spun back to her.

"I'm going to believe the truth!" he exclaimed. "Will's life is hanging by a spider's thread. At any second cataclysmic events could unfold, brought on by your brother. I just want the truth!"

"You have it," Tessa said, staring back into his eyes, her gaze unwavering. "I came to this Institute because I was injured and had nowhere to go. I thought you might help me find Nate and then he and I could leave this place, and go home! I never wanted this!"

"I'm sorry you have to deal with it," Jem said. "If I could have spared you all of this, I would have." He looked at the floor and let the room settle into silence. If it was quiet, Jem could pretend that Tessa wasn't here, and that he didn't really have to do what he had set out to do. "Tessa." Jem turned his head to the side and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Yes?" Tessa asked. Her voice dripped pure venom. She had to have known.

"Yesterday was a mistake. I was stupid and selfish, and it should have never happened," Jem said. "I was weak when you needed me to be strong. I was selfish. I wanted you for little more than sex and I'm sorry. You deserve more than a man who puts his needs above yours. It will not happen again."

"I was under the impression that it meant more to you than just sex," Tessa said.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Jem said placidly. "The good news is, no one but Sophie knows, and no one would believe her anyway." He smiled. "We can pretend it never happened."

"But it happened," Tessa said.

"And it will never happen, ever again," Jem said, turning back to the book. "It was a mistake; it meant nothing, end of story."

"I watched you fall in love," Tessa said.

"You thought I fell in love," Jem said. "You were the one in love. I was having sex."

"But I was looking at you. It meant something to you, beyond sex," Tessa said, and Jem shrugged. "If it really meant noting, then look me in the eyes right now and tell me so. At least Will has the decency to look me in the eyes even as he breaks me down. I don't believe you. This isn't you." Jem turned and looked directly into her eyes.

"Yesterday meant…" Jem began, and he looked away from her. He clenched his fist and released it. "Yesterday meant…"

"Jem," Tessa said, desperately. "Jem."

"It meant something at the time, but now…" Jem began, and Tessa jumped up, stormed over to the door, and slammed her hands against it. "Tessa."

"Please let me out of here!" Tessa cried.

"Tessa, calm down. You making yourself hysterical-" Jem said, and Tessa screamed. "No one can hear you, Tessa." Tessa fell back against the door and looked at Jem.

"It's Will, isn't it? That's why you're discounting everything we had together, because you're afraid of him, and how he'll react when he finds out you moved on," Tessa said. Jem looked up at Tessa, pain flashing briefly across his face. "Do you at least love him?"

The first time Jem thought he might love Will, he had been sitting on his window seat, tears pouring down his cheeks as he looked out into the court yard and clutched a photograph of his parents. Will had burst into the room, holding a small box in his hand. Inside the box there was a chunk of jade that Will had pressed into his hand. Then he took the picture and held Jem's hand tight, and let Jem lay his head on Will's shoulder, and they sat that way until much later, when Jem had finally calmed himself down. Even then, Will stayed with him, and in the midst of everything, Jem thought that he had lost everyone he loved, but he may have also gained someone to love.

The second time Jem thought he might love Will, Will had been holding a stele to Jem's wrist in a cold chapel, and his other hand was holding Jem's hand tightly as he drew a binding rune. Jem was in great amounts of pain and he thought he might even pass out. Will was talking quietly, so that no one could hear it but Jem. Will was telling him that it might hurt now, but it wouldn't hurt forever, and Jem thought that he might be able to love the man he was bound to.

The third time Jem thought he might love Will, he had been standing at a society ball in Idris, watching as Will and his dance partner worked their way through a quadrille with three other couples. While possessing an innate sense of rhythm as well as refined coordination, Jem preferred to leave the performing to Will. Will was, of course, seducing his dance partner with his eyes alone. Jem was making plans for fifteen minutes later, when he would be, as usual, holding Will's coat and keeping watch as Will kissed and handled that poor unsuspecting girl in whatever place they might find. Then, he saw Will tear his eyes from his partner and give Jem the same look he had been giving the girl, but Will had coupled it with a smile and a glance at the door. Jem smiled back and began making other plans.

After a spirited finale, Will bowed to his partner, and then introduced her to another gentleman before he crossed the room, took his drink from Jem and downed it in one ungentlemanly gulp. Will had remarked that it was stuffy in the ballroom, and that perhaps Jem might like to get some air, and Jem agreed and slipped with Will out of the back door of the manor house.

They walked for close to a half mile along a bridle path, beneath a nearly full moon. It was late in the spring, nearly summer, and the rain soaked earth radiated humidity as the night temperatures cooled only slightly from the heat of the day. It was almost two in the morning and Jem was feeling a bit drunk, but Will had taken his hand thirty paces from the manor house, so Jem was perfectly happy with going wherever Will led him. Forty paces from the manor house Will had pulled a flask of gin from the inner pocket of his jacket. He had taken a sip and then passed it to Jem, who also had a sip before he passed it back, and they kept drinking from the flask until it was gone, and they were standing at the edge of an expansive lake.

Will stared at the water with his blissfully drunk expression before he reached up and removed the ascot he insisted had been choking him from the moment Jem had installed it around his neck. He dropped it to the ground, and then dropped his white gloves. Then the brand new black coat with tails Henry had bought Will specifically for Idris hit the ground, then his blue waist coat, his white shirt, and his undershirt all followed. Will kicked off his shoes.

"What are you doing?" Jem asked, standing by, keeping himself steady and upright with both hands on his cane. Will laughed obnoxiously, and then he unbuttoned his pants, pulled them down, dropped his drawers on top of them, bent over, and nearly fell removing his socks. Then, completely naked, Will bolted for the water and dove into it, displacing the once glassy surface in an explosion of pale skin, black hair, and fresh runes.

Jem put his still gloved hand to his forehead and moaned. He felt the world tilt beneath his feet so he looked back up.

"JAMES!" Will yelled, breaking the surface of the water. "Get your ass in here!"

"You know I hate water," Jem said, and Will spent the next ten minutes coaxing Jem into the water before Jem, finally sick of standing on the bank of a lake dressed in formal attire, undressed and walked into the water up to his knees. Will crept up, giggling all the while, grabbed Jem by the hand, and pulled him in. As Jem gasped and went under the water, he couldn't help but notice the slick feeling of Will's body beneath his, and he suddenly didn't mind water as much as he had before.

Once acclimated to the water's temperature, they either treaded water or stood on the bottom of the lake less than a foot away from each other. Will had his hands on Jem's arms, gently rubbing them beneath the water. Jem could still hear Mozart's "Violin Concerto Number 3" playing at the manor as he leaned forward and kissed Will on the lips. Will kissed back, closing his eyes and dropping his hands to Jem's lower back, pulling Jem even closer, until every bit of skin which had the potential to touch was pressed together.

Occasionally, Jem wondered what he would do if he looked up to see someone standing on the shore, watching, but the thought of danger was always pushed aside. Jem felt unstoppable and unbreakable in Will's arms. It was easy to think that Will loved him when the only thought in Jem's mind was Will and the only thing he felt was Will's hands all over his body. Nothing could ever feel this good, ever.

They kissed and touched until Will finally pulled away. The moon was starting its descent towards the horizon, and Will was cast in a shadow as Jem floated beside him, his features a brilliant white in the moonlight. Will kept looking over and giving Jem little smiles before they finally resumed their kissing, stopping after only a few minutes this time.

They treaded water a little more before getting out and laying beneath a willow tree, where they resumed their kissing and touching and eventually they made love, and when that was done, they crept back out to their pile of clothes. Neither felt like getting dressed so they instead lay naked and intertwined beneath a canopy of a million stars, letting the breeze dry their soaked skin. The moon was almost touching the horizon in the west as the sky began to lighten and turn pink in the east. At some point, Will began to whisper dreams he told no one but Jem, and in that moment, in that place, Jem thought, he just might be able to love Will.

The fourth time Jem thought he might love Will, he had been standing on the front steps of Camille Belcourt's home, waiting for Magnus to answer the door as Will held him in his arms. Jem could recall how that evening had turned out.

"Do you love him more than you love me?" Tessa asked.

"I don't know," Jem said. He shook his head and Tessa started to cry. She looked so broken, leaning against the door, crying, and part of him wanted to wrap his arms around her. Another part of him wanted to take back everything he just said, tell Tessa why he had said it, and then, do anything to be with her.

"But its Will," Tessa said, "you would pick Will over me."

"I picked Will over you long before you and I met," Jem said. "It's not fair to either of you that I…continue this frivolous love with you."

"Frivolous," Tessa spit out. "Please let me out of here."

"Tessa, please know that… while we may not be together, in the way you want to be… it's for the best. I have to protect you from myself," Jem said. "I can't be the man you need me to be when all I want to do is go to bed with you every night and wake up with you every morning. I can't protect you from the people I know who want to hurt you when all I want to do is give them another reason to hate you. Please, Tessa, understand."

"I will never understand why you think you can use me and then throw me away," Tessa said, and Jem walked over and grabbed Tessa's hands.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here, just the way you need me to be," Jem said. "I would never throw you away."

"Please let me go," Tessa said.

"I already have," Jem said, and he kissed her cheek before he drew an Open rune on the door, which opened.

They left the Sanctuary and began the ascent back up to the ground floor of the Institute. It was a silent walk, and Jem spent the time watching Tessa visibly weakening in front of him. He wanted to blame himself.

"Is something the matter?" Jem asked. Tessa looked up at him. She had managed to quell her tears and wipe her face. They were now approaching the main stairway, and Jem could see Henry and Charlotte talking with a few members of the Clave.

"We can be friends," Tessa said. "Being your friend is better than nothing at all."

"I loved you, Tessa," Jem said. "I just can't…Tess?" Tessa had turned a ghostly pale shade, and her breath was making an odd noise in her throat.

"I think that Sophie tightened my dress too much. I can barely breathe… Jem…" Tessa said, and her eyes flickered closed.

"Tessa," Jem said, and then he grabbed her waist as she fainted in his arms. He fell with her, and as he hit the floor, he glanced at the beautiful and innocent face above him and couldn't help but think that he would miss loving her.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading and thanks for all of the wonderful reviews! Here are two teasers for you! **

"That's doubtful," Jem said, carefully taking Will's hand. "I've been with him much longer than you have."

**And:**

Jem glanced over at Gabriel's bed and wondered if his father ever knew about that one time at Shadowhunter Academy.

**Hehe. Thanks for reading! **


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"Tessa!" Jem exclaimed. He saw Charlotte and Henry look up but before they began towards him, but before they got to him, Jem pulled Tessa across his knee and hastily unlaced the back of her dress. Tessa took a very large breath of air and came to with her head against Jem's chest and her hand clutching his shirt, her chest heaving quite obviously. Jem looked up to see Charlotte, Henry, five members of the Lightwood family, and half of the London Clave gaping at the spectacle he and Tessa had made. Charlotte had a hand over her mouth and Henry's face was bright red. All of the men in the group were averting their eyes from Tessa's exposed back and all of the girls, Jessamine included, were trying to figure out if Tessa had planned the whole thing.

"I was under the impression that he was a gentleman," Sam Lightwood said briskly. Jem pushed Tessa into a sitting position and then clamored to his feet, and helped her off the floor. By then Charlotte got to them, and Jem was more than happy to slip down the hallway to the Infirmary.

The Infirmary was very quiet when Jem walked in. Gabriel was in much of the same state he had been yesterday, only, instead of screaming as Will had been, he had been reduced to twitching and moaning. He was covered with a soft white sheet, but beneath it, Jem could see angry red sores covering his arms and legs. Will was sleeping peacefully, his eyes closed. Magnus sat beside the bed, looking disheveled. His hands were folded and his eyes, unblinking, stared at the patient in front of him.

Jem had been wounded many, many times, either by demons or in training. Will had better luck, however, he hadn't been completely spared, and Jem could recall almost instantly the worst injury he had ever seen Will receive. It had been a hot and damp summer day two years ago when Peter Penhallow, Jem and Will's weapons tutor, had taken them out on a dispatch to take care of some obnoxious little Echzahn demon, and as a treat, Peter allowed Jem and Will to chase after it while Peter hung back and shouted advice.

Jem was in the lead, having chosen a simple feather staff, secured across his back, as his weapon of choice, while Will lagged behind with a heavier sword. They were running across rooftops, jumping over thin alleyways in pursuit of the dog-like creature. Jem loved the feeling of being airborne for a second before he landed and resumed the chase. He was so intent on the task at hand that when he saw Will leap and then disappear from view, for less than a second, he had thought that his eyes must have been playing tricks on him.

Then Jem came back to his senses and realized that Will was no longer behind him, and that he hadn't landed his last jump. Jem had abandoned the chase and ran back to the edge of the roof. There, five stories down, Will lie on his back in an alley, his limbs splayed out in all directions as he stared up at the sky, his mouth open and gasping like a fish out of water. Jem left the building's edge, kicked in the glass window of an apartment, and cut his arms severely as he burst through it. He ran down five flights of stairs to the street level.

By the time Jem had gotten to Will, blood was bubbling out of Will's mouth, and he looked terrified. His back was broken, badly, and he couldn't move or speak. He could only look at Jem with frightened eyes as Jem pulled out his stele and began a rune that did little to help. All Jem could do was sit by, fight back tears, and try to keep Will calm as they waited for help to arrive.

That had been the first time Jem had ever seen Will helpless and broken beyond simple repair. This was the second time.

"I administered more of the anecdote early this morning," Magnus said. "I can't tell if he's responding or not. Gabriel is… he doesn't seem to be in as much pain as he was before." Jem looked over to Gabriel and then looked away. He couldn't imagine suffering as Gabriel was.

"What if the anecdote doesn't work?" Jem asked.

"Then Mr. Herondale will simply expire," Magnus said. "Even if it does work, he may never be the same. You understand Greater Demons. The Demon has left its mark on Will. Will survived the encounter, as did Gabriel. We may never know the cost of that survival." Jem understood. Just as he relied on demon poison to live, Will too might have a heavy price to pay.

"You have to save him," Jem said. Magnus studied Jem. While in actual age they were little more than a year apart, Magnus had been roaming the earth for nearly 700 years before Jem's birth. That history led Magnus to live the life and have the attitude of someone much older who had, indeed, seen everything once before.

"I love him as much as you do," Magnus said, "perhaps even more."

"That's doubtful," Jem said, carefully taking Will's hand. "I've been with him much longer than you have."

* * *

After the first day, Jem's days in the Infirmary began to bleed together. On the second day Henry showed up, and when Jem asked to know details of the attack in the sewer, Henry reported that Inferion must have set up a nest in the sewer, which explained the increase in demonic activity, but there had been no way of telling that the cause was a Greater Demon. Henry had seen Will walk into the room first, followed by Gabriel. When the demon had attacked, Gabriel had pushed Will onto the floor and threw his body down onto Will, shielding Will and taking the worst of the attack himself.

"Why would Gabriel protect Will?" Henry asked. "They've been at each other's throats since you three came back from Idris. What happened over there?"

"I don't know," Jem said. "I lot of things happened in Idris. You remember how the Academy was. Everyone's trying to prove themselves there. Will and Gabriel might have fought once or twice. Will might have won both times." Jem shrugged.

"Why were they fighting?" Henry asked.

"I don't know," Jem said, through he could picture the day Will spit his front teeth onto a patch of dusty earth and lisped the words "that's what she said!" as blood ran down his chin. Gabriel had been curled up on the ground raving about his father and Jem had a feeling Ambriel had been the cause of the whole disagreement. Ambriel had been the cause of every disagreement since the Academy session had begun. It had taken a week for Will's teeth to heal; he had spent the time making lewd motions with his tongue through the gap in his teeth in Gabriel's direction whenever they were in class and then teacher's back was turned. "Everyone was fighting. We spent eight hours a day in battle training. Things got tense. Often."

Remembering the undercurrent of tension that ran through the Shadowhunter Academy brought back to Jem's mind all of the times he and Will had returned to their dorm room sweaty and covered with dirt. They found many, many ways to release that tension. Sometimes Will would be the one to grab the back of Jem's shirt and jerk it over his head, then slip his hand around Jem's stomach, turn him, and press Jem against the wall as he bit Jem's ears and occasionally made him bleed. Other times, Jem would kick the bedroom door shut, grab Will by the collar of his shirt, and throw him across the room and onto the bed before he followed, landing on Will so hard, he would leave bruises.

There were a hundred of them in the Academy dorm, a hundred 17 years olds from all over the world, primed for battle by day and match making by night. When they weren't training they were drinking and partying and experimenting with anything they could get their hands on. Will smoked opium and swore he was a ferret, Jem smoked it and swore he saw the Angel holding Will's body in his arms. It was complete and utter chaos all day, every day, and Jem was shocked that he had survived. The dorm was loud pandemonium from dawn to lights out, and Will and Jem never had to worry about being quiet at any moment during their countless encounters. Most everyone was doing it, and no one talked about it.

Jem glanced over at Gabriel's bed and wondered if his father ever knew about that one other time at Shadowhunter Academy.

"What's so funny?" Henry asked. Jem found a smile on his face he quickly hid away. Magnus was smiling and nodding.

"Nothing at all," Jem said with a shrug. "What happens in Idris stays in Idris." Henry scowled because he knew Jem was right.

On the third day Jem walked out of his room in time to see Tessa a few feet in front of him in the hallway, so he ducked into a doorway and hoped she hadn't seen him. Jem hadn't been avoiding Tessa since their discussion in the Sanctuary, but he certainly wasn't actively seeking her out and starting conversations. They had gone so far, so fast, and Jem wasn't sure how to be her friend when he had wanted to be so much more.

Now, Jem waited a minute or two before he continued down the hallway, but he caught up with Tessa just as she began down the steps. Everyone had shunned her, with the exception of Charlotte, who was her usual warm and welcoming self despite Benedict and his family being at each meal every day. Benedict vacillated between glaring at Tessa and nodding knowingly to Jem, so yesterday Jem had sat beside Tessa and shared an apple with her, but they did not speak.

Tessa didn't hear Jem walking down the steps behind her, but he was so intent on staying as silent as possible, he didn't notice the wrinkle in a bit of carpeting on the steps. His boots, and old pair of Will's that were a size to big, caught on the carpet, and the next thing Jem knew, Tessa was jumping aside as Jem rolled head over heels down the flight of stairs and landed on his back at the bottom.

"Jem!" Tessa exclaimed, and she ran down and knelt beside him. Jem recalled landing this way a few days before and breaking his arm, but he only felt bruised this time.

"Good morning," Jem said, quickly standing up without her help. "I'll just be…" He began limping away.

"Fell down, did you, Carstairs?" Michael Lightwood asked, coming from the Infirmary. "Or is your lady friend still up to her usual tricks?"

"I wouldn't know," Jem said.

"So you've had a lover's quarrel then," Michael said. "I for one didn't find anything worth loving on her, despite my tireless searching."

"Your tireless searching?" Jem asked. He felt his heart beat a little harder and his right hand clenched into a fist. He hated knowing that a Lightwood had gotten to him.

"I looked up one leg, and down the other… all in the name of-" Michael didn't have a chance to finish. He was much taller than Jem, but that didn't stop Jem from shoving Michael hard into a wall, and then giving him a strong uppercut to the jaw. Bones didn't break, but they came close.

Michael swore and wrapped his fingers around Jem's neck, and punched him in the mouth. Jem kicked Michael between the legs (the only place he could reach) and then Henry had Jem by the hair and was pulling them apart. Benedict had Michael by the arms. Michael was swearing a blue streak.

"There's a lady present!" Jem exclaimed. Tessa was still standing at the bottom of the steps, looking shocked, but she was blushing. Michael sneered.

"A lady, yes?" He asked. "I don't believe so. You made certain of that, right, Carstairs?" Jem made an awful noise and struggled away from Henry, but Henry held him tightly.

"He started it!" Jem cried. "Just let me…"

"I'm finishing it," Henry said. "Benedict, I'm sure you can handle your own son." Michael looked ill. Benedict just scowled and pulled Michael outside for some air. Henry hauled Jem down the hallway. They went into the Infirmary and Henry tossed Jem onto a bed beside Will's before he found a cold compress he dropped onto Jem's mouth. He started a healing rune. Jem waited for a lecture that didn't come. "It's going to be swollen but that should go down by lunch."

"Thanks," Jem said. His lower lip felt massive already.

"I saw what you did there, defending Tessa's honor like that," Henry said. "Did you put your weight behind that punch?" Jem nodded. "And the kick… that was cruel and unexpected." Henry smiled. "Well played, young Carstairs, well played."

Jem skipped breakfast and remained in the Infirmary until lunch time, where he left Magnus at Will's bedside and walked down to the dining room. As usual the Lightwoods were clumped at one of the table in one formidable mass of negativity and resentment. Evelyn Merryweather, Michael's fiancée, was sitting beside Michael, cutting his sandwich into small pieces. Jessamine, who was sitting beside Ambriel, and had clearly redrawn her alliances, glared at Jem, and Jem smiled back. Ambriel was glowing with her pregnancy as usual. She looked up and gave Jem a sweet smile he returned without thought. Then he turned away and collected lunch: a ham and pickle sandwich, as well as a bowl of potato and leek soup. He walked over to the table and sat beside Tessa, who was nimbly eating her own sandwich.

"Thank you," Tessa offered.

"You're welcome," Jem replied.

Henry and Charlotte walked in, and seeing Jem and Tessa sitting together, they sat across the table from them. Jem ate his meal quickly and made small talk. He was about to go back to the Infirmary to continue his vigil when Henry put up a hand.

"You have mail," Henry said, and pulled from his coat five thick envelopes. He passed them to Jem. Each of the envelopes was made of heavy cardstock and each had a different wax seal on it. Jem just shook his head.

"What are they?" Tessa asked.

"My Letters," Jem said. "It's exactly four months until my 18th birthday. I'm supposed to spend this time traveling, visiting Institutes, and deciding where to… spend my career."

"I thought…" Tessa began.

"I have a choice of whether or not I want to stay here," Jem said. "There are positions open in Institutes all over the world, for tutors, weapons specialists, trainers…" He shrugged.

"I interviewed in Japan, Hong Kong, and Dublin," Henry said, "though, and then I met Charlotte and decided to remain in London." He beamed at Charlotte, and she blushed.

"Where did you receive Letters from?" Charlotte asked. Jem squinted at the envelopes, then shook his head.

"It doesn't matter," Jem said, "I'm not going anywhere anyway." He stood up and left the room, leaving the Letters behind.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Here are two teasers! **

"But I told you to stop looking," Jem said, crossly. "I told you that six months ago. You've been looking this whole time?"

**And:**

Not many people would come to watch as Will Herondale burned again, but Jem would be there, until the very end.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Jem returned to the Infirmary to see Magnus still at Will's bedside, a book in his hands. He was so immersed in the book that he looked up quickly, startled, when Jem walked to the other side of the bed and cleared his throat.

"What were you reading?" Jem asked. "You never heard me come in- it must be good."

"Oh, yes, of course, very good, indeed," Magnus said. He quickly closed the book and dropped it into the satchel at his feet that he had been living out of for the past few days. "How was lunch? It smelled good."

"Lunch was…lunch," Jem said. He shook his head and Magnus nodded quickly. "What were you reading?"

"What was for lunch?" Magnus asked. "Anything good?" Jem studied Magnus. For a warlock that didn't need to eat, he was unusually interested in lunch. "I swore I smelled potatoes."

"Yeah… we had potato soup," Jem said. "Magnus….?" Jem glanced at Magnus's satchel and Magnus kicked the satchel further beneath his chair. "Magnus, what were you reading?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all," Magnus said.

"Magnus, after all the trouble we've had with books, you understand that you're a guest in my home, and it violates the Accords if you keep something like the nature of your reading materials from me," Jem said.

"It's just this… lovely book about… demons…and Warlocks….and Nephilim…." Magnus said. "Nothing sinister about it. Just some odd little book written by an odd little warlock 600 years ago…" He pulled the book out and showed it to Jem. The book looked older than most of the books in the Library. The cover was red and the title was in a strange language Jem had seen before. He was usually gifted with languages but found his gift noticeably absent. "The warlock that I got the anecdote from tracked down a copy for me. I haven't had this book in my possession in years. I just got it a little while ago." Jem nodded.

"Why are you reading it?" he asked.

"Research," Magnus said. "I may have found a cure."

"For Will?" Jem asked.

"For you," Magnus replied. Jem sat back in his chair and shook his head.

"But I told you to stop looking," Jem said, crossly. "I told you that six months ago. You've been looking this whole time?"

"I told you I would never stop looking," Magnus said. "I told you I would keep looking for Will, not for you." Jem glanced down at Will. His chest was barely rising and falling. He was clad in all white and covered with a white sheet. He had never been this still before; some part of Will was always in motion. "He can't live without you."

"I told you to stop looking," Jem said, and he stood up and walked across the Infirmary to the window. Magnus walked over and put a hand on Jem's shoulder.

"Just listen to me," Magnus said. "It took Will getting hurt for me to see it. Finding the cure is so simple. I don't know why we never considered it before. Good and evil are always at war with one another. What's wrong with you is evil in origin. Just like with Will's injuries, your affliction came from Hell. We just have to consider the opposite…"

"We've considered the opposite!" Jem exclaimed. "Do you have any idea what I've been through? Do you have any idea the things I've had done to my body in the name of a cure? Do you have any idea the pain I've been through? Yanluo's torture was easy compared to what the Silent Brothers have put me through. Do you know what it's like to hurt all day long? And the only thing that makes the pain stop is killing you? Do you know what it's like to have relief, no, an end in sight, and then have it ripped away again and again? Have you ever suffered, Magnus? Even once?"

"No," Magnus said. "I understand your frustration…"

"No, you don't," Jem snapped. "If you did you would be helping me die in peace. You would help me die like Will gets to."

Jem looked over at Will, laying so still, so quiet, and for a second he could imagine Will laying on a funeral pyre in the Silent City, his arms crossed over his chest, the Herondale dagger adorned with a flock of birds clenched in his fist and his eyes covered with white cloth. Not many people would come to watch as Will Herondale burned again, but Jem would be there, until the very end.

"He's not going to die. He's going to wake up very soon," Magnus said. "Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, and when he does, you owe it to Will to…" Jem shook his head and put up a hand to stop Magnus.

"I owe Will something?" Jem asked. "What do I owe him? A chance to do something else to save me? Is that it? Do I owe him the prolonging of my life just so he isn't sad when I'm gone? Does Will's need for happiness outweigh mine once again? When does that stop?"

"He loves you," Magnus said. "He would die for you, and you know it."

"He doesn't have to," Jem replied.

"He's your until death, you know," Magnus said. "You don't get to give up, no matter how hard things can be, no matter how much he hurts you. He loved you enough to swear to die for you, to lay down his own life in battle just to save yours. That stands for something."

"He was foolish when he swore that to me," Jem said. "We both were. I don't want him to suffer for a hasty decision. I want you to stop looking. Will's the one with the chance. Focus your efforts on him."

"As you wish," Magnus said. He went back to the bedside and resumed his reading.

* * *

Jem only lasted an hour or so more before he left the Infirmary and went upstairs. He felt weakened from the fight he had with Michael but didn't want to take any more medication. Instead, he climbed into bed, covered up despite how warm his room was, and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

When Jem awoke a few hours later, the sun was low in the sky, and he had a bit more strength than he had before. He climbed out of bed, and then regarded the steamer trunk at the end of his bed. Jem went to his desk and got some paper and a pen out, then locked the door, lit a few candles, and poured some brandy. He retrieved a key from his bedside table and unlocked the trunk.

Jem unloaded the trunk completely of its contents, and then picked up his paper and pen. He began a list:

House of Odiot Silver Tea Service: to Charlotte Branwell (thank you for everything)

Limoges Wedding Ring China Set: to Jessamine Lovelace (best wishes my dear)

Jade Tipped Cane: to Will Herondale (for the gentleman you will one day be)

There was a knock at the door, and Jem walked over, unlocked the door, and opened it just enough to see out. Tessa was standing close to the door.

"Tessa. Come in," Jem said, and he opened the door just enough for Tessa to walk in, and he closed it behind her.

"James," Tessa said breathlessly. "You have…" Her eyes were dancing over the tea set on the bed, the bolts of silk beside them, and the priceless vases and pieces of art stacked neatly on the floor.

"When I came here it was expected that I would never return to China, so the Shanghai Enclave packed up almost everything that belonged to my parents and sent it with me," Jem said, surveying the mess. "As you can see it's a burden."

"I think not," Tessa said.

"Can I offer you a drink?" Jem asked, lifting his glass to Tessa. She nodded so Jem poured her a glass of brandy and handed it to her. Jem offered Tessa a seat and so she sat down among the objects on Jem's bed.

"I wanted to see how you were feeling. I stopped by the Infirmary and Magnus said you had come up here," Tessa said. "He said you weren't feeling well."

"It's nothing extraordinary. Sometimes I get tired," Jem said with a shrug. He continued his list.

Silver and jade cufflinks: to Henry Branwell (wear them well)

Jem watched as Tessa touched a bolt of silk, and then looked at a lovely hand painted vase.

Green silk, Vase painted with Imperial scene: Tessa Grey (I love you)

"How's Will?" Tessa asked.

"Same as yesterday," Jem replied, looking up. "He just lays there. He's still breathing but he's doing little more than that. When I die, I don't want to just lay there for days on end waiting for my last breath. I want to either be wiped off the face of the earth by a particularly foul demon, or go to sleep one night and not wake up the next morning. I don't want anyone to have to… wait any longer, anyway." Tessa nodded.

"You have already told me that after being… intimate with me, that you don't want to be with me. Now you want to discuss your death?" Tessa asked.

"I only said I wanted to die in my sleep," Jem said. "It's not something we have to discuss. I'm going to die; I want to do it as quick and painlessly as possible."

"So you've resolved yourself to dying?" Tessa asked.

"Yes, Tessa, I've resolved myself to dying," Jem replied, almost boredly. "Is that why you are here? To talk to me and maybe brighten my spirits? To maybe… make me change my mind about the pesky death business? Did Magnus put you up to this, is that it?"

"Magnus has nothing to do with this," Tessa said. "It seems as though you are giving up."

"It's not giving up. It's accepting an inevitable conclusion," Jem said. "I'm going to die, and frankly, it might be better sooner than later."

"That's the most selfish thing you have ever heard you say," Tessa said, and Jem shrugged. "You really just wish to give up? You really want your life to end? No one in your life is worth living for? Not even Will?"

"Is Magnus still downstairs?" Jem asked. "I need to talk to him. He shouldn't be discussing my personal business with just anyone."

"What personal business?" Tessa asked. "Jem?"

"Never mind," Jem said. He looked back at his list, but after a second he felt Tessa's eyes on him and he looked up to see her silently crying. "Tessa."

"I know it's silly and you've asked me not to but I care deeply for you!" Tessa exclaimed. "Losing you… will be the worst thing that has ever happened to me."

"You've lost your parents," Jem said. "You've lost your aunt. You barely know me. I can assure you, it will not be the worst thing to happen to you."

"It doesn't matter," Tessa said. "I can't stand to sit by and watch you welcome the end of your life!"

"I'm sorry," Jem said, and he went to sit beside Tessa. "I'm just really upset about Will. He's been hurt before, but never this bad. And he has a sixth sense for demons. He should have seen this coming. He had to have been distracted." Jem shook his head. "I should have been with him."

"You had no way of knowing," Tessa said.

"We never had a problem and we were down in those sewers a hundred times by ourselves. It doesn't seem right. We could have lived down there if we wanted to," Jem said.

"In the sewer?" Tessa asked, wrinkling her nose. "How did you even get down there?" Jem studied her carefully, then, deciding she was trustworthy, explained.

"That circle on the floor in the Sanctuary I stepped over and then wouldn't tell you about," Jem said. "It's called an ossuary annex, or… a demon's hole. People used to be buried in churches, and the ossuary annex was used to hold the extra bones. When the Institute was built, the architect put one in."

"Oh," Tessa said. "There are bones beneath the floor of the Sanctuary? But I thought you burned your dead and buried them in the Silent City."

"No, dear, all of our dead sealed into the walls of the Silent City," Jem said. "We use our ossuary annex as a sort of alternate exit from the Sanctuary and Institute. One path beneath the floor leads to the Silent City. Should we need to evacuate, it's a safe place to go. Another path leads to the London sewer system, which a portion of runs beneath this very Institute. Will and I used to go down there all of the time to explore. You know Will. Always looking for trouble."

"A boy who trolls the sewers for fun sounds very much like Will," Tessa said. Jem gave her a ghost of a smile and returned to his list.

"What are you doing?" Tessa asked.

"I'm making an inventory of all I own," Jem said.

"You mean you're writing your will," Tessa said.

"If you want to word it that way, yes, I'm writing my will," Jem said. "It's better that I do this now then when Will wakes up. It's necessary. Just another piece of business to attend to."

"Along with deciding where you want to spend your career," Tessa said. "I brought up your Letters. Perhaps you should open them and see what you have to choose from."

"There will be more Letters," Jem said. "Gabriel got three hundred of them when we were in Idris. Didn't let us forget, either."

"Charlotte told me you tested first in your class for languages, and you are incredibly gifted. How many languages do you know?" Tessa asked. Jem shrugged.

"We have a rune that allows for the understanding of most every language," Jem said. "My ability is really nothing exceptional. I'm just lucky."

"But understanding a language and being fluent are two different things," Tessa said. "That's more than luck." She held the Letters out to Jem. "At least tell me who wants you." She smiled and Jem took the Letters. He tossed them onto his desk and picked up his list again.

"I'm not concerned with what Institutes want me to come to work for them. I'm of little use to them dead," Jem said. Tessa's eyes filled with tears and Jem felt horrendous. "I just want to stay in London. I like London. I like you and you are in London." He gave her a cheerful smile.

"You hate London," Tessa said, drying her eyes. "You told me once that the dampness made your bones ache."

"Well, that was before you found out the truth," Jem said. "Now you know that my bones would ache no matter where I was. I might as well just stay in London. I have family here, after all." Tessa stood up and got the Letters.

"There's no harm in dreaming," Tessa said. "You've got five letters here, from all over the world. You might as well find out where they came from."

"I'll look at them later, and tell you at dinner," Jem said.

"But I want to know now," Tessa said, and held them out to Jem. Jem grabbed the Letters from Tessa and threw them onto the floor.

"I don't know where the Letters are from!" Jem exclaimed. "I can't… read. I mean… I should be able to at least see where they are from but I can't read the addresses! It's all… foreign to me." Tessa sighed and collected the envelopes.

Jem set his list down, and unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt. He slid the sleeves up and showed Tessa the various runes that adorned his arms. All of his runes had faded to a muted black, as they had been four days before. Even his healing rune, which had been just redrawn, had faded.

"Jem," Tessa said, and she touched the inside of his arm, and Jem pulled away, as her touch literally hurt him.

"I noticed this morning, before I came downstairs," Jem said. "I fell down the steps, I can't read an address written in a different language…Michael Lightwood punched me in the mouth and I'm still not healed from it. And on top of that…" Jem shook his head and looked at the floor.

"What's the matter?" Tessa asked.

"I just don't feel good," Jem said, as his eyes filled with tears. "It's worse than it ever was before."

"Sit down," Tessa said, and Jem sat down on the bed. Tessa went and got him a glass of ice water and handed it to him.

"Water isn't going to help," Jem said.

"Drink up," Tessa ordered, and Jem had a sip. Tessa picked up the envelopes and set them on the desk, then took one and tore it open. She scanned the letter, squinting her eyes, before she made out a word. "Cairo wants you."

"I don't want you…" Jem began, and Tess pointed at the glass of water and Jem had another sip. She dropped the Letter from Cairo and opened another one.

"This ones in French. Paris," Tessa said, "The Paris Institute… that sounds wonderful." Jem shrugged. He began to say something but Tessa pointed to the glass and Jem took another drink. Tessa dropped that Letter and opened another. "Ah. Brazil." Tessa smiled to Jem, and then opened the last two Letters. "Idris, and New Delhi."

"India," Jem mumbled.

"How do you feel about curry?" Tessa asked.

"Curry is pretty good," Jem said.

"You could go to India," Tessa said. "Although, you have to take Will into consideration. How would he do in India?"

"Will could eat himself sick on curry," Jem said, and he smiled. "But I won't have to worry about taking Will into consideration, since Will is going to die. I won't even have to worry about eating too much curry, because I'm going to die as well. The only person who isn't going to die is you. When I'm gone, and so is Will, and Charlotte, and Henry… you'll be left. You and Magnus." Jem gave her a smile that melted away as tears spilled down his cheeks.

"I've liked a few people in my life. I've loved even fewer," Jem said. "I can't even think about putting my affairs in order despite needing to because I can't stop thinking about everyone I'm going to leave behind." Jem ran his fingers through his hair. "I need to be thinking about Will. He could be dying. He could not be. He could be permanently injured and… he has wishes of his own to be upheld. I need to be thinking about that, but all I can think about it what you are going to do after I'm gone." Jem sunk his fingertips into his hair and pulled so hard, silvery strands came out between his fingers. When Jem looked up at Tessa's, his cheeks were wet with tears. "Tessa."

"Jem?" Tessa asked, and Jem put a hand on his chest and coughed, once, hard.

"Tessa listen very carefully," Jem said, as blood began to pour from his nose. "This is the best way, for everyone. I need you to..." he coughed again and he felt hot, salty tears well up in his eyes as his vision went red. Tessa looked terrified but Jem remained calm and talked to her in a soothing voice. "I need you to let me die. No one will blame you. Walk out of the room and leave this up to fate."

"No," Tessa said. "I'm not leaving you. Where's your medication?"

"Please," Jem said, "Please, Tessa. Do this for me. Do this for everyone. Walk out of the door and…" He coughed again and vomited blood onto the floor, more than he had seen in a very long time. He felt his eyes roll back and his body start to shake as more blood poured from his mouth. He fell to the floor and started to scream, and then Tessa was leaning over him, looking frightened. "Please."

Jem's hands wrapped around his neck and he began to squeeze, choking all of the air out of his lungs as Tessa started to scream for help. He hoped that he had conveyed all he had needed to as he succumbed to a deep unconscious.

Two floors down, in the Infirmary, Will's eyes snapped open. He screamed and a spasm ripped through his body before his eyes went closed and all was silent once more.

* * *

**Author's Note: I'm sorry for the cliffhanger. Here, I'll make it up to you by saying that the next chapter takes place in Idris. Here is a teaser: **

"Yes. I was… she was… we were…" Will said. "We went up to her room… I don't know. One thing led to another and then she asked me to leave."

**I love hearing from everyone! Thanks for reading! **


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note: Welcome! Enjoy the chapter. I wanted to say again (because I keep forgetting) that all of these characters belong to Cassandra Clare and not me! Thank you for your continued support. Enjoy! **

**

* * *

**Chapter 23

During their 17th year, male Shadowhunters are sent by their home Institutes to the Forta Academy in Idris for four intense months of training in subjects ranging from weapons manufacturing to institute management, angelology to demonology, battle skills, and language immersion. The 17th year is very important for a Shadowhunter, as this year is spent planning for their future.

Five months before Tessa Grey had come to the London Institute and stepped firmly between Jem and Will, they had been at the Forta Academy on the outskirts of Alicante trying to figure out how to train eight hours a day, attend parties another eight, and still manage to pass their classes well enough to graduate. As students of the Shadowhunting Arts, they were scored every week of the twenty weeks they were at the Academy, as an incentive to continue their expected improvement. In the middle of February Jem was ranked 2nd out of 100 students, and Will was ranked 15th. Jem blamed the liquor Will had managed to sneak in as the reason for his poor ranking, Will blamed the forced partying.

However, Will being Will, he always found just one more party to attend. Just one more Idris society event to show off at. Just one more quadrille to dance. Just one more pretty girl to flirt his way into a closet with. While Jem was up to his elbows in Romanian translations and The History of Demons, Will was polishing his cufflinks and topping off his flask with whatever alcohol he had managed to acquire and heading out the door for another social event.

Michael Lightwood had known Evelyn Merryweather for many years. They courted for less than three months before Michael had asked Evelyn's father for her hand in marriage. Three weeks later, Jem and Will each received an invitation to the engagement party, which would be held that evening at the Lightwood Manor.

"It would do you some good to get out of the dorm once in a while," Will said. Jem looked up from his notebook and frowned. Will was dressed in black pants and a black swallow tailcoat and he had already gone into Jem's trunk and borrowed without asking a dark green waist coat. He had completed the ensemble with a silver cravat tie. Jem knew better than to suggest that Will was going "hunting."

"I trained all day," Jem said. "I was out of the dorm, all day. It would do you some good to stay in and study. Those tests won't pass themselves."

"They will if I'm sitting next to you," Will said. He gave Jem an impish grin and Jem just shook his head. "You should really come to the party. I heard they are serving lobster and caviar."

"You're lying," Jem said. Of course, he had already heard Gabriel bragging about the same thing just this morning. Gabriel's room was just down the hallway from Jem and Will's, and Jem heard most everything Gabriel had to say whether or not he wanted to. Gabriel was a more civilized version of Will. He would argue a point just to get the last word in, and Will couldn't stand to lose anything.

"You know what else I heard?" Will asked, perching on the edge of Jem's desk. Jem turned a page in the book he was studying. "Jem? Jem? Did you hear me? Do you want to know what I just overheard? Jem? Hello?"

"What, Will?" Jem asked. "What did you overhear?"

"Well I was in the bathroom so I can't know for sure the source, although, it sounds like it was Augustine Wayland. You know he's always got good gossip," Will said. "Auggie was saying that he heard that Benedict Lightwood offered to pay Percy Penhallow to be Gabriel's parabatai."

"Say that again," Jem said.

"Percy Penhallow was offered to be paid to be parabatai to Gabriel."

"Once more."

"Fuck you," Will replied. "But isn't that just the cat's pajamas?" Jem shook his head and Will laughed aloud, throwing his head back. "Oh James. Oh… James." Will pouted and put his hands on Jem's head. He completely mussed up Jem's hair, then put it back to right, then messed it up again. "James."

"Please stop," Jem said. "I'm attempting to take notes, Will."

"Come to the party. You know you don't want to miss this," Will said. "I'm going to get Gabriel so good, and he won't be able to do anything about it, since he's the best man! He has to be at Michael's side all night long!"

"I don't really care about the Lightwoods at the moment," Jem said.

"All the more reason to have fun at their expense!" Will exclaimed. "Come along, Jem. We'll just make an appearance. I won't say anything; we'll stay for dinner and then leave before the dancing."

"You won't say anything? Not one word?" Jem asked. "You'll swear on the Angel not to say one word about anyone?" Will twisted his mouth into a scowl. He could lie quite well but wasn't prepared to make the sort of vow Jem was suggesting.

"I couldn't swear on the Angel… James," Will said, "you know the Lightwoods practically beg to be gossiped about. If it's not the father's kinky lycanthrope obsession, it's the fact that Michael is obviously marrying down, Gabriel is clearly over compensating for something-"

"I have my doubts," Jem said, and Will laughed and nodded knowingly.

"There's Ambriel's little drinking problem, Samuel's obvious homosexuality… Sariel's unfortunate looks…" Will said.

"Ambriel doesn't have a drinking problem," Jem said. "You need to leave her alone."

"Ambriel doesn't have a drinking problem like I don't have a drinking problem," Will laughed.

Will had been steadily nursing gin and tonics since training had ended at five in the afternoon. It was now a quarter to eight and the dorm room had a sort of boozy haze about it. There was an almost empty bottle of gin sitting on Will's desk that he had recently lost the cap to. Will's cheeks were red and Jem had a feeling Will was only sober eight hours out of the day and even that was questionable. Will gave Jem a sweet and sedated smile and Jem shook his head.

"I wish you wouldn't drink so much," Jem said.

"I promise I won't drink if you come with me," Will said. "We could have so much fun, Jem. More fun then you are having now."

"I don't want to go," Jem said. "I have studying to do and then I would like to get some reading done. Charlotte wrote to me; I need to send a reply. There's laundry to be done and if I wait for you to do it I'll never have another pair of clean socks. I would like to get to bed at a decent time-"

"Sleep when you're dead," Will suggested. Jem gasped and looked up at Will. "I'm sorry. No, I'm not. There's a whole city out there, James. There's fun to be had, fun you won't have cooped up in this coffin someone decided to call a dorm room."

Will regarded the room they were sharing, which was big enough to hold two beds two feet apart, two desks the same distance, one closet, and enough remaining room for them to have less than a foot of space between them at any time they weren't in bed or studying. There was a tiny window that let in a pitiful little breeze. Jem's bed was against the wall with the window, and after two weeks of thinking he was going to suffocate from lack of air movement, Will moved himself permanently into Jem's bed. He preferred to spend his nights kicking Jem in the shins as much as possible as he kept his arms tight around Jem's chest.

"I just want to be alone a bit," Jem said.

"Is there a girl?" Will asked. "Have you invited a girl to our lovely dorm room?" Jem blushed. "Why, Jem, I honestly didn't think you had it in you!"

"I have not invited a girl here," Jem said. "I just need to study." Will sighed and studied Jem. He had been so quiet today. He got homesick easily and Will knew that although Jem enjoyed getting letters from Charlotte, they still reminded him that he was away from the place he called home.

"I'll stay and study," Will said, dropping his coat from his shoulders.

"I just need some space," Jem said. "I thought I might study and then go down to the Canal. You ate all of my candy so I would like to get some more. I want some time to myself."

"But I'm worried about you, as well as leaving you alone," Will said.

"I'm fine," Jem insisted. "Go. Have fun. Behave."

"Not in the slightest," Will said. He stepped over to Jem's desk and stood beside Jem, tapping his foot. Jem attempted to ignore him but couldn't. Jem looked up at Will and Will leaned down and kissed Jem on the lips. Jem kissed back, tasting little more than gin on Will's lips. Will deepened the kiss and Jem pushed him away. "I'll be home early."

"No you won't," Jem said.

"Rest up, _bocchan_," Will whispered. "You're going to need it." He kissed Jem again before he collected his top hat from his cluttered desk.

"That's Japanese," Jem said.

"What is?" Will asked. "No, I bought the hat in London."

"Never mind. Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Jem said, already feverishly writing something in his notebook.

"But I'm going, and you're staying here," Will said. "I'm already violating-" Jem looked ready to throw something so Will laughed and skipped out the door.

Once Jem knew that Will was on his way, Jem closed his notebook and looked at the other letter that had arrived along with Charlotte's. This letter was written perfect cursive, and smelled only slightly like lavender powder and flowers. The words on the paper, however, told a story the paper did not.

The letter was politely written to a "Mr. James Carstairs" and contained words like "would be best if we remained only acquaintances" and "a wonderful man, indeed, but…" and "I regretfully inform you that I am unable to accept your desire to court me at this time" and ended with "Sincerely, Ambriel Lightwood." Jem had recently seen Ambriel and her mother in a store in town, and after a brief conversation, he had wrote to her, asking if she would like to perhaps occasionally walk about town with him, and now, he had her answer.

Jem hadn't been expecting anything from Ambriel, but as they got along cordially, he thought they might be able to at least spend some time together, as friends. Gabriel must have gotten to her early on, spreading his addiction rumors and assessing Jem as the threat he wasn't.

Jem stood up from the desk, crumpled the note into a ball, then got his coat and left the dorm room, shoving the note into his pocket as he went. He walked down three flights of stairs to the ground floor, and went outside. The sun was just going down and the Demon Towers were glowing in the distance. Jem had been to Alicante twice before as a child, and he always enjoyed how the Towers made him feel: safe, protected, and home. Idris was always home to a Shadowhunter, no matter how far they had strayed.

The streets of Alicante were deserted at this hour. The Lightwood family was prominent and the engagement party would more than likely have just as many people at it as the wedding would. Jem walked to one of the many canals that bisected the city and there he ripped Ambriel's letter to shreds and tossed it in the water. The tiny bits of paper floated down the canal and into a pipe, and Jem lay Ambriel to rest once and for all.

He closed his eyes and thought about all of the girls he had known who had caught his fancy. What he loved about them had never been particularly special to anyone but Jem. There was Charlotte, whom he admired for her willfulness, and Jessamine, for her perfect looks, and Sophie, for her good and kind heart and her courage in the face of adversity. Ambriel had been all of that and more. She was good, and kind, and very good looking, all cream colored skin, brown hair and deep green eyes. Ambriel made Jem love the color green.

Everyone saw her as Gabriel Lightwood's little sister, but Jem had seen her as more. He saw her as the quiet and shy girl he had met one day when he had been seven. They had been in Alicante and their parents had been talking in the market square. Ambriel had been watching Michael and Gabriel fight over something as she also kept an eye on her three younger siblings. She had been startled when Jem had approached, tapped her on the shoulder, and offered her a single white flower. All of the adults raved at how cute it was but Jem only saw that a girl standing in the midst of such a dusty place was in need of a little beauty all her own.

When Jem had seen Ambriel again, he had been twelve and was wrapped in a blanket at the edge of the garden at the Institute, watching Will catch fireflies to present to Charlotte. Ambriel had walked into the garden with her brothers and looked past the ghost sitting on the bench and over to the boy with dark hair and light eyes holding a glowing mason jar. At that time of evening, Will had been so colorful compared to Jem. Will had paused in his hunt, smiled, and lifted a hand to wave hello to Ambriel.

From the moment Jem's hair and eyes turned silver girls had either stared at him or pretended he wasn't there. They either considered him as someone to fear, because he was allegedly an addict, or as a poor, sick boy who could die at any second. They never looked at him as a person or as a potential friend. He wanted to believe that there was a special sort of girl out there for him but had also resolved himself to living and dying with only Will at his side. There would be no Idris wedding for Jem Carstairs, he had to accept this.

Jem opened his eyes and shook his head. With the errand done, Jem went to a candy store and bought a half pound of Will's favorite candy, then a little something for himself. The sun was completely down by the time Jem had returned to the dorm. He went inside and prepared for bed, then climbed between the sheets and fell asleep.

* * *

In the middle of the night Jem heard a quiet moan, and he sat up in bed and lit his witch light stone. Will was standing at the door, attempting to remove his shoes. He looked up at Jem and squinted, then staggered backwards into the wall.

"I ran," Will said. "I don't think she told her brothers and I didn't stay to find out." Will was barely standing upright. He had been intoxicated when he left, now he was fall down drunk. "Help me, Jem, please, I need your help."

"Obviously," Jem mumbled. He climbed out of bed and helped Will over to the bed. Will fell onto it, face up, and he lay completely still.

"I've done something very bad," Will mumbled. Jem lifted Will's legs onto the bed and then began untying his boots. He tossed one onto the floor, and then the other.

"It's not bad. I just don't think you're supposed to drink that much," Jem said. "I wish you wouldn't drink so much." This was a fruitless statement. The fact that he had made it back to the dorm with all of his teeth was surprising.

"I'm sorry. It's how I deal with…" Will began.

"Deal with what?" Jem asked. "What part of your life is so horrible you have to drink yourself sick every night to deal with it?"

"The part that is afraid to leave you alone in a dorm room for a few hours!" Will exclaimed. "Jem!" He grabbed Jem's hands but Jem pulled them free. "I just get so scared that…" Will's eyes got huge and Jem knew he was steps away from one of his noisy and drunken breakdowns. They had already been written up for making loud noises late at night twice now, the last thing they needed was a third demerit because Will was drunk and hysterical on Academy grounds.

"Calm down," Jem said, "Let's get your shirt off." He removed Will's waistcoat and then began to unbutton Will's shirt. Will's eyes were still open, and they were looking out the window. Once Jem got to the last button he pulled Will in to a sitting position and took the shirt off of him. As soon as he was free of it, Will flopped back onto the bed.

Will's chest was covered with bloody scratches and bite marks, but Jem paid no attention, he just got his stele and drew a healing rune.

"What bad thing did you do this time?" Jem asked.

"I had sex with a girl," Will replied.

"Sounds awful," Jem said.

"We were drinking… a lot," Will said. "She was drinking from my flask and then when that was gone we went to her father's liquor cabinet and got something and took it to her room…then we started kissing and one thing led to another and we were naked and I asked if she wanted to have sex and… she said yes."

"Always a plus," Jem mumbled. He finished the rune and placed his stele on his desk, then he deftly unbuttoned Will's pants, pulled them down, and dropped them onto the floor. Jem had more practice getting his drunken parabatai into bed than most boys his age. "I'm going to get you some water. Get beneath the covers. You can have the window tonight." Jem turned around, went to the desk, and poured a glass of water from the pitcher they had.

"It was her first time," Will said.

"I would expect no less from you," Jem said.

"I really liked her."

"The plot thickens."

Will was quiet for a moment, still looking out the window.

"So she was engaged? She was courting someone? She was Evelyn Merryweather? Gabriel liked her?" Jem asked. "You took a girl's virtue. Again. What was so bad about it?"

"Well, she said yes, but then, when we started, she said… no," Will said. "Then she asked that I leave immediately." Will said.

"Why would she ask that you leave?" Jem asked sarcastically. "Didn't she want you to stay for breakfast?"

"I would assume she asked me to leave because she felt violated and didn't want her brothers to find us in bed together," Will said, and Jem looked up.

"Brothers?" Jem asked. "Who were her brothers?"

"Michael? Gabriel? Samuel?" Will asked.

"You were drinking with Ambriel?" Jem asked.

"Yes. I was… she was… we were…" Will said. "I know for certain it was Ambriel."

"Ambriel Lightwood," Jem said. "You had sex with Ambriel Lightwood?" He set the pitcher down hard and some water splashed onto the desk.

"Yes. That's what I'm saying. I had sex with Ambriel Lightwood and then she asked me to leave," Will said.

"Ambriel Lightwood isn't just a girl you meet at a party and have sex with!" Jem exclaimed. "She's… she was pure, Will! Pure as... Heaven itself!"

"I told you I did a bad thing!" Will cried.

"A bad thing," Jem said. "You did a bad thing. You call taking Ambriel Lightwood's virtue a bad thing?" Jem was finding it difficult to breathe.

"It's not like she didn't want it, initially. I would never… not against her wishes," Will said.

"No girl wishes to have sex before she get married!" Jem exclaimed. "Go to sleep! I can't even look at you! You will never think about any more then yourself and the moment you are in. Never." Jem grabbed the first pair of pants he could find and pulled them on.

"Where are you going?" Will asked.

"Out," Jem said. "I need air." The room was becoming stifling. Jem pulled on a shirt and got his boots.

"But James-"

"Go to bed," Jem said. "I'll be… I'll be back."

"Jem- you didn't like her, did you?" Will asked, but Jem had pulled the door open, walked out, and slammed it shut.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Also I must thank everyone who left such wonderful reveiws. It means a lot to me to know that this story is being received well. I used a word in this chapter that not everyone will be familier with, and if you've read to this point, I'll give you the basic translation of it: **

_Bocchan_: ( I pronounce it Bow-Chen): Japanese, meaning "Little master."

**and here are two teasers: **

"You're lucky to be alive," Magnus said. "Perhaps the affliction will correct itself after some time, but as of right now, you need to be thankful to Gabriel for your life."

**And:**

"Henry, how did my father die?" Will asked.


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I'm sorry about the length of this, however, there are a select few of you out there that might hunt me down if I was to cut the chapter in the middle and make it two seperate chapters. This chapter may get slightly M rated but that's only because of the subject matter (you'll see) and I told one reader I would let her know about it, however, if you survived a previous chapter, you'll be fine with this one. There is a note and teasers at the bottom. Look for the new chapter to post in the next few days! Enjoy! **

**Remember! These characters belong to Cassandra Clare, and not me! **

* * *

Chapter 24

After hearing near constant conversation (or the sound of Magnus turning the pages of a book) Will awoke to the sound of a girl singing a sweet and quiet song. He sat up and shook his head, and the girl screamed and ran from the Infirmary. Will smiled, then removed the bandages from his face and walked into the bathroom, where he had a glass of water. When he left the bathroom, Magnus was just hurrying in with the girl, who Will recognized as Ambriel Lightwood.

"Will!" Magnus exclaimed, and he reached out and touched Will's arm, then pulled him close for a hug. "Oh, Will… it was so bad. We were afraid… you might never wake up. How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling very well rested," Will said. He was noticing that Magnus was looking at him oddly, so Will reached up and touched his cheek. All he felt was smooth skin, no scars or bumps. "What's the matter with me? Why are you looking at me…?"

"I loved your blue eyes," Magnus said. "They suited you…"

"My eyes?" Will asked, and then he looked over to see Ambriel biting her nails nervously. When they made eye contact she turned away. "My eyes!" Will grabbed a silver tray and held it up, then let out a shocked cry that startled Ambriel.

"Greater Demons always leave their mark. I've seen worse- you're lucky!" Magnus exclaimed.

"My eyes are red!" Will cried. "You have to fix this!" In the convoluted reflection of the silver tray, Will could see that while his face remained as it had always been, the irises of his eyes were crimson red, with a black pupil in the middle of each. The red stood out from his pale skin and even though he still felt human, he didn't quite look it.

"You're lucky to be alive," Magnus said. "Perhaps the affliction will correct itself after some time, but as of right now, you need to be thankful to Gabriel for your life." Will glanced across the Infirmary, to the unrecognizable boy in the bed.

"Jem," Will said. "I need Jem." He turned back to Magnus and saw Magnus glance at the floor. Charlotte cleared her throat and Henry pulled her tighter against his side. "Magnus. Where is Jem? He's not…"

"No, he's not," Magnus said quickly. "He's upstairs. He had a bit of an episode yesterday and he's been recovering ever since."

"Has he been unconscious?" Will asked, sitting down on the bed. Magnus nodded. "For how long?"

"A little more than a day. He woke up a few hours ago," Magnus said. "It was a bad one, well, one of the worst. Tessa was alone with him and she administered the drug but she couldn't get the attack to stop. By the time Charlotte got there…he had stopped breathing, but he came back. He's still alive."

"I can go to him," Will said.

"Just stay here," Magnus said. "Get back into bed. You need to recover your strength." Without another word, Magnus left the room and Will settled back into his bed. He looked up at Ambriel, and then looked away.

"You couldn't look at me before your eyes turned, I shouldn't expect you to look at me now," Ambriel said. Will could have said a hundred things to her, he could have said nothing. He chose two words and decided to let her pick the rest.

"I'm sorry," Will said. Ambriel nodded.

"And I'm sorry about Jem," She said.

"Thank you," Will said. "How long has it been since…?" Will nodded to Gabriel.

"You've both been unconscious for six days," Ambriel said. Will shook his head. "A lot of things have happened in that time. Someone will have to fill you in."

"Of course," Will said. "How is… Gabriel? Is he going to…?"

"His recovery is very slow, yes, but he's gotten his eyes open a few times and his pain isn't so bad today," Ambriel said. "My father says he's going to throw him out of the house, should he ever recover. He heard the story of how Gabriel protected you and he's not happy. He said that Gabriel has betrayed the entire Lightwood family." Will smiled at the irony.

"Your father has a way with words," Will said.

"Well, he is right, we are going to need the room, of course," Ambriel said. Her hand brushed against her side and Will focused on her stomach.

"You've gotten bigger since I last saw you," Will said. "Finally blossoming into woman?"

"Oh Will, I've been a woman for several months now," Ambriel said. "You always did have a way with words." She gave him a smile and Will smiled back, unsure of what was worth smiling over.

"Does your father think that I wanted Gabriel's protection? I don't even know why Gabriel would want to protect me, he hated me," Will said. He could barely remember that moment in the sewer, all he saw in his mind was flames and pain, but there had been Gabriel there, pushing him down into an inch of water and more than likely saving his life.

"You and I both know why he protected you," Ambriel said bitterly. "If only one of you was going to survive Gabriel wanted it to be you. Gabriel has seen for five months that which you refuse to. The rumors are true, Will. I'm pregnant." Will's mouth fell open and he turned to the side, studying Ambriel. "Have I really silenced the Great William Herondale?"

"It was only one time," Will managed.

"It only has to take one time," Ambriel said. "Gabriel has spent all of this time angry at you because he's been waiting for you to do the right thing."

"Do you want me to do the right thing?" Will asked.

"You'll do whatever you want without a second thought," Ambriel said. "I've made plans that don't include you. If you want me to make plans that do include you, please let me know."

"Ambriel, I'm so sorry about that night," Will said. "I liked you, and I thought…"

"Alcohol makes us think all sorts of stupid things," Ambriel said. "Know that I liked you as well. I don't like what you did, but… I have to deal with it now."

"We could deal with it together," Will suggested. "The thought of having a child scares me; the thought of it being raised by Lightwoods frightens me to the very core of my existence."

"I'm due in November," Ambriel said.

"Oh," Will said. "Wow, that's soon."

"And it's a…" Ambriel began,

The door to the Infirmary opened and Magnus walked in, followed by Charlotte, then Henry, who had his arm around Jem. Jem looked horrible. His face was bruised and portions of his hair were stained red, but then he looked up at Will and hurried over to Will's bed. Jem looked Will up and down, gasped, and then fell against him, his arms tight around Will's neck.

"You weren't supposed to die you filthy bastard!" Jem cried. "It was supposed to be me! I thought you were dead, you hear me? Dead! And then this whole time, I was waiting for you to die…"

"Jem," Will said, "Jem." Jem pulled away and looked at Will. Tears were pouring down Jem's cheeks. The tears were tinged red with blood, but Will looked past them and really saw Jem as who he had always been: the only person who had ever truly loved him. "I love you, Jem."

"I love you to," Jem said. "I've always loved you, you were just too stupid to realize it!"

"I was too stupid to realize a lot of things," Will said, and pulled Jem against him once more.

* * *

Will and Jem spent another day recovering in the Infirmary, being tended to by Magnus and, more increasingly, Ambriel. Will was nice to her and she was cordial back. Gabriel woke up a few hours after Will, and his parents took him home to continue his rehabilitation. Magnus went home and Will returned to his room but spent more time with Jem in his room.

Finally, after a few days, both Will and Jem were feeling well enough to venture to the dining room for breakfast, though Will noticed that the journey took twice as long as usual. Jem's exhaustion wasn't the first thing he had noticed, either.

The first night he had been back to his room, Will had been awoken to hear Jem screaming and crying. Will had gone in and spent the night with him, and the next morning they woke up to find Jem's pillow partially drenched in blood and his face covered with it. Will had tried to act like I wasn't as frightening as it was even as Jem sat on the bedside and cried briefly. Will had burned the pillow case in Jem's fire place while Jem had cleaned up his appearance, but when Charlotte stopped by to bring breakfast she noticed the fresh streaks of stubborn blood in his hair. The next day, Jem had began to have sporadic nosebleeds that worsened as the day went on.

Each night, the nightmares had happened more frequently, and so Will moved into Jem's room, but his presence did little to calm Jem. As the days continued, Will began to notice that Jem was uncomfortable during the day from lack of sleep and near constant withdrawal from the drug, which was doing little to help him when he took it. He couldn't sleep at night, and spent each night tossing and turning and moaning in pain, yet Jem never complained, never said he was tired or not feeling well. He was constantly by Will's side, and constantly helping Will deny that Jem really was dying.

Will began to view each day as three eight hour blocks, with sixteen hours of good for every eight hours of bad. Last night, Jem had slept through the night and hadn't bled in ten hours, and so when Jem wanted to go to breakfast, Will let him, but he could tell that as Jem sat down in a chair with a sigh, he was far from healthy.

"This is the quietest this place has been in a while," Jem remarked. The dining room was deserted, with only Sophie keeping busy at the sidebar.

"I can't believe you had to put up with the Lightwoods for an entire week and then some," Will said with a laugh. "How did that go?"

"Everything went fine," Jem said. "We all got along wonderfully."

"I have my doubts," Will said, and Jem shrugged. "So what happened while I was sleeping?"

"Um, well, Nate Gray sort of stole this book from us… Benedict Lightwood accused Tessa of… distracting me…" Jem began. "When you were attacked, there were a lot of events happening at the same time. Many events."

"How would Tessa distract you?" Will asked with a laugh. Sophie dropped a tea pot between Jem and Will. "Thank you, Sophie." Sophie dropped two cups and saucers onto the table and turned away. Will saw a grin on her face. Jem watched her go, a concerned look on his face.

"I'm not really sure, you know Benedict," Jem said. "He was angry so he attacked the most foreign thing possible. Tessa is Nate's sister, you know."

"So, then, Tessa didn't distract you?" Will asked. "Benedict was just being more obnoxious than usual?"

"Exactly. There was nothing to distract me from," Jem said, and Will studied him. Jem poured himself a cup of tea and avoided Will's eyes. Jem always looked Will in the eyes; if he didn't, he was either lying or unnerved by Will's pupils, which remained as red as they had been four days before.

"So Tessa is alright?" Will asked. "I've barely seen her. One would at least expect that she would stop by and see how I'm doing. I have to assume that she does care about me and you as well. She seems to be avoiding the both of us, which strange. She seemed to like you so much."

"Yes, well, people can change," Jem said.

The dining room doors opened and Charlotte and Henry came in, followed by Jessamine and Tessa. They each took their seats, with Tessa sitting on the other side of Henry and Charlotte.

"Good morning, Tessa," Will said pointedly. "I heard you distracted Jem while I was being attacked by a Greater Demon in the sewer. How are you?" Tessa looked up at Will and gasped, Jem sunk his nails into Will's thigh.

"She's good," Jem said. "Right, Tessa? Very good."

"I'm going to…" Tessa said, and then she stood up and hurried away.

"She looks more guilty by the minute," Jessamine said.

"She's not guilty," Jem said.

"Your opinion on her doesn't matter, Jem. We all know that you think Tessa could do no wrong. If what Michael Lightwood said is true, you're no better than Will."

"I don't think this is appropriate breakfast conversation!" Jem exclaimed. His cheeks turned bright red and he looked almost healthy.

"On the contrary," Will said smartly. "I think whatever Michael Lightwood has to say is most definitely appropriate breakfast conversation. What did that old chap say?"

"Many things, none of which are very important," Jem said quickly. "You know those Lightwoods. Always making up crazy stories about other people. Raving lunatics, the whole lot." He poured some tea into Will's cup.

"Sophie, what is today's tea?" Jessamine asked.

"Why, it's Earl Grey," Sophie replied with a bright smile. Jem nearly overflowed Will's teacup. He set the pot down forcefully, causing the lid of it to clatter against the top of the pot.

"How convenient. Jem has an acquired taste for anything Gray," Jessamine said, and Jem slammed his hand down on the table.

"Jessamine!" He exclaimed, and Will put his hand on Jem's thigh then, in the hopes of calming him down.

"That's certainly enough," Charlotte snapped. "Jessamine, your whereabouts during the attack are unknown as well."

"But we all know where Tessa and Jem were," Jessamine said. "They were…"

"We've already agreed not to suspect any of our own," Charlotte said. "If you say another thing, you can be excused from the table. We have important business to attend to-"

"I'll take my breakfast in my room," Jessamine said, and she stormed from the room.

"Well, not everything changed, she's still as awful as she was before," Will said. "What do I need to know?"

Charlotte gave Will a smile, and as they began eating breakfast, told Will all that he had missed. The sewer attack had happened, and then when Will and the others had been brought back to the Institute, Nate Gray had used the distraction to steal The Green Book. It was already suspected that he had the Pyxis stolen as well. The Enclave was unsure of where Nate had escaped to, nor what his plans were, but were investigating. Tessa was a suspected accomplice, but Charlotte and Henry were keeping a close eye on her, and until proven guilty, she was still their responsibility.

"Did you ever hear of The Green Book before?" Jem asked.

"Yes, my father has one," Will said casually, slicing through the fried egg on his plate. He had a bite and looked up at Charlotte and Henry, who were staring at him, shocked.

"What?" Henry asked.

"He has a book… it's green… I cast a spell with it once. It's at the country home in Wales," Will said.

"No, when the Accords were signed, all copies of The Green Book were destroyed, with the exception of one, which was placed in the Library at this Institute," Henry said.

"And I'm telling you, there's a copy of The Green Book in my father's house," Will said. "Of course, knowing him I'm sure you'll have to pry it from his cold, dead… oh." Henry looked horrified and Charlotte covered her mouth with her hand. "I forgot. My father… died." Will shook his head. "Right?"

"Right," Henry said.

"Henry. How did my father die?" Will asked.

"All your mother's note said was that he had been found in the Library and that it appeared he had a heart attack," Henry said. "Who knew else about The Green Book?"

"Just my mother," Will said.

"Please summon Benedict at once," Charlotte said. "Someone is going to need to go to Wales and find out the status of the book. If the book is still there, we could use it, if necessary. If it is not…"

"There's no telling what could happen," Jem said. "You'll be going to Wales, of course? It is your family's country home, after all." He turned to Will.

"My mother has asked that I stay here," Will said. "I plan to comply with her wishes."

Following breakfast Charlotte pointed Will and Jem back to their rooms, which she promised were full of books, games, and other things to do while they rested. Will was prepared to carry Jem back upstairs but Jem shook his head and insisted they stop by the Library, as he wanted to show Will where The Green Book had been hidden. Once they were inside the Library, Will put an arm around Jem, who leaned heavily on his cane until they got to the other end of the Library.

"Are you feeling okay?" Will asked, brushing his hand against Jem's.

"No worse than usual," Jem said, and he stopped at a bookshelf and pointed up. "It was up there, between those two blue books."

"I know," Will said. "I found it here when I was fourteen. I recognized it from back home, from when I… I killed Cecily."

"You didn't know any better," Jem said, turning to Will. He was very close to him, and Will could see that his eyes were so silver, they were nearly white. His face was still bruised, but nearly healed, and he had dark circles beneath his eyes. He was sucking on a honey candy, but since this morning Will had noticed that Jem's breath was starting to smell metallic, like blood.

"Jem, I'm scared," Will said, and in the broad daylight of the Library, he took Jem's hand. Jem turned to Will and smiled.

"Don't be. The book will be recovered, good will prevail over evil…" Jem said.

"No. I'm worried about you," Will said. "I always thought that maybe your cure lay in that book. There were many summoning charms. I thought I could summon something to cure you."

"Every option has already been tried," Jem said. "If you love me, you'll let me die in peace."

"I can't," Will said. "When the time comes, know that I will do everything…"

"I have accomplished everything I would like to accomplish. I've lived my life, Will. I'm going to die, please let me," Jem said. "We should use our time wisely." He smiled to Will, then walked over to a spiral staircase and began to climb it, slowly, to the second floor of the Library. Will followed Jem up the stairs and then down a narrow passageway between bookshelves to their alcove.

Jem paused in the doorway and looked at the stain glass window before him. The image which was formed by the many pieces of multicolored glass was that of the Angel, rising out of the lake, one hand holding the Mortal Cup, the other hand holding the Mortal Sword. Will stepped beside Jem and looked over to see Jem taking in the entire window and absorbing it's colors on the pale canvas of his skin.

"I heard that when you die, you see the Angel," Jem said. "He appears to show those who have died that they have not died in vain."

"I died, and all I saw was London," Will said.

"You did not die," Jem said, walking into the alcove. "I only thought you had." Jem traced his hands over the wooden table they had studied at for so many years, and then walked over to the window. "Though I will not die in battle, Will, I hope that you will say to me… Ave Atque Vale."

"I'm not talking about this," Will said.

"Just please say it," Jem said. "Please, tell me you will."

"I will," Will said. "I'll say it."

"Thank you," Jem said. "We don't have to talk about it anymore." Will doubted that but he said no more. Jem put his head down and took a few deep breathes. The walk upstairs had taxed him and part of Will wanted to have him sit down, and the other part of him wanted to remember Jem like this, bathed in the light of the stain glass window, standing in the room they had made completely their own.

"A lot has changed between us, hasn't it?" Will asked.

"We grew up, we grew apart…" Jem replied. "You have to be able to live your life, Will. You have so many good things going for you. You have so many things to look forward to. One day you'll have a family of your own. I told Tessa and I'll tell you, live, and love again. Tell me you will." Will nodded.

"I will," he said.

"Very good," Jem said, and he smiled again. "I don't want to draw things out with a long and terrible goodbye. Just know that…" He walked over and took Will in his arms. "I will always love you."

"I love you to," Will said, and he kissed Jem. Jem kissed back, deeper, then ran his fingers through Will's hair and down his neck. His hands landed on the front of Will's shirt, and then he unbuttoned the first button and kissed Will just above his collar bone. Jem unbuttoned another button and Will grabbed his hands in his and held them tight. "No. We shouldn't." Will shook his head as tears started to stream down his face.

"I think we're allowed to break the rules one last time," Jem said, and he pulled his hands away from Will's and continued unbuttoning every single button on his shirt. Will shook his head, and then kissed Jem again.

Ten minutes later they were kissing hard, completely naked in the dim light. Will reached around Jem's back and collected him in his arms. He set him on the alcove table and stepped back. The runes on Jem's body were almost completely faded to blurry outlines. Will started to cry, harder than before. He shook his head and turned to get dressed again, but then Jem grabbed him by the hand, pulled him back over, and kissed each tear away before his lips traveled back to Will's mouth, and he kissed him again. Will tasted salt on Jem's lips, salt and iron, and he thought how he would never be able to stand the scent of burning metal ever again. Jem's cold fingers were brushing his lower stomach and part of Will wanted them to go lower and part of them didn't, so Will pulled his lips away from Jem's and instead kissed Jem's neck.

"I want to feel good," Jem whispered against Will's ear, "make me feel good." Jem pulled Will tight against him. He kissed Will on the lips, and Will found it within himself to comply with Jem's wishes once more.

It had always been this way, the two of them sneaking off to the alcove and trying to keep quiet despite enjoying every minute of it. They took their time, pausing to just kiss or touch every inch of their bodies. Will was so worried but whenever he got nervous, he looked down at Jem's blissful smile, and it gave him the courage to continue.

Will would remember Jem as the lonely little boy who came to the Institute and spent his days pressing a tear covered cheek against the window in his bedroom, as he looked out over the city, beyond the smokestacks and soot covered buildings, to the home he had left behind. Will would remember Jem as the boy he would eat himself sick on strawberries with, the boy he swore his parabatai vow to, and the boy he spent every night with in Alicante. He would remember Jem this way, as his, and as the man he loved.

At the end, they forgot to be quiet, they forgot to care about who might hear, and Will held Jem tight as they crushed their lips together, each sharing the other's shivers and moans of pleasure. When it was over, Will kept his arms around Jem as Jem lay his head on Will's shoulder and gasped until he had caught his breath.

"We should not have done that," Will mumbled.

"It was so worth it," Jem said, and Will could feel him laughing. Finally, Will let Jem go and stepped back, and Jem leaned back, resting on his hands. He crossed his legs at the ankle and bit his bottom lip as he regarded Will with a naughty smile. Will smiled back, and then looked past Jem, noticing a shadow between two bookshelves that had not been there a minute before. The shadow became the shape of a person whose cat-like eyes glimmered in the darkness.

Will began to say something and stopped. Jem spun around and looked behind him. There was a man standing there, dressed in solid black, which was why Will hadn't noticed him, although, maybe he hadn't wanted to.

"Magnus, what brings you back to our Institute?" Will asked.

"I need to talk to you," Magnus said, "Now."

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you for reading and thank you for the reviews! I love to see what you all have to say, please so keep them coming! **

**So we do have to have a serious conversation (is that the right word?) regarding where this story is going. When I started this I had a plan to write a cute little story about Will and Jem hiding their relationship from everyone... and then I let it get complicated. And I love where this story has come from and I love where it goes. I love that a lot. Without saying to much I will say that this story was born out of my theories relating to where The Infernal Devices was going, and by the end of it you should know most of those theories, as well as my solutions to them. This is a work of fiction with characters that DO NOT BELONG TO ME, however, being that "This Frivolous Love" is my story, I am going to end the story the way I want to, which is mainly the reason why I write fanfiction (and fiction in general.) If you don't want to think about who marries who, don't read the epilogue. People die in the next few chapters, I'll give you the heads up and I promise I won't dwell on their death. As always, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this. **

**Okay, now that the business is out of the way, here are two teasers. One is a line of dialogue, and the other is a note from one character to another. **

"I don't want him to hear me," Will said. "It would break his heart." Tessa nodded and pulled Will into her room.

**And: **

_I'm willing, are you able? Remember- he may never forgive you. _


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Remember these characters do not belong to me! Enjoy!**

**

* * *

Chapter 25**

After Jem and Will got dressed, Magnus had hauled Will from the alcove by his arm. Jem followed until Magnus had pulled Will into an empty room, then he went upstairs, where he found Tessa walking down the hallway. She was looking as lost as she had the night she had knelt over Jem, screaming for help all while trying to decide what to do. When Jem got close to Tessa she stepped further away and fell against the wall, shaking her head, holding up her hands to keep him at a distance. Of course, Tessa had seen Jem nearly die in front of her, and seeing him walking the halls now must have felt to her like seeing the apparition of a long dead family member.

"Tessa," Jem said, "I'm so sorry."

"So am I," Tessa said. "I should have…I shouldn't have…" Jem shook his head.

"I'm going to make Will swear to me that he'll always protect you," Jem said. "He'll belong to you, Tessa. Treat him well, and I'll be certain he does the same for you. You are going to need each other." Tessa looked close to tears, so Jem stepped over and kissed her on the cheek before he continued to his room.

Once there, Jem finished his last will and testament. He lit a candle, then folded the will, dripped some wax onto the paper, and used a stamp with a "C" on it to make a wax seal. He left the will to dry on his desk and went to his bureau, where he got his family ring, a dagger that had belonged to his father, and a jade and gold beaded necklace which had belonged to his mother. He laid each item on his desk beside the will, then yawned, stretched, and undressed from the clothes he had worn to breakfast and then redressed in a pair of white silk pajamas. He slipped beneath the covers of his bed and fell asleep the moment he lay his head down.

* * *

Will's conversation with Magnus had not taken long, and when it was finished Will showed Magnus out of the Institute before he walked upstairs and down the hall to Jem's room. Will walked in to find the window open and sunlight streaming into the room. Jem was sleeping soundly in the bed, so Will kicked off his shoes and slid into bed behind Jem. He ran his hand up Jem's back, feeling every bone plainly. Jem stirred, he rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," Will said.

"I really don't want to waste time sleeping," Jem replied. "Can I tell you something?"

"Anything," Will replied.

"When Nate stole The Green Book, he told me that I couldn't go where he was headed just yet," Jem said. "What does that mean?"

"I always told you Nate was a head case," Will said. "I'm sure he thought that he going to hell and that when you die you would follow. Don't give that lunatic another thought."

"But Will, he called me by the name my mother gave me, Jian," Jem said. "How could he know my name?"

"Maybe Tessa told him, I don't know," Will said. "I don't want you to give any Gray another thought. Just concentrate on getting better." Jem nodded. "Why don't I run you a bath? Your hair is still stained and I think I might get it clean better than whichever woman attempted to wash it before."

"I'm tired. I just want to lay here," Jem said. "You wore me out… though that's not a bad thing. That time was very good. One of the best." Will rolled his eyes. "So Magnus assumed that you were exclusive, is that why he wanted to speak to you?"

"He said he wishes he could have you himself," Will said. "He calls me lucky and…" Will's eyes filled with tears. "Why does Tessa seem to act so odd around you?"

"We were together… intimately," Jem said. "And then everything happened. You got hurt, her brother stole the book, and Benedict thought she had something to do with everything. I loved her and I wanted to marry her, but… I couldn't let her lose me as any more than a friend. So I ended things, and the night that I had the attack, she was here, and I told her to walk away and leave me to die, yet I'm still alive." A range of emotions covered Will's face, from shock to sadness, to happiness. Jem watched and tried to gauge Will's reaction.

"Was the sex any good?" Will finally asked, and Jem shrugged.

"It all happened really fast," Jem said, and he laughed. "I ripped her panties- didn't expect to do that but I did. You're not mad, are you?"

"No. I want to have sex with Tessa like I want a case demon pox," Will said. "I like her, sure. But when it comes to anything long term I would only like her to remain as my friend."

"You sort of need to look at things with her, long term," Jem said. "She's going to be alive for a very long time, and being what she is, she needs to have an ally in this world. I would like it to be you."

"Anything for you," Will said, and he kissed Jem on the cheek. "Although, I hope she doesn't get jealous, as there will be another woman in my life."

"Who?" Jem asked. Will couldn't tell if he honestly didn't know, or if he was giving Will a chance to admit it himself.

"I got Ambriel pregnant," Will said. "That night in Idris. I'm going to become a father sometime around your birthday." Jem smiled, his grin twisted into a subtle smirk and then he managed to look serious once more. "You aren't mad, are you?"

"If you make an honest woman out of her and marry her, you'll have Benedict as a father in law and Michael and Gabriel as brother in laws. And you get to continue the Herondale line, which you swore you would never do," Jem said. "How can I be mad when all I want to do is…?"

Jem began to laugh, clutching his stomach, really and truly laughing aloud, while Will sat by and watched the joy pour out of Jem. Jem laughed until he coughed blood into his hand. He smeared it onto the bed sheets and then got up and took an injection. When he turned back, Will was watching him with pained eyes, so Jem smiled. "Mrs. Ambriel Herondale," Jem said, and laughed again.

"I know you liked her," Will said.

"I liked her, but I was more upset that she was another girl you used her for nothing more than sex," Jem said. "I guess fate has a funny way of changing all of our minds." Jem climbed back into bed. "Although one would think that with your irrational fear of demon pox, you might have had the forethought to protect yourself."

"It was only one time," Will stressed.

"Let this be a lesson to you," Jem said. He lay down and sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "Are you sure it's your child?"

"Beyond the fact that the Silent Brothers say it is my child, Ambriel said I ruined men for her," Will said, and Jem laughed again.

* * *

They spent the afternoon in bed together playing various roles. When Will started to cry Jem called him "Benedict's favorite son" and that distracted Will for a moment. When it came time for lunch and Jem didn't want to eat, Will played the ministering angel role and cut the meat pie into little pieces and force fed them to Jem until Jem picked up a fork and fed himself. When Will again started to cry Jem recalled the time Henry had almost caught them in together in the alcove. Jem had hidden between some bookshelves, half naked, while Will confessed lustful and false feelings regarding Jessamine and asked Henry to explain where baby Shadowhunters came from. Jem had nearly sent himself into an attack trying not to laugh, and the memory distracted both of them from the situation at hand.

Then Jem said he was craving chocolate and Will demanded from Sophie that every bit of chocolate in the Institute be brought to them, and Sophie obliged them. They each ate two chocolate tarts and worked their way through half a box of chocolates Henry had bought for Charlotte some time before. By that time, Jem's eye lids were starting to look heavy, and when he drifted off to sleep, Will kissed his sugary sweet lips and then snuck from the room.

He found Charlotte in the drawing room, going over papers. Will knocked on the door frame and she looked up.

"Will, come in, how are you feeling?" Charlotte asked.

"Well rested," Will said, and he walked in and sat down in a chair. Charlotte stood up and walked over, she took Will's face by the chin and peered into his red eyes. "I hope you don't think I'm damned any more than you already assume I am."

"I think you are very lucky," Charlotte said. "Gabriel's eyes remain red as well. It may be something that bonds you to him forever."

"Oh, I can think of something else," Will mumbled, but Charlotte had gone to close the door to the drawing room. She returned to her desk and sat behind it.

"Leviathan and Penhallow have arrived at your family's country home, and they plan to search it top to bottom," Charlotte said. "You never told us that your mother was a witch."

"In every sense of the word," Will said. "Everyone had their own theories about her and I never saw the need to clarify anything."

"I will keep you posted on any new discoveries," Charlotte said, "although, you aren't here about that, are you?" Will shook his head.

"I think that… no…" Will said, and he shook his head. He stood up, walked over to a window, and looked out. When Charlotte couldn't see his eyes or the emotion on his face, he spoke again. "Jem is dying." Charlotte was silent. "I don't know how long he has left. I doubt he'll make it more than a few days."

"You're right," Charlotte said.

"Magnus has a cure," Will said.

"I know," Charlotte said. "He came to talk to me before he sought you out. He told me all about the cure, and how we could go about getting it, and he even said he would be more than happy to help, and that your happiness meant everything to him."

"So let's get the cure and save Jem!" Will said. "Why are we wasting time?"

"And when it doesn't work? What then, Will?" Charlotte asked.

"We will have done everything we could do," Will replied. "It will work, Charlotte. It would be… absolute."

"Good and evil exist in the world," Charlotte said. "Sometimes good wins, and sometimes, evil wins. We will never know the outcome until it arrives. We can't risk-"

"It's not risking anything!" Will cried.

"Do not raise your voice to me," Charlotte said. "The answer is no, William. James specifically laid out his wishes." She opened a drawer and pulled out a stack of papers she tossed onto the desk. They were covered with Jem's meticulously neat handwriting and each sealed with his family stamp. "How are we to go against them?"

"When going against his wishes saves his life, we can," Will said. "You promised to love him as your own son. How can you let your own child die? It's as if… you're pregnant. Would you let the child you're carrying die?"

"If I had done all to save him, yes," Charlotte said. "Jem has asked to die." Will shook his head and shakily ran his fingers through his hair.

"He was delirious," Will said. "You cannot take those times as truth. You cannot believe that he truly wanted to die all of those times."

"He has asked me to let him die," Charlotte said. "He asked Tessa to let him die. He knew it would terrify her but he asked anyway. He has asked you time and time again to let him die and you are the only one who will not hear him!"

"Tessa saved him," Will said.

"Tessa feared for herself in that moment. She had the injection prepared but Jem had stopped breathing before she even administered it," Charlotte said. "Even she was prepared to let him go and she loved him."

"I LOVE HIM!" Will screamed. "I love him and I swore that I would die for him! How can I not help him live?"

"If you love him, you will let him be free from the pain and suffering this world has given him," Charlotte said. "You will let him die. The answer to Magnus's question is no, William. It's time to let Jem go." Will felt his eyes start to burn and then he slipped to the floor and began to cry, his head down on his knees.

"I can't," Will said.

"You can," Charlotte said. "Do it for him. Jem has done so much for you."

"I'm just going to leave. Just send word when he's gone," Will said.

"Jem wishes that you remain at his side until the end," Charlotte said. "You swore that to him, Will."

"He'll understand why I can't," Will said.

"You can," Charlotte said. There was a knock at the door. "Pull yourself together." Will just curled himself into the corner and wrapped his arms tightly around his legs as he heard Charlotte go to answer the door. "Gabriel?" Will turned his tear swollen eyes to the door.

He saw Gabriel standing there, dressed in what amounted to neatly put together rags. He was clutching a suitcase. His eyes were as crimson as Will's, and with their nearly matching dark hair, they could now pass as brothers.

"You are required to provide shelter to any Shadowhunter," Gabriel said. "I'm in need of shelter. My father threw me out. He said that I betrayed the entire family when I saved… him." Gabriel gestured to Will, who laughed a little, and then, at Charlotte's glare, he sobbed and dropped his head to his knees once more.

"Very well," Charlotte said. "Let's find you a room."

"Has Carstairs… passed away?" Gabriel asked, and Charlotte shook her head. "I'm sorry, Will. I know he's dear to you. Let me know if… I'm sorry." Gabriel nodded and stepped out of the room. Charlotte looked to Will once more, a sad look upon her face, before she followed.

When they were gone, Will left the room as well and went in the opposite direction he saw Gabriel and Charlotte headed. All of the pain, which had left him when he learned of Gabriel's banishment from the Lightwood home, returned in one crashing wave, and Will wondered if a human might be able to die solely from a feeling of unrelenting helplessness. Will was prepared to throw himself into the floor and smash his head off the ground so hard that he might knock himself unconscious, but then he looked up to see Tessa standing a few feet away. Her hand was covering her mouth and the other clutched a book, and she was crying.

"I don't want him to hear me," Will said. "It would break his heart." Tessa nodded and pulled Will into her room. They went to the bed, sat, and Tessa put her arms around Will as he cried against her chest. He cried until he couldn't see, he cried until he could barely breathe, and he cried until the idea of speaking became foolish. Over and over, the words "let him go" played in his mind until he wanted to scream, but he didn't, he just cried. The whole time, Tessa held him tight and ran her hands through his hair and rocked him, mumbling all sorts of comforting words, until finally, Will was exhausted. Tessa lay back on the bed and Will fell beside her, clutching her hand.

"I knew you would get me into bed sooner or later," Tessa joked, and Will smiled and then wanted to cry again. "You've got to be strong, Will Herondale. You've got to be a man about this. You've got to be who he needs you to be." Tessa climbed from the bed and went to her bathroom. She returned with a cold and wet wash cloth. She lifted his face by his chin and then wiped his tears away. When Will looked up at her and thought about how kind she was being, he remembered why, and his eyes filled with more tears that ran down his cheeks.

"Tessa, how will I live without him?" Will asked. "The idea of that is inconceivable. You loved him, so it seems. How can you let him go?"

"He let me go so I wouldn't have to let him go," Tessa said. "I would rather love once, quickly, then never at all. If there was only one man I could ever be with, I'm glad to know it was Jem."

"How will you live without him?" Will asked.

"I'll never live without him," Tessa said. "When I stand on Black Friar's bridge, I'll feel him there with me. When I see the color green, I'll think about the piece of jade you bought him, and how he loved to wear it. When I eat an apple, I'll remember sharing a scandalous breakfast with him, and I'll remember falling in love with him. You'll remember him in your own way, Will, and if he's never forgotten, he's never really gone." Will just shook his head, not believing her, then stood up and left the room.

He crossed the hall and walked into Jem's room. In the time Will had been gone, the sun had passed over the Institute, and the room was darker than it had been before. Will crawled into bed and wrapped his arms around Jem once more, and this time, Jem didn't stir, although Will could still feel heart beating. He was breathing softly but shallowly, and every inhale sounded strained. Will just reached down, slipped a hand beneath Jem's shirt and gently rubbed his back. Jem moaned in appreciation but never awoke.

At dinner time, Will roused Jem and got him to eat some soup, and then Jem wanted to soak in the tub so Will filled the bathtub with hot water and kept re-warming it as it cooled. By then it was later in the evening and Jem had become nearly incoherent. He couldnt form proper sentences, nor could he keep his head up for very long. His runes were faded to grey smudges against his pale skin. Will dressed him in some pajamas, helped him into bed and tucked him in before he lay beside him and held his hand.

An hour later Jem was sleeping fitfully. Will could tell that even though he wasn't screaming he was still having nightmares, and his reaction to every involuntary shiver and twitch was followed by a pained moan. His hands and jaw were clenched tight and his skin was burning with a fever. Will began trying to draw runes but they never lasted more than a minute before they dissolved, and they did little to quell the withdrawal Jem was in. Will attempted another injection which brought Jem less than five minutes of comfort, and afterwards, every vein in his arms became more prominent as his skin began to appear silver and see through.

Will was prepared to summon Charlotte when there was a knock at the door. When Will opened the door, he found Charlotte, Henry, and Magnus waiting outside the room. Henry looked near tears.

"Will, I was wondering if…" Henry began.

"Of course," Will said, and he stepped out of the room and Henry walked in.

"Magnus stopped by, again, because…" Charlotte began, and Magnus pulled a package from his coat and pushed it into Will's hands.

"I didn't want him to be in pain," Magnus said. "I brought him tea before but if he can't drink the tea… This is pure opium mixed with sweet syrup. A tablespoon of it will take the edge off of his pain and relax him. Too much could very well kill him, so be careful. Charlotte has allowed me to spend the night here in case you need anything else." Will looked at the package, and then at Charlotte.

"Thank you so much," Will said, and he wrapped his arms around Magnus and pulled him close for an embrace. "I can't thank you enough, you are…" Will looked up to see Gabriel walking down the hallway, holding hands with a grinning Jessamine. He had heard Jessamine and Gabriel coming and going all day, giggling and laughing, and Will wanted to hate them for acting as though nothing was wrong in the Institute.

Gabriel was halfway down the hallway when he looked up at Magnus, then Charlotte, and finally made eye contact with Will.

"You're so naughty, Jessamine. What you've suggested… why it's enough to drive me crazy!" Gabriel exclaimed, and he shoved Jessamine against the wall. She shrieked and Gabriel bit her on the neck as he forced his hands into the top of her dress, rudely groping her body as he passionately kissed her.

Will blinked quickly but could not tear his eyes away. Gabriel pulled away from Jessamine and then dropped his coat to the floor. He pushed the straps aside on Jessamine's dress, and then licked the top of one of Jessamine's heaving breasts before he pressed his lips back against hers. Charlotte cried out in shock and then ran down to them, screaming threats that Gabriel didn't hear. She tried to pull them apart but Gabriel was pressed firmly against Jessamine, who was neither resisting nor welcoming Gabriel's violations. Magnus crushed Will against him and put his mouth to Will's ear.

"For the love of whatever you Shadowhunters believe in, open the package and read the note," Magnus said. Then he pushed Will away and hurried down the hallway. "I'll get the cold water, Mrs. Branwell! Ah, to be young and lustful!" Magnus turned back and Will saw him wink before Magnus wrenched Gabriel off of Jessamine.

Will shook his head and turned back to the door. Henry was just walking out. He dried his tears with a handkerchief and met Will's eyes.

"Do what you have to do," Henry said. "I'll take care of Charlotte." Henry walked down the hallway and Will walked back into Jem's room. He closed the door, then tore open the package, which contained a brown glass bottle and a note.

_I'm willing, are you able? Remember- he may never forgive you. _

Will placed the bottle on the table, hid the note in Jem's desk, and then climbed into bed beside Jem. He kissed him on the cheek.

"Love you," Jem mumbled.

"I love you to," Will said. "I always will. You can hate me, you can wish I never swore to you, but I did, Jem, and I would die for you."

"I don't… want you to," Jem said. "Live. Let me go."

"As you wish," Will whispered, and he pulled Jem against him and lay his hand against Jem's chest, right over his heart. Will placed his head on the pillow and waited for sleep, or death, whichever came first.

In the middle of the night Jem heard his mother singing a lovely song as his father called out to him. Jem pulled away from Will, he climbed from the bed and got his dressing gown and put it on, then got his stele from the bedside table. He opened the door and looked out, and saw that at the end of the hallway, there was a brilliant white light. There was a man standing beyond it.

"Father?" Jem asked. "Father, is that you?" Jem heard a response and he kept walking towards the light. He wanted to turn back, he wanted to go back to the warm bed and Will's arms, but he wanted to see what… "Father?" Jem kept walking until he got to the end of the hall, then he saw the light at the bottom of the steps so he walked down there as well. Logic told him that he shouldn't have been following a light in the Institute, but he felt compelled to follow the light until the very end.

At dawn Will was shaken awake by Gabriel. Henry was standing over him, his face looking stricken. Will shook his head.

"Will," Henry said. "Jem… Jem's gone, Will." Will's hand fell onto the empty bed beside him.

"I have nothing left to live for," He thought.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Sorry for the length of this chapter/the cliffhanger. Here is a teaser that should soften the blow of the last sentense: **

Gabriel grabbed Will's hand, pushed back Will's shirt cuff and pointed to Will's binding rune, which was partially faded but still visible. "He's still alive."


	26. Chapter 26

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**Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and thanks to everyone who just read. Also, thanks to everyone who is following with story alerts! Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 26**

In the moments after Henry's statement, Will saw his life with Jem flash before his eyes. All of the good and bad times were on display and then it all ended with white bed sheets smeared with dried blood, bright sunlight pouring through the window and the feel of cotton, not skin, in Will's hand.

"No," Will said. "No, Henry, he was just here." Will looked at the empty other side of the bed. He could still see the indentation Jem's head had left on the pillow, could still see the shape he had pressed into the mattress. "Henry, where have you taken him? He's not… I didn't want him in the crypt. He doesn't like it down there. I didn't get to say goodbye. He can't really be… no."

"He's gone," Gabriel said.

Will screamed and leapt from the bed. He pushed Gabriel across the room and into the wall, wanting desperately to hit him and hurt someone worse than he was hurting now. He could almost feel skin and bones giving way beneath his knuckles. He wondered what red, black, and blue eyes might look like. Will pulled his fist back and he felt a hand wrap around it, and then Henry was pulling Will away from Gabriel.

"He means that Jem has disappeared," Henry said.

"I woke up a bit ago and was thirsty so I was going to go down to the kitchen for a glass of water, but when I walked by this room I saw that the door was open and that Jem wasn't in the bed, so I checked the floor and then the bathroom and…he's missing, Will," Gabriel said. "Not gone, missing." Gabriel grabbed Will's hand, pushed back Will's shirt cuff and pointed to Will's binding rune, which was partially faded but still visible. "He's still alive."

"He couldn't have gone far," Will said, and he walked across the room and sat down on the bed and stared off into space.

"Gabriel came to get me and together we searched most of the Institute, well, all of the places Jem could reach easily," Henry said. "We never found a trace of him."

"Did you check the garden? Jem loves the garden," Will said. "We always used to go down to the garden if we woke up early, to see the sun rise…"

"He's not there," Henry said. "Everywhere you think of, we've already looked. We'll find him. He couldn't have gone far, though, you may need to consider…" Henry sat down on the bed beside Will. "He might have decided to make this easier on all of us by… wandering off to die alone." Will shook his head.

"Jem would not have done that," He said. "Jem wanted to die beside me. He wanted me with him. He would not have just gone off to die by himself in some forgotten corner!"

"People do desperate things in the eleventh hour," Henry said. "He's already tried it once, Will."

"He would not have… abandoned me, Henry! That isn't like Jem!" Will exclaimed. "Look… he took his stele. He always keeps it on the bedside table, and it's gone." The bottle of liquid opium remained, unopened. "He laid out his things…" Will walked over to the desk and pointed to the dagger, jade necklace, and family ring, all laid out on the desk with the will. "He had plans, Henry. It's not like Jem to change his plans. I must have not felt him get out of bed, but he didn't leave this room because he wanted to die alone."

"Where would he have gone?" Henry asked.

"The attic. The alcove. The kitchen. Tessa's room," Will said. "The Sanctuary. You know Jem. He likes quiet places."

"I looked in the Sanctuary," Gabriel said. "There was evidence of an Open rune used on the door, but when I went in, the room was empty. Same for the ballroom and Henry's crypt."

"Gabriel, wake up everyone and continue searching," Henry said. "We'll find him, Will."

An hour later Will was still sitting on the bed in the off chance that Jem showed back up. Magnus was waiting with him and the minute he had shown up Will had rigorously questioned him, but Magnus hadn't seen or heard anything the entire night.

"Why didn't you summon me last night?" Magnus asked. "I thought I made it clear that we could have put the plan into action last night."

"Jem asked me to let him go and I said I would," Will said, and his eyes filled with tears. "I didn't mean this way. I thought that if he died in my arms during the night, it was what he wanted." Magnus put an arm around Will and pulled him close. There was a knock on the doorframe, and Will looked up to see Tessa standing here. He nodded, so she walked into the bedroom.

"I heard," Tessa said. "He's missing?"

"Gone without a trace. The best I can tell is that he took his stele, a dressing gown, and nothing more. Not even a pair of shoes," Will said. "He's out there, somewhere, barefoot, and I bet he's cold…" Tears spilled out of Will's eyes and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. "I don't know where he could have gone, Tessa. He was dying last night. How could he have just gotten up and walked away?" Tessa sat beside Will and took his hand.

"A lot of unexplainable things have happened at this Institute," Magnus said. "The Pyxis was stolen, The Green Book was taken by Nate, but for as many Shadowhunters that were at this Institute that day, no one saw him leave. Now, Jem has disappeared. It's unexplainable."

"It has a perfect explanation, we just can't find it," Will snapped.

"It's as though there's an alternate exit to this place," Tessa said. "Wait a second. You do have an alternate exit, if for some reason you had to evacuate the Institute."

"We could exit through the Sanctuary, yes," Will said.

"Jem told me about the demon's hole; the annex beneath the floor of the Institute. He told me how you could access both the Silent City and the London Sewer system from that entrance," Tessa said. "He's beneath the floor of the Sanctuary."

"He wouldn't have had the strength to walk down there, and more so, why would he go through the effort to crawl into the demon's hole?" Magnus asked. "What could possibly be down there that he would want?"

"Well I'm sure it's quiet down there," Tessa said.

"It's not what's down there, it's who," Will said, leaping to his feet. "Tessa, I'm sorry, but… yesterday Jem told me that Nate told him he could not go where he was headed just yet. Nate didn't mean he was going to hell, he just meant that he wasn't ready to take Jem at that time."

"Why would Nate want Jem?" Magnus asked. "If I wanted to summon demons, the last thing I would want would be a weak Nephilim holding me back."

"Nate wants to start a war. He wants us to slaughter as many demons as we can so he can use it against us," Will said. "Right now we're at a draw: Nate hasn't summoned any demons and we haven't gone looking for him. But he had been here at least a week, creeping around, spying on us. He knows we all love Jem and he knows that any of us would want to save him, be it us saving him from his addiction, or from Nate's clutches. Who would make a better hostage than someone that everyone wants to see alive?"

"How did he get in here?" Magnus asked. "He escaped from the Institute, remember."

"No. He never left, we just assumed he did," Will said. "He's got a book that allows him to cast spells. He hid in the demon's hole and waited until Jem was weak enough to lure away. Jem wouldn't have done this on his own." Will looked over to see Tessa biting her nails nervously. "I need a cup of tea!" Tessa looked up. "Tessa, go see if you can get Sophie to brew Magnus and I a pot. Just not Earl Grey. I positively loathe bergamot. Make it anything but."

Tessa climbed carefully to her feet then hurried from the room. Will closed and locked the door and turned to Magnus.

"You know what we have to do, right?" Will asked.

"No, I don't," Magnus said. "You have to tell me what to do. I can't suggest it. If I do… it violates the Accords. I could get trouble."

"You said that when I die, I'll see the Angel?" Will asked.

"The story goes, had you been paying attention in Angelology, that Jonathan Shadowhunter was killed by a demon, and when he died, he saw the Angel Raziel, who bestowed upon him the Mortal Cup, Sword, and Mirror, and sent him back to earth to create a race of demon fighting creatures known as the Nephilim," Magnus said. "There have been stories about Shadowhunters dying and seeing the Angel, however, that's all they are, stories."

"But stories can be true," Will said.

"And stories can be false," Magnus said. "Will, I don't think this is a good idea."

"I swore I would die for him and you said you would help me save him," Will said. "That's what you said yesterday. Because you love me and you know I would be lost without him, you would help me. I had accepted his death, Magnus, but not this way. The only way I'll let him die is in my arms after I've tried everything. This is something I can try, Magnus. I'm not giving up."

"This is life and death," Magnus said. He shook his head. "You have to ask me. It can't come from me."

"I need to speak with the Angel Raziel," Will said. "I'm going to kill myself with the opium you provided me. Can you bring me back to life?"

"I can try," Magnus said. "Will… You would not have that much time. I might not be able to counteract the drug's effects in time to bring you back."

"I will die for him," Will said. "Find me Gabriel. Perhaps he'll betray his father again. I'll need Henry as well. Meet me in the attic in ten minutes." Magnus nodded and left the room, mumbling something.

Will changed into fighting gear and fifteen minutes later, he was reclined, shirtless, on the couch he and Jem had made love on so many times before, upstairs in the attic. Magnus was arranging a bunch of different potions on a small table, and Gabriel was sharpening a battle ax as he prepared the weapons he and Will would taken down into the sewer. Henry had summoned the Clave and was now pacing back and forth, stressing over logistics. Gabriel had been told of the entire plan when he had arrived in the attic and had shockingly agreed to help, if only to protect Will once again. Then Henry had arrived and Will had told him the plan as well, leaving out the part where he would die and be brought back to life, hopefully with some sort of cure to Jem's illness.

"I'm ready," Magnus said, and he brought out the bottle of liquid opium and set it on his table. Will looked at it and sighed, Henry stopped in his tracks and looked from Will to the bottle and back again, and Gabriel stopped scraping his ax against the sharpening stone he held.

"William, what are you doing?" Henry asked.

"I'm going to see the Angel about a cure for Jem," Will said. "Magnus read that an Angel could be summoned, but he doesn't have the spell, so I am going to die and hope that those stories are true, and that when we die, we see Raziel." Henry stared at Will, shocked.

"You've lost your mind," he remarked. "No. Absolutely not. We'll go into the sewer and search for him, but you will not die because a warlock said he might be able to bring you back to life on the chance that you might see The Angel!"

"So we'll just bring him back here to die?" Will asked.

"You have to accept his death!" Henry exclaimed.

"I won't!" Will yelled. "Not this way. I swore I would lay down my own life so that he may live. You swore the same thing, Henry. Would you not have died so that your parabatai could live?"

"That's different," Henry said.

"How? Because you were ten years older than I am now?" Will asked. "You told me to do what I had to do."

"I thought you meant you were going to summon an angel!" Henry exclaimed. "I thought you maybe had a logical plan!"

"People do desperate things in the eleventh hour," Will said. Henry shook his head. "You told me to do this."

"I'll ready the Clave," Henry said, and he walked downstairs.

"Mizpah," Will called out, but he heard no reply.

"Are you sure about this?" Gabriel asked. He moved over, closer to the couch. "It's going to change things, Will. It could change things between you and Jem… forever."

"What change is bigger than death?" Will asked.

"Just remember what I said," Gabriel said.

"I've already forgotten," Will said. "Which is, ironically, what your father said…" Gabriel looked prepared to end Will's life himself. Magnus shook his head and handed Will the glass bottle.

"Last chance to back out," Magnus said, and Will smiled, took the bottle, opened it, and poured the thick, sugary syrup down his throat. When finished, he handed the bottle back to Magnus and lay back on the couch.

"Gabriel, do you remember that one time at Shadowhunter Academy?" Will asked. "You were in rare form. It appeared that you were very much enjoying…"

"What happens in Idris stays in Idris," Gabriel said, but he took Will's right hand and lay his fingers over the pulse at his wrist.

"You're going to have five minutes, if that," Magnus said. "I'm not going to let you go even a minute past that. The longer you are dead, the harder it will be to… counteract the opium's affects while trying to restart your heart…"

"If I don't make it back, find him," Will said.

"I'll do my best," Magnus said, but he was starting to look scared, so Will turned to Gabriel.

"Gabe, why do we hate each other?" Will asked.

"You got my sister pregnant," Gabriel replied, "and… according to my father, your father abandoned Jem's father, who was his parabatai, and the entire Clave, to escape to Wales with a witch he loved. I've been conditioned to hate Herondales since before my birth."

"Your father is a wise man indeed," Will said. He closed his eyes and sighed. Gabriel squeezed his hand slightly and Will opened his eyes again. He found himself beginning to feel light headed so he looked over to Gabriel and focused on Gabriel's crimson eyes. "Why don't you have a parabatai?"

"I never found anyone I wanted to be with," Gabriel said. "No one has ever interested me as someone I wanted to spend a lot of time with."

"Ever?" Will asked.

"Never," Gabriel said.

"And what about girls? You never found a girl that interested you?" Will asked.

"Not really," Gabriel said. "I mean, I like Jessamine… a lot… but…"

"Wait," Will said. "Gabriel, are you a virgin?" Gabriel blushed and looked away.

"I don't see why that's any of your business," he said. "It's not as though I haven't had an opportunity… just because a man doesn't go trolling brothels looking for sinful pleasures… why that doesn't make him any less of a man!"

"No, that just makes him a virgin," Will said, and he laughed. "So that's your problem! I'll tell you what- if we make it back alive I promise, by the Angel, I'll get a girl to take your precious virtue." Gabriel began to speak but Will held up a hand. "And I'll find you a parabatai."

"That's very generous but… Magnus?" Gabriel asked. "Magnus, he's like ice." In an instant, Will felt cold air rush over his body and he shivered. He felt himself slip away, and he opened his eyes to see Magnus standing over him, looking scared. Will remembered seeing him this way once before.

"My heart…" Will said. He reached up and laid his hand on his chest. His heart was pounding so hard, he thought it might explode, and then, it stopped abruptly in his chest, leaving behind a feeling of gaping stillness. Will looked into Gabriel's eyes as his breathing ceased, and then, there was nothing left to feel.

"Ave Atque Vale," Gabriel said, and with shaking fingers, he reached up and gently closed Will's eyes.

_I will die for him. _

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No Teaser (I'm sorry) Look forward to the next chapter!


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note: Thank you for the many amazing reviews! It means so much to me to know that there are people reading this and so I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Also- I'm not sure the protocol for this but there is a nice disclaimer at the beginning of chapter one that says Cassandra Clare owns these characters and I am just writing a story based on their world. I am making no money off this, it is all strictly for fun. Enjoy this chapter!**

**

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Chapter 27**

Will fell into the inner depths of hell, to a place a hundred times hotter than anywhere he had ever been before, and then he was free from that torture, flying over London, toward Idris. When the demon towers were in sight he saw a tiny pinprick of light reflected on them grow bigger and bigger, and just as he was about to slam into a tower, he somersaulted into the light.

Will felt the air explode around him; he looked at his body to see that he was glowing just as magnificently as the Angel did in each and every depiction Will had ever seen. The light grew brighter and brighter, until Will had to close his eyes. When he opened them he was standing in front of a large wooden door. He pushed the door open and walked inside, then squinted and looked away.

Three men were sitting on separate thrones in a white room. Without them saying anything, Will knew that they were the archangels, Michael, Gabriel, and, at the center, Raziel. Will hit his knees in front of them, and lowered his head. He waited.

"Look up, young Shadowhunter," Will heard, and he looked up to see Raziel staring directly at him. Behind his head Will saw white wings covered with unblinking eyes. Looking into the face of the Angel felt like looking into a face of incomprehensible beauty. Raziel's skin was the color of sunlight and his eyes were the color of sky. The air shimmered around him as though he was the one who told it how to move.

The Angel looked upon Will, frowned and then spoke. "William Jonathan Herondale, you are not to be here yet. You've taken fate into your own hands and have ended your life prematurely. Do you not value your life as you should?"

"I value someone else's life over my own," Will said, "that's why I am here." Raziel expression turned into what Will could only described as confused.

"What's the meaning of this?" Raziel asked. Will glanced at Michael and Gabriel, each reclined on their thrones. They had smug, almost bored expressions on their faces, and appeared to be plain compared to Raziel's splendor.

"I came to ask you a favor…" Will began.

"You've come to ask me a favor?" Raziel asked, incredulously. He stood up and his wings spread out fully. He was wearing a cloth around his hips, and over that he wore a belt, with a dagger at his side. Raziel approached Will, stopping when he was standing over him. "What can I help you with, young William?"

"My parabatai, James Carstairs, was injured by the Greater Demon Yanluo, who killed his parents and then tortured him until he became addicted to the demon's poison. Now, he's dying," Will said.

"You are dead. He is not your parabatai," Raziel said.

"Of course he is, I swore to him," Will said, and he forced himself to look up at The Angel. "A spell book was stolen from the Nephilim, and now, Lord Raziel, we fear that the being which stole the book also took James. As the humblest of your servants…"

"Let's not lie, child," Raziel said. "You are not humble."

"I ask that you please, help me find a way to save James. He means… everything to me," Will said. "We can kill the demons that are summoned by the book. We can defeat the man who took it from us. You gave us the power to do that. I just don't have the power to save Jem." Will felt as though he wanted to cry but he couldn't. He just remained on his knees in front of the Angels and waited.

"You've taken your parabatai vow very seriously," Michael said. "That's rare. Most Shadowhunters say they would die for their parabatai, but we have never had someone want to go back to save their parabatai from death. Your devotion is astounding."

"Thank you, Lord Michael," Will said. "I love him. I would die…. I died for him."

"You understand that if I granted what you desire, you would never be able to tell anyone about me doing so?" Raziel asked. "I certainly can't have Nephilim showing up and asking for favors such as this."

"I would never tell a soul," Will said.

"I would make certain of that," Raziel said. "I know of James Carstairs' parents. I also know of James. He looks for the best in people. He's honest and forgiving. He is a good soul."

"Very much so," Will said.

"Many lives will be lost in the upcoming battle," Raziel said. "Are you willing to trade those lives for the chance to save just one?" Will looked up at The Angel.

"Excuse me?" Will asked.

"Is the life of one Shadowhunter worth the deaths of four more?" Raziel asked.

"Don't be rash," Gabriel said. "Think your answer over carefully." He smiled a terrible sort of smile.

"Don't assist him, Gabriel," Raziel said. "This answer must come from his heart."

"No. James's life is worth no more than the life of any other Shadowhunter," Will said. "If I had to forsake James for the sake of the Nephilim, I would. No one else should have to die just so that he can live."

"Wise answer," Raziel said. "I'll grant your wish, but know that I'll have your life if you tell anyone about coming here. You may tell James, the warlock assisting you, as well as the Shadowhunter currently crying over your body, but I will strike them dead if they tell anyone. Is this understood?"

"Yes, Lord Raziel," Will said. Raziel walked over to him. He withdrew the dagger from his belt. "My blood will overwhelm and destroy anything demonic and James will be cured of his affliction. You only need to collect it and then have James drink it."

"Like a…" Will said, but he found he couldn't say the word.

"Where do you think the Night Children came up with that idea?" Raziel asked, and even he sounded bored. He took the dagger and sliced it across his hand. A gold liquid began to pour out, and when Will looked at it, Raziel took the dagger and stabbed it deep into Will's heart.

Will felt the blade slice through his chest and he gasped and looked up at the Angel, who was smiling. Raziel pulled the blade out and Will saw red blood begin to bubble from his chest and drip onto the white surface he was knelt upon. The room was so white and pristine, and Will's blood looked so wrong in such a beautiful place. He looked up at Raziel, and then The Angel pressed his hand to Will's chest, and all the pain and blood was taken away.

"Thank you," Will said.

"Remember, no one is to ever know," Raziel said. "I'll see you soon." He placed a hand on Will's shoulder and it felt as though Jem had kissed him there. Will's last thought was just that, Jem, before he felt something give way beneath him, and he was tumbling through time and space, back to the Earth.

In the next instant, Will felt a hard cushion beneath his back and a burning pain in his chest. Magnus was saying something quickly and then Will opened his eyes to see Gabriel leaning over him, looking panicked. His red eyes were filled with tears that had soaked his face. Will gasped, and he tasted the hot and musty attic air.

"I've got it," Magnus said.

"You've got it all?" Gabriel asked.

"As much as I can get," Magnus replied. "How are you feeling, Will?" Will shook his head and looked down at his chest to see his red blood mixed with the gold angel blood as it still flowed from a wound over his heart.

"Lick me," Will said.

"Excuse me?" Gabriel asked.

"Lick me," Will demanded, "just like that one time at Shadowhunter Academy." Gabriel scowled, and then bent his head to Will's chest. Will felt Gabriel's warm, wet tongue graze the skin over his heart, dangerously close to his left nipple. Will felt a shock go through his groin and he laughed and put a hand into Gabriel's hair, and Gabriel pulled away.

Gabriel blinked, and his eyes changed from crimson back to a deep green.

"You're more perverted than I ever thought possible," Gabriel said, "but thank you."

"That's what she said," Will mumbled, and he felt himself starting to black out, but then he felt the cold tip of a stele against his skin as Gabriel drew a healing rune.

"Well, your eyes are blue once again, so I must assume you saw something worth seeing," Gabriel said. "What happened up there?"

"I can't tell you," Will said. "Seriously, what happens in Heaven stays in Heaven."

"We need to go," Gabriel said, taking Will's hand and lifting it to show him that the binding rune was fading further still. "I'm going to go tell Henry that you're alive once more and that we will be ready to leave shortly. Ready yourself." Gabriel stood up and left the attic. Magnus wiped what remained of Will's spill blood away and then handed him a shirt. Will put it on and began to button the shirt with shaking fingers.

"I injected you with something to restart your heart, and then you began bleeding," Magnus said. "You're going to be a little unsettled for some time. Drink this." Will buttoned his shirt up and then took the cup Magnus had given him. It was filled with a sweet potion and took away the bitter aftertaste of the opium, as well as gave Will more energy. Then Will stood up and Magnus helped him into the protective armor he would wear. When Will turned around to face Magnus as he buckled the armor, Magnus turned away and busied himself with packing up his supplies.

"What's the matter?" Will asked.

"You just died. I injected you with a potion, I did chest compressions to restart your heart, Gabriel was hysterical, and now…" Magnus gestured to Will, who was deftly securing the buckles at his shoulders.

"I'm alive," Will said, and smiled.

"You're lucky," Magnus said. "Healing Gabriel was unnecessary."

"Is that what this is about? I just wanted to see if he would do it," Will said, "and, besides, I like Gabriel with green eyes."

"You mean, you like Gabriel," Magnus said.

"Does that bother you?" Will asked. "Magnus?"

Magnus had always been so good at concealing his feelings. For all of the many nights Will had snuck out to see him, Magnus acted as though once the business between them was taken care of, he could have cared less whether Will pulled up his pants and walked out the door or spent the night and had breakfast in the morning. Nothing bothered Magnus; Will had been walking away from him, as well as making no secret about his relationship with Jem, for as long as he had been sneaking off to Magnus's residence.

"You're allowed to like whoever you want," Magnus said.

"Does that bother you?" Will asked. "Yesterday, how long were you standing outside of the alcove?"

"Long enough to know that it's Jem you love," Magnus said. "That's why I came back last night, because I want to see you happy and if he's not alive, you'll never be happy. His life always made you want to live yours, and I love you too much to see what will happen to you if he dies. I just want to see you happy, Will, and if you're happy because Jem is alive, then I want to do my best to keep him alive."

"Thank you, Magnus," Will said. "I'm sorry I can't be who you need me to be. I'm sorry it's always been Jem."

"I've always known that," Magnus said. "Don't apologize for who you love. Love is what makes life worth living."

"Sex is nice to," Will said, and Magnus glared. "I'm sorry. I'm about to climb into a hole and search the sewers with a Lightwood who allegedly hates me and is only protecting me because I got his sister pregnant. I'm just trying to diffuse the tension."

"This plan is insane," Magnus said.

"You're the one who let me kill myself on the off chance that I might see The Angel," Will said. He got a weapons belt he put on, and then put a sword in a holder across his back. Magnus had wrapped the opium bottle he had collected the angel blood in in a square of fabric, then nestled it into a small leather bag. Will secured the bag to his belt. "I want you there when I bring him out."

"I'll be waiting for you," Magnus said. "Oh, and Will?" Will looked up at Magnus. "Nate's got a nasty killing curse he used on Jem. It could stop your heart if he hits you with it the right way. It's avoidable but you have to be quick."

"Thanks for the advice," Will said. "And thank you, Magnus."

"Be safe, Will," Magnus said, and he looked as though he wanted to say more, but he never did.

"Mizpah," Will said, and Magnus shook his head. Will touched Magnus's hand.

"Go save your love. Come home the hero, take all the glory," Magnus said, rolling his eyes. "We all know you were hoping for this all along." Will gave him another smile, and then descended the attic stairs.

He met Henry and Gabriel and together they started down to the Sanctuary. Henry caught Will up on the plan as they walked. They would be going in groups of three; Henry, Will, and Gabriel would go down in the middle of the group being dispatched. From there, it was anyone's guess as to what they might find. By then, there were at the door to the Sanctuary.

Clave members were lining the hallway, and Will saw Michael Lightwood with Evelyn, and he saw Ambriel as well, but then he saw Tessa standing off to the side, and he walked over to her.

"Bring him back alive," Tessa said.

"Nate?" Will asked.

"Jem," Tessa replied. "Nate… do what you have to do."

"I'm sorry you got wrapped up in this," Will said. "I wish I had never…"

"I'm glad you rescued me from the Dark Sisters," Tessa said. "I'm happy to have met you and Jem. Please don't apologize; you've done nothing wrong this time." Will kissed her on the cheek, and then walked over to Ambriel.

"Do you think, maybe, after this is all said and done, we might be able to sit down and… get to know each other?" Will asked.

"That can be arranged," Ambriel said. "Be safe, Will. Oh dear…" Will turned to see Gabriel kissing Jessamine passionately.

"Come on, Gabriel," Will said. "The pretty lady will be here when we get back."

"I hope her answer is the same," Gabriel said, and he walked into the Sanctuary. Will followed, and he turned back to see Henry kissing Charlotte goodbye before he walked in as well. The demon's hole was already open and Will saw Oliver Penhallow drop down into it, followed by Cain Leviathan.

"So Jessamine said she would marry you if you made it back alive?" Will asked.

"She did, yes," Gabriel said. He was grinning like a fool and hopping from one foot to another. "My father was trying to promise me to a Fairchild, too. He's going to be so angry!"

"Oh Gabriel, I start to like you more the longer we spend together," Will said. "Look at you, all defiant. Isn't it a wonderful time, being a disappointment?"

"Most definitely," Gabriel said.

"But how did you word your proposal? Did you say "Jessamine, if I make it back alive, will you marry me?" Will asked, and Gabriel scowled. "If so, you might want to wonder what she is hoping for. She never did want to marry a Shadowhunter. Maybe she just said yes because she was hoping…"

"You can't let me be happy, can you?" Gabriel asked.

"I can tell you to focus and stop thinking about the blonde in the lovely dress that you want to give your virtue to," Will said. "We have work to do, Gabriel. Now, are you going down first?" He nodded to the gaping black hole in the floor.

"The hell I will," Gabriel said.

"This is why you're a virgin, Gabriel. You never take initiative…" Will began.

"I'll go," Henry said, and he dropped into the hole, followed by Will, and finally, Gabriel.

The temperature fell at least ten degrees underground. The ossuary annex was half the size of the Sanctuary, and the roof was held up by witch light columns that glowed softly in the darkness. The ceiling was made of bones and skulls, which had belonged to the first inhabitants of the London Institute. To the right and left there were two passageways lined with bricks, one had the words "Facilis Descensus Averni" above the entrance and led to the Silent City. Henry chose the other entrance and walked in, Gabriel stared at his retreating frame.

"Would you like to vomit now or later?" Will asked, and when Gabriel just shook his head, Will pushed him towards the entrance and then followed him inside.

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**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! There is no teaser for the next chapter. I can only say that someone dies. I'm sorry.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading and thank you for the amazing, amazing, amazing, reviews. I love them so much and I am just thrilled to know that this story is being enjoyed, because I am enjoying writing it. The bad news is that someone dies in this chapter. Sorry. Okay. Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 28**

"So why Jessamine?" Will asked. "I mean, forgive my skepticism, but she's terrible. She doesn't even want to be here, she doesn't want to be a Shadowhunter…"

"You told me to focus," Gabriel said.

"Between you and I, you look as though you need distracted," Will said. Gabriel shrugged, tripped on something, and grabbed Will's arm. Will helped him right himself before they continued on.

The sewer had begun twenty yards after the entrance from the ossuary annex. They found the sewer pipe containing ten inches of water, rushing down in the direction of the Thames. The water kept away the rats and other vermin seen on their last trip to the sewer, but brought with it a heady smell of refuse. The pipe they were in was at least eight feet tall, bottom to top, and was so wide, they could walk shoulder to shoulder without a problem. The only source of light came from Henry, who held a witch light stone out in front of him. Gabriel and Will were behind him, and each had a witch light stone attached to their armor, however, their stones were dimly lit. They were walking so close together, their arms occasionally touched.

"Michael was the chosen one. Father always believed that if he had to he would sacrifice his first born. Michael was the one who was supposed to almost die in a sewer, not me," Gabriel said. "I tested third best at the Academy for battle skills, and I was awarded a scholarship to continue my education. I was going to learn how to battle and kill Greater Demons."

"But you can't kill Greater Demons," Will said.

"You can. It just takes a lot of work," Gabriel said. "In the time between coming home from Alicante and when I was supposed to go back my father got cold feet. We found out that Ambriel was pregnant and it was decided that I should stay home. Michael could work for the Clave, I could stay safe. My father fully believes that there are demons out there and we were put on this earth to kill them, he just doesn't want me to be the one who dies killing them. I'm not a coward, I was just sheltered."

"Is that why you're a virgin?" Will asked, and Gabriel scowled at him. "Why Jessamine?"

"She sat beside my bed when I was injured," Gabriel said. "We were barely past recognizing we had feelings for each other when I got hurt, but she sat by my bed, and she was there when I woke up. I almost died, Will, and when I lived… it changed my mind about many things." Will nodded and Gabriel continued.

"Jessamine is a whole lot of woman. She's a force, Will. She'll knock you to your knees for the pleasure of watching you cringe in pain. She's frightening but only because she rejects this world. I know she doesn't want to be a Shadowhunter, she wants to be a wife and mother and I can let her do that. By marrying her, I can let her live the life she wants, and she will let me live the life I want. I love her, Will. I can't explain that to you in a way you'll understand, so you will just have to believe that I love her and want to be with her."

"Sometimes that requires no further explanation," Will said.

Ahead of them, Will could hear the sound of something splashing through water and approaching them. The sound was echoing off of the brick walls around them, and Will couldn't tell how close or far who, or what, was from them. Henry closed his fist around the witch light he held and he stopped.

"I would like to see…" Will began. The water they were standing in lapped harder against the sides of the pipe, getting louder as whatever was before them came closer. Will could feel Gabriel's hot breath against his neck, calm and steady, and he smiled a little. He felt something long and slimly curl around his ankle and slither away. Will shivered, and he heard the Sensor Henry was holding begin to vibrate.

"What the fuck was that?" Gabriel whispered, and then he screamed.

Ice cold air rushed past Will's ear. Gabriel splashed into the water, moaning as his bones hit the bricks of the pipe, and then he started to scream again, louder.

Henry lit his witch light and Will saw in the green cast that Gabriel was down in the water, being drug away by a black and slimy demon. Gabriel would get his head above water long enough to cry out before the speed at which the demon was traveling pulled him back under. Will could barely see the demon, but he could see Gabriel's hands reaching up, reaching for something to grab. Gabriel screamed once more, it sounded hysterical and his body flipped over so that he was being drug face down. The last scream echoed down the pipe and stopped suddenly just as the demon pulled Gabriel beyond the cast of the witch light.

Then Will and Henry were running after the demon, slipping on the bricks, and slamming into each other. Henry shoved Will ahead of him, and they finally caught up to the demon. Will leapt into the air and waited to fall onto the floor of the pipe, but he felt skin and bones crush beneath his chest. He swallowed a mouthful of sewage and he choked. Will slammed his fingers off of the bottom of the pipe as he wrapped his arms around Gabriel's waist.

Henry leapt over Will and sunk a seraph blade into the demon, which shrieked and dissolved. Will climbed to his feet and pulled Gabriel from the water by the back of his armor. Gabriel was coughing and gagging. Will hit him on the back and Gabriel choked out a torrent of grey colored water. His upper lip was split open and bleeding, as was his nose. The dark red blood dripped into the water and spread as it flowed away from them, and Will did not want to think about what that blood could attract. Henry put his hand over Gabriel's mouth and nose, and they managed to get to a ledge set above the water.

They sat there for a few minutes, coughing, gasping, and vomiting up the cast off of all of London. Henry drew a rune to get Gabriel's bleeding to stop, but in the time it took the rune to work, Gabriel ended up with handful after handful of blood, and Will had to turn away, lest he remember Jem for more than a moment.

Gabriel was still breathing hard and was clearly in pain. He finally sat back against the wall and Will saw that several lines of bright red blood had appeared on the bottom of Gabriel's shirt and were spreading rapidly. Henry looked at Gabriel, who nodded, before he gently pulled up Gabriel's shirt. Bits of Gabriel's skin had been tore away, and those places began to drip blood. Henry drew a healing rune and the cuts faded, and then the three of them were silent as they caught their collective breath.

"What was that?" Will asked.

"It was a Kuri Demon. They aren't deadly, they only wish to drag someone off to their lair for play," Henry said, and Gabriel vomited off the side of the ledge again. Henry jumped back and looked ill, briefly.

"Some of us just can't hold our sewage," Will said, and Gabriel moaned.

"We shouldn't stay idle. Come on," Henry said.

"Gabriel, it smells as though you have wet yourself," Will said. "Have you?"

"I have not," Gabriel snapped. "You try being drug through sewage. That was terrifying. I saw my life flash before my eyes."

"What a bore," Will said. He climbed off of the ledge but Gabriel remained. "Do you wish to go back? Maybe you could tell your father over lunch that he was right to keep you close to your mother's bosom."

"My father can go fuck himself," Gabriel said.

"My, would I like to see that," Will said. "Just... strictly to see what sort of technique he would use." Gabriel shook his head. He climbed off of the ledge, tripped in the water, and fell against Will. "Not here, Gabriel. Later." Gabriel stomped after Henry, who was already a few paces ahead of them. Gabriel reached into his pocket and cursed under his breath. "That's what happens when it's cold."

"It seems as though I have lost my stele," Gabriel said.

"Damnit, Gabriel! I can't take you anywhere!" Will exclaimed. He reached into his pocket and got his stele which he handed to Gabriel. "Here. Why don't you just Portal back to your mother's arms? You know, this is what you get for playing with demons. Has your father taught you anything?"

"I am going to strike you," Gabriel said, a hysterical edge to his voice. He had tears in his eyes and his chin was quivering.

"Don't drop the stele," Will said. Gabriel stomped towards Will and weakly made a fist with the hand not clutching the stele.

"That's enough," Henry said.

"Can I get the last word in?" Will asked. Henry shot him a disapproving look and Will sighed and rolled his eyes. They walked in silence for a few minutes. Gabriel walked beside Will, back to being so close that their arms were occasionally touching once more, but Will didn't mind. He opened his palm a little, and in the next few steps Gabriel took, his palm hit Will's, and Will gripped Gabriel's fingers with his. "We're all in this together." Gabriel nodded and he walked another step, holding Will's hand, before he let go quickly and wiped his palm down the side of his pants. Will smiled bashfully, and batted his eyes. Gabriel scowled and then let his face soften.

"So you really can't tell me anything about what transpired… earlier?" Gabriel asked.

"I can tell you but if you tell anyone else the Angel will kill you," Will said. "You might as well remain in the dark about it. I would hate you for you to die because you can't keep your mouth shut as usual."

"You were very brave to have done that," Gabriel said. "Carstairs doesn't know how

lucky he is."

"Jem," Will said, "And Jem knows how lucky he is. I'm the one who didn't know how lucky I am to have him." Will pulled up his shirt sleeve and glanced at the rune that bound him to Jem, and then lapsed into silence.

They were more prepared the second time around, when a Shax demon appeared out of the dark abyss in front of them. Gabriel hung back, guarding, while Henry and Will made quick work of it. Still, the demon sliced Henry across his face with a pincer, and they had to stop and heal him, lest the scent of blood attract anything else.

While they were stopped, they heard a loud scream, and upon walking another fifty paces, they found Oliver Penhallow, dead, against the wall of the sewer. He had a look of abject fear on his face, and his mouth was open as he stared, unseeing, at the roof of the tunnel.

"Oliver," Henry said, and he hit his knees beside him. "Oh, no, Oliver."

"He and Cain were together, right?" Will asked. "Where is Cain?"

"He could have run," Henry said, looking down the tunnel, beyond the dim cast of witch light.

"I wouldn't have," Will scoffed.

"Yes you would," Henry said. "If you ever get the chance to run, take it."

Henry managed to get Oliver's body further away from the flowing water, and then close his eyes and mouth. When Henry turned around, Will saw tears in his eyes, and Gabriel was kicking the water a little as he watched it flow past them. Will had long gotten used to his boots being soaked, but Gabriel was drenched and shivering so hard that his lips were blue. His shirt still clung tightly to his chest, and Will could see the outline of an undershirt beneath it, soaked clean through as well and stained with blood. There was a damp, cold air coming up from the direction they were headed, and sometimes, when Will exhaled, he could see a cloud of condensation.

"I'm going to go on ahead," Will said. "You both can turn back. Take Oliver's body to the Sanctuary. You've done enough." Will turned around and looked into the long, dark tunnel in front of him, and then he began walking. After a minute, he felt a hand on his shoulder and then Gabriel appeared beside him.

"My father said I would go back," he said. "I would like to continue defying him a little longer."

"I don't give my heart away on a whim," Will said, "but I'm starting to fall in love with you." Gabriel laughed softly. Will heard the water being disrupted behind them and he turned to see Henry following as well, drying his tears as he went.

"So what's the plan when you find Jem?" Gabriel asked.

"Depends on what state I find him in," Will replied, "depends on who, or what, I find with him."

"I'll handle Gray," Gabriel said, "you take care of Jem."

Then Will took a step and tripped on something in the water, and when he righted himself, he turned down to see Jem floating face up in the water. His white silk pajamas were soaked through with blood. His eyes were open, as was his mouth. There wasn't a rune left on his body. He was dead.

"NO!" Will cried, and he took a step towards him. Gabriel grabbed Will around the throat with one arm and with the other hand whipped a battle ax directly at Jem. Will screamed and kicked at Gabriel but then Henry was beside them with a sword, and he stabbed Jem, and Will screamed at him as well. He started to cry and thought he might be going mad. He considered his insanity was at its apex when he saw Jem's bleeding body spasm twice and then melt into a formless black cloud which lifted from the floor, flew directly at Will's face, and then, with a shriek, disappear into the darkness in front of them.

Will shivered and fell to the floor, not even considering the water rushing past. Gabriel kept his arms around him and guided him down, until Will was on his hands and knees and Gabriel was enveloped around him.

"It was Agramon, the Greater Demon of fear," Gabriel said. "He shape shifts into your biggest fear. I bet I know what you saw." Will nodded and lay his head against Gabriel's shoulder.

"What did you see?" Will asked.

"I saw my sister raising a baby on her own because I couldn't save you," Gabriel said. "I didn't think for an instant that my sister would be down in the sewer with us, nor that she had the baby and began to raise it in the time we've been down here." Will looked up at Gabriel, and then at Henry, who had knelt beside them.

"And what did you see?" Will asked.

"Charlotte crying as my body burned," Henry said. "Let's keep going." Gabriel helped Will to his feet and they continued on.

They walked for ten nearly silent minutes before a scream broke through the air, and this time they saw fire lighting up the tunnel in front of them. In the light they saw that they were nearing the entrances of two other tunnels, going off in different directions. They were now getting into the heart of the sewer system.

"Get behind me," Henry said, and Gabriel got behind Henry. Will remained in front until Gabriel grabbed him by the arm and hauled him behind Henry.

"I'll die for you if I must," Gabriel said.

"That would just kill your father," Will muttered.

"No matter what, keep going," Henry said. "Find Jem, get back to the surface, and let the others fight Nate. There are others behind us; it's best that you stay out of the way."

"Sounds good to me," Gabriel said.

"Likewise," Will said.

They heard another scream, so Henry began to run, and Will and Gabriel followed. At the intersection of the tunnels Will looked right and saw Cain Leviathan and two others battling, and losing, to the Greater Demon Inferion. When Inferion saw the three of them he threw a ball of fire in their direction. Will remembered the stone room, the huge monster, and the fire coming at his face.

Then Gabriel slammed into Will's chest and they fell, together, into the rush of water. Will had only an instant to take a breath before he was under the water and on his back. He looked over to see Gabriel's cheeks puffed out and his eyes open as he pinned Will against the bottom of the pipe. Above them, Will could see flames licking at the water's surface, and he looked back at Gabriel just as Gabriel's mouth opened. His eyes went red and bubbles poured from his mouth as he screamed.

A ball of orange exploded over Gabriel's body, and then there was the black and red blur that was Henry leaping over them and stabbing at the demon with his sword. Will came up from the water. He reached down to pull Gabriel up, and out of the corner of his eye, Will saw Henry burst into flames. Henry screamed but continued to stab at the demon, forcing it back into the pipe it had come from, even as his body writhed and the flames ate each and every part of him. Henry's scream settled into one last, frantic instruction.

"RUN!"

"NO!" Will cried.

"Will, now!" Gabriel screamed, and he grabbed Will by the arm and hauled him down the tunnel. Will ran, knowing this is what Henry wanted him to do. Will did not consider all that Henry was leaving behind as Will left him behind, he did not think that at this moment, Charlotte was losing her husband, no, Will just ran. He did not stop until Gabriel was panting beside him, the air in the tunnel was cold and damp once more, and his back no longer felt on fire.

Will fell against the side of the pipe and put his fingers to his forehead and gasped out loud. Gabriel fell beside him, shivering, crying, and finally, tearing his hair out with pain. He dropped into the water, which was rushing past harder and faster now, and Will grabbed him so he didn't get drug away, recoiling when he felt the raw, blistered, and burning hot skin on Gabriel's back.

"Not… again," Gabriel said.

"It's not so bad," Will said, "Can you walk?" Gabriel shook his head, so Will pulled him to a dry spot and then turned him over. "It's just a flesh wound." The wound was anything but minor; Will could see bone among the burned flesh. Gabriel's eyes were clouded with pain as he shook and struggled to breathe.

"Well then, this is how it's going to end," Gabriel managed.

"It's not going to end," Will said, and he removed the opium bottle of his belt, took off the lid, and poured some of Raziel's blood into Gabriel's mouth. When he pulled the bottle away, the bottle refilled as though Gabriel had never been dosed in the first place. Will closed the bottle and put it back on his belt.

Gabriel lay his head against Will's chest and took a few breathes. Will could just barely hear his breathing, strained and shallow, over the rush of the water. There may have been more Shadowhunters behind them, but as for right now, it felt as though it was only the two of them in the cold, slimy pipe beneath the ground.

"Please take care of Ambriel," Gabriel said, his voice pained. "She needs you, Will, and maybe you need her as well."

"It's not going to end," Will repeated, and Gabriel sobbed a little and clutched Will's shirt in his fist. Will looked at Gabriel's back to see that it was still as burned as ever. The Angel's blood should have healed him by now, but it had not.

"Tell me what it was like," Gabriel said, and he moaned and held Will's shirt tighter.

"Oh, Gabriel, it was amazing. It was this big room and Michael, Gabriel, and Raziel were there. The whole place was all white, and gold, and Raziel… he had these wings with eyes on them. They must see everything. I've never seen something that beautiful before," Will said. "You can't tell anyone, I'm serious."

"I'll never tell anyone," Gabriel said, and his grip on Will's shirt relaxed and he managed a few calming breathes. He looked up at Will, and Will saw that Gabriel's eyes were back to green, but they stood out from his face, which was white with fear. His lips were an eerie shade of blue. Gabriel shivered again, harder this time, and then his arms wrapped around Will's waist. "Don't tell anyone I did this."

"There's nothing wrong with it," Will said, and he gently put his arms around Gabriel and rested his cheek against Gabriel's head.

An undetermined amount of time past. Will had his witch light stone lit, however, the light coming from it was very dim. Will could barely see Gabriel, but he could feel his body in his arms, shivering. Will slid his arm down Gabriel's bicep. He was wearing a long sleeved shirt that was soaked and stuck to his body, but Will began to rub, hard, trying to give Gabriel some sort of warmth.

Gabriel pressed his chest tighter against Will's and Will held him closer. The water was still flowing past, loudly bubbling and gurgling, and bringing with it a constantly cold breeze, but Will could feel Gabriel's warm exhales against the base of his throat. Will felt as though he could have fallen asleep this way, with Gabriel in his arms, but then Gabriel stopped shivering and after another moment, he sat up and moved only to Will's immediate left, so that their shoulders were touching, and he mumbled a soft "thank you."

Will reached up, and after pausing briefly, dropped his hand onto Gabriel's back, which was completely healed. Gabriel turned his head towards Will. Their faces were less than six inches apart, and Will could have lay his head on Gabriel's shoulder if he really wanted to.

Gabriel's lips parted a little and he exhaled softly. He turned his head and leaned closer to Will, and Will saw that Gabriel's lips retained their subtle blue tone. They were still cracked and stained with blood but they were no longer trembling. Gabriel dropped his right hand to the floor behind Will, and Will's fingers gripped Gabriel's shoulder just a little. Gabriel looked away, into the darkness behind Will. He looked back into Will's eyes, perhaps resigning himself to something, and Will turned his head and moved closer.

There was barely three inches between their faces now, and Will heard Gabriel take another breath and he felt the heat of the exhale hit his lips, and Will breathed it in. Gabriel took another breath and then whispered,

"I'm really sorry about Henry. I have to assume that you were close."

"Close enough," Will said, sitting back. "I don't really want to talk about him right now, Gabriel."

"Okay. Let me know if you do," Gabriel said, and he sighed and looked across the sewer to the curved brick wall they were facing. After another minute, Gabriel stood up. "Will, we have to keep going."

"I know," Will said, and he looked down the tunnel to where Henry's body had to have remained. His eyes filled with hot tears, but then he felt Gabriel's hand on his, pulling him to his feet.

"We need to keep moving," Gabriel said. "Herondale! Let's go! We'll deal with it later, right now we have to find Jem." Will pulled the sword from the holder across his back. The hot metal burned his fingers but he didn't feel it. He did feel Gabriel's fingers linger against his hand before he pulled them away and they began walking towards the unknown.


	29. Chapter 29

**Author's Note: Welcome, and thank you for reading. Chapter 29 turned out to be massive, so I split it in half, giving you two chapters instead of one. Enjoy! Remeber, I still own none of these characters. **

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**Chapter 29**

They walked for some time in complete silence, side by side. Gabriel was kicking the water as he went. The back of his shirt was completely burned away and the bits of armor that survived the attack were soaked and clung to his skin. Two leather straps, each holding a seraph blade, crossed his back. Will kept looking at Gabriel, and then at the rune on his wrist. It was faded to a grey smudge on his skin, showing that Jem was closer to death than ever. Gabriel grabbed Will's shirt cuff and pulled it down.

"He's still alive, and you look as though you need distracted," Gabriel said. Will looked up, at the long, dark tunnel ahead of them, and said nothing. "Do you have any sort of plans for what you are going to do with Ambriel?"

"Usually I would have a witty response to that but being that I have already done my best to her-" Will said. Gabriel snorted. "I'm terrible with people, Gabriel. I'm terrible with girls. I just don't know how to talk to them without getting all nervous and tongue tied and then I drink a lot."

Gabriel nodded. "Go on," he said.

"Ambriel drinks as well, and I guess the night of Michael and Evelyn's party, we must have just found common ground. I find her attractive, don't get me wrong. Even…now that she is with child. But I didn't even know she was pregnant with my child until she told me because she asked that I not speak to her. Now, I don't know what to do with her."

"Well, what do you want to do?" Gabriel asked.

"The right thing to do would be to marry her," Will replied.

"Yes, but what do you want to do?" Gabriel asked. "You can't force yourself into a marriage you don't want. The baby will be fine; my mother is more than capable of raising it. Ambriel will be fine as well. My family takes care of their own."

"Just as long as no one betrays the family," Will said, and Gabriel gave him a hurt look. "I'm sorry."

"Of course you are," Gabriel said.

"I think that perhaps having a child might be wonderful. It would keep me out of trouble, that's for sure, and perhaps give me another reason for living," Will said. "And frankly, the idea of my child being brought up by your family is horrifying. If you're sheltered at 18 I shudder to think about what your parents do to infants. They probably smother them."

"I understand that family and love are scary concepts for you," Gabriel said, "but you owe it to yourself to give it a try. You might even like it."

Will put a hand up and Gabriel stopped beside him. In the distance, Will could hear the low undertones of a man's voice. Will took a step forward, prepared to run, but Gabriel held him back.

"As soon as we get close he'll hear us," Gabriel said. "We need to have a plan. You'll handle Jem, I'll handle Nate. One of us needs to get The Green Book if he has it. I have no intentions of letting Nate Gray live."

"I had no idea you had a thirst for blood, Gabriel," Will said. "Stop talking, your beautiful mouth is distracting me." Gabriel shoved Will forward. They left the water and walked along the side of the pipe, desperately trying to keep their shoes from squeaking against the sewer bricks.

In time, they reached another intersection of sewer pipes. Nate's voice was at its loudest and it was clear he was stationed just around the corner in a pipe that had no water running from it. Occasionally, Will heard Jem moaning, but mainly he just heard Nate's mad ramblings. There was an orange light coming from the pipe, and from the smell, Will could determine that candles were burning inside.

"Let's go," Gabriel said, and pulled out a battle ax, then stepped in front of the entrance to the pipe, and Will followed. Nate was standing in front of an alter of bricks covered with papers, the Pyxis, and one book. Nate turned around, opened his palm, and yelled out a curse. Gabriel slammed backwards into the wall and crumbled to the floor into the water His hand was over his heart and he was gasping for breath.

Will looked at Nate, then at body lying on the floor, curled up, with hands and feet bound with ropes.

Jem.

His hair was wet and hung in matted strands around his face, and on the floor in front of him, Will had never seen that much blood. Jem's face was covered in it and his white pajamas were soaked red.

Will looked back at Nate, and waited for Nate's curse to hit him as well. It would all be over then. He would be down in the water, next to Gabriel, about to be washed out to the Thames. Jem was going to die. Will reserved himself to the thought that he had made it this far, but would fail regardless.

_I have nothing left to live for. _

A primal howl sent chills up Will's spine as it echoed down the sewer. Will tore his eyes from Nate and looked to his left. Gabriel rose slowly from the water and he screamed again, so loudly, Will jumped aside. Gabriel's hair was plastered to his face and water was pouring off of his body. He held a battle ax in each hand and every muscle in his arms and chest were flexed to the breaking point. Gabriel lifted his right hand behind his head and then sent an ax spinning through the air. The ax buried itself into Nate's chest, opening up a gaping chasm of blood and bone, and Nate grinned sadistically.

"Why is it you Nephilim always go after the most obvious fight!" Nate yelled. "The real war is yet to come! You cannot stop us once we have begun, and we have begun. We'll bring the world to its knees…"

"You shut your fucking mouth!" Gabriel screeched. He sent another ax into Nate's head. Nate fell to the floor, splashing into a pool of his own blood, and followed Gabriel's command quite perfectly.

"He may have been saying something relevant," Will said.

"Evil always exists. He was the one stupid enough to want to control it," Gabriel said. "You can't control evil, you can only fight against it and hope for the best outcome."

"If I wasn't so distracted, Gabriel, and I wasn't worried about Jem overhearing… the things I could do to your body…" Will said. They climbed into the pipe and hurried over to Jem.

"That's a lot of blood," Gabriel said softly.

"He's lost more," Will said, "Help me." Gabriel took a dagger from Will's weapons belt and sawed at the ropes binding Jem's arms, and Will pulled Jem's head into his lap.

Jem's body was freezing cold and soaking wet. His runes were faded to white discolorations in his skin. He was dressed in his white silk pajamas, and there was blood all down the front of them, coming from his mouth and nose. His eyes were closed, and his eyelids were blue. His skin was a ghostly shade of pale silver and his lips were white and stained with blood. If not for the pulse beating weakly at Jem's throat, Will might have thought Jem was already dead.

"I'm here, Jem," Will said, and with shaking hands he brought out the bottle of angel blood. He opened it and poured most of it down Jem's throat before he closed Jem's mouth. Will handed the bottle to Gabriel. He nodded and Gabriel had the last sip of the blood before he got The Green Book and Pyxis from Nate's alter. Gabriel leaned against the wall of the pipe and put his head down.

Then there was silence. Will knew that he could have stood up, tossed Jem over his shoulder, and carried him from the sewer as a hero would, but somehow Will knew that Jem would have wanted Will to accept his death with as few people around as possible. Going back meant facing Charlotte, and Will wasn't ready to tell her about Henry.

Will's eyes clouded with tears and he looked up to see the sewer pipe distorted into an orange room with bricks on the walls. Will took a few breathes, let them out slowly, and tried to focus on this moment and not the ones that had led up to it.

"Were you supposed to do anything else?" Gabriel asked.

"Raziel just said that I was to have him drink it," Will said. "Come on, Jem." He put his hands on Jem's arms and began to rub vigorously, trying to do anything to warm Jem's body. Gabriel knelt beside them and began to rub Jem's chest.

"Why isn't it working?" Gabriel asked.

"I don't know," Will replied. He looked at Jem's mouth, pale and closed, and his eyes that hadn't yet opened, and his chest, which was rising and falling with the shallowest of breathes.

"When will you give up?" Gabriel asked, as they paused and Will felt for Jem's pulse. Will could barely feel it.

"Never," Will said, and he went back to rubbing Jem's chest, harder, faster, until he was pushing his knuckles against Jem's ribs, and Jem finally gasped and moved his head.

Jem's eyes opened, and they were neither silver nor white but an impermeable black, so dark, Will couldn't see their pupils. Jem met Will's eyes with his own before they closed again, and every rune on his body flared to a solid black once more.

Except for one.

Will blinked, shook his head, and then looked to see that the binding rune which matched Will's, which should have been on Jem's wrist, was missing. In its place there was only smooth, white skin. Not even a scar of the rune remained.

"No," Will said, and he looked at his own wrist to see that his rune was gone as well. "No. We were bound together. He's my parabatai… where did our runes go?"

"You were one another's parabatai until death," Gabriel said. "You died, Will. Magnus brought you back but that doesn't matter, you died. Death renders the parabatai vow null and void. I'm sorry."

"I didn't know," Will said. "I thought because I didn't stay dead…" Gabriel placed a hand on Will's shoulder.

"Would it have changed things?" he asked, and Will shook his head. He would have rescued Jem and tried to cure him whether or not they were parabatai.

"He can swear to me again, right?" Will asked.

"Of course," Gabriel said. He looked up, out of the pipe they were in. "We need to go. I'll draw a Portal. Michael is already waiting on the other side for us." Gabriel stood up and walked over to the wall.

"You know the Portal rune?" Will asked.

"Of course. Everyone who went to the Academy learned the Portal rune, remember?" Gabriel asked. "We got to Portal around Campus? Oh, never mind. You were hung over and spent most of the day beneath a tree sleeping. That Morgenstern kid drew pointless runes all over you. It was funny." Gabriel smiled at the memory.

"How do you know I was hung over?" Will asked, and Gabriel blushed.

"Because… I was as well," He said. "It was after that one night… we were drinking… never mind, Will. I just need to…" He turned away and drew a portal rune, which melted into the bricks and became a shimmering doorway.

"I remember now," Will said. "That one night…"

"Let's just go home and forget I ever brought it up," Gabriel said. He collected the Pyxis and The Green Book. Will got to his feet and held Jem in his arms. Gabriel blew out all of the candles in the pipe, and Will felt Gabriel grip his arm as, together, they stepped into the Portal.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

They landed on the front lawn outside of the Institute and the first thing Will heard was Charlotte screaming as Magnus ran over with her. Magnus wrapped Jem in a blanket and then Will placed Jem in his arms.

"Magnus, look at his eyes," Will said.

"I've got him," Magnus said, and he hurried inside with Jem. Jessamine tossed a blanket at Will, grabbed Gabriel by the arms, and pulled him tight against her. She was babbling something and Will desperately wanted to remind her that Gabriel was covered in raw sewage, but then Charlotte was wrapping the blanket around Will and hugging him tightly to her chest.

"What happened?" Charlotte demanded.

"We have the book and Pyxis," Will said, and Gabriel stepped away from Jessamine and gave The Green Book and Pyxis to her.

"And Henry?" Charlotte asked. "Where's Henry? Wasn't he with you?" Charlotte looked back and forth between Gabriel and Will. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears. "Where is my husband?"

"Charlotte, he's…" Will began.

"We came across Inferion in the sewer," Gabriel said. "There was only Henry and a few others fighting a Greater Demon and Henry told us to run, Charlotte. He's gone." Charlotte made a pained noise and then slapped Gabriel across the face. Gabriel put a hand up to his cheek and his eyes filled with tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Get inside!" Charlotte cried, and Will took Gabriel by the arm and pulled him inside of the Institute. Gabriel was shaking and he looked close to a complete breakdown, as though everything they had been through in the sewer had caught up to him. Will pulled him upstairs and down the hallway, passing Sophie. Her eyes asked a question and Will nodded. Then Will got Gabriel to the door of his room.

"We could have died," Gabriel said.

"We didn't," Will said. "Get cleaned up. I'm sure you're father is going to want to see you alive." He shoved Gabriel into his room, and then Will continued down to his own.

Once inside, Will stripped off his clothes and dropped them onto the floor in one wet and smelly pile. He walked into the bathroom and started the water, then turned to the mirror over his sink and looked into it.

Will's hair was wet, although, he hadn't noticed it. His face was covered with a grey film of mud and sewage. There was a bruise across his chest where Gabriel had slammed into him, and when Will lifted his hands to run his fingers across the bruise, he saw that his fingers and nails were stained with Jem's blood, and Henry's blood as well, and Will felt as though the blood of everyone who died that was on his hands, but he refused to acknowledge that thought.

Will turned his right hand over, he looked closely at his wrist, but there was still no rune that showed he had ever been bound to Jem. Will felt a sob in his throat he let out, and then another came out, just as hard. Will buried his face in his hands and cried as the running water masked the sound of his sobs.

When the tub was nearly overflowing, Will slipped into the hot water and looked up at the ceiling. Nearly a half an hour later, he finally felt scoured and was free of most of the sewage stench, he climbed out of the bathtub, dried off, and went to get dressed. He had pulled his pants on and was just reaching for a shirt when there was a knock at the door. Will walked over and opened the door to see Gabriel standing outside.

Gabriel was dressed in black pants and a white shirt, unbuttoned two buttons from the top. He was barefoot, and his hair was still wet and hung in loose tendrils around his face. He had been rubbing the back of his neck, but his green eyes looked up at Will. His mouth fell open and he looked at a loss for words.

"Come in," Will said, and Gabriel walked in. Will stepped back from the door and Gabriel reached over and closed the door abruptly. "Couldn't get enough of me?" Gabriel laughed, uncomfortably, and looked at the floor. A blush crept into his cheeks.

"Your flirtation has not gone unnoticed," Gabriel said. "It's just that I would rather see you with my sister over me."

"Likewise," Will said. "Nothing against you; I just prefer my Lightwoods to be of the female variety."

"Lucky for us both," Gabriel said with a nervous laugh, and he finally managed to meet Will's eyes again. "In my hasty exile from my father's home it would appear that I have forgotten to pack socks. Might you have a pair I could borrow?"

"But of course," Will said, and he went to his dresser and opened the drawer.

"Wait," Gabriel said. "What's that?"

"What?" Will asked.

"There…" Gabriel said, and he walked over and touched Will on the shoulder. "you didn't have a scar there before… that I know of." Will turned and looked in the mirror at his back. There was a star shaped scar there, just over his shoulder blade. It was set into his skin as though it had been there all along.

"It would appear as though I have been touched by The Angel," Will said. "As if I needed another reason to feel special." Gabriel smiled a half smile and ran his fingers gently over the scar. Will's skin broke out in goose bumps.

"Does it hurt?" Gabriel asked, softly.

"Not at all," Will replied. "Gabriel?"

Gabriel ignored Will. His eyes looking over the rest of Will's body, from Will's prominent collar bones, then down his chest and to the waist line of his pants, which hung loose on his hips. Will turned to him. They were less than a foot apart now, and Will waited for Gabriel to step back and remove his hand from his back, but he did neither, and in fact, he only spread his fingers wider so that his palm rested against Will's skin. Gabriel looked up at Will, bit his lip, and looked away.

"I've always hated you so much, even before you were with Ambriel. You threatened me, and I was jealous of you and Jem," Gabriel said. "You have him and I just wanted you."

"You wanted me?" Will asked. Gabriel shook his head. "You want me?"

"I don't know," Gabriel said. "You have to be with Ambriel… she needs you. I'm engaged to Jessamine. I can't… I shouldn't… I'm not sure…"

"No one has to know," Will said, and he lifted his hand and rubbed Gabriel on the underside of his arm. "Breaking the rules is fun, Gabriel. We won't tell…"

Will slipped his hands down to Gabriel's waist, letting his fingers rest in the soft places between Gabriel's rib cage and hips. Gabriel wrapped his arms around Will's upper back, just as he had in the sewer. He licked his lips, closed his eyes, and Will did the same. Gabriel's soft lips pressed against Will's. Will slipped his tongue between Gabriel's teeth and he felt Gabriel's tongue against his.

Gabriel sighed and pressed himself closer to Will's chest, and Will again felt the warmth they had shared in the sewer. He drew Gabriel's hips more tightly against himself. Gabriel slid his hands down Will's chest and Will felt the skin beneath his shirt contract. Will deepened the kiss, pushing harder against Gabriel's lips, and then slipped his fingers beneath Gabriel's shirt. His thumbs caressed that soft and smooth place just below the waist band of Gabriel's pants, and Gabriel moaned. Will felt them both getting just the slightest bit aroused, but then Gabriel spread his hands open on Will's chest and pushed him away. Will opened his eyes.

"No. Never mind," Gabriel said. He shook his head and then stepped away from Will. "It feels as though I am kissing my brother."

"You've kissed your brother that way?" Will asked. "Which brother?" Gabriel's eyes filled with tears. "I would hope it wasn't that awful!" Will took Gabriel's hand and pulled him over to the bed, and Gabriel sat down.

"I thought that… I might be in love with you," Gabriel said. "The time you, Jem, and I were all together in Alicante… it was mind blowing. I've never had pleasure feel that good before."

"Thank you," Will said, without modesty.

"I've only felt contempt for you since that night, however… I was unsure of whether or not my contempt was only me… lying to myself… about being in love with you," Gabriel said. "That night… you convinced me that I wanted to be with you. And that night, I did want to be with you. And since then, I've wanted to be with you."

"Alcohol makes us think all sorts of things," Will said with a shrug. "Persuasion runes help as well."

"Persuasion runes! You used persuasion runes on me?" Gabriel demanded, and Will shrugged.

"I was bored. Jem was feeling adventurous for once. You were grounded to the dorm the night of the Valentine's Day ball," Will said. "I thought we might all be able to have some harmless fun."

"I thought I could love you," Gabriel said. "God, Herondale! Just when I start to feel something other than hatred for you, I find another reason to hate you!"

"Yes, well, you didn't hate me a minute ago," Will pointed out, and Gabriel's face turned red with shame. He stood up and started for the door. "Gabriel." Will made it to the door first and blocked Gabriel from leaving.

"Let me out," Gabriel snapped.

"Calm down," Will said. "I'm sorry."

"You can't just toy with people!" Gabriel exclaimed.

"I will never toy with you, ever again," Will said. "Can you forgive me? Please?" Gabriel looked back at Will. His face still showed his pain plainly. Gabriel looked ready to either dissolve into hysterical tears or punch Will in the face and Will was unprepared for either. Then Gabriel took a deep breath and looked directly into Will's eyes. He managed a smile.

"I forgive you," Gabriel said. "I'm just glad we got that out of the way early."

"Most definitely," Will said. "I'm going to be in your life for a long time to come. Hell, our children might even play together." Gabriel shuddered.

"I will never, ever, be attracted to you," Gabriel said.

"Now, now, there's always a chance," Will said. "Love is like a flower, it must be cultivated properly in order to bloom into its greatest splendor."

"Marry my sister," Gabriel snapped, "Leave me alone!" He shoved Will aside, opened the door, and walked out.

"Where's the fun in that?" Will called after him, and Gabriel shot Will one last scowl before disappearing into his bedroom.

Once Will was completely dressed, he left his room in time to find Gabriel leaving his, and Will caught up to Gabriel and touched him on the shoulder.

"The socks look great," Will said.

"Thank you," Gabriel said.

"And… what just happened… never happened," Will said.

"Right, of course," Gabriel said. He blushed, then smiled and shook his head. "It never happened."

"You know, I heard somewhere that it's easy to… develop feelings… for someone you are facing tense situations with. Everyone acts on those feelings differently," Will said. "I've had… feelings… for Jem…"

"Marry my sister," Gabriel said. "I want to be your friend, Will. Don't make this harder then it has to be."

"If I keep talking will you tell me to shut my fucking mouth?" Will asked.

"Bet you would like that," Gabriel mumbled, but he smiled and Will knew, somehow, they would manage to not kill each other… today, anyway.

Together, they walked downstairs to the main hallway. Tessa was there, and she hugged Will before she hugged Gabriel as well.

"What happened with Nate?" Tessa asked. "Did you find him? Did he escape?"

"He's dead, Tessa," Gabriel said. "I had no choice. He cursed me… he might have killed us both, if not for…" Will cleared his throat and Tessa nodded.

"Thank you for bringing Jem back alive," Tessa said. "Let me know how he is."

"I will," Will said, and he embraced her again.

"I'm going to go catch up with Jessamine," Gabriel said. He walked back outside, and Will walked down to the Infirmary and went inside. It was busy, with several Shadowhunters being tended to. Magnus saw Will and walked over.

"How is he?" Will asked.

"He's alive, Will," Magnus replied. "The Silent Brothers went over him and determined that there is nothing wrong with him beyond exhaustion and a touch of hypothermia. We're still trying to warm him up and get his blood flowing again. Just because the… treatment worked, it doesn't mean his soul is healed. He's been through a lot, Will. You've both been through a lot. If he doesn't want to talk, or if you don't know what to say… just take your time. You have time."

"Thank you, Magnus. Thank you for everything," Will said.

"He's going to need some runes redrawn. The important ones are there, well, most of them," Magnus said, and Will nodded.

"Was Henry recovered?" He asked, softly.

"Henry was, as were Oliver, Cain… and Phillip Wayland," Magnus said. "There were four casualties."

"Four?" Will asked, and Magnus nodded. "Thank you, Magnus."

"He's down by the window. Make it quick, he really needs his rest," Magnus said.

"Of course," Will said, and he walked across the Infirmary to a bed by the window surrounded by a curtain. He pulled the curtain aside to see Jem lying in a bed, covered by a thick blanket, his eyes shut. Jem's cheeks were pink, as were his lips, and the dark circles that used to be under his eyes were gone. His shirt was off, and Will could see Jem's equilibrium rune, dark and flawless, just below his right ear. Jem's arms were stretched out of the bed.

"Jem, I'm here." Will touched his hand and Jem's fingers twitched in response, but he never opened his eyes. "Magnus says that you're tired so I won't be long. I know that… you planned on dying, I planned on you dying, and yet…" Will saw one tear slide down Jem's face, followed by another one. "I know you probably don't know what to think or do, so just know that I'll be right here when you're ready to talk."

Will went to find a chair. He returned to Jem's bedside, sat down, and took Jem's hand. After a few minutes, Jem finally opened his eyes and looked not at Will but up at the ceiling. As the tears poured from his coal black eyes, Will had hope that one day, they would each find the right words to say.


	31. Chapter 31

**Author's Note: Enjoy! Please refer to the aforementioned disclaimers regarding the fact that I OWN NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS. Also, thank you again and again and again for the reviews and the awesome private messages. **

**

* * *

****Chapter 31**

Later in the evening, Magnus finally reported to Will that while the London Institute had recovered their copy of The Green Book, the one which had supposedly been in the Herondale country home had never been found. This all felt as though it was a mote point. For not the first time in his life, Will could have care less what happened to the Enclave, his only concern was the boy laying in bed in front of him, drifting between sleep and wakefulness, but never lingering in either place for very long.

That first night, Will spent the night in the Infirmary in the bed beside Jem's. Gabriel spent the night as well, and it was a difficult night for the three of them, as they had each seen their share of terrible things and those thoughts remained on their minds even in sleep. There were also the aches that came from what they had faced in the sewer, and no amount of Angel blood could cure a tired soul. Gabriel was bruised from Nate's curse and Will developed a fever and stomachache during the night from the sewer water. Jem had warmed up and had begun tossing and turning in his sleep, and Magnus was kept busy attempting to keep them all comfortable.

Will was dreaming of the moment Henry had burst into flames when he felt a hand on his chest. He pulled himself from the nightmare and opened his eyes to find Gabriel sitting on the edge of his bed, dressed in his white mourning clothes. Gabriel's left hand lay on Will's chest, and it was already marked with a red rune. In his right hand, he held a teacup whose contents smelled terrible.

"You were moaning," Gabriel whispered.

"Henry," Will replied. Gabriel nodded and placed his hand on Will's forehead, then slipped his fingers down to Will's cheek."I thought you said…" Gabriel shook his head quickly, as if to clear his thoughts.

"Drink this," Gabriel said, handing Will the teacup. "It is awful stuff, but Charlotte's worried about us getting sick from whatever was in the sewer." Will lifted the teacup to his mouth and drained it of its contents. He nearly vomited it back up but Gabriel covered Will's mouth with his hands and when the momentary nausea passed, Will pushed his hand away.

"You've been finding an awful lot of reasons to touch me this morning, Lightwood," Will said, and he finally sat up in bed.

"We're going to leave for the Silent City in an hour," Gabriel whispered. "Why don't you come upstairs and get ready? I'll draw your runes." Will nodded. He climbed from the bed and walked over to Jem's bed to see Jem sleeping soundly. Not caring that Gabriel saw, Will kissed Jem gently on the cheek, and then left the Infirmary with Gabriel.

After another long, hot bath that took the soreness from his bones and muscles, Will left the bathroom to find Gabriel reclined on his bed, twirling a stele between his fingers. Will sat on his bed and Gabriel came over, took Will's hand, and began a series of runes up Will's left arm. The mourning runes stung worse when applied than normal runes, for an important reason. One was supposed to spend this time reflecting on the pain of loss before they could move on, however, Will wasn't in a reflecting mood.

"Who draws your runes?" Will asked. They were able to draw most any temporary rune on their bodies, but since Will and Jem had already put one another through the pain of having the permanent runes applied, Will was comfortable with having Jem draw his runes, and vice versa.

"Michael draws them for me," Gabriel said. "He always has."

"You never found anyone that you wanted for your parabatai?" Will asked, and Gabriel shook his head.

"I have high standards, I guess. I didn't want just anyone; I wanted someone who matched me in terms of skill and… desires for the future," Gabriel said.

"Yet another reason you're still a virgin," Will mumbled. Gabriel ignored this.

"I wanted what you and Jem had, minus the whole dying parabatai thing," Gabriel said.

"What we had," Will said. "Of course."

Gabriel let go of Will's left hand and took his right hand. When the mourning runes were complete, Gabriel began another series of runes for health, comfort, and recovery on Will's chest. He said he would see Will downstairs and left him to get dressed.

Charlotte had demanded that they not access the Silent City by way of ossuary annex, so they would take another route. Will found himself sharing a carriage with Jessamine, Gabriel, and Ambriel. Jessamine looked resplendent in the white dress she wore, and despite where they were going, and the mood they were sharing, Will saw that Gabriel was a man in love, and Jessamine was thrilled to be with him.

Jessamine and Gabriel held hands on the seat between them, and Will saw the most subtle of smiles cross Gabriel's face as they crossed over the Thames. It was a clear out, and the sun was just rising. The light on the water reflected into the carriage, filling the space with a golden glow, and Will was reminded of his meeting with Raziel.

"Oh, my," Ambriel said. Gabriel's face look frightened, and Will turned to see Ambriel with her hand on her stomach. She smiled and shook her head. "He's kicking." Gabriel sat back in his seat and looked faint. Jessamine smiled.

"He's kicking?" Will asked. "Babies… kick?"

"Of course they do. They want to make their presence known," Ambriel said. "Here, feel." She took Will's hand and placed it against her stomach. Will was about to pull it away and sulk in the corner when he felt something bump against his hand once, then twice, and he pulled his hand away.

"I had no idea," Will said. "May I…" Ambriel nodded and so Will rested his hand on Ambriel's stomach again, and he felt the baby kick the entire ride to entrance of the Silent City.

When they arrived, Will and Gabriel helped Ambriel climb from the carriage, and then turned to help Jessamine. Jessamine waited until Gabriel had gone to fuss over Ambriel before she grabbed Will by the collar of his shirt and pulled his face close to hers. "Jessamine, I had no idea you felt…" Will began.

"She likes you. She always did. And now she's pregnant with your child. Don't break her heart, she really likes you," Jessamine said. Will looked over at Ambriel, glowing in the sunlight as she talked to Gabriel. He felt something shift in his chest and he thought for a moment about a future with a wife and a small family. For the first time since he had fallen in love with Jem, Will considered falling in love again.

"What's not to like?" Will managed, and Jessamine let him go and returned to Gabriel's side. Will joined them, he slipped his hand into Ambriel's, blushed, and looked away, but when he looked back a second later, Ambriel was smiling as she listened to Jessamine comment on something. From that point on, Will made certain that he held Ambriel's hand as much as possible in the hopes that she would keep him grounded.

Once down in the Silent City for the funeral, Will sat between Gabriel and Ambriel, in the front row of seats with Charlotte. Charlotte spent the funeral staring straight ahead, but not looking at the pyre where Henry's body lay, dressed in white. Will selfishly wondered for a moment how long it would be before Charlotte could look at Gabriel and Will and see them not as the boys who left her husband for dead. She had not spoken a word to either of them in the 16 hours since the rescue, although, Will certainly didn't expect her to. There was time for that.

Henry had been close with the Penhallow family, and one of the many Penhallows delivered Henry's eulogy, none of which Will heard, because he could put together his own, simple, eulogy.

Henry had been man who lived caring more about others and less about himself. He had been focused on bettering life for those who would come after him. He could have run, scared, down the tunnel when Inferion turned on he, Gabriel, and Will, but he had not. He had rushed straight towards a certain death so that Will and Gabriel could live and in turn save Jem's life.

As the four pyres before them were ignited, Will felt Ambriel take his left hand and Gabriel take his right, and Will cried for all that he had lost, and all that he had gained.

Following the funerals, everyone returned to the Institute for a luncheon, and Will stood by as Gabriel formally announced his engagement to Jessamine, who beamed with a happiness Will never thought he would ever see from her. She was finally happy, and so Will was happy for her.

* * *

It was later in the afternoon when Jem finally felt the cloudiness in his mind begin to lift, and he opened his eyes to see Will and Magnus sitting beside the bed. Will was dressed in white, and Jem could see red runes through his shirt. Jem began to ask who had died, and Will turned to him, a look of shocked happiness on his face.

"You're awake," Will said.

"Who died?" Jem asked. "Did you… is this heaven?"

"No, you're alive," Will said. "I…You aren't sick anymore. You don't have to take demon poison. It's been about 42 hours since your last dose, and you haven't had an attack yet. You're going to live, Jem." He took Jem's hand as his eyes filled with tears.

"But you died," Jem said. "I felt you die." Jem could recall the feeling of Will's death. Even in the sewer, he had felt his rune throb and fade to nothing, and then it felt as though half of his soul had been ripped away. The pain had been unbearable, a hundred times worse than it had been when Will had been burned. When it finally stopped, Jem had been forced to acknowledge that one way or another, Will was no longer with him.

"Yes, I died, but… I'm alive now," Will said. He touched Jem's hand and Jem felt warmth and skin and Will, alive.

"But someone else died. You're wearing the runes…" Jem began. "Who, Will? Please tell me."

"It was a few others, and Henry-"

"Henry," Jem gasped. "How?"

"A Greater Demon," Will said. Jem shook his head, looked away, and began to cry silently. Henry had been so much more than just the bumbling fool people would believe him to be. He had been everything Jem had ever needed: a father when Jem needed guidance and a friend when Jem needed someone besides Will in his corner.

"But why?" Jem asked. "Why didn't you fight for him? You didn't…leave him to die, did you?"

"I'll tell you another time," Will said. Jem nodded.

"Will, what happens when we die?" He asked, "are the stories…?"

"The stories are true," Will said. "I don't know how it works, but when I died, I saw Idris, and then… I must have ended up in Heaven, or something like it. There was a door, and I opened it, and Jem… it was spectacular. I saw the Angel. He's more amazing that you could ever think possible. He spared my life and gave me the means to make you well."

"He spared your life and gave you a cure for me," Jem said. "But he didn't spare Henry's life, did he? He didn't spare the others who died during my rescue. I'm sure others died, right?"

"But Jem…" Will began.

"You shouldn't have come to find me," Jem said, his eyes filling with tears, "You should have let me die like I asked you to."

"Will, you should go," Magnus said.

"Please," Jem said. "Please, GO!" Will stood up and walked from the Infirmary. Jem curled into a tight ball beneath the blankets, just like he had when he had woken up in London and learned, again, of his parent's death, and as he had then, Jem thought he might never stop crying.

* * *

An hour later, Will was sitting in the alcove, leaning against the stain glass window, when he heard footsteps on the stairs. Those footsteps continued between the bookshelves and stopped at the entrance to the alcove. Will looked up to see Gabriel standing there. He was still dressed in his white mourning clothes, but from his pants pocket he pulled out a silver flask and shook it.

"Are you sure you have to marry Jessamine? You and I could be so happy together," Will said. Gabriel stepped into the alcove, walked over, and sat down beside Will. He opened the flask and had a sip before he passed it to Will, who also had a sip. The flask was filled with a very strong gin that burned Will's throat. "Shouldn't you be celebrating?"

"No, my father is doing damage control with the Fairchilds and my mother is talking about something called peonies with Jessamine," Gabriel said. "Apparently we have a wedding date set. Jessamine wants a winter wedding-"

"She has such a cold heart," Will said.

"I would appreciate it if you would not talk about my fiancée that way," Gabriel said coolly. "We will be getting married January the third." Will nodded. Gabriel passed him the flask and Will had another drink. "I stopped by the Infirmary and Magnus said you had gone for a walk. He told me about your fort up here." Gabriel looked around the room, at the forgotten books and empty table.

"No Lightwoods allowed," Will said ominously. He had another sip from the flask and handed it back to Gabriel. "Jem woke up and after I told him that Henry had died he told me that I shouldn't have rescued him. I should have let him die." Gabriel handed the flask back to Will, and Will had another drink.

"Of course he's going to feel guilty," Gabriel said. "He's going to feel like he was the only reason why we went down in the sewer, but he wasn't. We had a job to do. We had to recover The Green Book and hope to find the Pyxis, and we did. No one who went down into that sewer expected to make it back out alive. We just had to hope that we would. We just have to have hope for the best possible outcome."

"And when we can't see the best possible outcome? When there is no hope for the best outcome?" Will asked.

"That's when you have to have faith," Gabriel said. "The situation maybe hopeless, but you have to have faith that you'll at least make it through."

"It feels as though everything I have been doing to keep Jem close to me is only pushing him away," Will said. He stared at a knot in the floorboards. "It feels like, ever since Tessa showed up, and maybe even before that, we aren't the people we used to be. I think I've lost him, Gabriel, and I have no hope of ever recovering him."

"You can't hold on to someone forever," Gabriel said.

"Yes, you can," Will said. Gabriel had a sip from the flask and he met Will's eyes. They were silent for a minute before Gabriel spoke again.

"I'm going to tell you a story," he said.

"Does it involve you kissing Samuel?" Will asked. Gabriel frowned and began to speak.

"My family has spent most every winter and early spring in Idris at our manor there. The year I turned eight, a family of robins built a nest in the tree outside of my bedroom window, and in time, they laid eggs and those eggs hatched. There were three baby birds. I watched them every single day. They grew feathers and they would stand up in the nest and flap their bony little wings, trying to fly."

"One day I was playing outside with Ambriel and we found one of the baby birds down on the ground, so I picked it up and carried it inside the house and we managed to get it back into the nest while the mother bird was gone. When she came back, she pushed the baby out of the nest. She had rejected the baby bird. Ambriel and I and took the bird, put it into a little box with some straw and yarn, and we kept the bird in the garden shed."

"Every day we brought the bird worms and bugs, and we held him as much as possible to keep him warm. I spent nearly every night holding the bird, until one morning, I woke up to find that the bird had died in my hands. When I told my father what had happened, he told me that a bird needs more than food and warmth survive. A bird needs to be able to fly and be free," Gabriel said. "That's what makes a bird a bird. Freedom."

"Everyone who grows up in Idris has such uplifting tales," Will mumbled. "Do you know what else makes a bird? Wings and a beak. Not to mention feathers."

"Shut your mouth," Gabriel said, "I'm being profound. You and Jem are like birds. You grew up in the nest together, and one day, you're going to get kicked out of that nest, and you'll have to learn to fly. Jem is the baby bird that just figured out what wings are for. He never thought he could fly before now."

"You can leave," Will said, and Gabriel stood up. "Leave the flask." Gabriel handed him the flask and sighed.

"I'll be back later to get you to bed," Gabriel said, and he smiled before leaving the alcove.

* * *

When Will had emptied the flask, he finally stood up and went to his room. He was sitting on his window seat, staring at a copy of the Codex but not really reading it, when he heard the door to Jem's room open and close. After a few minutes, Will heard water begin to run in the bathroom, and finally shut off. Will walked over to the wall and pressed his ear against it. He could just barely hear the sound of Jem's sobbing. Will waited a minute, but the sobs never stopped, so he left his room, went to Jem's, and pushed open the door.

"Just a minute!" Jem called out. Will closed the door behind himself and walked over to the bathroom door. Jem was sitting in the bathtub and the water was up to his neck. His eyes were wide and bloodshot. Will was still getting used to how dark they were, and he felt as though every time he looked into those black irises, there was so much he could no longer see. "Will. I told you…"

"You could have told me you were taking a bath," Will said. He unbuttoned the collar of his white shirt, pulled it over his head, and dropped it to the floor. He slipped his pants down and stepped out of them, then climbed into the bathtub behind Jem. "Do you remember that time Henry took us fishing?"

"The one time?" Jem asked. Will picked up a sponge, moistened it, and then gently ran it down Jem's back. The knots between Jem's shoulder blades relaxed. Will offered his hand beneath the water and Jem carefully took it, laying only his palm against Will's palm.

"Yes. We waited all day to catch one fish, and then I finally did. I reeled it in, remember?" Will asked.

"It was massive," Jem said. "It had to have been mutant."

"Henry was so upset. He was shocked we had actually caught a fish, but he was more upset that we had put a fish through needless pain," Will said. "He cut the hook out and tossed the fish back. I thought he was crazy."

"You always thought he was crazy," Jem said.

"Now, I think he just cared about more than just his own desires for a fish dinner," Will said. "He cared about the fish, and he cared about you, and I, though he never said it. He wanted you to live, Jem. Don't feel guilty about that, and don't be angry about me coming to rescue you, because the truth is, I would die for you again and again and again if I had to, because I love you, Jem, and I'll always love you."

"You always did have the worst ways of showing your love," Jem said, and he leaned back against Will. Will wrapped his arms around Jem and held him while he still could.

When the water finally went cold, Will climbed out and dressed, then wrapped Jem in a soft towel, and brought him out to the bedroom. Jem insisted he could get dressed himself but Will insisted on helping him, and so Jem sat on his bed and very begrudgingly allowed Will to dry him off.

"Do you want to go downstairs for dinner, or should I have Sophie send something up?" Will asked.

"I can go down myself," Jem said. He was looking at his wrist, at the rune that wasn't there, as Will dried his back, silently counting the runes Jem still had.

"Brother Enoch said that since you were so close to death, some of your runes had already faded away. I'll redraw them when you're feeling stronger," Will said. Jem nodded as Will finished with his back.

"You aren't my parabatai," Jem said. "Not anymore." Will had begun scrubbing the towel across Jem's head and noticing fine black hairs cropping up among the silver hair.

"Of course I am," Will said. "It was just a stupid Mark that…"

"That told me when you were alive and then faded to nothing when you died," Jem said. "It wasn't just a stupid Mark, Will. It was the only thing that really bound me to you."

"So the fact that we've been having sex for four years, that didn't bind me to you?" Will asked. "How about the fact that I cleaned up your messes for the past five years? Has that meant anything? Or could anyone have done that?"

"Of course it has meant something," Jem said. "But then you died for me, and so did other people, and… I don't want to have to worry about that happening again."

"You're just being emotional, as you rightly should be," Will said. "You almost died and then came back to life and found out that the man you considered your father has died-"

"And you died, Will. You died as well," Jem said.

"I think you might be hungry. You always get upset when you're hungry," Will said, shaking his head. "You've got to recover your strength. We shouldn't be having a conversation like this, not right now."

"Am I to weak to come to terms with the fact that you died for me?" Jem asked. "You never had to feel me die, Will. Let me be the judge of my own strength."

"I'm not having this conversation," Will said. "I pulled your lifeless body from the sewer yesterday. Nate Gray stole the Pyxis and The Green Book and we had to go recover it and yes, you know what, Jem? At the very least I wanted your body back, because I couldn't deal with the man I loved being washed out to sea because I didn't feel like bringing him back for a proper funeral."

"You still died for me," Jem said. "You died. Your heart stopped and you were dead." He showed his bare wrist to Will.

"I'm yours until death, Jem, and I'm alive and so are you and that's all I care about," Will said.

"As always," Jem said. "It's your own life you could care less about."

"I'm not talking about this," Will snapped. "Now finish drying your hair. I don't want you to be cold. I would hate for you to get sick." He dropped the towel on Jem's head, and turned away.

"God forbid," Jem mumbled, covering his face with the towel.

"Excuse me?" Will asked. Jem pulled the towel back so only his eyes were exposed.

"I said you're going to make a wonderful father," Jem said. "You're so devoted."

"I figure if I give twice as much effort as my own father did my child could grow up able to see the good in the world," Will said. "It is possible."

"Will?"

"Yes Jem?"

"I like Gabriel," Jem said. Will smiled and watched as Jem continued to rub the towel against his hair.

"Of course you do," Will said. "You love green eyes. And the rest is not so hard to look at, either." Jem pulled the towel off of his head and Will straightened his hair, smiling as he looked into Jem's eyes. He walked over to bureau.

"Will?" Jem was absentmindedly rubbing his wrist.

"Yes, Jem?" Will looked back at Jem.

"I want to wear the white shirt with my initials on the collar. And the brown pants," Jem said.

"As you wish," Will said.

* * *

That night, Will had just closed his eyes when he heard a low cry coming from Jem's room. By the time he was out of bed, across his room, and pulling open Jem's door, Jem was already screaming and crying out prayers in a foreign language. Will pressed Jem's shoulders into the mattress and straddled his chest as Jem scratched at Will's face, bit his wrists, and begged to die. It was just like an attack, only, there was no stopping it this time. Jem screamed until he couldn't anymore, until his throat was bruised and his mouth was bleeding. Then he clung to Will, drenched in sweat, stared out the window, and cried on and off until the sun came up.

The next night, it happened again, worse. Jem's strength was returning quickly. He was stronger now than he had ever been, ill, and he was becoming harder to control in this state. That night, Jem tore out a chunk of the skin on Will's wrist with his teeth and took with it veins. Will bled all over the bed before Gabriel arrived and managed to help subdue Jem. Charlotte woke up and became hysterical, and it had taken hours to calm everyone down once more.

The night after that, Will and Gabriel were prepared, and just as Jem began, Magnus came in and charmed with him a spell to keep him from thrashing about and hurting himself. When Gabriel and Magnus left, Will sat beside Jem's bed and watched as Jem shivered and cried out in his sleep, and once again, he felt helpless.


	32. Chapter 32

**Author's Note: I own none of these characters. Thanks for reading. **

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* * *

****Chapter 32:**

Jem spent the rest of the week after his rescue either sleeping or trying to sleep. His nights were plagued with nightmares almost constantly, and the nights he didn't completely unravel were the nights he woke himself up before the dream became to vivid. The dreams were always the same: there was water and blood, and the convoluted surface of the water above Jem as a mad man held him beneath the surface and Jem suffocated slowly. Jem screamed and cried and kicked and tried to fight. He begged to live and he begged to die and neither wish was ever heard. Sleeplessness became part of a wretched existence Jem thought he would have been free from.

Earlier today, a Silent Brother had come to the Institute, placed Jem in a mild coma, and then began to carefully go through his mind to attempt to find a cause for the nightmares. Will had sat by and cried as the Silent Brother had reported everything Jem had endured in the sewer, from the long minutes Nate held Jem under the water as Jem waited to drown, all the way to the times Nate would rouse Jem from his unconsciousness by holding a lit candle to the soles of his bare feet until the skin there blistered and burned. When the coma was lifted, Will was still crying over Jem's torture, and the Silent Brother had reported what Jem had heard once before.

The cause of Jem's nightmares remained permanently in his memories, and while it was possible to get rid of the bad memories, there was a risk that all of Jem's memories could be taken away as well. If that happened, Jem would have been lucky to remember his own name, let alone Will or his parents, and Jem was unwilling to take that risk. After the Silent Brother departed, Will had disappeared, and Jem had only seen him again this evening at dinner, stinking of sandalwood, vanilla, and gin. Will claimed he had gone drinking at the Devil in order to galvanize himself for his walk with Ambriel, but Jem knew who Will had gone to see, and why.

Following dinner, Michael had brought Ambriel to the Institute to visit Will, and they had gone on a walk around the garden outside. Jem had met Gabriel, Jessamine, and Tessa in the drawing room for a game of Chinese checkers. Charlotte was still mourning Henry and was spending the evening in her bedroom. Jem was feeling exhausted but refused to go to sleep for fear of what awaited him once he closed his eyes.

Twisted into the terrible nightmares Jem was enduring, he was also rediscovering memories he had completely forgotten. Before today he could only remember the Shanghai Institute if he saw a picture of it, but now he could see the small entrance to the Institute, which had been built into the side of a small mountain, and remember that it had been like to wander about its cool and dark interior. Jem had felt safe in the Shanghai Institute, and leaving there had nearly been the end of his childhood.

When Jem had been much younger, he and his father would start a few hours before sundown and hike to the summit of the mountain, getting to the top just as the moon began to rise. They would set up camp, then stay up most of the night pointing out constellations and wake up the next morning to see the sun rise over the mountains surrounding the Institute.

London was all smoke and gas lights, and Jem knew the last time he had truly seen stars; he had been swimming naked in a lake in Idris. It wasn't as though Jem thought that anywhere was better than London, he had never let himself think of anywhere besides London. London had never been good to Jem. The city had been full of pain and suffering and Jem felt as though he was suffocating under a thick cloud of tainted air.

"Jem? It's your turn," Tessa said, and Jem looked up. "Where were you?"

"Shanghai," Jem mumbled. He rolled the dice and moved a marble three spaces.

"Speaking of exotic places, I saw that you got more Letters," Tessa said, and she stood up, went to Charlotte's desk, and picked up a stack of Letters she brought to Jem. Jem took them. "So, who wants you this week?"

"I'll tell you later," Jem said. He blushed. "I'm sure it's nothing impressive."

"I'm staying in London," Gabriel said.

"Because your father says so," Jessamine said, rolling her eyes.

"No, because the woman I love lives here," Gabriel said. Jessamine swooned, putting her hand over her heart and making the noise she might make if faced with a cute puppy or any orphan besides Jem. "Tell us, Jem."

"I've gotten Letters from…" Jem began, and he looked through the stack. "New Delhi, Tokyo, New York, Madagascar, Barcelona, and Paris."

"Madagascar?" Tessa asked. "What's in Madagascar?"

"Tropical demons, I'm sure," Gabriel said, and Jessamine laughed obnoxiously. Gabriel grabbed her around the waist and she screamed and he laughed and Jem wanted to know what was so funny about tropical demons. He also wanted to tell Gabriel to just take Jessamine's virtue already, as he felt like he was sharing a room in Idris with Will on the days Jem didn't feel like fooling around and Will did.

"And New Delhi, again?" Tessa asked, ignoring Gabriel and Jessamine. Jessamine had ended up on Gabriel's lap. He had his hand in her hair and they were kissing.

"Yes, New Delhi…" Jem began.

"Jem tested first in our class for languages," Gabriel managed. "He's so smart." Jessamine kissed Gabriel once more before going back to her seat.

"It's your turn," Tessa said, and Gabriel rolled the dice. The played another round and Jem rolled the dice and moved his marble four more places. He folded his hands and sighed, looking down at the board. "So, Jem, do you visit the Institutes and see what they have to offer you?"

"Yes, and it's amazing," Gabriel said. "It's a great way to see the world. Some Shadowhunters graduate from the Academy and spend the next six months travelling until they find a place to live and work. My father met my mother during his travels."

"I had no idea that leaving was an option. I thought that Jem was just going to stay here until…" Tessa began.

"There's a whole world out there," Gabriel said. "You owe it to yourself to travel the world. See what there is to see. You have a future, Jem. Enjoy it."

"Are you saying you don't have a future?" Jessamine asked.

"Oh, I've got a future. I have a very good future with you," Gabriel said, and he kissed Jessamine again. Tessa looked at them and cringed, Jem wished they had a chaperone because Gabriel and Jessamine's inability to keep their hands to themselves was starting to wear on him.

"I'm getting a headache. I'm going to go lay down," Jem said.

"Are you alright?" Tessa asked.

"Better than alright," Jem said, and he kissed her on the back of her hand. He stood up and started for the door.

"You're forfeiting a game of Chinese checkers?" Jessamine asked. "You mean, someone besides you might get to win a game?" Jem was the undisputed champion of Chinese checkers at the Institute. It wasn't his heritage that gave him an advantage so much as his strategy and focus.

"I've already won. I won while you were busy teasing Gabriel," Jem said. "Have a good night." Jem left Jessamine, Gabriel, and Tessa steaming in the drawing room. He returned to his bedroom and opened every Letter he had been sent and read each thoroughly. Then he stashed the Letters in his desk, dressed for bed, and finally climbed beneath the covers.

Jem was still awake a bit later when he heard Will return from his visit with Ambriel. As usual, Will entered Jem's room before he walked in his own, and he stood by Jem's bed for a long while. Then Jem heard shoes hit the floor, followed by a belt buckle, and after a moment, the covers pulled back and Jem felt little more than skin caress his body as Will slipped into bed beside him. Will gently lay his hand against Jem's chest, right over his heart, and Jem continued to feign sleep even as he felt Will shaking behind him with silent sobs.

Jem lasted the night without having a nightmare, but only because he barely slept. The next morning, Jem woke up, still in Will's arms, but he and Will had little to say to one another.

At breakfast Tessa mentioned that she needed to go out shopping for a few things and Jem volunteered to go with her. Will looked exhausted from their night spent together, and he had another visit with Ambriel, so he said he would remain at the Institute.

After they ate, Jem dressed and left the Institute with Tessa. The weather was partially cloudy but warm, and took their time, stopping in Hyde Park to feed the ducks, indulging in gelato and sweets at a tiny store, and then stopping at a bakery for cookies. Tessa did her necessary shopping. They took a long way back to the Institute, stopping on Blackfriar's Bridge to watch the water flow beneath the bridge. Jem and Tessa stood side by side for a little while, and then Tessa spoke.

"You seem… different," she said, and Jem looked up at her.

"I didn't expect any of this," Jem said. "When I woke up in the sewer and Nate was there, I planned on dying in the sewer. I planned on dying long before I planned on living. I know I should have this great and lofty plan but I've already done everything I wanted to do. I fell in love. I loved someone, for a very long time. I've had a good life, and now I have more of it to live." Tessa smiled. "I just don't know how!"

"You'll figure it out," Tessa said. "You've got the time." Jem gave her a smile and then looked out over the river. An afternoon storm was blowing in, filling the sky with dark clouds and dropping the temperature down a few degrees. Jem slipped his hands into his frock coat. After a moment, Tessa gave Jem a smile. Jem reached a hand from his pocket and took her hand.

"May I have this dance?" Jem asked, and Tessa looked puzzled. "I owe you a dance. I asked you to dance before, but then, complications arose…" Tessa laughed. She took his hand and Jem led her onto the middle of the bridge. He placed his left hand on the small of her back and Tessa rested her hand on his shoulder, and he began to lead her in a slow dance.

They danced to the creak of the bridge, the song of the birds, and the flow of water beneath them. Jem thought about the first time he had ever seen Tessa, when she walked into his room and had burned with the same curiosity he had once burned with. Jem felt fortunate that he had been able to be with a girl like Tessa, and while neither would be able to ever be what the other needed, for a moment in time, Jem thought he had found all that he had been looking for.

After few minutes, of light conversation , Jem stopped their dancing in the middle of the bridge. He kept his hand on Tessa's back, and he looked into her eyes, which were beginning to match the sky behind her.

"May I kiss you?" Jem whispered, and Tessa nodded. Jem pressed his lips to hers for the briefest of seconds. He pulled away but remained in her arms. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Tessa said. "Is something the matter?" Jem shook his head and closed his eyes. He felt Tessa's hands on the back of his neck, gently rubbing the skin beneath his hair line. Her fingers were warm and soft, and Jem thought he would have gladly never moved from this position, only, that wasn't possible.

"I'm thinking about leaving here," Jem said softly.

"Leaving London?" Tessa asked. Jem opened his eyes, nodded and slipped his left hand down to Tessa's back. It would have been improper for anyone who had not been through what they had been through. "Since when have you wanted to leave here?"

"Since I got here," Jem said. "I've always thought about leaving, I just never thought I would get the chance to." Tessa stepped away from him. She went back to the rail of the bridge and after a moment Jem followed. He found her crying and offered her a handkerchief. "I wanted to tell you first. I thought you might be the easiest to tell." Tessa nodded. "I also wanted to tell you that… I believe someone can have more than one great love in their lifetime, and I want to thank you for being one of mine. I'll never forget you, Tessa."

"Stop talking like this," Tessa said. Tears were slipping quickly from her eyes. "This is your home. You wouldn't leave here."

"This is just a place I came to stay," Jem said. "My home is where I make it." He rested his hands on the railing of the bridge and watched the dark water flow past.

"Is it the nightmares?" Tessa asked. Jem nodded.

"I'm afraid that might be part of it," Jem said. "I just need some sunshine and warm weather and a different life. I need more than what I have here. I need a purpose and I want a change, Tessa."

"Change can be good," Tessa said, "but change is going to kill Will, you know," Tessa dabbed at her eyes with the handkerchief.

"I can't spend my life giving him a reason for being," Jem said. "It will be difficult, but he has to understand that it is for the best. If he loves me, he'll let me go."

"Would you like company, wherever you are going?" Tessa asked.

"Thank you, Tessa, but no," Jem said. "It's time I try something on my own." Jem looked out over the wide expanse of the Thames.

"When will you leave?" Tessa asked.

"As soon as Will lets me," Jem said. He smiled and offered Tessa his arm, and they walked back to the Institute together.

* * *

After lunch, which Will was noticeably absent from, Jem went looking for him. He stopped in the library first and didn't see Will at any of the tables on the first floor, so Jem climbed a spiral staircase and traced his fingers along the bookshelves, all the way to the last set of shelves. He walked through the narrow opening in the shelves and to the entrance of the alcove.

Will was sitting at the table in front of the stained glass window. He was surrounded by books and papers. He was chewing on the end of a pencil and had one hand in his hair.

"You were always terrible at taking notes," Jem said. "I had to take the notes and so you could study them."

"You just had the better penmanship," Will said. He set the pencil down and Jem saw, just beneath the cuff of Will's shirt, the circular scar Jem had left behind when he bit through Will's wrist the other night. The wound had healed but the jagged edges of the scar would remain close to the same place Will had worn his parabatai rune. Jem touched Will's wrist, and Will pulled away and place his hand beneath the table. Will's right arm was covering the book he had been reading.

"I'm so sorry," Jem said.

"It was just an accident. You never meant anything bad by it," Will said quickly. "You were upset from your dream, that's all. I should have been able to control you better."

"Have you asked Charlotte for a healing rune? She draws the best ones," Jem said.

"Charlotte… no…" Will said. "I like the scar. It reminds me…"

"It binds me to you, of course," Jem said, and Will didn't respond for close to a minute.

"I didn't expect you and Tessie to be back so soon." Will looked back down at his carefully written notes. Jem was close by, not close enough to be a danger, but still, close enough to show his curiosity.

"We've been gone all morning," Jem said. "How was your visit with Ambriel?" Will glanced up from his notes and looked at Jem. "Will?"

"I asked Benedict for Ambriel's hand in marriage this morning," Will said. "He gave his blessing. When Ambriel and I went for a walk in the garden I asked her to marry me and she said… yes." Jem felt shocked for the briefest of seconds.

"You're engaged!" Jem exclaimed. "How exciting!"

"I'm making an honest woman out of her, that's all," Will said, rolling his eyes. "Besides, she's giving me a son and I don't want my son being brought up by Benedict. My father was bad enough; I should attempt to be a better father than either of those men, lest my child end up like… Gabriel." Will shivered.

"When's the wedding?" Jem asked.

"As soon as possible, I'm sure," Will said.

"Have you told Charlotte? Does Gabriel know?" Jem asked. Will shook his head.

"I wanted to tell you first," Will said. "The Lightwoods are coming to dinner tonight; I assume we'll announce the engagement then."

"Is Ambriel still here?" Jem asked. Will nodded. "Then you should be with her, getting to know her! You're going to marry this girl, Will!"

"I'll see Ambriel more than enough very soon. She should get used to how busy I am," Will said. He looked up at the books surrounding him for a moment, lost in his thoughts. "I expect you to be my best man."

"Of course," Jem said. "Will-"

"You and I also need to decide when we will swear again as parabatai. I want it taken care of before the baby is born," Will said. "I was thinking, maybe this Saturday? We don't have to have a big ceremony, really. Gabriel and Jessamine can act as witnesses."

"I'm not feeling up to it right now," Jem said, and Will looked at him with those deep blue eyes and studied him. "Will, I…"

"What was I thinking? We have to submit the proper paperwork, of course," Will said, shaking his head. "One can impulsively get married to whatever girl is willing, but swearing as parabatai can be a life or death decision."

"Neither vow is to be taken lightly," Jem said. "That's why… Will?" Will had looked back at the book he was reading. Jem reached over to take a book from the stack and Will slammed his hand down onto it. "I just wanted to see…"

"They're just books, Jem," Will said. "I read books. Is that a problem?"

"I just want to know…" Jem began, and he put his hand on another book and Will slammed his hand down on top of Jem's. "What are you studying?"

"Nothing," Will said. "I'm just reading…" Jem pinched Will beneath the arm and Will threw a punch in Jem's general direction, but Jem managed to grab hold of the book Will had been intently studying and ran over to the window. Will jumped up from the table, his mouth set in a hard line. "Give it back!"

"No," Jem said. "We can share."

"I would rather not," Will snapped. "Why do you even care what I'm reading!"

"I just want to know what could be more important than the mother of your child!" Jem exclaimed. "You're going to be a father in three months. What is more important than that?"

"You, Jem, you are more important than Ambriel or my child," Will said, and Jem gasped. He opened the book and scanned the page Will had been studying. There was a recipe for an infusion to promote "good dreams" and help to quell any "bad thoughts."

"Now you want to cure my nightmares?" Jem asked.

"Of course I do," Will said. "I just want you happy and healthy and…"

"You killed yourself and came back with Raziel's blood to cure me," Jem said. "What will you do the next time I have an upset stomach? Or I'm sore after a long night of demon hunting? Will you kill yourself for me then?"

"I will do anything for you, Jem," Will said. "You know that."

"Stop," Jem said. "You can't do this to me, Will. You can't try to fix every little problem I have. I love that you care but in trying to save my life, you have forgotten to live your own."

"That's not true," Will said.

"It most certainly is," Jem said. "I can't live this way. You shouldn't have to."

"It's just a cure for your nightmares," Will said. "Don't you want to sleep without the bad dreams plaguing your thoughts?"

Jem walked over to the stained glass window, dropping the book onto the table as he went. The afternoon storm had finally arrived, and strong winds were blowing raindrops against the side of the Institute. Water ran like tears down the stained glass panes. There were small cracks in the glass, which had accumulated over time from the near constant rain and temperature changes the Institute endured. What had once looked perfect from afar now bore the signs of wear and tear.

"I am a Shadowhunter," Jem said. "I hunt and kill monsters, and monsters hunt and try to kill me. If you cure me of my nightmares tonight, they will return tomorrow. There are some things you just cannot fix, Will. No amount of death or Angel blood can change that. There are things even The Angel can't fix."

"I have to try," Will said.

"Please, stop," Jem said. He turned around and looked at Will, who was standing with one hand resting on the alcove table. "We can't live like this, Will."

"I can live however I want to," Will said, and he walked over to Jem and placed a hand on his cheek. "I want to live with you. You are worth…everything I have ever had to endure. My life isn't worth living unless you're with me."

"That's not true," Jem said. "I can't live that way, knowing you need me to survive, and I won't let you live that way, believing you need me. Will."

"Yes, Jem?" Will asked. He had a pleading look in his eyes but Jem ignored it and took a shaky breath.

"Will, I want to, no, I need to… leave London," Jem said.

For the briefest of moments, a confused look crossed Will's face. "Leave London?" Jem nodded. "Where are we going?" Will asked. "Name the place, Jem. I've heard good things about the south of France at this time of year. Or… do you want somewhere more tropical? I've always wanted to see Greece and try wine."

"I need you to stay here," Jem said. "You've got a family to plan for, Will. You have a life to live, and so do I."

"But I can move," Will said. "Ambriel can come along. We'll be a wonderful family together."

"You have grown up wanting to save me and now you have," Jem said. "I don't want us to be fifty and fighting over the things we do now. I love you so much, but it's time we each found our own way."

"We were supposed to be together forever," Will said. "You can't just…"

"Neither of us planned on forever," Jem said. "You and I both know that."

Will's eyes filled with tears that spilled down his cheeks. For a long while, Will stared at Jem, even as his breath became ragged and his chest began to heave with sobs. Jem could hardly bear to see how much this hurt Will, and yet, he knew that if he looked away, even for a second, and truly thought about how much this was killing Will, his entire resolve might crack in half and he would stay in London just to keep Will happy. Jem looked directly into Will's eyes and watched Will lose him once more.

"Please, say something," Jem whispered.

"A bird needs more than food and warmth," Will managed. "A bird needs the chance to fly. That's what makes a bird a…"

"That's right, Will," Jem said. His eyes filled with tears and he let them fall. "I've got my Letters, Will. There is a whole world out there, and I want to see it." Will nodded quickly and wiped away his tears, but more fell. He took Jem's hand and held it tightly.

"When are you leaving?" Will asked.

"You're going to let me go?" Jem said, and Will nodded again. Jem smiled. "I'm not sure. I want to see you settled with your family. I want to stay and see Jessamine and Gabriel get married, and I want to make sure that Tessa will be taken care of."

"So there is a chance you'll change your mind?" Will asked, and Jem shook his head.

"No. I have to go, Will," Jem said, "I have to fly."

"Then fly," Will said.

Will took deep breathe that sounded painful. Jem wrapped his arms tight around Will as Will began to cry harder than Jem had ever seen him cry, and in Will's arms, Jem let himself fall apart as well. They sat against the alcove window and let all of the pain, frustration, and fear pour out of them.

It was an hour later when they summoned the nerve to continue the conversation. Jem was still sitting against the window, and Will's head was pressed against his chest, listening to Jem's heart pound, loud and true.

"I died for you," Will said. "You owe me two things."

"What?" Jem asked.

"I want you to think all of this over carefully. We have been through a lot, and I won't have you just rushing into a decision based on how you feel in this moment. You have the time necessary to make an informed decision. You have all the time in the world."

"I'm going to think about everything," Jem said. "What else?"

"I won't have you going to just any Institute to work. You owe it to yourself to visit many different Institutes, and then make an informed decision on where you want to spend your time," Will said. "I don't want you to travel by yourself, so I expect to be brought along."

"I expect we will have a very good time then," Jem said, and he kissed Will on the lips. Will wrapped his arm around Jem and pulled him closer to him as they kissed again.

"I'll always love you, you know," Will whispered.

"And I'll always love you to," Jem said.

"And… one more thing. What do you think of Gabriel?" Will asked. Jem smiled. He had seen the chemistry Will and Gabriel had together, and if Will had to put his life in anyone's hands, Jem trusted Gabriel more than anyone else.

"I really, really like Gabriel," Jem said. "I think he matches you, and I think he challenges you, and in turn, I think you challenge him."

"I try so hard to challenge him," Will said. "I really do."

"I think he would make a great parabatai for you," Jem said. "I approve."

"That means a lot to me," Will said. He studied Jem for a long moment, and Jem couldn't tell what he was thinking. "I can't believe I have to lose you this way."

"You aren't losing me," Jem said. "I'm still alive, Will, and I'll just be a Portal away. You can come visit as much as you want, and I promise, I'll never be a stranger to you."

"You belong to me, and I belong to you," Will said.

"Always," Jem smiled the smile Will had always loved and kissed Will once more.

"Are you sure you can't stay?" Will asked, and Jem shook his head. "I guess we'll have to make the best use of the time we have left." Jem nodded and smiled through his tears.

Will slipped his hand down to Jem's waist and kissed him deeply. Jem reached up and unbuttoned the first button on Will's shirt, followed by the second button. Then Will got impatient and pulled his shirt off, unbuttoned the first button on Jem's shirt and jerked the shirt over Jem's head. Jem laughed and kissed Will again, and they took their time carefully undressing before Will spread their clothes out on the floor and they lay down, side by side.

Jem fit himself in the curve of Will's body, feeling, as always, that he had been made to fit with Will in this way. The life they had shared had been one adventure after another and Jem thanked the Angel for every moment they had together. It felt as though they had been together forever and perhaps they had been, but they were only discovering themselves again and again.

"Can you believe we only got caught up here twice?" Will mumbled.

"The Angel must not mind," Jem said, and they each laughed. They forgot their tears, and there, on the floor of their alcove, they kissed and touched and went back to where it all began.

* * *

_When it rains it pours and opens doors_

_That flood the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry_

_And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love_

_That have to say goodbye_

_And as I float along this ocean,_

_I can feel you like a notion_

_That won't seem to let me go_

_Cause when I look to the sky_

_Something tells me you're here with me_

_And you make everything alright_

_And when I feel like I'm lost_

_Something tells me you're here with me_

_And I can always find my way when you are here_

_

* * *

_**Author's Note: There is an epilogue, but I thank you all for reading. Please let me know what you think of all of this. This story was a massive experiment and I would love feedback! Thank You!**

**Song Credit: "When I Look To The Sky" by Train.**


	33. Epilogue

**Author's Note: This is going to sound really funny, but I've been dreaming about this moment since the brainwave of how to end this actually hit me. This is the moment I sit at my desk and click my mouse a few times and end this story. I keep thinking that there is just one more thing left to add. Just one more comma to place. Just one more curse word that needs to spring from Gabriel's mouth… I'm waiting for a moment that tells me it's time to post this and it hasn't come yet. So I'm feeling kind of oddly introspective, looking back over the first story I read that I wrote that more than just myself actually read, and I'm thinking that perhaps that is how life should be: we shouldn't wait for moments to prompt us into action. We should take initiative to follow our dreams and try crazy things on the off chance that they just might work.**

**Now that that awkwardness is over with…**

**This is dedicated to each and every one of you who started reading this at Chapter 1 and are still reading this now. I learned so many amazing things from all of you and I hope our conversations continue. Feel free to message me at any time. I could have done this without anyone reading it, but having readers who took their time out of lives to sit down and read my story truly made this whole experience just amazing. I appreciate every review, message, and read that you gave me. Please, continue to give me feedback. Tell me what you didn't like. I had many reasons for writing this story, and one of them was to attempt to improve my skills as a writer. Let me know if I dropped the ball anywhere, or if I lingered to long on something or… someone. Thank you all again.**

**Also, if you have any alerts attached to this story for when I update, I will be deleting the pesky numbers in the first few chapters and you might get prompted that I have updated. Rest assured, unless you see "Chapter 34" I won't be updating this story beyond this chapter, as my work on it has finished. It has been a pleasure to write this for you all. It is easy to write something when I know that it has been enjoyed.**

**And now, where I take all of the characters who don't belong to me and dream about where their lives take them…**

* * *

**Epilogue**

At the beginning of September, Will married Ambriel in the garden outside the Institute. Jem played the violin as Ambriel walked down the aisle with her father, and Will later confessed to actually shedding a few tears at her beauty, though Jem assumed they were out of Will's fear of every male in attendance whose last name was Lightwood.

Jem and Gabriel were both best men and each humiliated Will with their speeches before they all danced the night away in the ballroom. Will and Ambriel spent their wedding night listing all of the things they didn't like about the way their parents had raised them and vowed to be better parents.

One week later Will and Gabriel swore to each other as parabatai. Just as Gabriel finished Will's rune, Will pulled Gabriel against himself, kissed him passionately on the lips in front of the entire Clave, and demanded to know where they were taking their honeymoon. It took six days before Gabriel managed to quell his near constant desire to knock Will down the steps and end his life again.

A week after that, Jem took Will up to their alcove and made him swear, by the Angel, that he would watch over Tessa until she either decided to leave the Institute, or he died. Secretly, Jem got a sort of sick pleasure knowing that Will would being spending his lifetime keeping at least two women happy.

In October, Will's Letter's began to arrive, along with Jem's, and so they departed on a whirlwind vacation around the world, interviewing at Institutes, before each made a decision on where to spend at least the near future. Will decided, after little to no hesitation, that he would remain in London, close to Ambriel's family, and that he would help Charlotte run the Institute in the wake of Henry's death. Will would remain in her debt for many years to come.

In early November Will and Jem were in New Delhi celebrating and eating curry when Will received a frantic message from Magnus, and they portaled back to London just in time for Will to see his son be born on Jem's 18th birthday. With blessings from Charlotte and Jem, Will and Ambriel named the baby James Henry Herondale. It would take Will six months to muster the nerve to ask Ambriel if she might like to occasionally allow him to fulfill his husbandly duty, and she was pregnant again two months later. This time, Gabriel would be thrilled for them both.

In December, Will, Jem, Tessa, Jessamine, and Gabriel all sat outside of Charlotte's bedroom and awaited news, and finally Magnus walked out and reported that Charlotte had given birth to a healthy baby girl with bright red hair she had named Gwenna.

Gabriel and Jessamine married in an intimate, candlelit ceremony in the Sanctuary on January third. Tessa was a bridesmaid and also gave Jessamine Camille's ruby necklace to wear on the wedding day, as Jem reported that red was symbolic in Chinese weddings for love, joy, and prosperity. Gabriel and Jessamine had a quiet wedding night, but the night after, despite their room being in another part of the Institute, they kept most everyone up with their obnoxiously loud love making. Everyone was relieved when they left on their honeymoon to Paris soon after.

In early March, Jessamine would reveal that she was pregnant; Will would believe that Gabriel had gotten her pregnant his first time. Gabriel and Jessamine would go on to have six more children in rapid succession and would stay in London with Will and Ambriel, helping to run the Institute.

Tessa remained at the Institute for another year before she and Magnus began to travel the world together. They had a rule that they never settled in one place for more than a decade. Tessa and Magnus enjoyed a brief, passionate affair filled with carnal delights until each decided that they were better off as friends. Tessa learned to love as Magnus did, by enjoying love when she had it, but never once committing to someone for very long. Jem remained her one true love, and she never forgot him.

Magnus discovered the cure to demon pox, a credential which put him far ahead of any other warlock when he found himself in the running for the position of High Warlock of Brooklyn, New York, where he settled with Tessa in 1968.

Charlotte remarried when she was 26; she and her new husband Benjamin Midwinter went on to have several more children, none of which had red hair. Her daughter, Gwenna, married Randall Fairchild when she was 20. Gwenna went on to be one of the first women to balance family and her duty to the Clave.

Sophie fell in love with Jacob Starkweather, the new weapons specialist who had taken a job at the London Institute, and they married the following April.

After much consideration and travel Jem chose to spend at least a few years as a tutor at the New Delhi Institute, in India. He cited the warmer weather, the fact that he spoke the language, and, most definitely, the food, in his decision, and he tearfully departed the London Institute in the early spring of 1879. Jem stayed in New Delhi for four years, and then moved on to Cairo, Prague, and Idris. Jem made certain to see Will four times a year, if not more, and the pair remained close despite the distance between them. Jem never swore to another parabatai.

When Jem was 30 he took a job at the Paris Institute and it was there he met Olivia Penhallow, who knew nothing of his past. They married quickly, settled into the Paris Institute, and remained there for nearly ten years. They opened their home to any orphan who needed a family, and when Jem was 35, they had a daughter, Lillian Clara. Jem spent most of the rest of the rest of his life tirelessly protecting Lillian from boys much like Will Herondale.

Will remained at the London Institute for most of his life, leaving only to travel to whatever new home Jem found himself in. He and Ambriel had several more children, and when Charlotte was ready to retire to Idris with her family, Will took over the Institute and ran it, passing it on to his second oldest son, Jonathan Alexander, after many years. Will died of poor health at the age of 57 with Ambriel, Jem, and Gabriel at his side.

Yanluo, the Greater Demon responsible for Jem's early pain and suffering, was killed in 1904, prompting Jem to return to the Shanghai Institute when he was 44, where he lived out his days in peace and finally died of natural causes at the age of 72.

**The End**


	34. Alternate Ending

**Author's Note: This is the Alternate Ending! Ten years after leaving London, Jem and his family settled in Cairo to run the Institute there. Two years later, circumstances forced him to return to London…**

* * *

**London, 1890**

Twelve years after Jem had left the Institute, Will had been sitting upstairs in the drawing room going over Institute business with Charlotte when he placed his hand over his heart and felt something inexplicably shift in his soul. Something had happened, though he couldn't explain what it was or who it had happened to. He had stood up, left the room, and checked his family. All four children and his doting wife were accounted for, as were his parabatai's additional seven children. All was well in London.

It wasn't until much later in the evening that a letter had arrived through the fireplace flue, bearing a seal from the Cairo Institute. Will had opened it with shaking hands and breathed a brief sigh of relief.

A week of feverish correspondence followed, and a week after that first letter had arrived, Will was back upstairs in the drawing room when Gabriel knocked on the doorframe.

"He's here," Gabriel said, and Will stood up quickly. He left the desk littered with pictures and followed Gabriel from the room. "He just pulled up." Will nodded. "It's awful. I don't know what I would do if…"

"Please stop talking," Will said. He and Gabriel walked downstairs to the front doors of the Institute. Gabriel opened the doors and Will walked out.

It was late summer, nearly fall, and there was a chill in the air that hadn't been there yesterday. The trees were still bright green, denying the approach of autumn. The sun was setting, injecting bits of orange and gold between the tall trees surrounding the Institute. There was a dark carriage sitting out front. Will and Gabriel walked down the steps just as the carriage door opened, and a man stepped out holding a jade tipped cane. He was dressed in black. He turned around, offered a hand, and a tiny hand reached out and clasped the man's hand. Then there were knobby knees, a bright pink dress, and dark hair leaping from the door and landing at the man's feet, and the man and the girl looked up at the Institute.

His hair was long- longer than expected anyway, but Jem had always looked good with longer hair. There were streaks of silver through it that caught the light just enough to show them. He had put weight on in muscle, and his shoulders were broader than they used to be. He must have been still training often. So much of him hadn't changed, but then again, things never had been the same, ever again.

"Lily, this is your Uncle Will," Jem said. "Remember him?"

Jem's daughter looked up at Will, squinting. She was three now, and Will had last seen her right after she had been born. Lily was the mirror image of Jem but also had some of her mother's softer features. Lily blushed and looked away.

"She likes you," Jem said. "Gabriel." Jem nodded.

"My deepest condolences," Gabriel whispered. Jem inhaled quickly.

"Take her inside and stay with her," Will said. Gabriel nodded and put a hand out, and Lily took it.

"She's hungry," Jem said, as Gabriel began up the steps. "Give her whatever she wants." Gabriel nodded and walked inside, and Jem began to unload the carriage with Will's help. When Jem had first come to the Institute, Will had never seen so many odd things, but this time, Jem had only arrived with a steamer trunk and two small suitcases. "The rest is in storage. We aren't going back to Cairo."

"Of course," Will said, and as Jem reached up to get a suitcase down from the carriage roof, Will saw that he was crying. "I've got it." He reached up and pulled the suitcase down and set it onto the steps. He waved to the driver, and then pulled Jem to a seat on the steps as hoof beats retreated out of the front gates. "What happened?" Jem pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his eyes.

"What do you think?" Jem asked bitterly. "It was Yanluo. He waited almost 18 years. He waited until I had someone else worth caring for and then he took them from me again! Lily wasn't at the Institute, she was spending the week with her grandparents in Idris, and I was working on a situation in the city. By the time I got back to the Institute it had been burned to the ground. No one remained, not even our maids. All dead. Every last soul. It's my fault. I shouldn't have…"

"Shouldn't have what?" Will asked. "You shouldn't have left here? You shouldn't have had a chance to live your life? You almost died many, many times and yet you lived."

"I shouldn't have gotten married," Jem said. "I shouldn't have…" he shook his head, stood up, and collected his suitcases. "I don't know how long I'm staying. I probably shouldn't have come back here, but… I don't know what to do, Will, and I have nowhere else to go!" Jem turned and walked up the steps. He dropped a suitcase in front of the door and lay his hand on the doorknob. There was a click as the door unlocked, and then Jem picked up his suitcase and walked inside.

Dinner was spent as quietly as possible. The children always ate first, and then went to play while the adults had their meal. Jem insisted that Lily stay with him, and they sat at the end of the table and talked softly as they each ate. Afterwards, Jem put Lily to bed with Will's youngest daughter, Ruth. They walked out of the room to see Gabriel in the room he shared with Jessamine, across the hall. Jessamine was sitting on the bed and smiling, and Gabriel was holding his youngest son, Charlie, who was just a few weeks old. He looked up at Will and Jem and smiled, then kissed the baby and placed him in Jessamine's arms. Gabriel walked out of the room.

"Sorry," Gabriel said.

"Don't apologize to me," Jem said. "I'm the one who just showed up."

"So brandy, then?" Will asked, and Gabriel nodded. They went to the music room and Gabriel poured them all glasses of brandy.

"Where's Tessa?" Jem asked. "I haven't… I lost track of her after Australia."

"She and Magnus are in Paris," Will said.

"Of course," Jem said, and he took his glass of brandy and drank it down.

Several drinks later, Gabriel was the first to turn his glass over and tell them good night, leaving Will and Jem reclined in chairs staring at the ceiling, a decanter of brandy between them. When the door to Gabriel's room shut, Jem sat up, grabbed the decanter, and headed for the door. Will jumped up and followed, knowing where Jem was headed.

He followed Jem downstairs and past the dining room. Jem pulled the library doors open and walked in. The room was lit dimly, only by bits of witch light on the tables, and Will could barely see Jem's silhouette running across the library.

"Jem!" Will called out, but Jem didn't hear him, he reached a set of stairs and ran up them, swaying slightly at the top of the steps, before he plunged between the bookcases. Will followed. He tripped up the steps and heard Jem laugh, but finally, he made it to the entrance of the alcove, to the room they shared all those many times, so many years ago.

Jem was holding the decanter in one hand, drinking from it, as he stared at the plaster wall which now stood where the magnificent stain glass window of the Angel once had.

"Will, where's the Angel?" Jem asked. He took another sip of brandy, set the decanter on the table in the middle of the room, and turned to Will.

"I thought I told you," Will said. "A turkey flew through the window last year, right through the face of the Angel. Charlotte and I decided, what, with the children getting older, that maybe we should do away with the window rather than fix it. I'm sorry."

"Weren't you the one who told me to fly?" Jem asked, and Will nodded.

Jem started to laugh. He laughed until he was crying, and Will finally walked over, wrapped his arms tight around Jem, and held him until he stopped crying. Jem pulled away, he looked at Will, and Will gently wiped his tears away. Then, in the only way Will really knew how to comfort Jem, he kissed him gently on the lips and whispered,

"Stay as long as you like."


End file.
